In a podcast I did with Kyle Ayers the other day, he and I talked about some of our favorite sports movies of all time. Naturally, the “Mighty Ducks” came up, but after the conversation was over I couldn’t stop thinking about that trilogy. Those movies basically taught me what hockey was, and if not for them, I would have cared even less about the sport growing up.
Then I got to wondering about what happened to all the characters after they hung up their skates and moved on with life. I got the idea to write the screenplay for the fourth film, but before I can do that I wanted to flesh-out my character’s individual stories. So, for the first time ever, I would like to use Korked Bats to world premiere the first stage of my new passion project: “D4: Life Off the Ice.”
Cast of Characters:
Goldberg – The big guy, the goalie, always good for a laugh and a kick-save. Died at age 35 after complications brought on by severe Type 2 Diabetes. Basically, all of his diabetes rallied together and punched his kidneys to death.
Averman – The classic goofball. He never was the most talented, but he always had heart. Unfortunately, his heart always had Cardiomyopathy which was even further precipitated by his alcohol addiction. He was the classic, “sad clown” and when the laughs stopped, so did his reason for living. He drank until it didn’t hurt anymore… because he was dead inside.
Julie “The Cat” Gafney – She was pretty as she was talented. She always believed in women’s rights and after college moved back to Maine to join the fight against gender barriers in hockey. Sadly, nobody cared. She was last seen in 2001 at a protest in Maine’s capital city: Augusta. She was the only one in attendance.
Luis Mendoza – Great at picking up speed, but often let his momentum get him into trouble. After dropping out of college, he moved back to Miami and got involved in drug running. Naturally, he was good because of his speed. Eventually though, he got cocky and was found shot to death in a hotel suite over-looking South Beach.
Fulton Reed – The enforcer. Hockey got his life on track, but he always carried some baggage with him. In college, Fulton met a lot of new people and experienced life like he never knew he could. He joined a fraternity and came out of the closet his junior year thanks to the encouragement and support of his pledge dad. His relationship with “Bash Brother” Dean Portman suddenly made a lot of sense. After coming out, he was immediately kicked out of his fraternity for being a “queer.” In 2000, he took a trip to follow the band, “U2″ on their European tour. He was last heard from through a letter to his mother written on an Irish postcard.
Charlie Conway – The leading man. Never afraid to step up when no one else had the courage too. Stupid haircut. Kinda hot mom. He dropped out of college after he was recruited by a minor league team. He showed promising growth in his rookie year, but after a team bus accident on the way to their final road game, Conway had to call it quits. He married his high school sweet heart and had 3 boys, all of which play on his pee wee hockey team. Often times neighbors say they hear Conway and his wife fighting about money, but the arguments usually end with him sadly confessing, “If I’d of known this is what was waiting for me, I would’ve made sure I died in that bus accident.”
Adam Banks – Clearly, he was always just a little too good for the Ducks, but, kind of like a drug addict, he always ended up giving in and running back to his favorite group of misfits and rejects. Eventually though, he did end up “kicking the habit,” so to speak. Banks attended Dartmouth College, where he received his Bachelor’s in political science. He earned his law degree at Yale and went on to work for the top firm in Manhattan. He is really the only success story that came out of those Mighty Duck teams, and was last seen laughing diabolically while driving a fast car with two extremely attractive women in the front passenger’s seat.
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D4: Life Off The Ice series was created by Nester. Follow him and all of his jokes on Twitter: @realchristnester
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This post was written by Nester