PLANO, TEXAS — Michigan Wolverines Head Coach Jim Harbaugh has taken recruiting to a whole new level this off-season by spending the night at various recruits’ homes, but for 4-star recruit Dylan Baxter, Harbaugh has spent multiple nights and is still living in the Baxter home and is quickly becoming a red dot on a Google map.
“National Signing Day was like two days ago,” Dylan Baxter said. “I’ve already signed with Arizona State. Yet, Harbaugh STILL hasn’t left. It’s really creepy.”
The Baxter family says they feel extremely uncomfortable letting a 52-year-old man spend the night with their 17-year-old son. Keith Baxter, Dylan’s father, said, “There’s just something about watching a grown ass man asking your son to play ninjas or watch A Bugs Life or ‘talk about what girls from school they like’ that makes you feel uneasy.”
According to the family, Harbaugh wakes up late every morning, walks downstairs in his khaki pajamas, and offers to make breakfast for the whole family. “That breakfast usually consists of a giant bowl of Cap’n Crunch mixed with whipped cream, orange juice, and uncooked Ramen Noodles,” Dylan’s mother Debbie Baxter said. “I seriously think there’s something wrong with this guy.”
While the family remains hopeful Harbaugh will leave soon, it does not appear very likely.
“He showed up with six suitcases full of clothes,” Debbie said. “Every time I attempt to contact the authorities, he flashes that creepy grin of his and says, ‘I wouldn’t do that if I was you, Deborah.'”
Jim Harbaugh could not be reached for comment as he was in the basement hiding in his homemade fort complete with “hot lava moat” and “invisible force field.”