Steve Wilks will be the Missouri Tigers next DC. His most recent stint was with the Cleveland Browns alongside Belichick arch-rival Freddie Kitchens. Together the pair crafted a defense that ranked 21st in the NFL in points allowed. This is great! But there is a sour note to go with this fine news nugget. الرهان الرياضي Mizzou had a crack at defensive stalwart, Charles Kelly. 

According to Rolltide.com, Kelly was/is the Safeties Coach at Alabama. A native of Ozark, Alabama, he coached players like Deionte Thompson to All-American status. 

But this bio is strange because it’s a lie. 

Charles “Charlie” Kelly is actually a native of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He lives with an older man named Frank in an apartment infested with cats. He is in love with a waitress that doesn’t love him back, and he doesn’t believe people should show their knee caps. 

When asked about the Missouri job, Charlie Kelly responded, “Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off to Jobland, where jobs grow on jobbies! 888 كازينو ”

Often thought of as an experiential and eclectic motivator, Kelly also flirted with NCAA violations for the creation and promotion of an alcoholic protein drink called, Fight Milk. When asked about his history with the beverage, Kelly said, “I drink it every morning, so I can fight like a crow. تعليم البوكر ”

He most certainly would have been a controversial hire, but Alabama did win a National Championship this last year with Kelly defending the back end. A shame the Tigers went the traditional route and hired a 51-year-old NFL guy with no obvious ties to the team. 

Pretty sure Wilks doesn’t eat sunscreen, taut magnets as a hobby, or fashion a good ole fashion milksteak. What could have been.

Shame. Shame. Shame.

This post was written by Matt Drochelman.

The post Mizzou Hired Steve Wilks As Their D-Coordinator, When Charles Kelly Was Available appeared first on Korked Bats.

When your three-point shooter, Mark Smith (yes, Mizzou has just one), goes 3-7 from 3 and your big man asserts himself as the best and biggest man on the court, Jeremiah Tilmon with 19 points (on 8-11 FG and 10 boards), you find yourself with a start-to-finish victory no matter when you press pause on the DVR (are they still called DVR’s?).

But it’s the sneaky stats that tell the story, much like that smoke monster in Lost, or those guys who told Kevin Costner to build a baseball field (amazing that Ray Kinsella kept his marriage from falling apart). Mitchell Smith put in his 4 and grabbed his 5. Drew Buggs tossed dimes like a… guy who doesn’t like change. Xavier Pinson, admittedly, didn’t have his best game. Anyway, it’s a sitcom with clearly defined lanes. A hodge-podge of dry humor, witty banter, and slapstick that has resulted in a 9-2 record (3-2 in SEC play).

The Tigers are just one example of continuity playing king. 6th ranked Tennessee is led by senior (citizens) John Fulkerson and Yves Ponns. The buzzsaw Baylor Bears sport juniors like Jared (Not Gerard) Butler and board hoarders like Jonathan Tchamwa Tchatchoua (also known as “the pre-k spelling contest”). Meanwhile, longstanding 1-and-dones are finding little success. 4-9 Kentucky has more freshmen than Mentos does Freshmakers. And Coach K doesn’t seem to have the right script for his 41st pilot season of Blue Devil.

In a basketball culture where transfers and trade demands dominate the sport, teams that have chosen to renew are reaping rewards. Part of sports is seeing growth and overcoming challenges. The Missouri Tigers were 30-33 over the prior two seasons with largely the same group, and while if this were a sitcom, it would have probably been cancelled, I’m happy that Covid has not done so with this season because this cast has finally hit its stride.

This blog was written by Matt Drochelman.

The post Don’t Ask How, But Mizzou Basketball Is Somehow Getting It Done appeared first on Korked Bats.

I’m teeing up on the 18th down a stroke against my buddy. Loser buys dinner. Nothing has ever been as important as this moment in my entire life. So of course, I grab my driver and swing it as hard as my body physically allows. Shockingly, my ball is crushed dead center in the fairway, about 275 yards, and I immediately think, “Is it time to quit my sales job?” Pretty sure this is how Ernie Els got his start.

I feel invincible… at least almost. As I pick up my tee I realize once again my underwear is corkscrewed around my waist. My 18th “tee-box wedgie” of the day. 

How is this still happening to me?

Aside from putting, every single swing I take forces my boxers into a knot inside my pants. And I’m not the only one. Even the scratch golfers at my club can’t seem to avoid the infamous “Golf-wedgie.” Why don’t the physicists at Callaway spend a little less time worrying about putter grips, and a little more time on the real issues of golf: chronic bunching underwear.

Enter Birddogs – stretchy khaki pants with built-in boxer briefs. With the briefs sewn in, my underwear and pants now work in tandem. They look exactly like normal golf khakis, but stretch and breathe like nothing else.

To be completely frank, I’ve never worn pants as comfortable as these. And not only on the golf course, I find myself wearing Birddogs pants to work, to dinner, and everywhere else in between. I own 2 pairs of every color they have. 8 total.

Birddogs have already become the go-to pants of the common golfer, and with the Masters right around the corner (super stoked), don’t be surprised when you see the iconic Green Jacket paired with them in the near future… they’re the real deal. Like Ernie Els.

The post Birddogs Pants For Golf? Here’s The Case. appeared first on Korked Bats.

After retiring, Cutler has often found himself in the spotlight. His patented cavalier persona was a major hit on E! Network’s Very Cavallari, a television series he appeared in alongside his recently divorced wife, Kristin Cavallari. In 2017, K-Cav decided to start an Instagram account for her then husband called @ifjayhadinstagram. But it wasn’t until late May 2020 when Cutler himself burst on the social media scene.

While Cutty has been posting mostly pictures of nature, he was yet to put up an IG story. That would change on one of the darkest Wednesday mornings humanity has ever seen. 

It was on his story where Cutler spoke with a frustrated and somber tone early Wednesday. A tone Bears fans had grown accustomed to hearing in press gatherings after Cutler grew frustrated playing under the direction of Mike Martz and Marc Trestman, along with numerous other nincompoops not named.

The former NFL signal caller is quite the outdoorsman. He resides on a multi-million dollar farm property on the outskirts of Nashville, where he raises a variety of farm animals. 

Everything had been business as usual on the Cutler farm this summer. That was until the bone-chilling events that occurred in the wee hours of Wednesday, June 26th. It was sometime around 6 AM when the former Vanderbilt standout made his daily journey to check on his chickens.

This routine morning stroll would be unlike any other.

Upon arriving at the henhouse, he made a startling discovery. A couple of hens had gone missing. Using his Vanderbilt intelligence, he quickly came to the conclusion that a murder had been committed on Cutler soil. 

A war had commenced.

The initial suspects were woodland creatures that also live on his property, perhaps a fox or bobcat. However, Cutler surmised that he had overlooked a candidate that had been under his nose all along. His cat, Thelma.

In a post to his Instagram story, Cutler described his cat as “a savage with loose morals” and immediately conducted an internal investigation. It took a few hours before it was revealed that Thelma had been cleared of any wrongdoing, but in such serious circumstances, one cannot rule out any foul play, no matter how close the cat of interest might be to him.

Smokin’ Jay made plans to camp out Wednesday night in his children’s’ tree house to watch over the remainder of his precious flock. However, this plan would later be foiled by Mother Nature as rain poured down to further delay the investigation.

When the sun rose early Thursday morning, the chicken coops where untouched as the rain likely drove away the bloodthirsty killer for the night. It was that morning when Cutler decided to call an audible. He needed to bring in some help. These were uncharted waters for Cutler as his pleas for help with the Bears during the 2009-2016 seasons almost always went unanswered.

He was determined, however, and decided to dial up his trusty chicken man, Blake. Blake not only replenished his hen population, but also brought in two roosters. Ole Blue was deemed the rooster in charge. Ole Blue is a mean bird, but a bird with heart. Comparable to Mike Shanahan dating back to Cutler’s Denver days.

Batman had Robin, Ricky Bobby had Cal Naughton, and Cutler had Greg Olsen (until Ryan Pace traded him). The point is that Ole Blue has a sidekick rooster that goes by the name Merle. They are the Night’s Watch of the Cutler henhouse. قوانين لعبة القمار Any predator craving chicken blood must first go through them.

These roosters are real leaders. They aren’t the type to retire and then immediately take hair growth pills in massive excess, or go whine to the media about not receiving a Happy Retirement call from their quarterback. العب واكسب Looking at you Brian Urlacher.

The field was set. After all of these years Cutler finally had a defense to play in front of. 

The sun had set on Thursday and it was time to go to work. Cutler grabbed two sets of night vision goggles, a couple of cigars and some handguns before calling his neighbor Mike to go on watch alongside him.

Lucky for the chicken killer, it was a peaceful night. The world found out early Friday morning that the henhouse was in order. But the hunt never ends. The chicken killer is still lurking somewhere in the woods nearby the Cutler farm.

The case took an unforeseen turn on Friday night. Cutler had game planned a foolproof plan. He set a bait trap with a pack of store-bought raw chicken in an effort to lure the predator in front of his cameras. His goal was to lay eyes on this killer. سباق الخيل

When Cutler awoke on Saturday morning the pack of chicken was gone. He checked the cameras and there was no video footage of any animal sauntering off with the food.

Could it be Bigfoot? It is impossible to know.

That brings us to tonight. Is tonight the night Cutler gets his revenge? Will Ole Blue and Merle be ready when the sun goes down, or will they wilt in the face of adversity like Brandon Marshall. 

There’s only one way to know for sure. Follow Jay Cutler on Instagram.

This post was written by Jack. Follow him: @JackAGentry

The post Jay Cutler vs. The Mystery Chicken Killer Is The Greatest NFL Rivalry of All-Time appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Video Game Crowd

Overlap an image of a video game crowd background, right behind the outfield fence.  The cheesier the better. I would prefer they somehow incorporate the Street Fighter crowd. Some low-lifes cheering on the action from a seedy dock, but any video game crowd would suffice.

In fact, MLB could have fans create little characters and, for a small fee, have their character appear in the crowd. Fans love to get on screen, even in the form of a video game character. MLB loves money. It’s a win-win.

The Color Splash

This would be a broadcast enhancement, sort of like the glowing puck. When a player hits a home run, a giant color explosion erupts where the ball landed.  As if a can of paint exploded. Different colors for different teams. And the image stays that way for the entirety of the game. That way, as the game goes on, you can see all the places in the outfield where each team has hit a home run.

The technology of this is something I’m still working out. I’ll trust that there are people smarter than me that can get this done.

A Shooting Gallery

Place cutouts and objects at various places in the stadium. When a player hits the object with a ball, it falls down or lights up. Or both. There could be points. Hit a duck with a 450-foot bomb and get 3,000 points.

Knock over a Crying Jordan face on the wrong side of the foul pole, get 50.

How great would it be to see Mike Trout hit a screecher over the wall and have the ball hit a mechanized cowboy that then does a little jig? 10,000 points.

However many points you get during a game, your opponent donates that amount of dollars to charity.

You know, because MLB cares. Or something.

Skee-ball

Staying in the carnival game theme –  in the stands behind each dugout, a massive skee-ball ramp is constructed. When a player laces a foul ball there, it is funneled into the skee-ball ramp and shoots upward, where it lands in a hole for points. You know, like skee-ball. In a perfect world, the stands behind the dugout would be jam packed with fans who, if they let their guard down during an at-bat, could be left with an inability to chew solid food or remember their name for a year. But this isn’t a perfect world.

So let’s channel those foul balls into a skee-ball ramp instead.

And lastly…

The Single Fan

This isn’t something I came up with; I saw the general idea tweeted in reference to a basketball game near the beginning of this pandemic, but the concept is brilliant. Instead of a stadium full of fans – each team gets one. They can be rotated game-by-game or by series. The camera shows those two fans throughout the game, and they can pretty much go anywhere in the stands, as long as they stay away from one another. The opportunity for entertainment here is pretty great.  If you have a fan that reacts to nothing – good or bad, that’s funny. Just some slob out there staring straight ahead no matter what happens. Conversely, showing some freak show that reacts wildly, regardless of the action, has its own merit.

Some caveats –  the fans cannot bring a phone. The person would spend the entire game searching for themselves on social media, which would just lead to some vapid influencer getting onto the broadcast and tweeting vapid influencer things all game. I’d rather not even have a season at that point.  

And, of course, Marlins Man would be banned.

This post was written by Blaise. Follow him: @BlaiseInKC

The post Ideas To Liven Up Baseball’s Empty Stands When It Returns appeared first on Korked Bats.

As Father’s Day approaches, no doubt some people are scrambling for a gift for Dad. Although the pressure of delivering a quality Father’s Day gift is but a fraction of the Mother’s Day gift, some thought must be undertaken.  

If you still haven’t decided what to do or buy for Pops, please do not go the route of searching up articles titled, “50 Best Gifts for Dad.” This will result in a list of $250 gadgets and luxury items the GQ writer was paid to include and which your dad would never use. Face it, your dad is never going to use an electronic wine opener.

If you want a gift for dad – one that he’ll actually like and won’t break the bank, here are some ideas.

A pair of sneakers.

You might think your dad doesn’t want sneakers, he probably acts like he doesn’t care. And that’s partly true. Most likely, your dad wants new sneakers but doesn’t want to go to a shoe store and be assaulted by house music and skinny-jeaned-employees as he shops.

“Yeah but…Sneakers? I don’t want to shop for sneakers with my dad.”

Do not fret. If your dad is over 40, chances are he’s purchased the exact same brand and size of sneakers 5 times in a row (so, for 20 years). Find his current pair of shoes, note the brand and size, and buy those. The size can be tricky, because he’s probably had his current pair for years and the size information has worn off, but do your best.

If you are somehow unable to get hold of your dad’s shoes, there’s still hope. If you buy a pair of New Balance walking shoes. Mostly white. Size 10 ½ – there’s a 99% chance you selected the correct pair.

Won’t your dad be the envy of everyone at Home Depot as he cruises the aisles in his shiny white grips? You bet he will.

A burger.

If your dad eats burgers, your dad wants a burger. You can give him everything he wants for Father’s Day by buying him a burger, fries and a drink. He will not say, “Where’s the rest?” He will not be disappointed that there’s no Sharper Image $70 toiletry bag with Wifi to unwrap. He will be perfectly content.

If you really want to go the extra mile you can take these extra steps:

• If Covid has forced your Father’s Day meal order through a drive-thru lane, just order a number from the menu.Dad doesn’t want to ask them what’s on the sandwiches for you. He doesn’t want to relay your customizations from the passenger seat for you. He doesn’t want to go back to the window because they forgot your tomato.  If you really want to make the day special for dad, just say, “I’ll have the number 4,” and eat it. Tomato or no tomato.

• On the other hand, if you are fortunate enough to dine inside a restaurant, don’t make him tell the waiter or waitress something is wrong with any part of the meal. That plate the waiter brought you was perfect, no need for Dad to be the quality control spokesman today. Sure, they may have given you fries instead of onion rings, but you know what? It turns out you wanted the fries all along.

• Finally, during the meal, keep the conversation shallow, minimal, and borderline stupid. Remark on the weather. Mention a squirrel you just saw out the window. No homework talk. No housework talk. No asking where you’ll be spending Thanksgiving this year. Just eating and a nice superficial conversation.

Take these steps and I promise you he’s going to think, “Best Father’s Day ever.”

Lastly, I understand unemployment is a record levels and money is extremely tight this year. You may be saying, “I literally don’t have $20 for a gift.” I understand. Here’s what you can do. Make a card or simply go up to your dad or husband and deliver this message: “Today, no one will knock on the bathroom door when you’re in there. No one will call you. No one will text you. You go in there, do your business and shower in peace. Consider it your vacation.”

Dad will almost weep from how grateful he’ll be to hear those words. And when he comes out, bowels empty, armpits washed, clean refreshed and feeling great he’s going to say, “Thank you. That was amazing.”

This post was written by Blaise. Follow him: @BlaiseInKC

The post Some Advice On What To Get Your Dad For Father’s Day appeared first on Korked Bats.

Like many who grew up in the ’80s, I was given a Nintendo as a child. That singular gift from 1988 assured my transition into adulthood would come at the price of diminished societal interaction and general awkwardness. From humble beginnings with the 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System, I played classics like Golf where you hit the links as a pissed off looking Mario on a rare off-day from fighting King Koopa and his legions of hapless minions, hell-bent on kidnapping Princess Peach.

Who could forget the legendary game Ice Hockey where you play four-on-four, and you can choose to play as one of 6 teams: USA, Sweden, Poland, Canada, Russia or Czechoslovakia (now the Czech Republic). There were no named players, nor did they wear numbers. You could assemble your four-man team with skinny, average and large players, each having specific strengths and weaknesses. Did I mention that Team Canada’s jerseys were bright green? Makes sense.

Double Dribble, a personal favorite of mine, was a basketball game with a fairly steep learning curve but chock full of exploitable bugs in the software. Another game without a league license allowed the player to choose from one of four teams: Boston, Chicago, New York and Los Angeles. No player names or numbers appear, but at least the team jersey colors are correct. The shooting was all based on timing of release and position on court. Two notable bugs in the programming would allow players to regularly drain 3-point shots from ¾ court if within the opponent’s free throw circle or the infamous “corner three” glitch that virtually guaranteed a made basket from the baseline corner. Peter Griffin made use of this glitch in an episode of “Family Guy”.

I’ve played sports video games for nearly 30 years; I thought I’d seen it all. At least until EA Sports decided that putting rap icon Snoop Dogg in the broadcast booth in NHL20 would somehow improve the game.

Of all the celebrity “guest announcers” they could choose from, Snoop D-O-double-gizzle was their choice. To quote Biff Tannen, “that makes about as much sense as a screen door on a battleship.” Don’t get it twisted, I’m a big Snoop Dogg fan. However, I don’t understand the need for EA to add him into the game. I got to thinking after sipping on some gin and juice and I thought, “why not help EA and offer some suggestions for other celebrity in-game appearances?”

MADDEN

Madden NFL games have sold millions of copies of the wildly popular game and throwing, say Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump in the broadcast booth, would make for an interesting bit of commentary.

Trump: “The Patriots scored a touchdown with that great run play, one of the greatest run plays, if I say so myself.”

Bernie: “That’s great Don, but the defense worked just as hard as the offense on that drive. They deserve some points too, let’s give them three and the offense can keep four. That’s fair”

Trump: “That’s fake rules, Bernie”

Bernie: “It’s not about rules, Don. It’s what’s fair and equitable.”

A Madden game featuring that dynamic duo would surely sell, right?

FIFA

The worldwide popular football (soccer) franchise is supported my millions of loyal footy fans. Let’s throw Ray Romano in the booth. Everybody loves Raymond, right? Just imagine the low, yet somehow nasally voice of Ray Romano making this exciting call, “he passes, he passes back, he passes over, he passes, he passes back, he passes across, he shoots, too high.” Or “The final whistle blows and our match has ended nil-nil. We’ll see you next time on EA’s FIFA.” I know, I know. Don’t rush out to buy the game yet, this is just a suggestion, remember?

NBA Live

EA’s NBA Live series could really use some star-studded power if it wants to compete with industry favorite NBA2K. Excitement, enthusiasm and something I’ve never heard in an NBA game is what it’s going to take to push EA’s NBA Live series to the next level. That’s right, I’m talking Oprah. Have you ever seen Oprah on TV? The media mogul produces more energy than the Hoover Dam. Who could forget the time in 2012 that she gave every person in her studio audience a brand-new Volkswagen Beetle? Oprah is the ultimate hype-woman and is just what the franchise needs to get players ready to hoop.

So there you have it, some food for thought, EA Sports. I’m more than willing to sit down and serve as a consultant for your game franchises. Let me know if you have any other ideas for celebrity announcers in sports games.

This post was written by Rich. Follow him: @636Rich

The post With Snoop Dogg in NHL20, Let’s Put Random Celebs In Other Sports Video Games appeared first on Korked Bats.

My sources have now also confirmed several other ideas the league is proposing.

Virtual Stadium Fighting

Once the NFL weekend has wrapped up, who hasn’t anticipated the inevitable videos of drunken fans pummeling one another while trying to navigate stadium seating? Well, the guy fighting from the low ground probably isn’t. He’s still unconscious. He hasn’t learned that fighting uphill while full of Miller Lite idea. You’ll get ‘em next time, champ!

Not wanting fans to miss out on this autumn tradition, the NFL is looking into virtual fan fighting. Fans will be able to get liquored up in the privacy of their own home and log into a Mortal Kombat style video game against fans from other cities. Complete with customizable characters! Will you choose backwards hat or bald head? Stained sweatpants or 45-inch waist cargo shorts? The choice is yours, and the options are endless. 888 عربي Power-ups include the Screaming Girlfriend, egging her man into a fight he doesn’t want to have and that will most likely cause him injury and arrest. Sure to be a huge hit with Niners and Eagles fans everywhere.

Bills Mafia: Home Edition

The Bills Mafia – celebrating their return to slightly above average football by jumping from vehicles onto tables in a display of team loyalty that will get them 4 seconds of fame and $20,000 in medical bills. Still, it was all worth it. Fans will now be able to live this experience at home. For a small fee, the NFL will deliver a card table straight to your house along with a bottle of vodka. Simply consume the vodka, put the card table in the back yard, and jump onto it from your roof. Then wake up three hours later to discover your wife has left you and the Bills lost again.

The Redskins Fan Experience

The Redskin Fan Experience is simple: simulate a real Redskin game-day experience by paying $100 to watch, $48 to drink four beers, followed by two hours after the loss of sitting in your car as you listen to sports radio callers demanding a QB change and a coach getting fired. This package also can be used for Jets and Lions fans.

Personalized Verbal Abuse Messages

Not being able to scream insults from the stands got you down? The league may have you covered. The NFL is looking into letting fans to record personalized tirades to be played from sideline speakers. For an extra fee, you can even have a member of security come over and throw you out of your own house.

This post was written by Blaise. Follow him at @BlaiseInKC.

The post Aside From Virtual Fans, Here Are 4 Other Ways The NFL Will Improve The Virtual Experience appeared first on Korked Bats.

Much can be discussed of Mr. Underwood’s career accomplishments, but that’s not what I’m writing about. I’m here to enshrine him in the Professional Sports Facial Hair Hall of Fame and highlight some other notable Hall of Fame Inductees.

Mr. Underwood’s glorious face lettuce is remarkable in that it virtually completely obscures his mouth. Is he speaking? Is he using some futuristic voice software that would impress the late Steven Hawking? We may never know unless he decides to do the unthinkable and shave that glorious bastard off his face.

If he could grow some thin, well-manicured lines on his cheeks, I’m sure his goatee could pass for an N95 face mask. I’ve read some articles comparing his facial follicles to Dr. Seuss’ character, The Lorax. Personally, I don’t see it. To me it resembles the ABC Warrior robot from the regrettable 1995 film, Judge Dredd (not to be confused with the 2012 masterpiece, Dredd).

A solid mandible of glistening white, capable of crushing any player’s contract he determined had outlived its value. Mr. Underwood, the league won’t be the same without you and your masterful goatee.

Other notable Facial Hair Hall of Fame inductees include…

Lanny McDonald

The former NHL winger played for the Toronto Maple Leafs, Colorado Rockies (now the Devils) and the Calgary Flames over his 16-year career. With a mustache that is rivaled only by Yosemite Sam, Lanny scored 500 goals on the ice and likely countless times off the ice with that lip broom. Legend has it that his mustache rides were a full-day excursion.

Brett Keisel

The former Pittsburgh Steelers Defensive End played 12 seasons, all with the black and gold. The man could grow a beard that would make the mighty Zeus himself fall to his knees and whimper like a sniveling infant.

Brent Burns

The NHL defenseman from the San Jose Sharks facial hair and distinct lack of teeth makes a statement. What that statement is however, remains to be determined. However, I have narrowed it down to two possibilities.

“Help, I’ve been held by the Taliban for the last six years” Or “I’m ready for my post-NHL career as a yoga instructor/marijuana cultivator.”

Brian Wilson

The former MLB pitcher had a remarkably well quaffed and thick beard. It almost looks too good to believe. It looks almost like Amy Winehouse left her signature beehive hairdo to Brian on the condition that he only uses it as a beard or for formal occasions.

Stone Cold Steve Austin

I won’t lie, it’s a quality goatee. Many beers have been drunk and asses whooped by this man. His inclusion on this list is mostly so he doesn’t find me and whoop my ass for failing to include him.

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The Professional Sports Facial Hair Hall of Fame is filled with many men who all share one common gift, the ability to grow enviable facial hair and make guys like myself look like an 11-year-old kid still waiting for his first whiskers. Perhaps we will revisit other notable HoF members in the future. For now, congratulations to our newest inductee, Mr. Steve Underwood.

This post was written by Rich in the Lou. Follow him: @636Rich

The post We Have A New Inductee Into The Facial Hair Hall of Fame appeared first on Korked Bats.

“Not much, just trying to find my other sock.” 

Earl Thomas recently had some news leak out via TMZ (uh-oh) about some alleged cheating/armed burglary involving his brother, wife Nina, two of Nina’s ride-or-die girlfriends, and some non-wives. Nina Thomas has been charged with first-degree felony burglary of a residence with intent to commit aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Earl’s wife, Nina, suspected something fishy and reportedly captured his whereabouts using his Snapchat. Once she pinged him at secret hideout (rental house), she grabbed her 2 besties, a Beretta 9 piece, did a few knuckle cracks and headed out ready to handle business a la Liam Neeson with a daughter who has been stolen for a 4^th time. Nina reportedly hit Earl a few times, pointed the gun at his head, and wrestled around with him as he tried to grab the gun away from her. What makes this story even more interesting is that part of it was captured on a cell phone camera. Hopefully whoever recorded went sideways, not vertical. Nina said she took the clip out of the gun and all she wanted to do was “scare” him. And it worked. Earl reportedly got so scared that he changed the password to his Snapchat account.

When asked for comment, Earl said, “It’s not really anybody’s business. It pisses me off that it got out, but it’s the world we live in today. But instead of talking about us, just keep us in y’alls prayers. Stuff like this happens.”

Thoughts and prayers, Earl.

Athletes cheating on their spouses is hardly a new thing. It’s a tale as old as time. Best believe George Mikan was telling his old lady that the girl who drops off the basket of peaches is just a friend. The lipstick on Babe Ruth’s shirt was “just ketchup from the hot dog I ate for breakfast.”

But what stands out in this story other than everything is bringing in the brother. Is this actually a normal thing that we are just now hearing about? Are Steph and Seth Curry going halfsies on a box of Trojans? Do Jim and Jon Harbaugh flip a coin to see who kicks off first? Are Pau and Marc Gasol conductors of the 14-foot Spain Train? I don’t know. I do know that Doug Bobbitt is probably glad he wasn’t very close with his brother.

This post was written by Steve. Follow him: @StevePHX 

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For more jokes at Earl Thomas’s expense…

The post Earl Thomas’s Brother Is What Makes A Weird Story Weirder appeared first on Korked Bats.