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It’s more fitting, considering Derek Jeter only did it for the nookie.

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Check out our Shot-By-Shot Breakdown of Jeter’s Gatorade Commercial here

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @KyleAyers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post We Replaced Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” With Limp Bizkit’s “My Way” In Derek Jeter’s Gatorade Commercial appeared first on Korked Bats.

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @KyleAyers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post PICTURE: Stephen A. Smith’s Gmail Inbox appeared first on Korked Bats.

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What do you think? What’s your favorite? What should new Mavs jerseys contain?

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

The post We Help Design the New Dallas Mavericks Jerseys appeared first on Korked Bats.

For instance:

When a draft analyst uses the term intangibles, that translates to “I have no idea about this guy, but he once scrambled and made a lucky throw.” So that’s how it goes. All of these “experts” who work three weeks a year have some terminology, and we’ll help you figure out exactly what they mean when they spew draft speak at you.

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“Short Area Quickness” translates to White wide receiver.

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“Happy Feet Quarterback” translates to A quarterback who is a penguin that likes to sing.

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“Sleeper Pick” translates to “I don’t think this guy is good, either, but I want to call a bunch of players ‘sleeper picks’ so if they end up being good some day, I can say ‘I told you so!’ to someone.

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“Natural Athlete” translates roughly to African-American.

(note: this is what comes up when you Google natural athlete NFL draft)

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“Traditional Quarterback” translates traditionally to Caucasian.

(when you google traditional quarterback NFL draft.)

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“Mostly a Game Manager” translates loosely to Is Probably Matt Barkley.

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“Offensive Tackle” translates to You will be upset with your team’s pick.

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“That guy’s a coke machine” means either that guy is huge and impossible to move or he went to the University of Miami, depending on what they mean by the word “coke.”

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

The post NFL Draft Day Translator appeared first on Korked Bats.

After a few decades of irrelevancy, Royals fans have upped the bag-game from paper to the much less breathable plastic.

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

The post A Step Up from Paper Bags appeared first on Korked Bats.

For most people, this means that they will be able to look at New York’s roster and honestly say they don’t like a single player on the team. Mo (and Jeter. At least pre-gift baskets Jeter) was always different to non-Yankees fans. Not a big name free agent bought in the off-season to help the Yankees make another title run, but a player who debuted and played for the same franchise his entire career. A classy guy in New York City, going out there and doing his job, night after night.

For Yankees fans, I would imagine this is officially shutting the page on the career for one of the greatest to ever wear the pinstripes, and the greatest at his position in the history of the game of baseball.

I’m a Royals fan. Grew up a Royals fan. But I also grew in the 90s, and the Royals weren’t exactly a powerhouse of victory (still aren’t), so a young boy had to latch onto something else if he wanted any sort of joy in baseball. I chose Derek Jeter. He was everywhere. You couldn’t get a Sports Illustrated for Kids without the Gatorade High School Athlete of the Year turned New York Yankee shortstop smacked on the cover, fold-out poster, and perforated trading cards. Since I liked Jeter so much, I made a point of heading down to Kauffman Stadium any time the Yankees were in Kansas City, and getting a glimpse of the greatest.

Note: In Kansas City , when “special events” are in town, there is a surcharge added to the ticket prices. “Special Events” generally constitute the Yankees and St. Louis Cardinals (so they could charge those arch-lovers extra cash for making the trek down I-70 for four hours) coming to town. An extra $7 or so per ticket, bringing you up to a whopping $14 or so per ticket. I had a hearty belly laugh about this surcharge when I saw the prices for ANY Yankees game  when I moved to New York City. I was hoping there’d be a reverse-surcharge when my Royals made the trip up to the Bronx, but to no avail.

I don’t remember exactly how old I was when I waited to meet Derek Jeter, but I think around 11 or 12 years old. My dad and I went to a Royals game, downed my childhood favorite Frosty Chocolate Malt with wooden tongue-depressor spoon, and made our way out from the stadium to the area I can best describe as the place you wait for players to leave so you can try and get their autograph. (I’d visited the Royals player parking lot many times before. Jermaine Dye had driven off with my Sharpie once, Johnny Damon and Carlos Beltran had both been nice, and said hi to fans after games. I’d once told brief Royals outfielder Michael Tucker that my neighbors had a dog named Tucker, and I hoped he thought that was cool.) The visiting team left on a bus from the side of the stadium after celebrating their win that night. There was a crowd outside that night, this was the Yankees, after all, but I was small and quick and wanted to see Derek Jeter. I got right up against the rail.

And waited. And waited some more. The game ended, the cars left the parking lot. The crowds subsided, leaving just myself, my dad, and the rest of the people crammed against the rail barricade, waiting to see the Yankees, and hopefully snag an autograph. Then it happened.

The crowd got excited, started yelling. A man passed by with some newspapers surrounding his face, and got on the bus. Someone from the entourage says something along the lines of “Derek doesn’t need to sign autographs in Kansas City.” And he’s gone. Out of sight. I was left standing, distraught, baseball and sharpie in hand, my dad murmuring something that it’s probably best I didn’t hear. The air was let out of the crowd.

More players, Yankees crew, and trainers started filtering out to the bus. Some guy who wasn’t Derek Jeter walked over and took the baseball out of my hand, and said something that I didn’t hear because he wasn’t Derek Jeter. He started making small talk with my dad about something, probably how they both weren’t Derek Jeter, and my dad seemed extremely thankful. He ruined my new baseball with his name that wasn’t Derek Jeter, and handed it back to me, mentioning something about how he “loves coming to Kansas City. Great town, great fans.”

My dad thanked him multiple times. The excitement was gone, and I started walking for the car. I wanted to throw the baseball in the trash. I took a look at the signature and pouted to my dad:

“I don’t even know who Mario Rivers is. Why did he do that?”

“I’ll take the ball if you don’t want it, Kyle. His name is actually–”

I throw the ball at my dad. Keep it, I say.

Years later, and the greatest closer of all time’s name still sits in my dad’s case of sports memorabilia. I now understand how nice he was, taking a few minutes to chat with a kid and his dad, even though he didn’t have to. Thanks, Mario. Sure this will never get back to you, but that’s alright.

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

The post My Encounter With Mo appeared first on Korked Bats.

Mark from Knoxville, TN:
A/S/L?

First question into my first reader response album, and we are revisiting what is perhaps the very first thing I ever had sent my way on the internet, paroozing AOL chatrooms while simultaneously monitoring how many free hours my AOL DVD had remaining. Hours run out? Looks like it’s another trip to Wal-Mart to snag a hundred more. Without divulging too much about any of these, suffice to say that I know what a/s/l? means, which should give you a good fifteen year gap to drop me into.

Keith from did not specify, but probably Miami:
When will the Miami Dolphins be relevant again? I’m a huge Fins fan and my whole football fan life has been miserable. Also, do you think Ray Lewis actually killed those dudes?

Really all the Dolphins are lacking in their quest to relevancy is Tom Brady’s retirement / fall from grace. The Jets and Bills don’t look like they’re getting much better anytime soon. And with Brady’s recent addition to his house, it looks like it’s prime time for some aquatic mammals to surround him. Maybe the next time they get a first round running back from the Saints, he’ll bring them back to glory.

Brent in Waco:
I need a new TV show to watch. Preferably one that is currently on Netflix. Any suggestions?

Breaking Bad. This is not an opinion question. Thanks to binge viewing (watching multiple episodes, or even seasons of television in one sitting), television is turning into cinema, but with a deeper connection. There is a host of great television on right now, and an even larger number of people who’ll tell you what to watch. People are defensive about their favorite shows, and I’m no exception. I scoff at people who say Homeland is better than Breaking Bad or Mad Men, but I refuse to give Homeland a viewing. Nearly everything going on HBO right now is worth a watch, even if it is completely self-loathing and a totally unbelievable vehicle for a writer to spew his political opinions under the thin veil of a “registered Republican” main character (ok I took a breath. But I have some thoughts on Newsroom). Where were we? Oh yeah. Breaking Bad wraps up this summer, and Mad Men has two seasons left.

Jen, St. Charles, MO:
You know how guys use baseball terminology when it comes to scoring with girls? Well, what would the same steps be using football terms?

Like I said earlier, I’m a Kansas City fan, so I’ll use the actual call from a Chiefs game (their Monday Night showdown in Pittsburgh) to illustrate how my dating life is going:

(Shotgun) B.Leftwich sacked at PIT 17 for -9 yards. FUMBLES, RECOVERED by KC-J.Houston at PIT 21. J.Houston for 21 yards, TOUCHDOWN. PENALTY on KC, Unsportsmanlike Conduct, 15 yards, enforced between downs. The Replay Assistant challenged the fumble ruling, and the play was REVERSED. (Shotgun) B.Leftwich pass incomplete short middle to E.Sanders. PENALTY on KC, Unsportsmanlike Conduct, 15 yards, enforced at PIT 26.

Here’s a .gif of the dance. Let’s celebrate something that doesn’t count.

So there you have it. Shoot me your questions for the next mailbag at kyle@korkedbats.com or on twitter @kyleayers. Oh, and for the record, I’ve got the Ravens in the Super Bowl, and then Ray Lewis beating your attempt to watch television for the next year without seeing him cry.

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

The post Kyle’s Korked Bats eMailbag appeared first on Korked Bats.

Havard Rugland, a native Norwegian, became an overnight sensation with his four-minute YouTube video, displaying his otherworldly kicking skills. The video became so popular that it garnered Rugland a tryout with the NFL’s New York Jets. The news will finally allow ESPN to hold discussions around the Jets, whose exceedingly average season surely hasn’t been the focal point of nearly every minute of ESPN’s time all freaking season long.

This morning on ESPN’s First Take, Stephen A. Smith shouted across the table at that old white guy, “It’s just finally nice to start talking about the New York Jets. Since they haven’t had a good season, and have only relied on a backup quarterback once, who is now injured, there’s really been no other reason for us to bring them up every single day, so I’m glad we didn’t.”

Smith continued for seven minutes about how he was a personal friend of Rugland.

Smith’s co-screamer on First Take, Skip Bayless, said he had to do research about who even played for the Jets, since there’s “no way we’d sit here every day screaming back and forth about their players, especially backup players who rarely even get into the game. That would be a waste of time and insulting to our viewers.”

After quite some digging, ESPN research intern Chris Vanderpas was able to find the last time ESPN mentioned the Jets. The exact time reads: every moment of every day, 2012.

Note: After publishing this, First Take’s Rob Parker contacted us, questioning Havard Rugland’s “Norwegian-ness” since Rugland isn’t always ice skating around in a funny hat.

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

The post Kicker Tryout Finally Allows ESPN to Mention Jets appeared first on Korked Bats.

Between 2002 and 2007, A-Rod averaged 47 home runs per season, and earned himself the largest contract in sports history, amongst 3 MVPs and a positive steroid test.

“Oh man, those were the days,” said A-Rod in a post-game interview following the Yankees walk-off win over the Orioles last night, “smacking homers right and left. Chicks everywhere. Sure they [steroids] tainted my legacy forever, but man, at least I wasn’t getting benched for someone named Raul.”

Despite the negative connotations of his association with the steroid era, Rodriguez posted the best statistics of his career, and said it, “felt way freaking cooler. I wasn’t choking consistently, at every opportunity, actually. I was so cool.”

After weighing his options over, Rodriguez came to the conclusion that he’d much rather be remembered as a roided-out stat machine than a has-been choke artist, citing that the first option, “definitely opens up the door for more opportunities with women, or whatever.”

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

The post Alex Rodriguez Strongly Considering a Return to Steroids appeared first on Korked Bats.