The Detroit Lions finished the 2022 NFL season just narrowly missing out on its first playoff appearance since 2016, which happened to be a very forgettable postseason dud albeit a superbly fitting one thanks to a 26-6 drubbing courtesy of the Seattle Seahawks — the very team that kept Dan Campbell’s squad out of postseason play last year.

But make no mistake about it, things are vastly different in Detroit now.

Last year’s 9-8 Lions team proved to be a tough out all the way to the finish, winning five of their last six games, punctuated by a beautiful 20-16 season finale victory at Lambeau Field in a game that also turned out to be Aaron Rodgers’ final — and incredibly meager — appearance in a Green Bay Packers uniform.

Sad! But not really.

Anyway, assuming the Lions aren’t derailed by injuries this coming season, all signs point to an uptick in wins that would likely solidify a playoff berth. So it has quickly become a stark reality that we’re running out of time when it comes to mocking the Detroit Lions — if we haven’t already.

Alas, Wednesday’s “highly anticipated” drop of the Lions new alternate helmets for 2023 offered up a ripe opportunity for some impromptu comedy that the team laid out on a silver platter.

A beaut? In a word, no.

In more words, “the lion looks like it was drawn by a child,” and I would have to wholeheartedly agree on that piercingly cold point.

Poor thing looks like it was starved for weeks before posing for the iconic sketch. The standard Detroit Lions logo we’ve become so accustomed to would throw that emaciated weakling on a skewer and casually toss it down like a Tic Tac.

While a savagely low-blow comment like “this helmet is even uglier than the Lions’ history” or a very straight-to-the-point opinion of “that is GOD awful” might come across a little harsh, one must keep in mind that every single time a team at the college or professional level introduces new uniforms — in this case, helmets that will be worn for one football game — they’re a lock to get crucified.

However, one element that’s seemingly universally agreed upon from Lions fans amidst all the ongoing criticism is that combining the new alternate helmet with the gray uniforms is apparently the worst decision in the history of decisions.

I tend to vehemently disagree, as the truly inexplicable existence of the Dieting Detroit Lion should probably be the one taking the lion’s share of unrelenting darts.

But — and there’s always a but — you have to appreciate the creativity that comes with all the piling negativity. Because this is an outstanding interpretation of the Lions’ very special blue and gray stripes.

It took about 15 minutes for good ole Harrison here to turn those two meaningful stripes that were included to signify the franchise’s 90th season into a very sad 11-loss campaign.

Or a pause button. There’s that, too.

Talk about great symbolism. There was nothing more necessary than a pause button at some point along the line.

And while I too would like to know who signed off on this, if I were allotted just one question to someone on the marketing team it would go as follows:

Why are the blue and gray stripes so ridiculously prominent and chunky while the Lion has tragically been reduced to a sewer rat with great hair?

Now if you happen to be a fan of the Detroit Lions and would prefer to weave through all this endless negativity in the hopes of finding something meaningful to clutch onto, I strongly suggest leaning on God for this one.

Gray hair? Close enough. And you’re welcome.

The post Detroit Lions Unveil New Alternate Helmets And Yes, Everyone Has Jokes appeared first on Korked Bats.

University of Michigan head football coach Jim Harbaugh made the media rounds this week and, boy oh boy, did Jimmy make this one count.

Then again, if we’re being completely honest with ourselves, it would be rather surprising if Jim Harbaugh were to go through a sit-down with a media member without dropping some kind of memorable gem.

Anxiety-ridden chickens, anyone? Because they’re apparently very nervous birds. In the name of devouring life’s challenges, you should not be eating them.

How about the “fine bovine wine” that is milk? Because few things are better than a tall glass of cow paired with a slab of cow.

This familiar theme of distinct randomness that Harbaugh so routinely offers up is seemingly built into his DNA, as we have all learned in some capacity, and there’s absolutely nothing any of us can do about it.

Who could forget the “devout” Judge Judy fanatic showering the brash arbitration queen with great cheer back in 2015?

Whether you happen to love the guy or stand on the opposite side of a 59-year-old man who will always attend a baseball game with glove in hand, Harbaugh’s endless oddities — which are usually coupled with intense enthusiasm — do come across as genuine.

In this latest of iteration of “Wait, What Does Jim Harbaugh Love?” we have Sports Illustrated’s Pat Forde to thank for asking the fateful question of…

If Jim Harbaugh hadn’t taken the football path that’s brought him a wealth of success, both as a player and head coach, what would Jimbo have done instead?

“A lawnsman!” Harbaugh enthusiastically responds. “That’s what I do. Mowing the lawn is one of the great feelings I have in life.”

“A lawnsman!” This comes across like the raw excitement of a kid spotting the ice cream truck a few blocks away.

But honestly, it’s almost impossible not to be able to visualize Harbaugh saying all of this and doing so with great vigor. Of course Jim Harbaugh loves mowing the lawn. And not only does he love trimming that grass, gettin’ in a good mow apparently brings Jim one of the greatest feelings life has to offer.

It gets better, too.

“It accomplishes three things,” Harbaugh says. “I’m clearing my mind or thinking of new plays; I feel good about what I accomplish; and I either make money or I save money.”

It’s actually pretty difficult to argue against Harbaugh’s three-pronged value pack takeaways whenever he hops on a lawn mower. Especially when one factors in the “thinking of new plays” element. Essentially, he’s still getting work in as Michigan’s head football coach while also maintaining the most pristine lawn in the United States.

At the same time, it’s also important to keep in mind that this is a man who is currently living under a freshly minted five year, $36 million contract, and yet still rabidly insists on mowing his own lawn.

As they say, built different.

It’s probably a safe bet that the Jim Harbaugh lawn mowing experience is unlike any other. He absolutely strikes me as the type who wouldn’t even bother to throw on headphones to play some music or perhaps a pair of earplugs to drown out the incessant noise.

Nope. Like everything else, Jim Harbaugh is 100 percent all-in, so I imagine he very much prefers the soothing sounds of the very loud, disruptive lawn mower, soaking in the full experience while providing his yard with the best haircut in the neighborhood. And more than likely smiling the entire time, too.

Now before we finish out, we should probably include this crucial note for Michigan fans because keeping Jim Harbaugh in his happy place has always been a top priority for the Maize and Blue faithful.

“It makes me sad sometimes when I drive around Ann Arbor,” Harbaugh says. “It used to be kids mowing the lawns. I was that kid, out mowing lawns, earning some money. Now it’s a truck and a crew at every house.”

So for all of those mothers and fathers in Ann Arbor and beyond who allow their kids to do whatever they want and instead pay a crew to mow their respective lawns, please know that by choosing this lazy route you are, in turn, making Jimmy sad.

Alas, it’s not too late, people.

In fact, it’s nearly right on time because Mowin’ SZN has sure as hell arrived, with plenty of grass to be cut for the next six months.

So it would probably be wise to do right by Jim by being like Jim.

God bless Grace Harbaugh, Jim’s daughter, for gifting us with “Airport Jim” and offering us a glimpse of this lawn mowing ritual that reportedly must take place before the Harbaugh family departs for each and every vacation.

The post Jim Harbaugh Has A Passion For Mowing The Lawn That Runs Deeper Than Your Soul appeared first on Korked Bats.

To say that NFL teams have never learned a thing about drafting the position of quarterback would be a colossal understatement. That’s exactly why former Kentucky Wildcats QB Will Levis and his abundance of unique intangibles should have him sitting at the very top when the Carolina Panthers are on the clock come April 27. But more on that later.

In the world of NFL scouting it’s become a pretty bizarre and sad reality, that to this very day — outside of the exceedingly rare case of a mortal lock like Peyton Manning — it’s almost as if the majority of franchises in the league have outwardly insisted on pedaling backward in regard to evaluating quarterbacks.

Social media has in no way helped when it comes to this ongoing tragedy. The clear misses seem to be more frequent than ever.

Look no further than the painful case of the New York Jets and the roaring disaster of a quarterback that is Zach Wilson, whose hype vaulted to the moon during his Pro Day at BYU after throwing a bomb to a wide-open receiver, the lone player on the field other than Wilson at the time.

Cool highlight? Absolutely.

A valid reason for everyone to collectively soil their sweatpants and vault Wilson to the very top of their Mel Kiper-autographed “Big Board”? No way in hell.

We all quickly learned what Wilson would actually look like as an NFL quarterback when there were 11 opposing players stationed on the field actively playing defense.

The 23-year-old QB, taken No. 2 overall, has already become a forgettable and regrettable afterthought in the eyes of both the Jets front office and all those beautiful Jets fans out there. The fact that this team is still desperately seeking the services of Aaron Rodgers, with apparently no movement whatsoever at the moment, should tell you everything you need to know about the state of affairs when it comes to who’s lining up under center in September.

This, of course, brings us directly back to Will Levis and the 2023 NFL Draft.

There’s been a special kind of hype for this one and we can all give a virtual high-five to Florida Gators quarterback Anthony Richardson for the majority of that, thanks in part to his obscene raw athletic ability that was highlighted by a crowd-pleasing video of the 20-year-old jumping very, very high.

By now, everyone seems to have zeroed in on their guy after likely changing their mind more than a few times. But generally speaking, it’s come down to some scrambled mix of Bryce Young, C.J. Stroud, Will Levis, and Anthony Richardson.

Considering the previously mentioned Kiper sincerely has the Tennesse Titans trading up to nab Richardson is pretty telling all by itself.

Oh yes, it’s become abundantly clear that no one’s truly sure of anything and we’ve all resorted to launching darts at a floating target with a blindfold on.

Enter the aforementioned Levis, an absolute specimen of a player and proven ultimate weirdo.

At 6-foot-4 and 230-plus pounds and counting, Levis clearly houses the physical skillset required to survive and advance in the modern-day NFL, where quarterback depth has never been more crucial.

Of possibly more significance, though, Levis has the “extreme factor” (read: insane) very much serving in his favor. The guy seriously just sits around between workouts eating non-peeled brown bananas like a normal human would sip away at a Poland Spring. This is akin to Dexter Morgan having blood splatter fire right back at his face upon that fateful first stabbing and barely flinching.

So if this strange banana-eating habit hasn’t harmed him by now, it just lends more credence to Levis being an indestructible force who will probably live forever.

And similar to the likes of Tom Brady — who claims to have never had a cup of coffee in his entire life — Levis goes just as hard in that regard albeit in the opposite direction.

Much like the customary, classic pairing of peanut butter and crazy glue, the mayonnaise must go in the coffee in the land of Levis. But of course!

In the above video, Levis presents this very special and equally disturbing coffee preference so casually it’s as if he were about to list his top five favorite TV shows on some cliche late-night talk show segment.

Sadly, this type of stuff is probably alarming for some NFL scouts, but it really shouldn’t be. Nonetheless, that even-keeled “but also definitely crazy” factor is essential to sustainability in the NFL. And it goes right back to Tom Brady once again because that same charismatic and well-spoken No. 12 we so often saw in interviews following countless comeback victories was the same guy we saw on the field, routinely knocking helmets after the whistle was blown with defensive monsters like Terrell Suggs without any semblance of fear.

In fact, Brady was usually seen smiling during many of these instances, like the truly wonderful psychopath we’ve come to know so well.

As Levis’s former Kentucky teammate Chris Rodriguez said, he is “unlike any other person I’ve ever met.”

Considering everything else is already there in terms of physical ability along with the proper tools to go with it, that quote right there is among the game-changers that pushes Will Levis over the top.

Now, does any of this make logical sense when it comes to officially knighting your franchise quarterback for years and years to come? When compared to everything else being barked out on various social media platforms and places like ESPN, it most certainly does.

The post Why Kentucky’s Will Levis Should Be First Quarterback Taken In 2023 NFL Draft appeared first on Korked Bats.