Comments on: Campaign Propoganda https://korkedbats.com/campaign-propoganda/ That Funny Sports Blog Fri, 27 Feb 2009 02:36:00 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1.2 By: Anonymous https://korkedbats.com/campaign-propoganda/#comment-71 Fri, 27 Feb 2009 02:36:00 +0000 http://korkedbats.flywheelsites.com/2009/02/20/campaign-propoganda/#comment-71 Ok, so I truly don’t understand the draw to Mizzou, call me old and boring, but it doesn’t do anything for me. Jared, my little brother though. . . .good graciou. Seriously, the kid eats, sleeps and breathes anything and everything Tiger. He wasn’t kidding when he said he has always wanted to go to Mizzou. The child has lobbied for acceptance into MU since he knew what college was.

I can honestly say that I was one of the naysayers that tried to talk Jared into applying at other schools as a safety net, but he would have none of it. Jared is incredibly loyal and steadfast in his dedication to the institution.

In an attempt to get my excitement level up about his attendance to MU, Jared and I made a day trip to Columbia last spring, before he was even a student. Jared showed me around the campus, pointing out the landmarks, showing me the cool stuff, and, I must admit, did a fine job of it. (He walked backwards the entire time, even though he was only giving the tour for one. I swear.)

Anyway, I can think of no one who would better personify the loyalty and excitement of the true Tiger sprirt than my dweeby little brother. So, what the heck. . . . .JARED LAUNIUS FOR TIGER TOURS!

Amy Martin
Sister of Jared “The Tiger” Launius

]]> By: John the Prez https://korkedbats.com/campaign-propoganda/#comment-70 Fri, 27 Feb 2009 02:16:00 +0000 http://korkedbats.flywheelsites.com/2009/02/20/campaign-propoganda/#comment-70 I am one of the aforementioned friends with multiple 2008 Kansas National Champions shirts. And, just to plead my case, only six of eight were purchased on ebay… OOOKKAAAAAAYY!

The first time I came to Columbia to visit Jared actually fell on “Black and Gold Day,” which worked out nicely for me as a prospective student. The day started off with a tour of the campus. As I proceeded to follow this young backwards-walking tour guide, (who will remain anonymous) he filled my head with strange facts about the school grounds and anecdotes that would tickle even the most stubborn of senses. Initially, I thought this young man did and excellent job… little did I know I was going to meet up with J-Fresh (that’s Jared) and he would continue to enlighten me with even more knowledge about the campus buildings, history, lifestyle, etc.

You see, DJ J-Rock (mmhmm, that’s Jared again) has this knack for retaining knowledge… it’s quite uncanny. The kid knows so much about so many things that I am continually impressed, especially with the things that he loves and is interested in; both of which include everything about the University of Missouri.

I’ve known J-Money (that’s Jared, too) for many years. In fact, I’m the poor soul who got him hired at Cracker Barrel… for which I am eternally regretful, J-Dawg (…again). Anywho, his thirst for knowledge and ultimate dedication for everything he loves have stood out and made Jazzy J (yup, that’s him) the patient, loving, authentic and determined walking encyclopaedia he so proudly is today.

To give an idea of how much devotion he has for the things he loves I’ll tell you (in a childrens book writing style) something quite personal about Jared the Junkyard Dog. Jared loves coffee. Jared really loves coffee. Jared really really loves coffee. Jared french-presses his own coffee in his room often. Jared probably drinks coffee more than once a day, on average. Jared’s stomach does not love coffee. Jared’s gastrointestinal tract really does not love coffee. If Jared loves The University of Missouri more than he loves coffee, and he loves coffee enough to put his body through gut-wrenching pain everyday, imagine what Jared would sacrifice for the University Tour Team… is that enough for you?

If you answered no, try this on for size… Jared adores the Tigers so much even stuck by them through the Quin Snyder years… talk about dedication!

All in all, Jared’s pleasant and charming attitude is extremely contagious. He is a comfortable, interesting guy with everything necessary to make visitors feel at home on campus and leave with no questions unanswered and a gaggle of useful and interesting details. His love for Missouri sports, Columbia culture and Tiger pride will be continually beneficial to the Tour Team.

Good luck J-Bones.

– John Adams

]]> By: Patrick https://korkedbats.com/campaign-propoganda/#comment-69 Wed, 25 Feb 2009 01:54:00 +0000 http://korkedbats.flywheelsites.com/2009/02/20/campaign-propoganda/#comment-69 Jared,
You and I have never met but you seem like cool guy. Austin thinks highly enough of you to let you write on his blog that he ignored for 4 months.

I just wanted to wish you luck. I myself applied for Tour Team in my time at Mizzou. I was accecpted as a tour teamer in the spring of 2006… I quit two weeks later. I would like to think that you will be more committed to than I was. For my project I created a puzzle with all kinds of different places at Mizzou on it. It took forever.

Let me know how it goes.

]]> By: Anonymous https://korkedbats.com/campaign-propoganda/#comment-68 Tue, 24 Feb 2009 03:48:00 +0000 http://korkedbats.flywheelsites.com/2009/02/20/campaign-propoganda/#comment-68 Over the past few years I’ve gotten to know Jared Launius very well. Through out this time I have been able to see Jared grow and change into the wonderful person he is today. His talents are limitless and ever-growing, as displayed by his natural ability in creative writing and his playful and quick-witted way with words.

Not only is Jared charming in his writing, but he has such a contagious, positive personality that can brighten anyone’s day when you meet him in person. He carries himself with confidence and pride as he represents the school he loves so much, Mizzou.

As a fellow applicant for Tour Team, I understand what talents and abilities are required to be a Tour Team member. Without a doubt, Jared Launius is a perfect candidate. One could choose Jared based on personality alone, but he also has an incredible work ethic, strong dedication and determination, a great GPA and the biggest love for Mizzou I have ever seen.

Jared Launius would be an exceptional member of Mizzou’s Tour Team!

-Leann McLaughlin

]]> By: Anonymous https://korkedbats.com/campaign-propoganda/#comment-67 Mon, 23 Feb 2009 23:43:00 +0000 http://korkedbats.flywheelsites.com/2009/02/20/campaign-propoganda/#comment-67 My name is Matt Boyd. I attended the University of Missouri-Columbia from fall semester 2002-spring semester 2004. I hold season tickets to MU football games not only because I love to watch the sport and cheer for my team but it gives me an excuse to go back to one of the greatest places on earth. The only reason for leaving that great school was that I couldn’t find anything I wanted to major in. I remember going to MU to tour the campus and I remember how much fun it was and how fun and easy to get along with the tour guide was. Jared Launius is defenitely the man for that job. He absolutely knows his facts, is very smart and quick whitted, is very fun and outgoing, and can walk backwards like nobody’s business. He may even be able to moonwalk for the entire tour.

If you are looking for the best person for a tour guide, Jared is definitely that man. I’d follow that man anywhere and if you hire him you’ll see why.

]]> By: Anonymous https://korkedbats.com/campaign-propoganda/#comment-66 Mon, 23 Feb 2009 00:23:00 +0000 http://korkedbats.flywheelsites.com/2009/02/20/campaign-propoganda/#comment-66 Jared should be on the tour team because once he gave me a tour of his house and I was all, ohh, man, I gotta be livin’ here.

I agree with Keith that one of his best attributes as a tour guide would be his ability to take his own initiative and put a personal stamp on each tour that he gives by spouting off obscure facts about the campus. He loves esoteric information! In fact, he probably knows enough about the school’s history already that he could assemble a dream team of all-time tour guide greats. If you asked him.

Jared Launius For Tour Team 2009

-Aaron Steen

]]> By: Anonymous https://korkedbats.com/campaign-propoganda/#comment-65 Sat, 21 Feb 2009 22:24:00 +0000 http://korkedbats.flywheelsites.com/2009/02/20/campaign-propoganda/#comment-65 The papers will read, “Independence Native Reigns High as College Career Comes to an Ultimate Climax With The Acceptance of the University Of Missouri’s Tour Team, Isn’t He AMAZING!”… Ok Maybe not but it would be sweet if it did. I mean its such a catchy title.

However, as a long time friend to Jared I have been a witness to Jared’s ever growing dedication to the University of Missouri. Somewhere in the midst of playing “end of the world”, and games like Number Munchers, Oregon Trail, Reader Rabbit, and saving all top score under the name of “Super CJ” Jared stopped pretending to be his BMX idol Matt (the Condore) Hoffman and became a real sports fan with the University of Missouri claiming his fan hood. Jared contued growing closer to the school when he found his knack of writing he became determined to be a journalist.

I can remember when Jared and I were in the same class in grade school. A 3rd and 4th grade split class. Jared had the hots for a little girl named Paulett Iloilo. Jared, not knowing what the hots meant decided to test the waters by going steady with the girl, which meant they would acknowledge eachother on a regular basis and maybe hold hands when no one was looking. One day, and Jared you remember this, this backbiting young dame tried to give Jared a Kansas University sports cap. Jared threw the cap, spit at her, and never picked her to be on the kick ball team again. As for me I never knew what he saw in her, but if that doesn’t show that Jared is a devout Missouri Fan then I don’t know my first name.

Now maybe that story I told you was fabricated, maybe it was a complete lie, or maybe it was every bit of the truth. The thing is the University of Missouri-Columbia and Jared go together like lamb and tuna fish… No? Maybe you like speghetti and meatball.

Anyways I had the opportunity to visit him at the University. Jared exercised his tour guide skills to perfection showing me around the campus and the city of Columbia. I was in complete awe, I was so impressed by the way he made the campus look. I mean he knew so much about the ciy and the campus it was hard to beleive that he was still a freshman at the University, he was more like a seasoned pro. He sold me so much that I have decided that I want to attend the college.

In conclusion, Jared Launius sells the University of Missouri. If Jared’s tours don’t improve the enrollment of the University by 25% then I, Craig Stoll, will live in the Master Suite of the Apartment next year.

THE MASTER SUITE IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!

]]> By: Rob Bratney https://korkedbats.com/campaign-propoganda/#comment-64 Sat, 21 Feb 2009 21:54:00 +0000 http://korkedbats.flywheelsites.com/2009/02/20/campaign-propoganda/#comment-64 haha wow Jared

You’ve done a great job at promoting yourself! I wish I could write about myself this well.

(If anyone from the Tiger Tours administrators is watching, HIRE THIS MAN!) please and thank you

]]> By: Anonymous https://korkedbats.com/campaign-propoganda/#comment-63 Sat, 21 Feb 2009 20:19:00 +0000 http://korkedbats.flywheelsites.com/2009/02/20/campaign-propoganda/#comment-63 First of all, I have no account, so I am labeled above as “Anonymous.” My name is Collin Pearman, and Jared is a very good friend of mine. When you take a tour, you want someone who knows how to answer your questions, who will take the time to find out any answer that he doesn’t already know off the top of his head (which, let me tell ya a little something about Jared-there isn’t much that he doesn’t know off the top of his head…in fact, I had American History with this guy in High School, and he KNOWS his stuff; he was almost never stumped when it came to daily “bellringers.” Gosh…I’m really glad I’m out of highschool…but, I digress.) You want a person who knows how to interact with people, who has had experience that counts (as a fellow …former..Crackerbarrel employee (same store as Jared) let me tell you that his experience there is too legit to quit…seriously; it counts.) You want someone who knows when to be quiet and when to be loud (as a member of the international thespian society (theatre) if you don’t know how to be quiet or be loud (and when the right time is to be either one) you’ll either: look stupid on stage being too quiet to be heard, or you’ll get punched by a fellow member backstage…Jared is a member and I never had to punch him.)
Jared is your guy, he has the skills, he has the drive, he has the patience; he’s the one you want.

He’s exactly where he should be at Missouri, and you can tell when you talk to him.

…Hi Jared! Good luck, dogg! (had to throw that in there)

]]> By: Anonymous https://korkedbats.com/campaign-propoganda/#comment-62 Sat, 21 Feb 2009 16:47:00 +0000 http://korkedbats.flywheelsites.com/2009/02/20/campaign-propoganda/#comment-62 Instead of anonymous.. this is Kyle Youngstrom..

Jared was once my nemesis.. I was raised a Jayhawk.. He wasn’t.. For this reason him and I clashed. I even rememeber our Xanga arguments from 2005. HE was just a tot then.. but defended Missouri with the best of them.. Id venture to say he was “THE best of them.”

I went to the University of Misery for the 06-07 academic year. to be honest, it wasn’t for me. However, to picture Jared somewhere else would be more awkward than a fart in the bathtub.

I wish you luck Jared L.. and I only say “L” because i’m not positive how to spell “Launius” Is that right?

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