Pitbull bought the naming rights to FIU’s football stadium for $1.2 million per year for the next 5 years. That’s right, the FIU Panthers will be playing their home games in Pitbull Stadium. So we started wondering what artists would be good fits to buy the naming rights of SEC stadiums? Here’s what we came up with…

Alabama – Beyoncé

Look, this partnership goes without saying. They’re both arguably the greatest of all-time. And both of their fans are annoying and everywhere.

Arkansas – E-40

Like Arkansas, E-40 is one of those artists you don’t think of first without seeing a list of other people’s work. And the SEC is that list for Arkansas. E-40 is featured on a lot of other people’s songs, but rarely known for anything he’s dropped on his own. Much like Arkansas. Known for being featured in the SEC. But rarely have they accomplished things on their own.

Auburn – Madonna

Just a couple of folks who used to be great, but lately these days, just a hot mess.

Georgia – Justin Timberlake

Definitely one of the greatest, with all the talent being there and well respected, but they certainly both have trouble behind the wheel.

Florida – Linkin Park

A program and band who certainly had its day, but lately just feels like it’s grasping at relevance. Not to mention, both groups of fans love wearing jorts.

Kentucky – Tyler Childers

Their fans are loud, proud, and will argue their important to anyone who will listen, but the general public couldn’t tell you a damn thing they have ever produced.

LSU – Taylor Swift

Everyone will agree it’s one of the best stadium shows you could ever possibly attend and they’re always at the top of everyone’s lists for their performances, but also because their fans are psychotic if you don’t mention them.

Mississippi State – Busta Rhymes 

Like Mississippi State, Busta Rhymes is just kinda there. Does he drop good music every now and then? I guess? But no one is going out of their way to hit up a Busta Rhymes concert. Dak Prescott is basically Pass The Courvoisier.

Mizzou – Chappell Roan

Where in the hell did they come from? Feels like just yesterday they were struggling to find success and we were making fun of them, and now out of nowhere, they’re one of the hottest names around?! WTF?!

Ole Miss – Zach Bryan

Neither is probably winning any hardware any time soon (Grammy’s or natty’s), but they’re just here to provide good vibes and good times, whether at a tailgate or an all-night revival.

Oklahoma – Drake

There’s no denying their success as one of the best for a long time, but lately had a little fall from grace.

South Carolina – Daft Punk

They can be fun at times, but they’re not everyone’s cup of tea. Can they produce a party? Hell yea. But the mood has to be right and it has to be during a Saturday night.

Tennessee – Creed

They had massive success in the 90’s, but fell off for a bit and became the butt of everyone’s jokes. But now, they are kinda having a moment again. Are they cool again? People are asking.

Texas – The Chainsmokers

They think they’re hot shit, but really the only people who like them are their fans. They suck to everyone else.

Texas A&M – Lady Gaga

They really have had trouble figuring out their identity and who in the hell they are, but also because they have had mad beef with Texas/The Chainsmokers.

Vanderbilt – Sufjan Stevens

This partnership is perfect because Sufjan Stevens is one of those artists whose fans feel like they’re smarter than you. But very few people care for or think about their product.

The post Pitbull Bought The Naming Rights To FIU’s Football Stadium, But What Artists Should Buy Naming Rights To SEC Stadiums? appeared first on Korked Bats.

Michigan hasn’t played in a couple weeks and yet they’re still notching W’s. Your response to the team up north ripping off a 15-0 season and a natty is to hire… BILL O’BRIEN?!

Look, Bill O’Brien is a fine person to hire if you’re fine not winning championships.

Look at that stat and try not to let your jaw scrape the floor. The two greatest head coaches of all-time, and he just so happened to be on their staff in the years they DIDN’T hoist trophies. That’s incredible. That’s like sitting in the live studio audience of Big Bang Theory during an episode where they actually said something funny. Like what are the odds?!

But anyone who’s tracked Bill O’Brien’s career, this should come as no surprise.

This is a man who had a 24-point lead on the Kansas City Chiefs just 4 minutes into the second quarter and somehow was trailing at halftime. Oh, and proceeded to give up 41 unanswered points on the way to a 51-31 loss. But hey, it’s not like he was playing in that game. But when the Texans added GM to his office nameplate, he did proceed to trade Deandre Hopkins for a stalk of celery, three paper clips, and a

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a blogger. Not a Buckeye. I’m not a fan of Ohio State. I’m a fan of Content U. So I love the move. Do I think it’s dumb as hell? Of course. But we crave dumb because we are dumb. So hell, bring back Urban Meyer while you’re at it.

The post Ohio State Has Hired Bill O’Brien… On Purpose appeared first on Korked Bats.

We all know the SEC just means more. But maybe sometimes it means too much? Especially when one of their own is taking the first step of legal action against a comedic sports blog. The Arkansas Razorbacks are coming after this dumb blog for a post from over 10 years ago.

We got an email the other day from a law firm presenting a cease and desist for a blog we wrote in 2012.

2012! TWENTY-TWELVE! This blog was written in a time when we were all whoopin’ it Gangnam Style while we watched Jeremy Lin dominate the NBA in between watching the last Christopher Nolan Batman movie and the first Avengers movie, Disney was buying LucasFilm, Fifty Shades of Grey had all the suburban moms hot and bothered, and the world was supposed to end because the Mayan calendars ran out.

And oh yeah, Bobby Petrino had just been fired for the first time in Fayetteville.

What a time to (barely) be alive! So after Bob was fired by the university for *allegedly* (in case any lawyers are reading) wrecking a motorcycle with one of his employees and former Razorbacks volleyball player on the back of his hog (pun only slightly intended), there was a collection of the Razorbacks fan base that was upset. And by collection, we mean only about 200 people, less than a Chick-fil-A drive-thru.

See? It just means more. So we saw this and obviously -like the rest of the entire Internet- had to make jokes. So we posted the following blog.

If you notice, there is not a single Razorback logo or any wordmark that this law firm linked in their cease and desist. In fact, there isn’t a single mention of Arkansas Razorbacks on the very obviously fake t-shirt that we never sold, printed, or did anything more than just make the dumb joke. Now look, I don’t know if you picked up on this fact from reading this blog, but I’m no lawyer. I run a dumb sports blog on the internet in between the hours of my radio job. So I guess my question is: do we have any lawyer cool kids able to help us out here? Do we have any ground to stand on here? I don’t plan on taking it down unless they want to go to court. Which, in my opinion, would be the funniest legal case since Aunt Becky’s daughter got into USC.

(Please don’t send me a cease and desist for that joke, USC.)

The post Woo Pig Sue Me! Did Arkansas Send Us A Cease And Desist For A Fake Shirt We Made 12 Years Ago? YESSIRRR! appeared first on Korked Bats.

For a guy who regularly shared stories about how he used to accept packages from delivery drivers on his front porch fully naked, Mike Leach did -every once in a while- drop wisdom gold. Like this take on the college football committee, and he’s a billion percent correct. Why is college football the only sport in the world that has a panel of beauty pageant judges picking who the best teams are? Aren’t the games being played supposed to do that for us? They do in the NFL. They do in the NBA. Let me check MLB real quick. Yup, they do it there too. Hell, they even do it at every other level of college football. So why is it that college football runs their sport like American Idol? If winning literally every game you play can’t earn you a spot in a postseason tournament, then why don’t we have the committee select the four “best” teams at the beginning of the season. Especially since they know better than the literal outcomes of games.

Look, I’m no Alex Jones, but I will say it’s getting harder and harder to dispell the conspiracy that the CFB Playoff, which is partly owned by ESPN, failed to leave out a team from the SEC, which is also partly owned by ESPN, in a year where it could’ve been easy to do so without much uproar (the SEC was 7-9 against non-SEC teams this year and failed to produce an undefeated team). But instead, this blue haired selection committee chose to not include one of three Power 5 Conference teams that failed to lose a game this season.

But… but… what about their strength of schedule?! Ok. What about their strength of schedule? I never understood that argument. That’s like ripping on someone’s mansion for living in a shitty neighborhood. You can only control what you can control. All Florida State could do was win all of their games, and they did. They can’t control how good or bad their conference plays. Hell, they can’t even control their schedule. Aside from a few non-cons, which let’s be honest, they didn’t take the easy road by scheduling some cupcakes. They played teams like LSU and Florida and then took care of the only thing they could control.

Mike Leach may have had some kooky qualities, but dammit, did he have a brilliant mind.

The post The Late Great Mike Leach Was A College Football Playoff Committee Hating Hipster appeared first on Korked Bats.

The post We Need A New College Football Playoff Selection Committee appeared first on Korked Bats.

Calling all Tanner’s, Ethan’s, Brett’s, and Connor’s who played on their Sigma Delta Epsilon’s intermural team. Today is your day.

Time to start training again, because the Olympics are adding the only thing (aside from drinking) you’ve ever been good at… flag football.

Dust off those Nike Vapor 3’s, grab those unnecessary sweatbands, and don’t forget the gloves you got hooked up with from your buddy who works for your school’s football equipment department, because you can now compete for your country the same way you competed for your frat. Now look, did I read this news and immediately believe I’ve finally found an Olympic sport I’d be able to medal in? You bet your semi-deflated and overly-tackified Wilson football I did. I haven’t played flag football in probably 4 or 5 years and yet, here I am with an unwarranted confidence that I would Michael Phelps this sport. Flag football was my jam back in the day (emphasis on back, which I have thrown out twice in the last two years). Not to be that guy who peaked in high school and still rocks his letterman jacket, but one semester in college, I led Mizzou in defensive interceptions. In fact, here’s me dusting some dude for a tuddy:

Not to brag.

And here’s me returning a punt for a big gain. Ball security, schmall schmecurity is what I always say. (Mainly because if you fumble in flag, the ball is dead anyway.)

You want some more pics?

Look, did I write this blog solely to brag about my flag football playing ability? No. Ok, yes. But is it incredibly douchey to share pics of yourself playing flag football? Also yes. But you have to have a little douchiness in you to play flag. It’s a rule. Right up there with flag guarding. I’m just excited for this Olympic sport. Mainly because it’s another guaranteed gold for the US of A. And because, if I start training now…. ya never know?

Ok, we do know. But still. A guy can dream.

The post Calling All Intermural Bros, The Olympics Are Adding Flag Football appeared first on Korked Bats.

If you ask 99.9% of parents of multiple kids who their favorite child is, they’ll dodge the question better than Belichick being asked about anything other than lacrosse. However, that .1% is reserved for Deion Sanders.

Personally, I was always raised on not showing favoritism towards one kid. Even though my parents had a ginormous canvas of my sister’s senior portrait in a giant golden frame hanging at the end of a hall in our upstairs, while mine was much smaller, in a much cheaper frame, in the corner of the basement. But who’s keeping track? I’m fine. I was always told you should love all of your children equally. But in high steps Coach Prime with his children power rankings and now I’m not sure what to think. On one hand, it’s awful because it makes your other children feel like your love for them is conditional. But on the other hand, if they’re even half as competitive as their dad, they’re going to want to climb those rankings, causing them to be better behaved, listen more attentively, and quite possibly as an added bonus, get you more than some lousy arts and crafts tie they made in school for Father’s Day.

Look, iron sharpens iron. And if your kids gotta compete to earn that top spot, maybe it’s good for them? Hell, I bet if Deion could pick up new children from a transfer portal, he would. Just to keep his current kids on their toes. I’m about to have my second kid in October, so maybe I try this on for size and see where it goes? Why not? What’s the worst that can happen? One of my kids resents me for the rest of their life causing a lot of mental anguish and potentially physical harm to my kid, myself, and/or others? Pssshhht. Please. When has Deion Sanders ever proven not to be a role model? When has he ever proven we can’t take his word on things? What are you going to tell me next? That if I get work and have to miss work then I shouldn’t get Aflac?!

P.S. How is Shedeur only ranked 3? He’s singlehandedly turning Deion into the next Saban overnight. What the hell has Shelomi ever done for this family, ya know?! This is why we need a Sanders Family Playoff. Enough with this damn BCS.

The post I Can’t Decide If Deion Sanders Power Ranking His Kids Is The Best Or Worst Parenting Move Ever appeared first on Korked Bats.

This blog post might rub some of you the wrong way, but I 100% agree with ol’ Charlie here. The Titans won’t stop spitting in Vols fans faces.

It started when the team first moved to Nashville, 25 years ago this season. They did not pander to Vols fans by having the team play in the thriving metropolis of Knoxville. The THIRD largest city in Tennessee! I mean, it has a sun sphere for crying out loud. Total spit in the face.

Then when the team unveiled new uniforms, they did the unthinkable of sticking with a loose variation of their historic color scheme from their Houston heritage instead of adopting the beautiful highway cone orange that Tennessee fans – and only Tennessee fans – have come to know and love. That was like hocking a loogie in the faces of Vols fans.

Or how about drafting players? Why is it the Tennessee Titans never draft Tennessee Vols players, except for when they do?

But like other than that, when have they ever drafted Tennessee Vols players? You’d think if you wanted Vols fans to root for your team on Sunday, you would only draft Vols. For example, it’s an extremely sickening fact that the Titans traded up to draft a quarterback from the Vols rival instead of selecting a hobbling Hendon Hooker whose ACL is more shredded than receipts from the Jeremy Pruitt era. Half the Titans roster is injured anyway, why wouldn’t they want another injured guy on board? That’s just pure mucus-coated saliva shot right in Vols fans’ faces.

Hell, when Jonathan Crompton went pro, he was taken in the fifth round and the Titans had FIVE picks before he was drafted. That’s five spits. Right in the face. And then he went to play in the Canadian Football League, and the Titans didn’t even try to change leagues to make a trade for him. And then they didn’t even say “sorey, eh” for not pandering. That’s some maple spit to the face!

That kinda reminds all Vols fans of the 2016 NFL Draft when the Titans had the audacity to draft a Heisman Trophy winner named Derrick from the Vols’ BIGGEST rival, rather than drafting another senior running back from the orange and white, Ralph Abernathy IV. If you’re asking, “Who?!” That’s solely because of the Titans’ unwillingness to pander. Hope you got a V. Stiviano visor, Vol fans, because there’s some projectile drool heading straight toward your face.

And while we’re on the topic of orange and white QBs… It did feel like the Titans were extending an orange-plated olive branch when they signed Josh Dobbs last season. Like they were licking the spit off our faces to apologize. But then they took that licked-up saliva and spit it right back in our faces by not re-signing him this offseason. Just blatant disrespect. That man won you a total of zero games and you couldn’t even thank him (and or the loyal VFL’s who support your franchise each week) by handing him a contract? SPIT, MEET FACE.

So yeah, I’m on board with Chuck here. It’s just disgusting what the Titans are doing… or NOT doing. Why wouldn’t an NFL franchise pander to the fan base of a school over 2.5 hours away? Who knows? Instead, they’d rather just spizz all over Vols fans’ faces. Vols fans aren’t asking for much. They’re merely asking for the Titans to be more like the Vols in every way mainly because it’s too hard to compartmentalize their fandom from one day to the next. Especially when those days are back-to-back in the week! If you’ve ever tried it, you would know. And if you’re not a Vol fan, you certainly wouldn’t get it. Because you don’t have spit on your face.

P.S. Here’s a pretty sick photoshop I made of Josh Dobbs as a Titan and Vol… What coulda been, ya know?

The post The Titans Won’t Stop Spitting In Vols Fans Faces By Not Becoming The Vols appeared first on Korked Bats.

University of Michigan head football coach Jim Harbaugh made the media rounds this week and, boy oh boy, did Jimmy make this one count.

Then again, if we’re being completely honest with ourselves, it would be rather surprising if Jim Harbaugh were to go through a sit-down with a media member without dropping some kind of memorable gem.

Anxiety-ridden chickens, anyone? Because they’re apparently very nervous birds. In the name of devouring life’s challenges, you should not be eating them.

How about the “fine bovine wine” that is milk? Because few things are better than a tall glass of cow paired with a slab of cow.

This familiar theme of distinct randomness that Harbaugh so routinely offers up is seemingly built into his DNA, as we have all learned in some capacity, and there’s absolutely nothing any of us can do about it.

Who could forget the “devout” Judge Judy fanatic showering the brash arbitration queen with great cheer back in 2015?

Whether you happen to love the guy or stand on the opposite side of a 59-year-old man who will always attend a baseball game with glove in hand, Harbaugh’s endless oddities — which are usually coupled with intense enthusiasm — do come across as genuine.

In this latest of iteration of “Wait, What Does Jim Harbaugh Love?” we have Sports Illustrated’s Pat Forde to thank for asking the fateful question of…

If Jim Harbaugh hadn’t taken the football path that’s brought him a wealth of success, both as a player and head coach, what would Jimbo have done instead?

“A lawnsman!” Harbaugh enthusiastically responds. “That’s what I do. Mowing the lawn is one of the great feelings I have in life.”

“A lawnsman!” This comes across like the raw excitement of a kid spotting the ice cream truck a few blocks away.

But honestly, it’s almost impossible not to be able to visualize Harbaugh saying all of this and doing so with great vigor. Of course Jim Harbaugh loves mowing the lawn. And not only does he love trimming that grass, gettin’ in a good mow apparently brings Jim one of the greatest feelings life has to offer.

It gets better, too.

“It accomplishes three things,” Harbaugh says. “I’m clearing my mind or thinking of new plays; I feel good about what I accomplish; and I either make money or I save money.”

It’s actually pretty difficult to argue against Harbaugh’s three-pronged value pack takeaways whenever he hops on a lawn mower. Especially when one factors in the “thinking of new plays” element. Essentially, he’s still getting work in as Michigan’s head football coach while also maintaining the most pristine lawn in the United States.

At the same time, it’s also important to keep in mind that this is a man who is currently living under a freshly minted five year, $36 million contract, and yet still rabidly insists on mowing his own lawn.

As they say, built different.

It’s probably a safe bet that the Jim Harbaugh lawn mowing experience is unlike any other. He absolutely strikes me as the type who wouldn’t even bother to throw on headphones to play some music or perhaps a pair of earplugs to drown out the incessant noise.

Nope. Like everything else, Jim Harbaugh is 100 percent all-in, so I imagine he very much prefers the soothing sounds of the very loud, disruptive lawn mower, soaking in the full experience while providing his yard with the best haircut in the neighborhood. And more than likely smiling the entire time, too.

Now before we finish out, we should probably include this crucial note for Michigan fans because keeping Jim Harbaugh in his happy place has always been a top priority for the Maize and Blue faithful.

“It makes me sad sometimes when I drive around Ann Arbor,” Harbaugh says. “It used to be kids mowing the lawns. I was that kid, out mowing lawns, earning some money. Now it’s a truck and a crew at every house.”

So for all of those mothers and fathers in Ann Arbor and beyond who allow their kids to do whatever they want and instead pay a crew to mow their respective lawns, please know that by choosing this lazy route you are, in turn, making Jimmy sad.

Alas, it’s not too late, people.

In fact, it’s nearly right on time because Mowin’ SZN has sure as hell arrived, with plenty of grass to be cut for the next six months.

So it would probably be wise to do right by Jim by being like Jim.

God bless Grace Harbaugh, Jim’s daughter, for gifting us with “Airport Jim” and offering us a glimpse of this lawn mowing ritual that reportedly must take place before the Harbaugh family departs for each and every vacation.

The post Jim Harbaugh Has A Passion For Mowing The Lawn That Runs Deeper Than Your Soul appeared first on Korked Bats.

Look, Alabama fans. I know you’re going through a tough time right now considering your Cowboys we’re just eliminated and your Lakers are currently 12th in the west. But trying to claim Jalen Hurts just isn’t gonna fly.

This is the tweet that started the entire debate:

First off, you get to claim just about every other player in the NFL. Why do you also need Jalen Hurts? Not that Oklahoma needs him either, but at least they wanted him. And played him when they had him.

Now it’s one thing for fans to bicker over this very dumb debate, but it’s an entirely different thing for the official Alabama account to claim him.

If Jalen came with a receipt, you would’ve tried to return him. You literally benched him, forcing him to transfer just to see the field again. But sure, take credit for his professional success. I’m sure you’d be doing the same if he sucked, right? That would be like letting your neighbor borrow some sugar from the back of your pantry and then taking the credit when they win a cake contest.

“But, but, he graduated from Alabama!” Yeah, and Shaq got his masters from the University of Phoenix, but you don’t see them claiming his 4 NBA titles and retiring his number in their digital rafters.

Look, nobody is going to think any less of Alabama as a program if they let their claim for Jalen Hurts go just the way they let the actual Jalen Hurts go.

The post Hey Alabama, You Don’t Get To Claim Jalen Hurts As Your Own After Kicking Him To The Curb appeared first on Korked Bats.