Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs, the iconic American institution behind the annual 4th of July hot dog eating contest, recently made the controversial decision to ban Joey Chestnut from this year’s event due to a sponsorship conflict. And you know what? As much as it pains me to see an American icon not compete this year, it was the right call. Grab a hot dog (or sixty-eight) and let me explain.

Look, don’t let my stance get things twisted. Chestnut is the Jordan of competitive eating. Wait, scratch that. Jordan is the Chestnut of basketball. Joey C. has won 16 titles. SIXTEEN! Choke on that weiner, Tom Brady. Jordan only has a measly six. Brady has seven. But Joe Chessy? He has enough titles to pass out as party favors. So let it be known, that while this take may seem piping hot, Joe C. is still insanely revered by the likes of this blog.

But let’s cut to the meat of the matter— Joey Chestnut’s sponsorship conflict is just that: a conflict. Nathan’s Famous has always been the true hot dog of choice. It’s not just a brand. It’s the brand. It’s a tradition, a symbol of American summertime joy. It’s as American as Chevy, Miller Lite, or Luke Combs. I know Joey is used to scarfing down dogs, but you still have to make sure you don’t bite the hand that literally feeds you. And quite frankly, his affiliation with Impossible Foods is a mustard stain on his pristine image. However, Chestnut is crying foul and alluding that the organizers of the Nathan’s contest, Major League Eating, changed the terms of his agreement around endorsing other products.

“Everything with Impossible was perfectly fine by all my previous agreements. They changed terms and conditions [around] exclusivity. And it’s not the first time they’ve changed some things, but it’s the first time they’ve really changed things after the fact, and I had to say, ’Hey, it’s too late, I’ve already started working with this brand.’ This was never an issue in the past. And they tried to dance around it — they changed a lot of terms, and then they escalated things to a degree they didn’t imagine when they started leaking information and telling people I was banned and that I turned vegan, which clearly isn’t the case.”

But look, this isn’t about Joey endorsing another brand. To me, this is about the brand that Joey is endorsing. Impossible Foods makes a 0%-beef hot dog. Call me old fashioned, but hot dogs are supposed to have beef and/or other combined mystery meats that probably aren’t good for us. And Nathan’s is the Jordan of making hot dogs. Wait, scratch that. Jordan is the Nathan’s of basketball. They made the right call by prioritizing their integrity over one man’s stomach capacity.

And let’s not ignore the humanitarian aspect here. Watching Joey Chestnut consume 70-plus hot dogs in ten minutes is like watching a python swallow a goat—it’s fascinating but also mildly traumatizing. Maybe banning Joey until he drops ties with his vegan-loving soy brand will be better for his health than the meatless dogs he’s hocking. Maybe he’ll live a year or two more to the ripe old age of 52 by sitting this year out. Maybe the dude (and his toilet) could use a break. This may not be a populate take, but here’s to Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs for this decision. So if you’re asking me to take a side, I’ll take a side. While Joey Chestnut is an American icon, if he’s going to start hocking some vegan franks, I just can’t – as a red-blooded American – get behind that. So I’m sticking with the brand that not only made Chestnut, but makes the greatest all-beef Franks around. Happy 4th of July.

With all that said, Joey will forever be a hero for this…

The post Nathan’s Made The Right Call Banning Joey Chestnut From The Hot Dog Eating Contest… Yeah, I Said It! appeared first on Korked Bats.

NO, MARIAH! IT IS NOT TIME! GO BACK IN YOUR LITTLE ICE CUBE! Look, I know this is the one time of year when you are relevant, but there is no reason for you to make your month of relevance any longer than it already is. Everybody loves Christmas, sure, but the literal day after Halloween is NOT Christmas time. Slow your role, Glitter. I wrote about this last year, and I still believe it with all my heart. We still need to celebrate arguably the third most American holiday behind the Fourth of July and Flag Day… and that is Thanksgiving Day. A day to honor the pilgrims for trying to make good with the native Americans by breaking bread after shoving Eastern diseases down their throats. And I’ll be damned if Nick Cannon’s baby mama tries and overlooks this nation’s day for eating, watching football, taking forced tryptophan naps, and leaving family time early to get in line for unnecessary Black Friday Sales. I know as a ’90’s diva, you’re wired to make everything about yourself, but not this. Not today! Nobody wants to hear your high-pitched squeal before the Macy’s parade, let alone before Veterans Day. Support our troops, Mariah, by waiting your turn. Plus, the holidays aren’t easy for everyone. In fact, for some people, the holidays can be extremely difficult. Like anyone who is single and alone, anyone going through tough financial times, or anyone whose grandma got run over by a reindeer. Show a little consideration, Mariah!

The post NO, MARIAH CAREY! NOT NOW! YOU NEED TO WAIT! appeared first on Korked Bats.

Yesterday, on November 1st, Mariah Carey dropped the following video, officially announcing the start of Christmas season.

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A post shared by Mariah Carey (@mariahcarey)

Not today, Satan Mariah Carey!

It’s time for Thanksgiving to get its groove back. To get its month back. It’s like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are all siblings, and the middle child always gets neglected. It’s time we get back to giving Thanksgiving the respect it’s due. I mean, this is America, isn’t it? Why would we not count down the days and celebrate the absolute hell out of the one holiday that is all about food?! Sure, Christmas is commercialized which is why we go over the top with it, but why don’t we commercialize Turkey Day?! Where are our advent calendars and 12 days of Thanksgiving? Why don’t we debate if DIE HARD is a Thanksgiving movie? (I mean, technically it takes place at Christmas, but the movie originally came out in the summer… and if you split the difference? BOOM! Thanksgiving!) It’s time we give the gobble its due. If we’re going to murder countless turkeys every year the least we can do is celebrate them leading up to it while they’re still alive! All I’m saying is the native Americans and pilgrims didn’t die for this.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not some Ebineezer. I love Christmas. I love Christmas time. But I need some detox time after Halloween. I can’t go from watching Friday The 13th to celebrating December The 25th with a single ride on the Peloton, Mariah! And it’s not just the world’s biggest diva to blame. Some radio stations in Chicago are already flipping to Christmas music for the season. Are you kidding me?! It’s been in the 70’s this week. Forgive me for not wanting to jam out to White Christmas when I’m wearing shorts. There’s a time and a place for Christmas, and November is NOT it.

It used to be that Black Friday was actually on Friday and Christmas didn’t kick off until you saw Santa at the end of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. At what point do we say enough is enough? At what point do we not let our neighbor Christmas litter OUR yard with all of their kids’ toys? I say it’s right now. Let’s fight back for November. Now you might be saying: “Austin, didn’t you just yesterday rank November as the second most worthless month of the calendar year?” And to that I say………… Well, yes.

But still, that doeesn’t mean I don’t like Thanksgiving. So I will gladly join anyone else on the front lines in this war. It’s not a War on Christmas, like your aunt on Facebook likes to complain about every year. It’s a War FOR Thanksgiving. So Thanksgiving nation, let’s ride.

The post It’s Time To Give Thanksgiving Some Respect appeared first on Korked Bats.

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A post shared by ????Vanessa Hudgens???? (@vanessahudgens)

OKAY COLE TUCKER! I see you. I was fired up when the Pirates drafted him, mainly because of his hair. (I’ve learned to respect a nice head of lettuce any time I see one.)

I’m no investigator, but is that a RING on her finger? Is this a boyfriend SLASH fiancé post all wrapped into one??? لعبه القمار Is Cole the high school to her musical? I hope so, because it might be the only time a Pirate gets a ring in my life.

I do think it is entirely fitting that Cole is dating a girl from High School Musical considering he basically plays for a high school baseball team. The Pirates (and their payroll) are the laughing stock of the league. But the only person getting the last laugh (at least on Valentine’s Day) is Cole Tucker. بيت فاينل

But wait… there’s more!

Cole wasn’t the only Pittsburgh athlete to find love this Valentine’s Day. That’s right, Pittsburgh Steelers backup QB, fresh off of getting hit by his own helmet, got hit by Cupid’s arrow.

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A post shared by Mason Rudolph (@rudolph2mason)

I love seeing a good comeback story. Especially when it comes to Pittsburgh. It wasn’t too long ago that Mason’s head looked like this:

I won’t lie to you, I had to look up who Mason’s new Valentine was, Genie Bouchard. I’m feeling a little left out that I had no idea who she was and she has 2 million+ followers. Maybe I’m slowly becoming a boomer.

Again, I don’t profess to be some sort of investigator but let’s just say Mason’s relationship is under further review. At this time, the relationship still seems somewhat one-sided. While Mason was quick to announce that Genie was “My Valentine. ” to his 231,000 followers via Instagram, I took the liberty of digging a little deeper. And by digging a little deeper means I simply clicked on her page. No signs of life on her and Mason’s relationship. No Valentine post, no birthday post, nothing in sight.

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A post shared by Genie Bouchard (@geniebouchard)

OMG, is she embarrassed of Mason? كيف تربح المال من الانترنت مجاناً

I mean, again, I don’t blame her.

But this is getting extremely interesting. Based on my investigative research, this appears to be same swimsuit that Genie is wearing in Mason’s Valentine’s Day post. The only thing missing? Mason. Why doesn’t she want to profess her love to Mason? Is Mason riding the bench in their relationship? What a blow to the head for him. My heart goes out to him.

So there you have it, Valentine’s Day was good for at least 1 Pittsburgh athlete, and we are still reviewing the other. But honestly, these guys may not score on the field, but they sure as hell know how to score off the field. Hat’s off to you Cole Tucker and Mason Rudolph.

Just remember to say “I love yinz.”

The post It’s Been A Huge Week For Love And Pittsburgh Sports appeared first on Korked Bats.

Every year super lame people always debate whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Don’t get me wrong, this was a very funny debate, for like 2 or 3 years, but now that it’s gotten so mainstream and oversaturated. The basic of the basic claim Die Hard is their favorite Christmas movie. It’s a great movie, sure, but it’s time to move on from this overused argument/joke. Proponents for it will say the entire thing takes place at a Christmas party, and non-fun people will debate the original movie came out in theaters in July. But let’s figure out other movies we could debate are Christmas movies or not. Because, you know, there just hasn’t been enough for us to argue about in 2020.

I went ahead and ranked them too (based on both Christmas-ness and how much I like them), so that should give us all something else to argue about too.

10. Jumanji

Not that Kevin Hart, Dwayne Johnson crap that was an entirely different movie that they just named Jumanji for marketing and sales purposes. I’m talking the O.G. Jumanji with Robin Williams and David Alan Grier (shout DAG. Where the heck did he go?) Anyway, the entire final scene of this movie (spoiler) takes place at a Christmas party. Hell, Robin Williams is dressed as Santa! How much more proof do you need that Jumanji is a Christmas movie.

9. Toy Story

This counts. Toy Story is officially a Christmas movie.

8. Iron Man 3

Nobody ever throws in Iron Man 3 into their list of favorite Christmas movies. Sure, it’s the worst of the Iron Man trilogy, but it’s the best of the Christmas movie of the three – and you cannot argue that.

7. Zodiac

[pretend there’s a movie clip here, I couldn’t find one online]

If you make a list of movies, you always have to include a David Fincher movie in there. And Zodiac has a scene where they work on Christmas day in search of the Zodiac killer… sooooo… that counts.

6. The Godfather

This also counts. The Godfather is a Christmas movie too.

5. Cast Away

You can’t argue Cast Away isn’t a Christmas movie, because this movie starts off with Christmas. Plus, this movie gets bonus points for the Tennessee Titans shout-out at the end of the movie.

P.S. — Do you think Tom Hanks celebrated Christmas on the island? Like do you think even kept track of the days and months? I probably would’ve forgotten what day it was like three days in. Plus, if he did celebrate Christmas alone on the island, how would that look? Does he get gifts for Wilson? Make a big dinner? Whistle Christmas music to himself?

4. Jerry Maguire

Little known fact: the “you complete me/you had me at hello” scene takes place on Christmas Eve. Not enough people talk about that. Also, that scene also gets bonus points, because it takes place immediately after a Tom Cruise sprinting through the airport scene.

3. Catch Me If You Can

Merry Christmas, Carl. Merry Christmas, Frank. What is it with Tom Hanks and Christmas movies? This guy’s movies crack this list three times. Hot take: Tom Hanks has a bigger role in Christmas than Santa.

2. Edward Scissorhands

I’ve always considered this movie a Christmas classic. The whole movie is essentially about how it never snowed in that town before Edward Scissorhands showed up. Plus, like Tom Hanks, Tim Burton is a master of Christmas movies… Edward Scissorhands, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Batman Returns.

1. Lethal Weapon

Everyone loves to debate Die Hard, but what about Lethal Weapon? Like Die Hard, it’s an action packed cop movie that takes place around Christmas. Only the subtleties are much less subtle in this movie. Christmas is part of the overarching plot in Lethal Weapon. Thus making it more of a Christmas movie than Die Hard will ever be. Sorry, but dem’s fax.

The post Forget Die Hard, Here Are 10 Other Movies You Can Argue Are Christmas Classics appeared first on Korked Bats.

Every website and blog has a gift guide. In fact, it’s a federal law that if you own a blog, you are mandated to produce at least one (1) gift guide in the months of November and/or December.

So really, this is essentially me doing my blogger taxes right now. My due diligence. Because without bloggers’ gift guides, no one would know what to get their friends and family. And with Black Friday coming up, I figured I’d get this done early this year.

But since this is a sports and pop-culture blog, and since I am a man, I figured I’d give advice on what to get a guy for this upcoming holiday season. Hope this helps.

Lawn Mower 3.0 by MANSCAPED

Take a hike, John Deere. Kick rocks, Troy-Bilt. The only lawn mower I’m recommending to my readers is a lawn mower for your pubes. And this 3-generation razor from MANSCAPED, is literally the best razor I’ve ever owned. And I actually do own one.

Let’s be real. Unless you’re an I.G. model, you’re probably pretty hairy in your nether region. I’ll admit, hand raised there. But now that I have a Lawn Mower 3.0, this thing cut through my loin hairs the way Hexxus cut through the rain forest in FernGully.

The thing I love about this razor is how smooth it is. We all know that the skin on your balls is more sensitive than Tennessee Vols fans online, Ryan Fitzpatrick after losing his starting job to Tua, and/or Michael Jordan whenever anyone said they could beat him in anything. And the folks at MANSCAPED took that into consideration and developed SkinSafe technology which reduces painful nicks and tugs. It also helps make the entire operation a lot faster. What used to take an entire afternoon, now takes like 6 minutes. I timed it.

Now this may seem like it’s some sort of sponsored blog post. Like we have some sort of stake in whether or not MANSCAPED sells some of these Lawn Mower 3.0’s… Lol. And I can see where you might think that, but I assure you, it’s not. Because if it was, we’d say something like how it’s got the quietest and smoothest shave of any razor I’ve ever owned and it has an LED light attached to see in the cavernous region of your loins, it’s water proof so it works in the shower, and you could get 20% OFF **and** FREE SHIPPING if you enter promo code: KORKED or purchase any products through this link. But it’s not, so we won’t mention that.

A Peloton by Peloton

Remember this time last year when the worst thing in the world was a TV commercial that alluded to a wife being gifted a stationary bike and the pressure she probably felt to have to lose weight because her husband was the one who surprised her with it? Man. We were so naive. I would KILL for a dumb TV commercial to be the most controversial thing in our lives right now.

Anyway, I think 2020 has only helped Peloton. Everyone wants one now. We’ve been stuck at home. And with as bad as this year has been, no one holds those TV commercials against them anymore. The only problem is, these things are hella expensive. I’m talking HELLA expensive. So why not just shave your money (pun intended) and use it to buy something else that will help your physical appearance?

Something like the Performance Package by MANSCAPED. Unlike your man’s actual (and probably really hairy) package, this package will not disappoint. Inside, you’ll find:

• The Lawn Mower 3.0 waterproof trimmer featuring Advanced SkinSafe Technology
• Weed Whacker nose and ear hair trimmer 
• Crop Preserver ball deodorant
• Crop Reviver ball toner
• Magic Mat disposable shaving mats

Plus, it all comes in a sick leather tote bag that can double as a toiletry kit.

And again, I know that seems like it’s a sponsored message. But trust me, it’s not. Because if it was I would remind you to use this link or enter promo code KORKED at checkout for 20% OFF and FREE SHIPPING.

The Weed Whacker by MANSCAPED

Oh. Weird. Another MANSCAPED product. I promise you, that’s simply by chance. I guess they just make really great products. Their Weed Whacker ear and nose trimmer works wonders. The premium MANSCAPED Weed Whacker uses a 9,000 RPM motor-powered 360-degree rotary dual-blade system to help with this dilemma. But blah, blah, blah, amirite? Who cares about all those numbers and technical terms? The simple point here is it trims nose hair better than any trimmer I’ve ever used before. Don’t believe me? Just check my man Grit.

Look at how hairy that man is on the outside. So you can only assume how hairy he is on the inside. Or at least WAS. Because that Weed Whacker cleared his nostrils better than a Kleenex. You heard it yourself. That video sounded like the jaws of life cutting through a steel beam. Do I need any other sales pitch than that Weed Whacker somehow cutting through the bristles in Grit’s honker?

Playstation 5 by SONY

Lol, good luck finding one of these before the holiday season. They’re harder to get your hands on than a TurboMan doll.

One thing you’ll always be able to find, however, is The Shears 2.0. What is this? Well, MANSCAPED doesn’t just make tools for your family jewels, they also make tools for your cuticles and nails. Sorry, that second part didn’t rhyme.

This luxury 4-piece nail kit features tempered stainless steel tools, a magnetic closure with a laser engraved logo (fresh), slant tipped tweezers, rounded point scissors, fingernail clippers, a medium grit (shoutout again, Grit) nail file, and premium PU leather case. Plus you can get it all for much, much cheaper than a PS5 anyway. Especially with 20% OFF and FREE SHIPPING with the promo code KORKED or by using this link to shop.

A Sweater Vest

Lol, jk.

No dude wants a sweater vest. Get him something he’ll actually use. Like a some Crop Mop ball wipes from MANSCAPED.

I know it’s not ideal to talk about ball wipes, but sometimes life calls for honesty, and if we’re being honest, guy’s balls get really smelly. That’s where these guys come in. MANSCAPED has developed portable Ball + Butt + Body wet wipes to help your man conquer this issue. These refreshing moist (lol, sorry) ball wipes were specially designed for male hygiene and extra care for your intimate parts. They keep “the boys” clean and refreshed, while soothing Aloe Vera leaves skin smooth and balanced. These individually packaged wipes can be carried in your pocket or wallet. Great for daily use at work, at the gym, camping, while traveling, or anytime a shower is not available. Infused with cooling Aloe Vera, is Vegan and free of dyes so you know your man’s manhood is safe.

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Ok, before I end this blog, I have to come clean about something.

This gift guide actually was brought to you by MANSCAPED. And look, to continue my honesty, when they sent me some of their products, I was blown away by how well they worked. I’ve known about MANSCAPED for a few years now, and this year, I feel like I see them everywhere. I never really thought twice about people claiming how good their products are until I tried them. And then it was like, “Oh, ok. So THIS is what all those ads were talking about.” They really do specialize in this stuff, and it was so much easier trimming the ol’ pube forest with their Lawn Mower 3.0. Like SO MUCH EASIER. I wouldn’t be hocking products to our faithful KB audience if I didn’t 100% believe in the product.

Plus, if you just want to support what we at Korked Bats do this holiday season, the best way would be to support the companies who support us. So get 20% OFF and FREE SHIPPING on anything on their site with the promo code KORKED or by using this link to shop. Your balls will thank you.

Thanks to all of you. Have a happy holiday season.

P.S. – Here’s an unboxing video of the Performance Package that MANSCAPED sent us.

The post It’s Holiday Season, But More Importantly, It’s GIFT GUIDE SEASON! Here’s What To Get A Guy appeared first on Korked Bats.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Sports Valentine’s Day Cards appeared first on Korked Bats.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post PICTURE: Last Minute Halloween Costume For Red Sox Fans appeared first on Korked Bats.

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Too soon?

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“Gimme a break! Gimme a break!”

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They’ll give 100 Grand to just about anyone. Although, when all is said and done, they’re usually stuck eating it.

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The Chiefs have plenty cupcakes. Just look at their schedule. Or just look in Andy Reid’s pantry.

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Head injuries.

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He only has “Fun Size,” and he can only give one.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post What Athletes Give Out For Halloween appeared first on Korked Bats.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

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