Calling all Tanner’s, Ethan’s, Brett’s, and Connor’s who played on their Sigma Delta Epsilon’s intermural team. Today is your day.

Time to start training again, because the Olympics are adding the only thing (aside from drinking) you’ve ever been good at… flag football.

Dust off those Nike Vapor 3’s, grab those unnecessary sweatbands, and don’t forget the gloves you got hooked up with from your buddy who works for your school’s football equipment department, because you can now compete for your country the same way you competed for your frat. Now look, did I read this news and immediately believe I’ve finally found an Olympic sport I’d be able to medal in? You bet your semi-deflated and overly-tackified Wilson football I did. I haven’t played flag football in probably 4 or 5 years and yet, here I am with an unwarranted confidence that I would Michael Phelps this sport. Flag football was my jam back in the day (emphasis on back, which I have thrown out twice in the last two years). Not to be that guy who peaked in high school and still rocks his letterman jacket, but one semester in college, I led Mizzou in defensive interceptions. In fact, here’s me dusting some dude for a tuddy:

Not to brag.

And here’s me returning a punt for a big gain. Ball security, schmall schmecurity is what I always say. (Mainly because if you fumble in flag, the ball is dead anyway.)

You want some more pics?

Look, did I write this blog solely to brag about my flag football playing ability? No. Ok, yes. But is it incredibly douchey to share pics of yourself playing flag football? Also yes. But you have to have a little douchiness in you to play flag. It’s a rule. Right up there with flag guarding. I’m just excited for this Olympic sport. Mainly because it’s another guaranteed gold for the US of A. And because, if I start training now…. ya never know?

Ok, we do know. But still. A guy can dream.

The post Calling All Intermural Bros, The Olympics Are Adding Flag Football appeared first on Korked Bats.

Look I respect the hustle, quite literally. I just don’t think Christina Clemons made the right choice in earrings.

Before I go any further, I’ve gotta get something off my chest, this has been my first blog in a while. I’m here to tell you that *Keanu Reaves voice* Yeah, I’m thinking I’m back. And it feels GREAT.

I totally understand that the earrings match her outfit and nails (looks great) but I don’t understand people that prefer Cool Ranch over Nacho Cheese Doritos.

Nacho Cheese Doritos are inherently superior to Cool Ranch. Not only are they more delicious, they’re veterans in this game. After some diligent research (Google), I found that Doritos were first debuted in 1974. Nacho Cheese Doritos are only 3 years older than Tom Brady. Of course, we all know Tom Brady is 43 (soon to be 44), so Doritos have nearly been around for 50 years.

Meanwhile, Cool Ranch Doritos made their debut in 1986. Not a single quarterback born in 1986 is still playing in the NFL today. Do you get my point? You need a veteran in this game.

So I’m sorry Christina Clemons your earrings are “cool” (I’m so sorry for that) but it wouldn’t have been my first choice.

Nacho Cheese is far superior to Cool Ranch. I’m sorry that’s the only right answer.

The post Female Sprinter Qualified For The Olympics Wearing Cool Ranch Dorito Earrings, But Nacho Cheese Doritos Are Better appeared first on Korked Bats.

Earlier this week, the International Olympic Committee approved breakdancing as an Olympic sport for the 2024 Olympic Games in Paris. So naturally, it’s subject of my THINGS I LIKE video this week. Now, as a suburban white kid growing up, you’d think I’d know everything about breakdancing, but actually, I don’t. العاب بلاك جاك But that’s not going to stop me from enjoying the hell out of this new sport. ماكينة القمار Give me all the dancers, all the flips, all the spins, and all the kick things they do. تعليم القمار

Also, come for the take on breakdancing, but stay for the Cuba Gooding Jr. cameo.

To watch more THINGS I LIKE (This Week) videos, click here.

The post THINGS I LIKE (This Week): Breakdancing In The Olympics appeared first on Korked Bats.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post 7 Potential Boston Olympics Logos appeared first on Korked Bats.

The best way to describe curling:

In Sochi Russia, camera take picture with you:

Remember that night Bob Costas gave us his best Stuart Scott impression:

But then we realized… He might have pink eye:

Either that or he’s been sent here from the future to kill Sarah Connor:

But it was cool, because his eyes looked a lot better by Valentine’s Day:

The Sochi Games proved to us that the Olympics are really, really hard:

For those wondering where Macaulay Culkin has been since Home Alone, apparently, he was training to become an Olympic figure skater:

Heh… heh… She has a mic for each boob:

That fifth ring is actually an asterisk, to remind us to never let Russia host the Olympics ever again:

But then when Russia made fun of themselves in the closing ceremonies, we changed our minds:

Here is a shot of the audience from Sochi’s Opening Ceremonies:

Remember when the US Women’s Hockey Team was this close to winning the gold:

The Closing Ceremonies did a great job of reminding us that the Olympics gathers the world’s stiffest competition:

On some days, it got really warm in Sochi. Like, really really warm:

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Best Pictures From The 2014 Olympics appeared first on Korked Bats.

Speed skating was a lot better when it was on N64.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post If Olympic Speed Skating Was Mario Kart [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

Unfortunately, she only took one photo since she couldn’t find the cloth to get underneath or the lightbulb to change out after each flash.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post PICTURE: Grandma Doesn’t Know How To Use A Camera appeared first on Korked Bats.

To put this Olympics into Star Wars perspective, so far, Sochi has been the Jar Jar Binks of Winter Olympic destinations.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Star Wars Makes The Winter Olympics More Exciting [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

Ok, this didn’t help at all. Sorry.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post A Helpful Guide To Curling appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Winter Olympics are great. Like when you’re home doing chores and you need background noise, the Winter Olympics provide just that. It’s just difficult for the everyday person to get totally invested in the Winter Olympics since none of the events are relatable. I mean, one of the top events is Ice Dancing. Aside from the few seconds before you hit the ground after slipping on a patch of ice, none of us have ever ice danced.

That’s why we suggest the Winter Olympics unveil some more realistic events in which all of us can relate.

If you have any to add, comment below or tweet them to us: @korkedbats

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Realistic Winter Olympic Events appeared first on Korked Bats.