Aside from that, today might be the dumbest day on the NFL calendar. Look, I don’t hate football. I love football. But putting dates in a day planner isn’t football. So apologies if the schedule release does not give me one. The only thing I care to find out is when the Titans are coming to Chicago to play the Bears. Please don’t be in the cold months (which in Chicago, is after September).

The post Are We Really Supposed To Be Excited About A Damn Schedule Release? appeared first on Korked Bats.

If you’re a Titans fan, you probably watch that clip and immediately get steam blowing out your ears like an old Looney Tunes cartoon. If you were on MTV’s Boiling Points, this would be the moment you miss out on winning the $100 cash. And look, I get it. Trust me, I do. But you shouldn’t care, at all. At least not right now.

It’s ironic how there’s literally an iconic Disney movie about football called Remember The Titans, and yet, no one seems to do so. Not even the damn league itself.

But if you’ve been a Titans fan for more than 15 minutes, then you probably know this about our team. We get less love than Meg Griffin. And having worked in national sports talk radio (not to brag), I get it. The Titans don’t really move the needle nationally. It’s still a relatively new fan base in a market that doesn’t even crack the top 20. Sure, Nashville itself has exploded into an “it” city, but the Titans didn’t follow suit (aside from an AFC Championship berth in January 2020). The city blew up when this franchise was at it’s lowest. Just take my word for it. Don’t make me bring back up names like Jake Locker, Blidi Wreh-Wilson, or Bishop Sankey. The timing has just never played into this team’s favor.

Plus, the national media has no idea what the Titans are doing as a franchise, nor do they care to find out. There are 31 other professional teams that (to them) move the needle more (except maybe the Panthers). Mike Vrabel had early success, which national media remembers. They also remember him hoisting Lombardis as a Patriots captain. So they think extremely favorably of him. So many in the national media saw the Titans can Vrabes this past January and think that a franchise that had already traded AJ Brown on Draft night 2022, fired their GM who was responsible for that decision months later, and then can Vrabel this past January. They don’t see the progressive steps taken by a franchise that was heading south quickly. They see dysfunction. And I get it. If I wasn’t inundated with the Titans on a daily basis (like most of America), I wouldn’t get the moves either. Because most people don’t know Mike Vrabel went 6-18 over his final season and a half. Most people don’t remember that a Vrabel-coached team produced one of the most historic collapses in NFL history by blowing a 4-game division lead with 7 games to play by failing to win a single game in that stretch. All the national media (and thus the rest of the nation) remembers is Vrabel out-smarting Belichick on a nationally televised Wild Card game, and then going into Baltimore the very next week and taking down the #1 seed in the AFC, and hoisting Lombardis as a Patriots captain.

TL;DR – The national media doesn’t care enough about the Titans to follow them.

But in the national media’s defense, can you blame them? Again, the Titans have won 6 of their last 24 games, with only one of those games on primetime national TV (not counting their three Thursday night games – the Titans are perpetually the Thursday Night Football house band). What is there to talk about? Derrick Henry? Because now even he’s gone. We all know the NFL is a what have you done for me lately league, and the Titans have done jack. On the flip side, that’s exactly why the Texans have gotten so much hype. And frankly, they should get hype. Hell, I gave an entire take on just that. If you’re an NFL fan, you should be spending this offseason hyping the hell out of the Texans.

The Titans haven’t proven anything. And with an entirely new coaching staff and rebuilt offense, no one is going to go on a limb and pick the Titans. Not in a division with both CJ Stroud and Trevor Lawrence, who have both won a playoff game each since the Titans 6-18 skid started. But even the steam on the Jags has died down tremendously because of the disappointing year they just put together. The national media, especially sports talk radio, is reactionary. It’s not predictive. They get paid for explaining the market, not predicting it. And no one is picking the Titans to do anything based on what we’ve seen recently. If the rest of the country is Logan Roy, they view the Titans as the Connor Roy of the AFC South. And unless they win the presidency, they’re probably not getting the company (or anything) from dad.

The good news for Titans fans: we’re used to this role. Frankly, I LOVE this role. If the Titans end up sucking, so what? Everyone was expecting it anyway. But if they are good? Then the national media gets whiplash when turning their heads to watch the Titans. And we all love seeing other people in neck braces, right?

The post The National Media Does Not Care About The Titans, And That’s OK… (For Right Now) appeared first on Korked Bats.

I feel like I should address up front that I am, by no means, a Cardinals fan. I’m sorry. I just don’t own any jorts. But if I was a Cardinals fan, I’d be pissed. Cardinals fans should forget the red birds. You should have red asses right now. Whenever you look at that finely dressed John Mozeliak, you should feel like Jesse Pinkman.

Aside from Kyle Gibson (the greatest pitcher in baseball history) and Sonny Gray, this team has not improved this offseason. Not only has Mo has missed on nearly every trade he’s made over the last decade (shout out, Randy Arozorena!), he’s also missed on every signing this offseason, but I can all but assure you he’s yet to miss an online sale at BrooksBrothers.com.

And this latest signing might as well be a slap to every Cardinals fan’s face.

Matt Carpenter –who last season’s best team in baseball Atlanta Braves said wasn’t good enough to be on their roster for more than a few days– is back with the birds on the bat. The hell?! Why?! Guess that .322 OBP was just too hard to pass up for Mo. I know from experience that the summers under the arch can get hot. I assume Carp fanning at pitches we’ll help cool things down. Then the Cardinals can save on in-stadium A/C, and if there’s one thing we know the Cardinals like to be, it’s save their stacks and stacks of cash. Just because birds say cheap, doesn’t mean you have to claim it too.

Personally, I thought the Cardinals were only supposed to parade old Cardinal greats on Opening Day, but now they’re doing it for 81 home games every year. Two years ago with Yadi and Pujols. Last year with Waino. And now this year with Carp and *checks notes* Lance Lynn?! Excuse me while I dry heave real quick. What’s on deck for next year, Mo? Gonna wait for Kolten Wong’s batting average to dip another .100 points before bringing him home? Maybe try kicking the tires on Lance Berkman again. Can’t wait to see The Rally Squirrel playing left and batting sixth next year.

The Cardinals front office is full of rednecks. That’s not a derogatory knock on social class, either. They have red necks because they’re perpetually creased from constantly looking back at the past. Remember 2011? David Freese! Remember? Do you remember? That old lady from Titanic remembers passionate in-car lovemaking from 84 years ago more vividly than we can remember when this franchise was a force in Major League Baseball. And if you’re a Cardinals fan getting offended by these words, you’re part of the problem. You’re getting mad at the wrong person. Don’t hate the blogger, hate the bowtie. He’s the one who rolls out the same product every year and expects 2011 results. And Mr. DeWitt lets him. Why? Because you keep buying tickets. And merch. And jorts.

The Cardinals may not have made the playoffs, but at least they made bank. How do I know? Cardinals president Bill Dewitt III isn’t really coy about where their priorities lie.

The fact that he is bragging about ticket sales in the offseason following their worst season since Todd Zeile was on the roster should tell you all you need to know. If this organization truly was all about winning, the way they used to be, they’d show it in every facet that they do business and they would not be pleased, with anything, until another Commissioners Trophy (or ‘piece of metal’ as the actual commissioner calls it) is hoisted in the 314. It’s just wild to me that on a week when the Cowboys brought back Mike McCarthy after a third straight disappointing year, the Cardinals one-upped them by bringing back Mo for another disappointing offseason. But hey, at least Mike McCarthy’s teams still make the playoffs.

The post If I Was A Cardinals Fan, I’d Be Pissed appeared first on Korked Bats.

Look, if I have to be the one to say it, then I’ll say it.

Enough with Donna Kelce.

Say what you will about all of us drinking from the fire hose of content surrounding Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, coming only a mere months after getting sprayed by the fire hose of content surrounding the Kelce brothers playing in the Super Bowl, which is where this lore of Mama Kelce spawned, but after this past Sunday, I am officially out on Donna.

Ma Donna has reached levels of fame without any discernable talent (aside from being related to an athlete) to the point where she has me wondering if she’s actually a Kardashian. A Keldashian, if you will. And now she’s being talked about everywhere as if she’s dating Pete Davidson – which let’s just give that some time. And it’s only gotten worse since her son started “dating” Tay Tay. Between cozying up next to Jake From State Farm to rocking her New Heights podcast hat in the Swiftie suite, she’s become nothing more than a walking billboard. NASCAR drivers don’t hock as many products as Donna.

And the thing is, she’s not even an entertaining (or annoying) athlete parent. My old boss Jim Rome always says “give me an A or give me an F.” Be awesome or be terrible. Celion Dion or William Hung. Succession or Big Bang Theory (shout out to all of my fellow #AntiBangGang members). Donna is neither. She’s not an annoying lightning rod subject like Lavar Ball. And she certainly can’t sell anyone a can of Campbell’s CHUNKY quite like Donovan McNabb’s mama. She’s just mid, at best. Her only discernible skill is that she gave birth twice. My wife is about to pop out our second. Any chance we could get her an interview on The Rich Eisen Show or a cameo in a beer commercial? Look, it’s bad enough we have to see Travis Kelce at every corner based on his publicity stunt, I mean relationship, with the queen Taylor Swift. Outside of Elon Musk’s desperate pursuit of relevance, it’s been the year of Travis Kelce. He’s been the only thing more popular than the Grimace Shake. I’ve seen more of the Chiefs’ tight end this year than I have my own family. And I don’t even have some Aaron Rodgers relationship with them. And speaking of family, we don’t have to be inundated with Travis’s. Unless she starts catching touchdown passes on post patterns from Patrick Mahomes, let’s heed the words of Ron Burgundy himself and “leave the mothers out of this.”

The post I’ll Say It If No One Else Will: Enough of Donna Kelce appeared first on Korked Bats.

The greatest gymnasts in the world can’t walk around with their foot in their mouth with as much as ease as that doofus Rob Manfred can. How can this guy be so bad at P.R.? If he’s not downplaying the World Series trophy (a trophy that’s literally named the Commissioner’s Trophy) as a “piece of metal” or publicly chastising his league’s players during a lockout (not a strike) started by the league’s owners, then he’s crapping on an entire market – one of only thirty in the Major Leagues – for actually supporting their team in the wake of one of the worst things a fan base can endure. What a – and I cannot stress this enough – tool. To give a sarcastic answer like that, basically spitting in the face of every A’s fan, how is this man allowed to be in charge of baseball? Having him as commissioner would be like hiring Cruella de Vil to run a canine adoption clinic.

A’s fans are down so bad right now, and in a last-ditch effort to try and save their team from their insatiably greedy overlords who “own” their team, they get kicked while they’re down by the one man who should be at very least pretending he’s got the fans’ best interest in heart. And sure, ol’ Madonna Mouth works for the owners, so he needs to protect their best interests at heart. I understand the role of a commissioner. But there’s a way to do it without making a public ass of yourself at every waking moment. Now, you may not be invested in this entire A’s relocation saga, but don’t worry. Whenever your favorite team is tied up in anything similar, you can rest assured the commissioner of the sport will unzip his pants and take a big ol’ dump all over your fanbase. The only people not rooting for the A’s to stay in Oakland are A’s ownership, the people of Las Vegas (except the ones who are still hungover from the Cup Final), and that gap-toothed doofus who commissions the sport, apparently. He remains the absolute worst. Get a clue, Manfred. Then get braces.

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The post In Case Anyone Forgot, Rob Manfred Is Here To Remind You That He Is, Indeed, The Worst appeared first on Korked Bats.

Yeah, no.

What the hell is this?

We just want some affordable out-of-market football, not guac added to our burrito bowl. Why you gotta make this so much more expensive than DirecTV?

Are you not making enough money from the :15 second ads I have to sit through before watching a compilation video of every f-bomb in Succession? Are times tight for the second most visited website (and now 5th biggest cable company) in the world? Bad enough you sponsor every major sport’s championship making commentators add the “NBA Finals presented by YouTube TV” and/or the “World Series powered by YouTube TV,” but now you’re going to charge us almost as much as a carton of eggs for some football? Pretty sure football is the country’s new pastime. How are we supposed to pass the time when we can’t even afford it?

Plus, this price doesn’t even offer you EVERY NFL game. You still need…

And don’t even hit me with that “It’s only $100 per month!” crap. Anyone coming to the defense of this can go ahead and punch yourself in the nose. Lemme guess, you stick up for big oil when gas prices rise. “Exxon Mobil has to cover their ass for the rising cost of gas barrels!” I bet you LOVE that a large soda and popcorn is only a dollar more than the $15 medium soda and popcorn at the movies. “It’s an economically sound business model if we’re being honest!” Hell, I’d be willing to bet you rooted on Martin Shkreli when he jacked up the price for pharmaceuticals 5000%. “It’s the golden rule! He who has the gold, makes the rules!” And don’t tell me these companies “have to raise their rates to keep with modern inflation rates.” First off, you’re a nerd. Second, Costco hasn’t raised the prices of their hot dog since F.D.R. was president and I’m pretty sure they’re not exactly hurting for business. Their lines on Saturdays will back me up. So screw YouTube TV and their big tech price jack. Bad enough that we have to pay for Twitter just to post long videos. Now this other social media turned cable company is making us take out a second mortgage to watch out-of-market football games? And this is AFTER they announced YouTube TV subscribers are getting a 12% price increase on their bill this year. Here’s a thought, big tech. Maybe don’t offer gourmet avocado toast to your employees in your company cafeteria every morning and that should allow you to hit us with some Costco hot dog prices.

Look, maybe we were too quick to rue DirecTV. Sure, they’ve held that Sunday Ticket monopoly since 1994. But we drove out that mom and pop for this new Wal-Mart, and suddenly the lyrics to that Counting Crows cover make so much more sense now. They truly did pave paradise and put up a parking lot. A parking lot that costs nearly $500 to park at.

DirecTV, we miss you.

(Oh, and enjoy the ads before this :11-second video!)

The post YouTube Unveiled Their Prices for NFL Sunday Ticket And You Can’t Even Afford To Look At Them appeared first on Korked Bats.

This original take came in a throwaway line on The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz by Chris Wittyngham before he became Quittyngham. And I felt like I needed to expound upon this take (that I doubt he even considered to be a take, more than just an outward thought). If we at Korked Bats ever start a company softball team, you better believe we’re naming ourselves the Vampires. For two reasons: 1. more teams need to be named the Vampires (*Stugotz voice* “THE VAMPS!”). And 2. Bats is in our name, so I feel like it’s only fitting. But anyway, here’s my argument for the mythical parasitical creature becoming a lovable team mascot…

Hello, Lads. More teams need to be nicknamed the Vampires

Let me start my argument with a simple question: Where would you rather go to college? At a university referred to as a Cardinal, where their mascot is a dumb – and creepy AF – tree, or where the mascot is a bloodsucking Don Juan with a widow’s peak? At a school of higher learning, would you rather rah rah for a human with a buckeye for a head, or root root for a fair-skinned, fanged, Animorphable bat? Would you rather cheer for an ominous red blob from the hills of western Kentucky or pull for a monster so terrifying it was the main star of four Y.A. novels written by author Stephanie Meyer, and later adapted into five full-length feature films starring Robert Pattinson?! OH HELL YEAH, amirite?! Actually, don’t answer that because Big Red is a dope ass mascot. Whatever the hell it is. But still. Vampires are doper than 99. Plus, like Aubrey Plaza, Vampires are having a moment. You check the trailer for that new Nic Cage movie?

And if we want to talk about their place in current popular culture, well, sorry Bruce Wayne, but vampires were the original Batman. And technically Batman was originally a vampire.

Like how are we gifting professional franchises the team nickname of KRAKEN before VAMPIRES? And it’s not just hockey. What about the JAZZ or the BROWNS? THE FREAKIN BROWNS?! Hell, that franchise already sucks the life out of 70,000 fans every Sunday. The rebrand there would be perfect. Hell, if we should expect any league to make this jump, we should be pleading with the NBA. They change mascots all the time and have dumb ones like Wizards. So surely one of their franchise will drive a stake through their own heart and roll with the Vamps instead. Here, I went ahead and mocked up a logo for you.

Did I just recycle the 76ers dribbling Benny Frank logo? Ok, maybe. But this is just a concept. If you want a truly original logo, here’s another completely unique logo I just whipped up on a whim.

Look, all I’m saying is: Vampires. Professional, collegiate, or our own company softball mascot. Collision course. The funniest thing to do would be to make a Vampire the mascot of a team with a different team nickname. If the Titans mascot can be a damn raccoon or the Chiefs mascot can be a wolf who robs banks, I’m pretty sure the Steelers could trade in Steely McBeam for Vampy McScream. Braves? Your mascot is a… well, we don’t even know what the hell Bloopy is. So why not exchange him out for a Hell, Dolphins, you should make your costumed mascot a blood-thirsty beautillion. Why? Why the hell not? And speaking of hell. Art Briles.

Cheers, Witty.

The post More Teams Should Be Nicknamed The ‘Vampires’ appeared first on Korked Bats.

If you’ve clicked on this blog, I’ve already got you further than I expected. For whatever reason, the XFL hasn’t jumped out to solid ratings like it did in its last two iterations. But I’m here to tell you, it should. Because what the XFL is doing now is what the NFL will (and should) be doing in a few years.

Korked Bats hyping the XFL isn’t anything new. We were big on the XFL 2.0 just three years ago (shout-out to that engaged couple, hope their relationship lasted longer than the league). Hell, personally I’ve been in on the league since XFL 1.0 (shout-out Tommy Maddox). I might be the only person you know who played XFL Fantasy. I was certainly not the He in He Hate Me, because I Loved Him and everything about the XFL. It also helped that first iteration of the league launched at the height of my Attitude Era love for the WWE.

And look, my love for the XFL wasn’t just rubbed off adoration from my passion for watching Mankind, D-Generation X, and Sable (hubba, hubba). Sure it may have started there, but by actually watching the sport, I noticed they did so many things different from the boring and safe NFL. And many of the things they introduced in their first broadcasts are now mainstays in NFL broadcasts today.

The XFL gave us:

• the first ever skycam
• cameramen walking on the field for the first time
• in-game interviews
• football in both Los Angeles and Vegas

And now they’re continuing their innovation with things that would be unheard of in NFL broadcasts… at least for now. Like in-game interviews with players and coaches, mic’d up players AND coordinators, scorebugs that provide betting lines, and most importantly, full transparency into their replay booth.

Titans fans sure would appreciate this after the non-fumble fumble by Josh Dobbs that cost them a division title. No way they reviewed such a pivotal play in such short amount of time. PEOPLE DON’T FORGET, ROGER! But I digress.

Plus, I don’t know if you know this, but the X in XFL stands for X-treme. Which is exactly what this league is. I mean, AJ McCarron and Ben DiNucci squaring off in a Week 2 Thursday Night matchup? NOTHING SCREAMS X-TREME QUITE LIKE THE NOOCH! A game in which, I watched. And let me tell you, it was fun as hell. I’ve never done cocaine, but I no longer need to after last night. It was like snorting a bump while watching a Jet Li movie and listening to The Chemical Brothers. The most fun I’ve had watching a Thursday Night football game since the Titans and Jaguars rocked Color Rush Unis wearing baby blue and baby poop.

Why do I keep referencing the Titans and Jaguars in this XFL blog? Well, I think that kinda answers itself. But the XFL game I watched last night was hella fun, and with the XFL’s scoring system – going for your choice of 1, 2, OR THREE (!) after touchdowns – makes fewer games out of reach in the closing minutes. Just ask the St. Louis Battlehawks (KaKaw!). They trailed 15-3 with 90 seconds left in Week 1. And they won that game. Without Patrick Mahomes, either. Imagine the rush you felt watching that Bills-Chiefs Divisional Round game from last year, and just mix in AJ McCarron. Oh hell yeah. I can already feel your veins pulsating. And in last night’s AJ McCarron special, there were like 3 lead changes in the final 7 minutes too. CHOP IT UP ONTO A MIRROR!

And look, I know… The XFL, in its first week, did not do well in the ratings department. Leading many to dawg on it and not give it a chance. Popular opinion still plays in people’s TV choices. But trust me, the XFL is worth the watch. When football went away after the Super Bowl, we all got sad. Our football high was gone. And here the XFL is offering us not just a needle, but a rubberband to tie our arm with. And you wanna turn them down? Why? One… Is this or is this not the XFL? Yes, it is. Two… Do you or do you not currently have a pulse? Yes, you do. Let’s watch some XFL.

The post The XFL Is Actually Fun, You Guys appeared first on Korked Bats.

Before I get into this, I just have to give credit to Peyton in Minnesota for calling into the Say Anything segment on Kyle Brandt’s Basement to point this fact out. But Carl Cheffers is psychotic. And not just for the number of penalty flags he throws per 60-minute football game, but rather for how he holds up the number 3 on his hand.

Look at this photograph. Every time I do it makes me laugh.

Who in their right mind signals the number three like that? WTF?! Is Carl some sort of frat bro who still giggles at the shocker? Is he an ASU alum and this is nod to the forks up? Who taught him to count like that? Jason Pierre-Paul? He looks like he’s doing ASL for jibberish. Why does the NFL allow this man to call games with these kinds of antics? It isn’t normal. In fact, it’s downright disgusting to say the least.

Luckily for us, he doesn’t go all Principal Richard Vernon’s bull horns when he signals two. He does his two’s like a normal person.

And thank the Lord he doesn’t hit us with an awkward one.

Look, I don’t know if this is enough to get a man banned for life from ever calling a football game ever again (it should), but at very least his performance should, right? I don’t want to see more flags during the game than we will during Rihanna’s halftime. And I know Chiefs fans agree…

Cheffers was the referee of Super Bowl LV, which was his second Super Bowl assignment as a referee. The eight penalties and 95 yards enforced against Kansas City, in the first half, were both NFL records for a Super Bowl. The first half penalties resulted in six first downs for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers which was also an NFL record.

The post Carl Cheffers Shouldn’t Be Calling The Super Bowl Based On How He Hand Signals The Number 3 appeared first on Korked Bats.

OK, you can only write with ONE type of pen for the rest of your life, which one are you picking? (ignoring the ink color) pic.twitter.com/vHhvfYQXxv

— 𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨 𝙂𝙧𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙚 (@Chris_Grosse) January 25, 2023

Let me start by saying, I’m not picking #7. Good Lord, I’d have to be a serial killer to do so. And I haven’t killed enough people yet to be considered serial. However, I do think the vitriol surrounding #7 has been a little much.

Is #7 the best pen on there? Not at all. Far from it. But it’s not the Mr. Irrelevant in this draft either. (That would clearly go to #6) #7 has fair qualities. For one, everytime you pick up a #7, you know there’s going to be ink in it. That might be because people are choosing literally every other pen in the drawer before that one, but still, it always has ink. I’ll admit, at first, I was anti-#7. But after thinking about it more, I felt like that S.O.B. was reliable. And it never breaks, so it’s durable. And then I went on to give it an NFL comparison.

Plus, to add to Paully’s point, that’s the only pen in the bunch that can be used to kill your teacher who’s actually an alien just like Josh Hartnett did to John Stewart in The Faculty.

Speaking of that movie, if you’re a deadbeat drug addict like Josh Hartnett’s character, Zeke, #7 is the only pen you can use to store coke in. So that’s something to consider as well.

At the end of the day, #7 is water. While it may be more fun to pick a soda or sexier to pick a cocktail, #7 will always keep you hydrated.

So with all that said, I grew up on #1 and #4, so I’m choosing one of those.

The post In Defense Of #7 From That Viral ‘Pick Your Favorite Pen’ Meme appeared first on Korked Bats.