For the first time ever, the World Cup will be entertaining the masses over the holidays. For the first time in 8 years, the United States Men’s National Team will be participating in the World Cup. Every time the competition comes around, I get super hyped for soccer. Look, I’m going to continue to call it “soccer” to avoid any confusion. I mean no offense. It’s just…most of us think of something different when we hear “football.” Why did I put “European Football” in the headline then, you may be wondering. I was being polite. I didn’t want to start this on the wrong foot. No pun intended. But, I digress…

It’s been 8 years since we’ve been able to root for our country in the FIFA World Cup. 8 long years since we all believed that we will win. We believed that they will win. Watching that team was exciting until the bitter bitter end against Belgium. For the first time since the last World Cup, I was interested in the sport. Like…real interested! I was watching all of the games, learning tactics, and finding out about individual players. 2014 was a nice introduction for me, as a sports fan to the game. My interest went further than just watching the games on TV, I started playing FIFA on Xbox, as well. Crazy fun game. Even for the casual fan. My interest in the sport was so high that if I were a more athletic person, I would have joined a local club. Soon after, my interest began to fade as it wasn’t on TV all the time. I got swept into other activities like work and failed relationships. It wasn’t long until soccer was a forgotten interest of mine. Football, baseball, and basketball were all able to fill the void. Then in 2018, the United States didn’t qualify for the World Cup. Ouch. I didn’t have as much interest in watching the games, er matches, sorry, without my team being involved. I paid next to no attention, and haven’t really since.

Now, with the World Cup coming back, and the United States Men’s Team playing in it, I’m ready to get interested and invested again. These games are going to be starting up in November meaning we will get matches on Thanksgiving Day and more. That’s going to be some quality couch time. It’ll be getting cold, soup or chili will be in the Crock Pot, and sports on TV. Mmm I can feel it now. However, this time around I want my interest to go beyond the World Cup. I want to still pay attention to the sport after the trophy is hoisted and everybody has left Qatar.

I always think it’s cool to see my friends and follows on Twitter rooting for some European professional team. I have friends cheering for Arsenal, some supporting Liverpool, Tottenham, Man U, Man City, PSG, Barcelona, Real Madrid, they seem to have a ton of teams covered. I always wonder how they became fans of these teams, with none being local ties or anything like that. I never ask because I feel like it could be a stupid question, and I don’t want to talk to people, so I leave it be. Now, I’m feeling vulnerable and ready to get real. I want to find a European team to root for, but I have no idea how to pick a team. Here are some ideas I had, while avoiding asking anyone how to go about picking a team. Maybe one of these will work? Is this how they pick their teams?

Watch Games And Find A Team I Like

Well, this seems obvious but is probably the best way to find a team to root for. A little bit of trial and error. I could buy the package on TV, I think NBC Sports has some sort of deal. I could wake up at 6am for the matches and find a team that excites me. Maybe one that plays the sort of game I like. Heavy on the offense, lots of finesse and flash? Who will show me that.

The problem with this? Ain’t nobody got. time for that! I’m the least patient person you will ever meet. I don’t want to do real research or put in a lot of effort in finding a team. Can’t there just be some sort of BuzzFeed Quiz to tell me what team I should root for? Oh, there is? I should try that, I suppose…

Find A Player You Like

This seems like a logical way to find a team. I can watch the World Cup, find a player I really like and then I will support the club they play for! Unfortunately, not a lot of US players play over in Europe for prominent teams. So, I’m sure I’ll be interested in Christian Pulisic, the current US star. That would make me a Chelsea fan. Okay, they are good and get international attention. Being a moderate fan of the sport, I’ve at least heard of them. I know they’ve won a championship recently. I could be on board for that.

The problem with picking a team based on a player, however, is that players can change teams…and often do. I don’t want to support a player, I want to support a team. I want a club I can get behind through thick and thin. So, I don’t think this theory will work for me. I’m sorry.

Pick Based On Kit Color

Not a bad idea. I have to imagine that this isn’t the way people pick their teams, as cute of an option as it may be. After a quick look through, I don’t love what I’m seeing. Pretty much anywhere. I guess Bournemouth has some pretty cool ones? Even that is a stretch. Why don’t they have cool looking jerseys? What are these half collar things? Half of the kits seem to resemble the attire of referees. Is that part of the strategy? Is that intentional? It has to be. Picking a favorite kit is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I don’t think this will be the way I pick my team.

Hit The Random Team Button On FIFA

Go into Exhibition Mode and hit the randomize team button three times (I think it’s X on Xbox?) then pick your team out of the three teams provided. A little randomness, a little control. Really would make things interesting. High risk, high reward. I could be into this. Better than the option of having to watch all the games…

Support A Friend And Ride With Their Team

This would be awesome, but I have to come clean about something. I know earlier I mentioned seeing my friends and follows Tweeting about teams that they support, but I wasn’t telling the full truth. It’s just my random follows and celebrities I see posting about their teams on social media. I don’t have any friends. There’s nobody I’m close with who I could ask if I could become their partner in rooting for Team X. I can’t just ask LeBron if I can join him in supporting Liverpool. We aren’t in touch any more. I suppose I could find a celebrity I like and then support the team they support? That’s kind of the same thing. Okay, now who’s a celebrity that I like…hmm…shoot. Okay maybe this isn’t the best option for someone who doesn’t like most people. Does Larry David root for a team? No, but I guess there is a coach out there who resembles the comedian?

So, even if all of my favorite celebs aren’t interested in the sport, I’m sure there are some out there who I can tolerate or pretend to be interested in enough to side with. Snoop supports Burnley. That seems oddly fitting, cannot be a coincidence. Margot Robbie is a Fulham fan. She looks good in their colors. Adele roots for Tottenham Hotspur, so does Adam Richman from Man v Food. The late great Kobe Bryant was a Barcelona fan. America’s favorite man Tom Hanks cheers for Aston Villa. Idriss Elba is an Arsenal guy. Funny man Will Ferrell is very into Chelsea. Hey remember Craig David? The crooner roots for Southhampton 7 Days a week! These are interesting little random facts, but I don’t feel a pull towards any specific team because of this.

Location, Location, Location

Since Detroit doesn’t have its own team, due to being in the wrong continent, I can’t pick a team based on where I grew up. There are no local connections for me. Mayhaps I can find a connection another way? I visited London before, do they have a team? Yeah, only like 15 of them. That doesn’t help. I don’t have close family in any European city. My ancestors come from Ireland and Sweden for the most part, so my genes are no help in picking a team. Thanks Great-Greats! Amsterdam was a fun city I enjoyed visiting. Maybe I could be an Ajax fan? Ugh. People will just think I’m talking about the cleaning product. That won’t work. I don’t see this working for me.

I feel like I’ve gone through all options at this point. I guess I finally have to ask…how did you pick your team? What am I supposed to do? Pitch me to join your team on Twitter, I need as much help as I can get. Only about a month until the FIFA World Cup in Qatar. I believe that we will win.

The post I Want To Get Into European “Football” But Don’t Know How To Pick A Team appeared first on Korked Bats.

Not to be outdone by Elon Musk dropping 44 B’s on Twitter this week, the King had to flex his (overly huge) muscle this week by buying a stake in a football team. Not to be mistaken with the Jaguars, which is another football team he owns. No, this is an actual football team: Nashville SC, the Music City’s MLS team. They’re opening their home stadium this weekend, so it’s perfect timing, TBH. But obviously, we love this move. Not just because it gives us more Derrick Henry content and will allow for us to see him in public more but because, well, ok, yeah, that’s why we love this move. You don’t get to become The #1 Derrick Henry Fan Site On The Internet by not freaking out over every little bit of Derrick Henry news and content.

But the dopest part about this transaction is what Derrick said after.

“As a kid growing up in Florida, I imagined being a professional sports owner and the opportunity to do that with a Major League Soccer club is truly a dream come true,” said Henry, via Nashville SC’s official website. “My investment in Nashville SC is way more than financial, it’s truly an investment in the city of Nashville. The chance to be part of a club like Nashville SC, especially after seeing what they are accomplishing in the community, was an opportunity I did not want to miss.”

via NFL.com

Oh hell yeah. Reading him say his “investment in Nashville SC is way more than financial, it’s truly an investment in the city of Nashville” made me feel all sorts of feels. Like this…

Henry joins actor and producer Reese Witherspoon, a Nashville native, and media and technology investor Jim Toth as the club’s newest minority owners. Henry becomes the fourth NFL player in history to serve as an owner of an MLS team.

And one of his co-owners is Reese Witherspoon? Damn. The only way this ownership group could’ve been more Nashville is if Snowbird joined the team. Freaking Elle Woods and the King sitting in the owners’ suite. You’d be hard-pressed to find a better ownership team than that. Oh, so Patrick Mahomes owns a piece of the Royals? So what? Derrick is a ROYAL and owns a team that actually makes the playoffs!

Plus, this just adds to the list of things Derrick already owns (video proof linked to each name):

• Josh Norman
• Earl Thomas
• Alexander Myers
• the Texans
• the Jaguars (all of them)
• Darius Leonard
• every workout ever
• our hearts

Anyway, here’s a photo of Derrick Henry disguised as Shad Khan we had from his 99-yard touchdown breakdown video we made.

The post Derrick Henry Buys Stake In Nashville SC To Go Along With His Ownership Of Josh Norman, Earl Thomas, And Our Hearts appeared first on Korked Bats.

Look, I’m not even going to pretend that I’m not a casual soccer fan, because that’s exactly what I am. Casual. Hell, I didn’t even know it was the Euro Cup until a week and a half ago. I seem to only watch soccer when it matters, like the World Cup or I guess now the Euro Cup?

Is that what we call it? The Euro? Is it the European Championship? The Championship? The Golden Boot? I have no idea what I’m talking about.

What I did see on Sunday was a soccer game. A damn good soccer game at that. Italy wound up winning the match against England and securing the Euro(?). In penalty kicks too, brutal.

Watching England lose on Sunday reminded me of the tough couple of years that they have had. Brexit began on January 31, 2020 which, full disclosure, still not entirely sure what it means, but I know it was controversial. The world shut down in March of 2020 because of COVID. Fast forward to March 31, 2021, which marked the official exit of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle from royal life. And then a few months later on July 11, 2021, England loses to Italy in the Euro final.

Now, are you ready for this?

It is my belief that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle saw this coming and got out while they still could to avoid embarrassment. They fled the country! Wow.

Austin and myself discuss this conspiracy theory in more detail on this week’s Junk Drawer. We also get into billionaire space travelers, Austin’s incredibly epic weekend, Conor McGregor’s leg, James Harden and Lil Baby in Paris, and so much more. Check it out below.

WATCH THE JUNK DRAWER:

LISTEN TO THE JUNK DRAWER:

The post Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Got Out Of England Just In Time *cough* This Is A Soccer Blog *cough* appeared first on Korked Bats.

*Cue intro music*

This took me by surprise as well. Soccer is not too big in America, and definitely not in Philadelphia. We bleed green for our Birds and that’s really all that matters at the end of the day. So, you might ask, “why would Mac buy a European soccer club?” Mac hasn’t even been to Wales, and probably couldn’t even point it out to us on a map — we all know Charlie definitely can’t.

Also, not just why, but how?

Maybe the idea stemmed from the business partner I briefly mentioned before. I suppose you’re wondering who that might be…

For those of you who are unfamiliar with him, Van Wilder, is a trust fund baby who took eight years to graduate from Coolidge College, where all he did was drink, sleep with women, befriend the guy from Harold and Kumar, and send Tara Reid into a Britney Spears-like mental breakdown. I did as much digging as I could at the library (not sure why there would be any information on Van Wilder and his interests at the library), but couldn’t find any connection to soccer or Wales.

My mind was racing as I walked back to my house. Thinking about all of the possibilities as to why they bought this random team had me in a daze and I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings or where I was going. It wasn’t until I noticed that I was lost that I also began to feel like I was being followed. I picked up my pace, but the quicker I moved the louder the footsteps behind me got. Stricken with fear, adrenaline kicked in, so I stopped, turned, and braced for impact.

I should have known it was him. Turns out Dennis was losing his mind over the reasoning behind this purchase, just as I was. After insisting on us returning to his apartment to talk so we can “be behind a locked door,” Dennis shared his findings with me.

While he wasn’t able to discover why they chose the Welsh soccer club, he did uncover the truth about the Van Wilder partnership. I don’t know why I thought I was going to be shocked, but it was pretty straight forward as anyone would expect–Mac wanted to find a younger guy that reminded him of Dennis, in order to make Dennis jealous (so he can ultimately achieve his goal of banging him).

After an hour of listening to Dennis scream about how much better looking he is than Van Wilder, I was able to convince him to unlock the door and let me go by agreeing with him that he had a better body, and that his jaw had to have been chiseled by the Gods themselves. While I’m happy for Mac that he achieved his goal of making Dennis jealous, that still doesn’t get me the answer to the question that started this whole thing–why soccer, and more importantly why Wrexham?

Just then it clicked.

Wrexham. The answer was right in front of us the whole time — in the name! This investment is clearly the doing of the person who should’ve been the prime suspect from the beginning.

Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t hard to find Frank. I ran into him at Wendy’s during my lunch break. He and Artemis were coming out of the bathroom in a hurry, covered in sweat, when I stopped him to ask about The Gang’s recent acquisition. He immediately spilled the beans, going into great detail about how he went back into the ocean to find the rum ham that floated away while he and Mac were on the life raft in the middle of the Atlantic.

He went on to say that he passed out from exhaustion while swimming and washed up on shore in Wales. He was a bit disoriented when he came-to and wandered into the town of Wrexham. Frank didn’t know this at the time, instead he thought he was following signs towards the rum ham. Eventually his path lead him to the soccer stadium, where the team welcomed him with open arms, giving him a place to stay and rest up.

When he awoke the next day, he realized he was not in the house of rum ham, but greatly appreciated Wrexham’s hospitality. So, in return for their kindness, Frank made the owner of the club an offer he couldn’t refuse (10% stake in Wolf Cola and Fight Milk), and purchased the team. It also turns out that Mac really had nothing to do with the team, Frank just bought it in his name to cover his own ass if anything goes wrong. The Van Wilder beef cake was just there to distract him.

While Wales would not rename the team and town to “Rum Ham,” they did compromise and turn rum ham into their national dish.

P.S. The video Mac and Van made to announce their purchase is pretty great.

The post If Rob McElhenney & Ryan Reynolds Buying Wrexham Soccer Team Was An Episode Of ‘Always Sunny’… appeared first on Korked Bats.

As I’ve explained in previous blogs, soccer leagues relegate their worst clubs to lower divisions annually. This allows for teams in lower divisions to move up to the top league. In England, the top league is the Premier League, and the second division is referred to as the Championship. Every year, three teams from the Championship are promoted to the Premier League. The top two clubs are automatically promoted and the clubs that finish 3-6 compete in a playoff with the winner being the last team promoted to the Premier League.

Being promoted to the Premier League is a huge deal for teams, not only for the prestige, but for financial reasons as well. Ok, mostly for financial reasons, because cash. With television deals and ticket sales, being in the Premier League means a club will get at the very least an 8-digit windfall. Due to this large chunk of change, many have dubbed the final of the Championship as “The Richest Game in Football.”

This year Brentford and Fulham faced off in the Richest Game in Football. To make it even juicer, these clubs both hail from West London (which is on the west side of London), and their stadiums are separated by only four miles, or as it’s said in English: miles. The BBC estimated the return to the Premier League would score Fulham $176 million, while a win would see Brentford scoring $209 million.

As one would imagine with that much on the line, it was a cagey affair. The teams were tied 0-0 after 90 minutes, leading to two extra time halves of 15 minutes to try and find a winner. With everything on the line, this happened:

Fulham would score another and win the playoff to be promoted to the Premier League.

First off: Oof.

This goalie will never live this down. I feel bad for the guy, but it literally looks like a glitch straight out of FIFA. I’ve thrown my controller across the room when this happens to me in a completely meaningless video game. Can’t imagine what it feels like in real life. And then imagine being the owner of the club and watching this cost you over $200 million. Tough stuff.

The post Goalie Lag Costs Small Soccer Club Only $200 Million, No Big Deal appeared first on Korked Bats.

I woke up this morning ready for a nice soccer game to wake up to as DC United and Toronto Football Club were slated to play at 9 AM. I’ve talked before about how I thoroughly enjoy weekend morning soccer games (they’re a great distraction from hangovers). When I switched on the TV, I was greeted with a horrible surprise. The game was postponed because a player was showing symptoms similar to COVID-19. This isn’t just a soccer story though, this is a bubble story.

For those who don’t know, the MLS is Back Tournament bubble is located in Disney World, just like the NBA bubble. That alone, in my opinion, defeats the purpose of a bubble. Not to mention the fact that Disney World is now reopening… Sure, Disney World is huge, and they can say that the players are separate, but we all know that some jackass is going to buy a ticket to Disney World to try and get a pic of LeBron. Who knows, maybe a Celtics fan sneaks in and tries to cough on Joel Embiid to keep him from playing in a crucial playoff game!

In all seriousness, this is a very bad sign for the upcoming return of basketball and hockey. If one player showing symptoms shuts down a game, what will happen if multiple players test positive? Two MLS teams – Dallas and Nashville – have already been sent home from the tournament for having multiple players test positive. What happens if the Bucks have an outbreak while playing the 76ers during the Eastern Conference Finals? Obviously they should have to forfeit and the Sixers move on, but I don’t think that would sit well with the haters.

Just like everyone else, I want need sports to come back, but I have to be realistic with myself. I hate to play the role of Debbie Downer, but with the country setting new records of COVID-19 daily, it is highly unlikely that the return of sports will be as smooth as we all hope.

Until basketball and hockey return, any fan would be smart to keep a keen eye on the return of the MLS. The more problems they face in keeping a corona-free environment, the less likely I believe other sports in America will be able to pull off their returns. At this point sports fans, all I can say is God help us all.

The post If The MLS ‘Bubble’ Pops, I’m Worried About Other Sports Making It Work appeared first on Korked Bats.

To be perfectly honest, I’m not doing well. (Thanks for asking.) Sports being gone for so long has stripped an important part of my identity. Now that COVID-19 infection rates are once again on the rise, I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that sports may be gone longer than anyone expects, and the return plans for American sports may be foiled by this horrible virus.

Even if they do come back, I have another full month to wait until the NBA and NHL return. What will I do in those 30 days? Cling to Soccer! This means that anyone who reads these humble articles will be inundated with more soccer than they could possibly stand! Hooray! With that, let’s segue into the return of Major League Soccer.

What is The “MLS is Back Tournament”?

First off, what a creative name! The executives couldn’t come up with anything else?

When the Tournament was first announced, I was extremely confused over the concept. The more I looked for clarification, the less I got. It took me over an hour to figure out exactly what was going on. Turns out the MLS isn’t the best at branding. Good thing for them, I’m here to help.

How is this tournament formatted?

Unfortunately for us, the format of the tournament is not as simple as its name, nor the person who named it. All 26 MLS teams are heading down to Orlando (The Mecca of American Sports in the “New Normal”) to compete in the tournament. The teams are then split into 5 groups of 4 teams and 1 group of 6. The teams will then play 3 games each against others in their group. Each win constitutes 3 points, a tie is 1 point and a loss gets you 0 points. At the end of the three group games, the top two teams from each group of 4, and the top 3 teams from the group of 6 will move on to the round of 16. There will also be three wildcard teams who will make it to the round of 16. From there, it is single elimination until a champion is crowned.

Is this the whole season?

This is where I was the most confused. MLS has not made it clear, but there will be an abridged season after the tournament. The tournament is actually tied into the season as the points that teams win in the group stage will be the points they start off with when the regular season kicks off. This is a cool feature as a team that loses its first two group matches still has something to play for in the third match even if they can’t move on to the knockout stage.

Besides the points from group stages, is there anything else worth playing for?

Yes! The winner of the tournament will be granted an extra $1.1 million for their salary cap. Even better, the winner of the tournament gets an automatic qualification into the Concacaf Champions League. Concacaf is the soccer region the United States is grouped into (North America and most of Central America) and the Champions League is an annual competition held between the best teams in each Concacaf nations’ leagues. In the competition’s 58 year history, an MLS club has only won the title twice (D.C United in 1998, and Los Angeles Galaxy in 2000). Funny enough, Club America (located in Mexico) has won the competition 5 times more than doubling the amount of times and actual American club has lifted the trophy. Big oof.

That’s cool, Gator, but I didn’t watch soccer back then, why should I now?

I’ve got two words: March Madness. Every American loves participating in the annual experience of trying to correctly predict the NCAA basketball tournament. There’s nothing more exhilarating than picking the perfect bracket only for it to be ruined when 15 seed Lehigh led by C.J. McCollum beats 2 seed Duke in the first round. Unfortunately, that was stripped from the country by COVID. However, now we have something to fill the void! Gather your friends, make some friendly wagers, and fill out your MLS tournament bracket! Unfortunately, the MLS does not have an interactive bracket (as of yet), but I promise my loyal readers to have one available for print out at least four days before the tournament which begins on July 8, if the MLS doesn’t get their act together.

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So there you have it, more soccer knowledge that you didn’t ask for. You’re welcome. At least you have the opportunity to participate with your friends in a bracket pool even if you’re not an MLS fan.

The post Let’s Try And Explain The ‘MLS Is Back’ Tournament, And Yes, That’s The Name appeared first on Korked Bats.

Ok, so this title is a little misleading, but I couldn’t resist. During my lunch today, I received an interesting notification. Kevin Durant is the newest athlete to have an ownership stake in a professional team as he purchased 5% of the Philadelphia Union. If you’re not familiar with the Union, they play in the MLS and have since 2008. Although a smart investment, Durant may have overlooked one detail in the deal.

The Union’s mascot is a SNAKE!

…with arms.

Now you may be thinking, “Gator, that thing has arms and legs, he’s obviously not a snake.” I had the same thought when he was introduced in 2018, but the Union have stuck with the assertion that Phang is indeed a snake and not some sort of humanoid dragon.

I’ve actually met Phang on multiple occasions, and funny enough, I have a friend who went on a date with the man who wears the suit (the man had arms too). All parties involved with Phang swear that he is snake, and who are we to judge? If Phang identifies as a snake then he’s a snake. It doesn’t matter to me. I can think of one person that it might matter to and that would be the Union’s newest owner, one Kevin Durant.

Anyone familiar with sports knows about the controversies surrounding Kevin Durant that earned him the infamous title of snake whether it be turning his back on his teammates to join the Warriors or having multiple burner accounts to lash out at critics on Twitter. Durant is know as petty and sensitive, so it will be interesting to see how he reacts when the trolls start making memes about how it’s only fitting he bought a team that has a snake Mascot.

Will Durant force the team to make Phang undergo a species change? Will Phang be jealous of another snake trying to steal his spotlight? Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure, this story is just beginning, and there are going to be a few more twists and turns before this is all said and done.

When fans are allowed back into stadiums, I’ll be sure to check out a few games at Subaru Park in the hopes of catching a glimpse of some Durant fueled drama. Oh yeah, also to root on the Union.

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The post Kevin Durant Proves Once And For All He’s a Snake appeared first on Korked Bats.

I don’t need to tell you how long of a stretch this is without American sports in a year that feels like every month has 20 extra days. This is a daunting wait even for the most patient, but I have a suggestion to help pass the time. Instead of just wistfully counting down the days til the first jump ball and or puck drop, you should give soccer a shot. Before you click away in disgust (why did you click on this post in the first place?), let me explain why any “real-sport” loving, red-blooded American could actually enjoy soccer.

1. You’ve Got Nothing Else

Beggars can’t be choosers, and there’s no question that we’ve all got our hands out praying for any sort of action. God, the first month I was watching dodge-juggling (don’t ask) on ESPN+. It’s nice to watch replays of classic games, but knowing how they end kills most of the fun of why we all love sports in the first place. Bundesliga (Germany’s top soccer league) has been back for a few weeks now, and let me tell you it has been a lifeline as I suffer through severe sports withdrawal. All the major European leagues will be returning between June 10^th and June 17^th, so there will be plenty of games to watch. Actual games where the winner is still yet to be determined. It’s thrilling!

2. It’s a Good Excuse To Drink on Weekend Mornings

Remember brunch? For those who don’t, I’ll explain the concept. Basically, you would wake up hungover from binge drinking the night before and go to a restaurant in order to drink some more while eating breakfast foods to get rid of your hangover. Now that COVID-19 has spread like, well, an extremely contagious virus, there is no socially acceptable form of morning drinking. This is where soccer steps up. Due to the time difference between the states and Europe, most soccer games begin between 8am and 2pm on Saturdays and Sundays which was formally known as peak brunch time. Flip on a game and crack open a cold one. If your girlfriend tries to yell at you, explain that in England they’re called pints, and it’s culturally insensitive to watch a match without one. 

3. You Can Step Out of Your “Fan Comfort Zone”

As someone who has been a diehard Philly sports fan my whole life, I understand that the rest of the country sees me and my brethren as some sort of subhuman animal who throws snowballs at Santa and beer bottles at Vikings fans (for the record both deserved it, but I digress.) Whether you’re the prick that everyone hates who started rooting for the Warriors in 2016 or the diehard Browns fan who has convinced himself that Johnny Manziel and/or Baker Mayfield and/or any of the other 23+ starting quarterbacks since 1999 is the answer to your infinite problems, you can try on a different style of fandom with little to no consequences while watching soccer. Are you a Yankees fan? Cheer on tiny Sheffield United in the Premier League whose entire roster makes less money than a number of soccer stars around Europe. Are you a Bengals fan who literally hasn’t seen a playoff win in your life? Have fun rooting for Bayern Munich in the Bundesliga who have won the last 8 titles. Cowboys fan? Well then you can take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself why you feel obligated to be complete scum.

4. The Sadistic Joy of Relegation

In American sports, teams are not punished when they are complete garbage. In fact they are rewarded with better draft picks in an attempt to bail them out of their misery with young talent. This is not the case in European Soccer. In each country, there are multiple tiers of leagues. It’s sort of like baseball with the minors except that all the clubs are completely independent of each other. Relegation is the process in which the worst 3 teams in the league at the end of the season are moved down a tier to a lower league and replaced with the top 3 teams from the tier below. It’s a brutal punishment for a club’s finances and pride while ensuring that there is no tanking. Another benefit is that it makes late season matches against horrible clubs must watch TV with both teams treating these types of games as do or die. Just imagine how hype it would be in the NFL if week 17 rolled around and the 1-14 Lions were playing the 2-13 Buccaneers with the loser being demoted to the XFL (R.I.P. in peace). That type of game happens every year in the Premier League, and they are just as good as the games that decide the eventual champions.

5. Next Time the World Cup Happens, You Might Recognize Some of the US Players

Right now, the only news about US Soccer is that the women’s team is suing the US Soccer Federation to receive equal pay to the men’s team. Regardless of how you feel about the matter, you have to admit it’s pretty sad when the only news about your team is a lawsuit alleging you’re overpaid because you suck in comparison to your female counterparts. I won’t lie, American soccer has been trash for a very long time with a low point a few years back when we failed to qualify for the World Cup. However, for the first time in my lifetime, there’s a large number of young American players who actually contribute to European clubs. Imagine watching the USA in the 2022 World Cup and explaining to your friends that you think Weston McKinnie could be the key to a deep run as he’s been playing great for FC Schalke 04 in the Bundesliga. They’re either going to think you’re having a stroke or know what you’re talking about.

6. Take a Walk on the Wild Side With 3-way Spreads 

DISCLAIMER: I do not condone or condemn gambling. If you’re going to do it, please do so responsibility.

This one is strictly for those who partake in ACTION.  In soccer (most of the time) there is no overtime which means a good number of matches end in a tie. Due to this, when you bet on a soccer game, you have three options; home team winning, away team winning, or a tie. This creates some interesting opportunities where you can get teams that are favored to win at plus money (odds that pay off more than your bet). Now I must warn you, with the highs come the lows. Soccer betting is great when you hit, but when your team concedes a last second goal to tie, they haven’t lost, but you’ve been dealt a crushing defeat.

7. One Day Your Kid Might Play It

For whatever reason, soccer is one of the largest youth sports in America meaning if you ever start a family, there’s a good chance you might find yourself on the sideline of a kids’ game wondering whether your flask is subtle or if everyone knows and is judging you. If you watch soccer, now you can learn a thing or two about the game your kid will probably play, and maybe not need to drink to get through an afternoon of 8-year-olds running in mob formation after the ball. You can even bet on it too! Who knows, you may even trick your kid into thinking you know a thing or two about the sport, and thus gaining his/her love and respect. It’s nice to dream!

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Look, I get it. Any game that can potentially end 0-0 is difficult to get into if you’re used to the excitement of the NFL or NBA. I’m not here to convince you soccer is the most exciting sport in the world, and I will guarantee you that if you do give it a shot, a game or two will suck. That’s just the nature of the beast. However, as I write this, you have 50 days til there are any other team sports on so I ask you, what do you have to lose? Give it a shot, if you hate it, turn it off and flip back on ESPN which will most likely be airing an Oklahoma-Texas football game from like 1987 or something.

The post 7 Reasons Why You Need To Suck It Up And Give Soccer A Shot appeared first on Korked Bats.

To be honest, this game seems a little tame for FIFA.

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