This might be the dumbest day in sports, as I blogged about earlier, but there can be some good coming in the form of social media content. This is when we separate the men from the boys (a reference Harrison Butker probably loves). It should be noted that not all schedule release videos are created equal. In fact, some suck. Looking at you, New York Jets, Cincinnati Bengals, Cleveland Browns, Indianapolis Colts, Las Vegas Raiders, a few that just went with a hydraulic press, and a bunch that had to do with drawing and art.

We here at Korked Bats DO NOT do honorable mentions. Mainly because there is no honor in a mention. But if we did…

(in no particular order)

Honorable Mention – Pittsburgh Steelers

Ok, I’m a sucker for a good dad joke. I wanted to hate this one, but I couldn’t. Low-hanging fruit still provides a good source of food, you guys.

Honorable Mention – Philadelphia Eagles

Solid one-liners, solid editing. No mention or reminder of the fact that the Titans traded AJ Brown to them on draft night for nothing? Perfect. No notes.

Honorable Mention – Minnesota Vikings

I used to love watching Apple keynotes. Back when the company was innovative, creative, and design-focused (read: before Steve Jobs passed). So this was a solid spoof of those and well executed. Skol hat tip, Vikes.

Honorable Mention – Miami Dolphins

Simple and didn’t take me 6 minutes to watch. Respect, Miami.

6. Buffalo Bills

Getting players to act has an extremely high level of difficulty and usually fails (see: the Bears, Packers, and Patriots schedule releases), but I’ll be honest, Josh Allen kinda nails this semi-awkward role here. I came in extremely skeptical and he impressed. Then again, this is for a regular season schedule. Would love to see him put it together for a postseason schedule.

5. Tennessee Titans

They say the sequel is never as good as the original, and well, that proves to be true. There are moments in this video, but like getting players to act, this comes with an extremely high level of difficulty because last year’s schedule release video was perfect. Unfortunately, this was more Zoolander 2 than Terminator 2.

4. Dallas Cowboys

Look, I hate to give the Dallas Cowboys any more shine than they already get from the national media despite making fewer championship game and Super Bowl appearances over the last 25 years than the Titans, but I have to admit, this was solid. It was creative, original, banks on a popular trend, and is well executed. It did feel like a few were scripted or tipped off, but aside from that, it was funny. This will be the only time I ever say this, but well done, Cowboys.

3. Atlanta Falcons

Any nod to NFL Street is ok by me. Especially when it’s got as many Easter eggs as this video has. Attention to detail goes a LONG way on the Internet. This might be the only top 6 the Falcons appear in all year, but it was nice to see them receive national recognition for something other than inking a new quarterback.

2. Detroit Lions

It’s hard to go wrong with The Detroiters boys. Especially right now. Their stock price is hella high because they’re both incredibly funny. And neither guy seemed to be there just for the zipline. This was fun to watch. And wasn’t a chore, like the Raiders.

1, Los Angeles Chargers

No surprise here. The Chargers social media team is the absolute best in the business. On so many levels. But they seem to win (or at worst be top two) in every year’s schedule release. Pretty fitting for an account that started at P.F. Changs.

To paraphrase the great philosopher Marshawn Lynch, you could watch this over and over and over and over and over and over and over and still find new easter eggs in every watch. Like…

Or…

Or…

Or the absolute cherry on top…

Animators had to be working overtime on this one, because that Butker story just dropped a couple days ago.

The post SIXER: The Top 6 NFL Schedule Release Videos appeared first on Korked Bats.

Trying something new with a series called Surfs Up where we surf the internet and tackle things you may not have seen (unless you have). Let us know what you think.

The post Here Are Some Things On The Internet You May Have Missed (Or Not) appeared first on Korked Bats.

Austin and myself welcome a VERY special guest to the Drawer this week: Sales Guy Jeff. You may know Sales Guy Jeff as a member of the T-Rav Tasters, but this week, he joins us to talk some Junk- and boy do we have plenty of it this week.

We are in full playoff form around here (well not Jeff anymore, sorry Jeff.) Hell, one Knicks fan said he would give up his 15 year old son for a Knicks championship. New York is HUNGRY. But, can you blame them?

Austin explains what “Adrian’s Kickback” was and if you’re also wondering what it is, then you missed the party of the century.

You’re probably wondering why Machine Gun Kelly’s tongue is darker than a night sky. Yeah, so are we. MGK beats to his own drum, clearly.

Luckily, this picture doesn’t have Megan Fox’s thumbs in it. Because you would have nightmares if you saw it, but we did break them down during the show. We have officially ruined Megan Fox for Sales Guy Jeff.

Julio Jones spilled the beans on live television that he’s “outta there” when referring to Atlanta. Except Julio had no clue he was on air. Poor guy. Or poor Atlanta? We’ll let you be the judge.

PLUS A LIVE FRANK (OF THE FAMOUS FRANK FACT) APPEARANCE!!

LISTEN HERE:

RUNDOWN:

1:03 – Welcome Special Guest Sales Guy Jeff!!!!

1:28 – DO BEERS!

7:07 – GRIT-Tok and A.D. Punishment Update

10:30 – GOOD: Knicks Fan Sacrifice

19:08 – GOOD: Adrian’s Kickback

25:48 – GOOD: Devin Sawa

30:00 – GOOD: Old Philly Mickelson Winning

33:54 – BACK: Julio Jones’ Photoshops

40:49 – BACK: Bringing Big Sexy Back

46:09 – BACK: Florida People

50:22 – BACK: The Movie Cart In Middle/High School

54:28 – UGLY: Lawsuits

1:01:34 – UGLY: When Your Hockey Team Gets Eliminated

1:07:09 – UGLY: Machine Gun Kelly’s Tonuge

1:09:17 – MEGAN FOX’S THUMB

1:13:44 – FRANK FACT

1:18:20 – LIVE FRANK APPEARANCE

#FreeKorkedBats

The post The Junk Drawer: Getting Julio Jones’d & Megan Fox’s Thumbs appeared first on Korked Bats.

However, if you’re tired of the same old sporting spread this autumn and winter, Korked Bats has you covered. Starting this week and each week moving forward, we’ll bring you a new recipe that could give your food game a fresh kick.

Falcon Stew

This one can be a bit of a challenge, mostly due to the difficulty of procuring the right ingredients. But if you’re diligent, you’ll be handsomely rewarded.

For this recipe, much like many other stews, you’ll need the following:

Specific equipment/materials:

• Large stock pot
• Falcon’s fan
• Mean friends

Ingredients:

• 1 pound falcon meat, cubed (can use chicken, if falcon is unavailable)
• 1 cup Atlanta Falcons fan tears
• 2 carrots, diced
• 2 stalks of celery, diced
• 1 yellow onion, diced
• 1 ½ cups potatoes, peeled and diced
• 1 tsp. rosemary
• 1 tsp. thyme
• 1 tsp. sage
• Salt and pepper to taste
• 3 cups falcon broth

Directions:

1. Throw your aromatics—carrot, celery, onion—in a large stock pot until somewhat tender. In the meantime, berate a Falcon’s fan for being an idiot and a loser that will never experience the glory of winning a Super Bowl, then collect the ensuing tears.
2. Add all seasonings and potatoes until the potatoes become a bit soft.
3. Toss in your diced falcon and cook until the meat is almost cooked through. (So easy so far, right?! You’ll feel like you’re up 28–3 in the second half of this recipe.)
4. Add your falcon broth and Falcon’s fan tears and bring to a simmer. Allow the stew to simmer until Julio Jones leaves the game after reaggravating one of many injuries.
5. Serve piping hot to all your guests, except the Falcon’s fan. If the Falcon’s fan is wearing one of the team’s new god-awful jerseys, fling the remaining soup on the jersey. Tip: Flinging an especially hot stew onto the fan could allow more tears to be collected for the next time you make this.

Whether you’re looking to simply satisfy your weekend guests or impress your friends with something not-so-traditional, this stew is sure to never disappoint, despite its namesake. If you’re a Falcons fan, be a good sport, accept your team’s fate, and take part in preparing a delicious gameday meal for all.

Good grubbin’, KB Army!

The post Gameday Grub Of The Week: Falcon Stew appeared first on Korked Bats.

We got more junk this week, and it’s a lot of fun. Here are some of the top moments:

(8:13) – The Good, The Back, & The Ugly is back for another week: Each guy gives you his good of the week, back of the week, and the ugly of the week. Including takes about Aaron Jones, the Falcons’ “onside kick,” staring contests, Ruth from Ozark, UMass football, Titans offensive coordinator Arthur Smith, and more.

(51:24) – We have a hair update. And let’s just say this week’s update has both good AND bad news.

(56:39) – This week’s FRANK FACT is about garlic and super powers.

(1:00:49) – Austin got all 3 of his 3for3 picks correct for Week 1 so he got 3 uninterrupted minutes to talk about whatever he wants. So he chose the latest drama in Bachelor Nation: Former Bachelor (and virgin) Colton Underwood getting a restraining order for stalking his ex-fiancé Cassie Randolph.

(1:19:11) – We end with The List and Internet provided by Comcast, the days leading up to the dentist, and people who don’t know how to draw peace signs.

Listen on Apple Podcasts here

EP19: Is ‘The Town’ A Good Movie? | RUNDOWN:

1:43 – The Good, The Back & The Ugly

4:18 – Is ‘The Town’ A Good Movie?

8:13 – The Good, The Back & The Ugly (cont.)

51:24 – Hair Update: Good News, Bad News

52:39 – COFFEE BREAK

56:39 – FRANK FACT

1:00:49 – Austin’s ‘3 Minutes’ on The Bachelor

1:07:36 – 3 For 3: NFL Picks

1:19:11 – THE LIST: The Days Before Going To The Dentist

1:22:33 – THE LIST: The Internet (from Comcast)

1:26:21 – THE LIST: People Who Don’t Know How To Draw Peace Signs

The post The Junk Drawer: Falcons Are Hilariously Sad, 3 Min. Rant On ‘The Bachelor,’ & Is ‘The Town’ Good? appeared first on Korked Bats.

But since the Falcons are historically known for blowing things, and the Internet remains undefeated, that date was pushed up a week, as in today… ALLEGEDLY.

I can’t imagine some random people were having a fashion show in fake or rejected Falcons uniform prototypes, so you have to assume these are real, right? Let’s go ahead and do that as we break these down.

For those who are curious, the alleged uniforms are on the left. كيفية ربح المال Although, with one glance, I’d rather have them take the field in the outfit on the right instead. لعبة البوكر Especially if that’s a red to black gradient we see.

To all design firms out there: stop trying to make gradients happen, they’re NOT going to happen. Just ask the Jaguars old helmets or the Diamondbacks old uniforms. Gradients are universally hated.

Other than that, they look great. مراهنات كرة القدم They’re simple, crisp, and still give off that Falcons vibe. But saying other than that nasty gradient is essentially saying, “Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?”

Personally, I’m a huge fan of solid color unis. Especially white-on-white away uniforms – the Stormtrooper look. I know I’m going against the first rule of the internet here, to hate absolutely everything, but these unis look great. I can get behind those.

And peep the helmet. Grey facemask, bigger bird, and what appears to be a matte finish. Oh hell yeah.

And here’s a collection of the different patterns on a clearance rack. Or at least a clearance rack is where those red gradient uniforms should be. They should be with the other messed up jerseys on clearance at Marshall’s, because that gradient makes it look like they spilled ink on it at the factory. It’s bad enough to where your mom wouldn’t even let you buy it, because, “You’re not wearing that to school.”

The Falcons are lucky, because they have the benefit of an extraordinary color scheme. Not everyone can say that (read: the Browns). Plus, they have the benefit of playing in a dope city with a huge hip-hop influence. Anything they drop will have the advantage of becoming cool almost instantly.

Anything except for that damn gradiet. BURN IT!

Also, props to the Falcons for these photos leaking on the same day their division rivals drop their new uniforms. Steal their thunder. Well played.

View this post on Instagram

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have unveiled new uniforms. RIP in peace to their old uniforms.

A post shared by KorkedBats.com (@korkedbats) on Apr 7, 2020 at 10:13am PDT

The post Are These Leaked Images The Falcons New Uniforms? And If So, Can They Not? appeared first on Korked Bats.

Atlanta Falcons head coach Mike Smith and actor/comedian Steve Martin

Does Anyone Else See It?!

The post Look Alikes appeared first on Korked Bats.

1) A Time Machine – Ok, I know this is at the top of everyone’s list right under an iPad, but I only need the time machine for one specific purpose: Skip the next two Major League Baseball seasons. The Royals gave up on baseball for the remainder of the Mayan world, pushing all of their chips into the post-2012 “call em up from the minors” bandwagon. Yes, the Royals have the best farm system in baseball. But for my entire life I’ve been fed the sentence, “In a couple of years…” from my hometown baseball squad. I liked Greinke. I wanted to watch baseball the next two years. Now, it might just hurt, real bad.

2) ESPN To Cover Sports – 2010 in particular has made me sick, to put it bluntly, of watching ESPN divide Sportscenter (and its 30 equivalent shows) into a 90/10 ratio. The 90% being Drama in Athletes Personal Lives, Crimes Committed by Athletes and Athlete Twitter-Underlying-Meaning Speculation. The 10% being Duke and Miami Heat highlights. I know it may sounds stupid asking the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network to cover sports more, but it feels like the emphasis has been shifted solely to that E and off the S. The Heat Index? Please go away.

3) Just ONE Playoff Win – I know this is a stretch, and the Chiefs haven’t even locked up the AFC West, yet, but just one. Please. If the Chiefs can wrap up and win the AFC West by beating the Titans and the Raiders at home the next two weeks, they’ll secure a home playoff game. My brother is yet to witness a Chiefs playoff victory in his lifetime. He HAS, however, seen Larry Johnson and Tyler Thigpen. I believe the Chiefs will be underdogs, even at home, needless of what team they play. But it’s Arrowhead, the NEW Arrowhead. And heck, it’s Christmas.

4) Atlanta Falcons Super Bowl – Ok, I’ve faced facts that the Chiefs probably won’t win the Super Bowl. If they don’t, I have a backup plan. The second best thing to the Chiefs winning a Super Bowl is Tony Gonzalez winning a Super Bowl. It would simultaneously justify his leave and shut Shannon Sharpe’s stupid face up forever. I hate Shannon Sharpe.

5) Tony Mitchell – I don’t know where he is or when he’s coming, but as a graduate of the University of Missouri, I’d love to see him in his Mizzou uniform very soon.

I’m a simple guy. Just give me a time machine and the ability to dictate the Disney Corporation’s programming as well as the outcome of multiple sporting events and I’m good.

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, and may every team win the Super Bowl.

– Kyle

What do YOU want for Christmas? Leave a comment letting me know and I’ll try and make it happen!

The post Kyle’s Sports Christmas Wishlist appeared first on Korked Bats.

Sad news, folks. It seems that everybody’s favorite jacuzzi ad man will be searching for new employment after losing Arizona’s starting QB gig to a guy that was last year deemed insufficient by the Cleveland Browns.

Eek. Tough luck, Matt.

But hey, all is not lost. Leinart still has his youth. Sort of. And surely there are still some NFL bosses out there that think he has some talent. Maybe. And while “third-string QB for the Seattle Seahawks” might not seem as sexy as “starting QB for the Arizona Cardinals,” I’m certain there are still some women that will find him attractive. I think.

At any rate, you guys know I’m not the type to kick people while they’re down. So let’s take this opportunity to remember some highlights from the transcendent QB’s career so far.

October 1, 2006: Rookie Matt Leinart comes on in the fourth quarter of a week-four matchup against the Atlanta Falcons for his first NFL action. On his second snap (following a successful handoff on first down) Leinart is sacked and fumbles the ball away. Things would only improve for the young gunslinger from there, as he went on to throw his first career interception pass on the next offensive possession. It was on that day that a star was born.

December 3, 2006: Nine short weeks later, the budding superstar posted an impressive 100.3 QB rating against against Big Ten power St. Louis Rams. The Cardinals won 34-20.

October 7, 2007: In a week-five tilt against those same Rams, Leinart’s collarbone selfishly breaks, undermining what was sure to be a breakout season. It was on that day that some jerk back-up named Kurt Warner took over as Arizona’s starting QB, presumably because he loved God just a bit more than Leinart did. This would be nothing but a road block in the young prodigy’s NFL career.

February 1, 2009: Leinart, starring in the role he’d perfected in Arizona’s impressive postseason run, started at Pouty Clipboard Holder in the Super Bowl for the NFC Champ Cards. The star PCH fell just short of watching his team to victory, after his disinterested stare at the Cardinals’ secondary came up just short in stopping Santonio Holmes’ go-ahead TD.

January 3, 2010: Week 17: Leinart ties a career high with two interceptions in a 33-7 loss to the Green Bay Packers. Our man also successfully hands the ball off 14 times to Arizona runningbacks.

February 7, 2010: Leinart’s college runningback, Reggie Bush, wins Super Bowl XLIV with the New Orleans Saints, and our hero deserves tons of credit for that one time he hooked Bush up with those blonde twins. Leinart’s ring, apparently, is still in the mail, or something.

September 4, 2010: Leinart ends his career with the Arizona Cardinals, presumably after deciding that the other three QBs on the roster aren’t in his stratosphere athletically. There is no telling what it will take for a team to reel in the hot free agent in, but I think it’s safe to assume that Leinart will get to be choosy with which UFL team he will grace with his talents.

So see, Matt? All isn’t lost. You’ve got several notable moments behind you, and surely several more to come. And, of course, we’ll always have your appearance in The House Bunny.

Lead image courtesy of The Bleacher Report

The post Cardinals Release Attractive Clipboard Holder Leinart appeared first on Korked Bats.

Trade it ain’t so.

A couple weeks ago, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb was traded to the Washington Redskins for two draft picks (A 2nd Round pick this year and either a 3rd or 4th round pick next year), which seems about right for a 6-time Pro Bowl Quarterback. (If you couldn’t sense the sarcasm in that previous sentence then you oughta try reading it again.) Honestly, what are the Philadelphia Eagles thinking? That would be like Saturday Night Live firing Darrell Hammond for some young Jewish kid named Andy. Or like the Philadelphia Eagles trading away Donovan McNabb for some young white kid named Kevin.

Wait. That second one IS what happened. Gah, it almost sounds more moronic when written down.

But don’t get me wrong, trading away your team’s most successful quarterback in franchise history will probably benefit you in the long run. I mean, if you couldn’t win with McNabb, what makes you think you’ll win with Kevin Kolb (pronounced “Cobb” in Philadelphia, pronounced “Who?” every where else in America)?

However, the Eagles aren’t alone in idiotic trades. In fact, they join an elite group of teams that have performed just-as-dumb trades and now completely regret it all. Consider this a trade journal.

The Worst Trades of All Time

Steve Young

Traded from Tampa Bay Buccaneers to San Fransisco 49ers

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have had their fair share of embarrassing moments in their franchise’s history. The 1976 season when their team didn’t win a game, their hideous old orange uniforms, and Super Bowl XXIX when Steve Young won Super Bowl MVP… For San Fransisco. And to think, the Bucs once had Steve Young on their roster.

Jared Allen

Traded from Kansas City Chiefs to Minnesota Vikings

Jared Allen was a the staple in that Kansas City defense. So the Chiefs took a page out of the Kansas City Royals’ Strategic Plan Book: when a player gets good, ship him away to another team. So the Chiefs traded him for some draft picks. In their defense, Jared Allen is probably the weirdest guy in the league. Seriously, he is if Willy Wonka was in the movie Deliverance. However, that doesn’t negate the fact that he has recorded 29 sacks over the past two seasons with the Vikings. And it doesn’t negate the fact that the Chiefs have had 6 wins since dealing him away.

Ken Griffey Jr. Rookie Card

Traded from Me to Robbie King

I still have trouble sleeping at night thinking about this trade. I allowed my friend to talk me into trading my Ken Griffey Jr. Rookie Card for a transparent Rob Nen gold sticker card. I don’t know what was going through my mind. I was young and naive. Robbie King, I hope you sold the card for a lot of money… And then got mugged.

Brett Favre

Traded from Atlanta Falcons to Green Bay Packers

You guys probably don’t know who Brett Favre is, but he plays quarterback in the NFL. In his career in Atlanta, he attempted 4 passes. He completed only two of these passes. However, those completions were to the other team. After his rocky NFL start, Atlanta traded him to Green Bay for a first round draft pick which they eventually used on running back Tony Smith. Now, 3 consecutive AP MVP awards, 2 Super Bowl appearances, 11 Pro Bowl selections, and 2 retirements later, Brett Favre is one of the best quarterbacks to play the game. But hey, cheer up Atlanta, had you never have traded away Favre, you never would have had the success of Chris Chandler in your franchise.

Wayne Gretzky

Traded from Edmonton Oilers to Los Angeles Kings

Two hours after winning the Stanley Cup with the Edmonton Oilers in 1988, Wayne Gretzky, the greatest hockey player of all time, was told that the Oilers were looking to trade him away. And at no better time too! I’ve heard the saying buy low, sell high, but that is just ridiculous. However, the Oilers did go on to win the Stanley Cup the very next year without him. So maybe it wasn’t that bad of a move? Who knew?

Manny Ramirez

Traded from 99 Problems And A Pitch Ain’t One to David’s Wright Hand Men

Fantasy Baseball, two seasons ago. Manny Ramirez starts playing awful to help get himself traded away from the Red Sox. Manny was Tiger and the Red Sox were Elin. Their relationship was extremely screwed up. And so was my fantasy team, since Manny wasn’t producing stats. So I decide to trade away Manny for Mark Teahen. Sure enough, a few weeks later, Manny Ramirez is traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers and explodes for the rest of the season. Needless to say, Mark Teahen did not.

John Smoltz

Traded from Detroit Tigers to Atlanta Braves

The Detroit Tigers dealt away John Smoltz, who, at the time, was only a year outside of high school. They traded him to an Atlanta Braves team who was the proud owner of veteran ace pitcher Doyle Alexander. Don’t remember ole Doyle? Welcome to the club. Right off the bat, no pun intended, Doyle was amazing going 9-0 with a 1.53 ERA in his first 11 starts. However, in two years with the Tigers, Doyle finished 20-29. Whereas, John Smoltz… well, let’s just say he had some success in his career.

George Herman “Babe” Ruth

Traded from Boston Red Sox to New York Yankees

Of all these horrific trades listed, none of them, no matter how bad, cursed the trading team to not win a championship for over 80 years. Well, none except this one. In fact, not only did the Red Sox suffer after trading away the Babe, but their arch rivals, the New York Yankees, excelled. A year after the trade, the Yankees won their first World Series. Now they have 27. Aside from the fact that he was the best baseball player to ever play the game, yeah, it was still a dumb trade.

The post The Worst Trades In The History Of The World appeared first on Korked Bats.