This tweet sent shockwaves throughout the entire league. Fast forward a few days, the report turned out to be true.

Tom Brady officially* retired. (for now… I mean, we all remember Brett)

Almost immediately, there was an outcry of love, support, and respect for Tom Brady throughout the league, praising him for a tremendous career, and rightfully so. You don’t need me to tell you that he’s won 7 Super Bowls and is 44-years-old.

One person that didn’t say anything, which is sort of his M.O. to begin with, was Bill Belichick. Bill has been relatively silent on the Tom Brady news and really has kept his name out of the news until….. the day Tom Brady officially retired.

Obviously, I am not making light of the severity of the situation, I respect Brian Flores for taking a stand and shining a light on a very serious issue in the NFL. I’m simply pointing out that I don’t find it to be no coincidence text messages by Bill Belichick surface the day Tom announced his retirement. Bill couldn’t handle the praise and love that Tom was receiving. To say he’s jealous would be an understatement.

First of all, the thought of Bill Belichick just texting, in general, has me giggling. He definitely texts with one finger and takes him a significant amount of time to send just the simplest text message. I mean, let’s be real, I can’t be the only one surprised that he has iPhone. Bill is definitely the type of person who couldn’t believe how expensive an iPhone was and will use his iPhone 4 until the iPhone 24 comes out.

Second of all, look at the team that Bill is throwing under the bus. Right? It’s the Giants. The only team to beat Bill and the Patriots twice in the Super Bowl. I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I’m simply stating the facts.

Bill straight up stole Tom Brady’s thunder by an “oops wrong chat” and threw multiple organizations under the bus in the process. You think I believe Bill Belichick “oops wrong chat”‘ted someone? Bill knew exactly what he was doing. He’s out here playing Belichess, not Belicheckers.

The post CONSPIRACY: Bill Belichick’s Texts Stole The Spotlight From Brady While Simultaneously Hurting The Giants appeared first on Korked Bats.

Clearly, the biggest NFL head coaching news of the week was the decision to cast Kevin James as Sean Payton. Nothing else even comes close.

This has to be the most head-scratching, phone-it-in decision of all time. This isn’t a knock at Kevin James. I know there are a ton (read: probably too many) Kevin James stans out there who will be willing to slit throats in the name of Paul Blart. This is more so a knock at the casting director for thinking The King of Queens could pull this off.

But this got us thinking if the person who was responsible for casting Kevin James as Sean Payton was in charge of casting other NFL people, this is what we’d get.

Roger Goodell

Played by Ron Howard’s brother

[divider][/divider]

Patrick Mahomes

Played by David Duchovney

[divider][/divider]

Jim Nantz

Played by Claire Danes

[divider][/divider]

JJ Watt

Played by the guy who played McLovin

[divider][/divider]

Tom Brady

Played by Susan Sarandon

[divider][/divider]

Bill Belichick

Played by Kevin Smith

[divider][/divider]

Mike Tomlin

Played by Ed Helms

The post Other NFL Casting Decisions Made By The Person Who Casted Kevin James As Sean Payton appeared first on Korked Bats.

If you’re the NFL, why would you even suit up this year? The season’s over. Can’t believe we’re going to see Cam Newton finally hoist the Lombardi Trophy this year. No thanks to anything he does. All thanks to the jacked Emporer Palpatine he has as a coach.

Who doesn’t love a coach that gets down and dirty with their team? I’m talking about rolling up your sleeves (if you have any), flipping your hat backwards, slapping a couple 25 pound plates and yelling “LIGHT WEIGHT!!!” as you pump out squats like it’s your day job. I’m talking about Bill f’ing Belichick.

I’ve gotta be be honest, which is hard to say as a Steelers fan, I love Billy B. Bill is a straight shooter. He’s going to tell you EXACTLY how it is and if he can’t tell you, then dammit he’s going to SHOW you. The man is 69 (very nice) years old and going to show you the proper form by pumping out a solid (does quick math in head) 95 pounds on the squat rack.

You think Willy B. skips leg day? Think again.

Good luck rest of the NFL.

With Bill, the only easy day was yesterday (because that’s when he had Tom Brady on his team).

If you want to hear Austin and myself talk more about Bill Belichick AND a defense of Tim Tebow, the return of the No Fun League (taunting penalties), preseason fights, and Max Scherzer not liking butt stuff, tune in to this week’s episode of the Junk Drawer. Join us and comment along during the show every Monday @ 5pm EST on the Korked Bats’ YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook.

WATCH/LISTEN BELOW:

The post BREAKING: Bill Belichick Just Ended The NFL Season Before It Even Began With A Single Photo appeared first on Korked Bats.

Just when you think they’re dead and the camera slowly zooms in on their lifeless body, that’s when you see a twitch. (That twitch was the Jets game.) Nothing to worry about initially. In fact, you probably didn’t even notice it. But then they wake up and begin to kill again. (And kill they did on Sunday night against the Ravens.) That’s where we’re at right now.

Just when you thought they couldn’t possibly make another Friday The 13th movie, is right when they hit you with another Friday The 13th movie. And just when you think the Patriots are dead, is right when the Patriots come back to life. Hold up, didn’t Jason die in a massive explosion at the end of the last movie? And didn’t the Patriots lose to the Titans, lose Tom Brady, and lose 8 players to opt-outs before the season? Yup and yup. But does it matter? Nope and nope.

They’re 4-5 and not just in the hunt. They’re on the hunt. And everybody needs to take notice. Before you get stabbed in the back by a machete or a deflated football.

I go into further details in the video above, but you catch my drift. The minute we start dancing on the grave of the Patriots is the moment they come back to life. Plus, it doesn’t help that their head coach looks like a serial killer.

And look, I know this isn’t a good look to fellow Patriot haters such as myself. Especially considering the last time I blogged about the Patriots, I actually defended them. I know, it’s gross. But I feel like the less we respect their ability to come back from the dead, the more likely they are to come back from the dead.

Check out our Korked Bats segment on 104.5 The Zone every Monday at 3:45p CT.

The post The New England Patriots Are Jason Voorhees appeared first on Korked Bats.

“It just shows also that. the greatest player in the game has a hell of a lot bigger impact than the greatest coach in the game.”

via Rex Ryan on Keyshawn, JWill And Zubin

Maybe it’s the fact that I just hate Tom Brady. Maybe it’s the fact that the Tampa Bay Bucs are getting their pewter asses handed to them on Monday Night Football by the New York Football Giants (and by that I mean they’re not winning by 100). Or maybe it’s just the fact that most of America is taking the easiest take possible when it comes to this imaginary Tom Brady vs. the New England Patriots rivalry.

Damn. I guess it’s true what they say. You either die an NFL hero or you live long enough to see yourself defending the Patriots.

*big sigh*

Look, I don’t want to be doing this, but I’m left with no choice. When notable Patriot hater Rex Ryan goes on some radio show to give a take that’s worse that said radio show’s name (Keyshawn, JWill and Zubin), I feel the need to speak up.

This is nothing more than dancing on graves by the biggest (figuratively AND literally), weasely-grinned Patriot hater on planet earth. Which is saying something because everyone outside of New England is a Patriot hater. This would be like Isaiah Thomas ripping Michael Jordan, 50 Cent ripping just about any other rapper, and/or Rex Ryan ripping diets. You first have to recognize the source.

But here we go, here comes the defense of the Patriots.

Have we already forgotten that no team in the NFL was impacted by player opt-outs more than the New England Patriots? A league-leading EIGHT players opted out. Including three starters: right tackle Marcus Cannon, linebacker Dont’a Hightower, and safety Patrick Chung.

(I’m sorry, this feels weird defending them, but don’t stop me now. I’m on a roll.) 

Plus, keep in mind, the Patriots were also doing ok before they were hit with COVID to their two best players – Cam Newton and Stephon Gilmore. And look, if you have to shut down your facility for an extended amount of time due to COVID, it clearly can mess with a team. Check the Titans. They’re 1-2 since their outbreak after a 4-0 start.

Plus, are we forgetting who Tom Brady is playing for? He was living in the penthouse of the Hilton and moved across the street to the penthouse of the Four Seasons. The 2020 Buccaneers might have better weapons than the 2009 Patriots. Hell, they might have the best offensive weapons of any team not named the Titans (no YOU shut up!). Literally any quarterback in America could have success with this offense. You know how I know? Because Jameis Winston already did. He took a worse offense within a game of making the playoffs last year. He threw 33 touchdowns! Tom Brady is essentially just Jameis Winston with better ball security.

This season, Brady was born on third base, so don’t tell me he hit a triple. (Plus, Brady was drafted by the Expos back in the day, so he definitely didn’t hit a triple.)

So don’t try and make this an apples to apples comparison. If anything, it’s an Apple to TI-83 calculator that’s soaking in a vat of COVID comparison. Saying Tom Brady winning this imaginary battle but not mentioning the immense help he has compared to the massive disadvantage the Pats have would be like saying Tom Brady won six Super Bowls without the immense help he had from (allegedly) cheating compared to the massive disadvantage his opponents had for being spied on (allegedly).

P.S. – Here’s the full Rex Ryan clip if you want to expose your self to the only thing more annoying than covid.

The post Never In A Million Years Did I Ever Think I’d Do This, But I’m Going To Defend The Patriots appeared first on Korked Bats.

If that isn’t enough to make you think he’s already packing his bags, this news broke this morning…

Maybe it’s just because this is the first time in my life as a football fan that the Pats are sellers at the deadline, but I found myself asking why. Why now? Bill has never been one to just give up like that. His defense is his baby, and he’s just willing to throw away his best player because they’re 2-4? Hey Bill, the Eagles are in first place and have just as many wins as you guys…

No, I don’t think so.

The greatest coach in the history of sports is not a quitter, and certainly not a tanker. Bill has too much pride and knows that no matter how hard he tries to lose, the Jets will lose more. Not to mention, the recent news that Trevor Lawrence (the highly coveted #1 pick) might stay at Clemson another year (to avoid playing for the Jets, hahahahahaha!). With all that said, there are too many unknowns for Bill to just give away Stephon like that — there has to be another reason.

I locked myself in my room and dug deep into my resources. I searched every article on the internet to see which teams have interest in the reigning Defensive Player of the Year, hoping to connect some dots. Still nothing. I even cut the sleeves off of my hoodie and ordered a $5 Foot-Long to channel my inner Belichick in the hopes of having a revelation.

I was moments away from calling it quits and just crying myself to sleep instead, but then my phone went off. I wiped the tears from the screen to see that it was a text from my inside source and HOLY S**T I think I just exploded…

After the initial shock wore off, I thought about it a bit more and things started to make sense. This is the perfect time for AB to join the Bucs (the perfect sacrifice). Arians (aka Bill and Tom controlling the media) has recently been making hard-ass comments in regards to Brown, speaking of having a zero tolerance policy when it comes to special treatment. He even made similar comments earlier in the season about The GOAT, calling Tom out in front of the media (how convenient). Both instances have not painted the rosiest picture of Bruce and has put the fans’ perception of him into question — another seed planted by the master puppeteers.

Now that I think about it, I’m beginning to wonder if Arians is even a real person. Has this been a robot controlled by Belichick and Tom the entire time? Is Gronk even real???

Sorry. I’m getting ahead of myself.

I can keep asking myself a million different questions, but at this point this is just rumor and speculation — none of this has occurred yet. I suppose now we just have to wait and see if Gilmore is traded, and then maybe the dominoes will begin to fall.

To be continued…

The post We Took A Deeper Look Into The Stephon Gilmore Trade Rumors And YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT WE FOUND! appeared first on Korked Bats.

Today is the day we come together to honor coaches all around the country, from tee-ball coaches all the way up to the professional ranks. Let’s take a look at some of the more notable coaches, both past and present.

The Good

Bill Belichick

There’s not much to say about The Sleeveless Assassin that you don’t already know. I mean, this guy wakes up and pisses excellence. Bill became the New England Patriots’ head coach at the turn of the century, and since then he has produced 6 championships, 9 Super Bowl appearances (hahahaha you lost to that IDIOT Eli twice… oh and Go Birds, 41-33!), 3-time AP NFL Coach of the Year, and over 300 wins. He is the best coach in the sport that it is hardest to beat – effectively making him the best coach in sports history, IMHO. He’s already a legend, and he hasn’t even retired yet.

Phil Jackson

This man is an 11-time NBA champion as a head coach (6 with the Bulls, 5 with the Lakers). He had the privilege of coaching three of the greatest players ever in MJ, Kobe and Shaq. Now some would say anyone could coach those guys and have success, but as we learned from The Last Dance, managing all of those different personalities on the Bulls was an incredible task, not to mention having to work for someone you hate (Jerry Krause), all while leading them to six titles. The Kobe and Shaq beef was no secret either, and both of their egos were larger than Shaq’s leg room in his Buick. As a coach and a person, he understood how the mind worked and how to blend clashing personalities when no one else could. He is the best coach in NBA history and there is no argument that can say otherwise (sorry Red Auerbach, but I could’ve coached Bill Russell to a million championships back in the day too).

Scotty Bowman

I’ll be honest, I don’t know much about hockey history, but when I did some research on the top NHL coaches of all time, this guy was the clear #1. Scotty has the most impressive coaching resume I have ever seen. When he was 34-years-old, he took over as a first time head coach for the St. Louis Blues in their first year of existence, and took them to the finals that year and the following two after that. From there he went on to coach 27 more seasons in the NHL for four different teams (Montreal, Buffalo, Pittsburgh and Detroit), winning 9 Stanley Cups in 13 appearances, along with an Olympic Gold Medal for Team Canada in 1976. To cap off his illustrious career in 2002, he announced his retirement during the Cup presentation by putting on a pair of his old skates and doing one last lap with Lord Stanley’s Cup.

The Back

Mike McCarthy

Mike McCarthy is best known for wasting Aaron Rodgers’ prime. Early on in his tenure with the Packers he won a Super Bowl, but as time wore on, his welcome wore out. One mediocre season after another lead to him being fired in 2018. He didn’t get another job offer immediately and seemingly faded out. I honestly forgot all about him up until this past off-season when the General of the Clownboys, Jerry Jones, hired him to replace Jason Garrett. As expected, Mike is currently coaching the Cowboys to a 1-3 record in the worst division in NFL history. Like most Americans, there is nothing I love more than their misery.

Doc Rivers

As Gator Flint so eloquently informed you all last week, the Sixers have finally hired a real head coach–something us Philadelphia fans haven’t seen since the days of AI skipping practice to go spend $10,000+ at TGI Friday’s on City Ave. While Doc does bring a big name, a big resume, and the ability to attract big time players, he also brings baggage. Doc let his daughter date Playoff P, who wound up cheating on her with a stripper who ended up getting pregnant. Is this the reason the Clippers got bounced early? Maybe. Or it could be the brick Paul threw off the side of the backboard?

It’s probably the latter, but the point is this, Doc let drama affect his team and we all know how prone the Sixers are to drama. I wish Doc nothing but the best though, especially as a Philly fan. I am looking forward to making history with him yet again, blowing another 3-1 lead in the playoffs.

The Ugly

Maury Wills

Not to be confused with Maury Povich, Maury Wills was just straight up wild. I’m not even going to do his story justice, so I’ll just let Hardball Times summarize it…

“After an initial period when he failed to discipline openly insubordinate players, the skipper attempted to run spring training in a manner more familiar to boot camp, with predictable results.

Of course, part of Wills’ problems in spring training might have been that he decided being a major league manager was too easy. To attempt to make things more difficult for himself, Wills developed a cocaine problem.

The coke habit might have had something to do with a spring training game Wills left in the sixth inning without telling anyone why. Wills also developed a habit of announcing he had roles planned for players who were no longer on the Mariners’ roster.

He also made pronouncements about players, batting order, what position players would occupy and the like, only to go back on them, sometimes within a day of the original announcement. “

via Hardball Times

Bobby Knight

It’s really a shame I have to put this guy in The Ugly section. I mean — he is ugly, BUT he actually had a great basketball mind. Coach K credits Knight as being one of his biggest mentors, which speaks volumes coming from one of the greatest coaches in history (not great enough for this list because I hate Dook). Unfortunately, however, for Bob’s Big Boy his people skills were slightly slacking. This might be news to you, but Bobby was known for having a temper and also for being physically abusive to players and school property (see: the innocent chair pictured above). While coaching Indiana and Texas Tech it was reported that he slapped multiple players and threw basketballs at them. Bobby has 3 National Championships, 5 Final Four appearances, and over 900 wins — but the first thing he’s remembered for is throwing chairs and not getting dubs.

Bill O’Butthole

A picture is worth a thousand words. In Bill’s case, his just has an a**hole on his face. There are absolutely worse coaches in sports history than this guy, but I just wanted to put the cherry on top of the amazing week he has had. Much like Jeff Fischer, he is the epitome of average. Along with that, Bill is just another shining example of how you shouldn’t get plastic surgery done on your chin (and also another Bill Belichick assistant that went on to fail as a head coach). BOL (best of luck) in finding another coaching gig–you’re going to need it.

And with that, I wish you all a Happy National Coaches’ Day!

Please celebrate responsibly.

The post Happy National Coaches’ Day! The Good, The Back and The Ugly Edition appeared first on Korked Bats.

For a man of very few words, Bill Belichick had some VERY high praise for Main man Mixon after a Patriots game vs the Bengals last year. Keep in mind this was an Andy Dalton-led Bengals team. Before the world graced their eyes on this Joe(Burrow)-to-Joe(Mixon) connection.

For a Coach of very few words to compliment a player like that makes you realize Joe Mixon is different. In fact, Bill Belichick said far less in his Subway commercial than he did about Joe Mixon as a player.

Joe Mixon proved validity to Belichick’s words on Sunday. Joe went absolutely OFF, and had his best statistical game ever, recording 151 rushing yards and 2 tuddy’s while adding 30 yards and another tuddy in the passing game.

You may be asking, what could possibly make this stat line crazier? Maybe the fact that Mixon spent 3 hours in the hospital the day before. Mixon said that he “slept wrong” and felt like something was “squeezing.” Perhaps Mixon should sleep wrong every weekend because he was able to squeeze out nearly 200 all-purpose yards.

You could say it was a sigh of relief for Bengals fans, because Mixon had yet to find the end zone in 2020 prior to Sunday’s game against the Jaguars. Not to mention the fact that Mixon just signed a 4 year contract extension before the start of the season.

It’s hard to believe that this is just Joe’s 4th year in the league. It could have something to do with his former quarterback Andy Dalton leading the first three teams. I feel like Joe aged in NFL dog years during his time with Andy. Maybe all Joe needed was another Joe on the team to give him that spark that he needed. The icing on the cake for Mixon: he helped his rookie quarterback get his first NFL win.

The post A.D.’s Crown Of The Week Goes To Joe appeared first on Korked Bats.

How can you forget, amirite?! I know I couldn’t.

But finally, as we all waited with bated breath through the midst of this godforsaken pandemic, we finally have the finished product of that Bill Belichick Subway commercial.

And it appears we are back making jokes about the fact Bill Belichick cuts off his sleeves. Solid content there, Subway. Surprised you guys didn’t have any fire Deflategate jokes you’ve been sitting on. Oh wait, you guys got any good Aaron Hernandez jokes too?

I will say this however. The Hoodie is a better actor than I thought he’d be. Not bad. The dude could potentially star in the next Ted movie, especially since Brady’s no longer in Boston. I’m not saying he deserves an Emmy. All I’m saying is if there’s a trophy there to be won, Bill will probably win it.

Also, I’m a little disappointed there are no shots of him on a park bench scarfing down a sub like its the first time he’s eaten in weeks. I was told there’d be a shot of that.

The post That Bill Belichick Subway Commercial Is Finally Here appeared first on Korked Bats.

Last week the above photo went viral, and I (like I’m sure many) stopped whatever I was doing and stared at this thing for 16 minutes straight. At first, I didn’t know Bill was shooting a Subway commercial and just thought someone caught the Hoodie in public, scarfing down a footlong on a park bench, making this a modern day blurry Bigfoot photo. Or a Picasso.

But then I realized this is all just part of a Subway commercial he’s shooting. I was so mesmerized by the greatest coach in NFL history stuffing his grill with a hoagie as if he hadn’t eaten since the playoffs in public that I didn’t even realize the lights, wires, and commercial shooting equipment in the background. Then again, I should’ve assumed Bill has cameras near him anywhere he goes.

Unlike many of you, however, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this thing. Commercial or not, it’s mesmerizing. I’ve thought about it every day since. An NFL legend just slamming a sub like he’s Happy Gilmore. I’m sure if I ever found a similar photo of Vince Lombardi, it would affect me in the same vain.

My marriage has suffered. My friendships have suffered. My work life has suffered. All because I consistently lose focus whenever this photo pops into my brain. Which it does like 15 times a day.

Frankly, I can’t understand why more people aren’t hung up on this photo? How can we, as a society, move on from this so quickly? I get it, we moved on from Tiger King (a story about a gay illegal tiger owner who was married to not one but TWO straight dudes who plotted to murder a rival tiger owner who may or may not have killed her husband and fed him to tigers) in like two weeks. We talked about Kim Jong-un dying and coming back to life for like 3 days. And we gave the CIA ADMITTING THERE ARE ACTUAL UFO’S IN THIS WORLD like a day’s worth of attention. But this photo is weirder than all three of those things combined and we just moved on from it without talking about it much. Like it was the launch of Quibi.

What makes this so weird is that it’s Bill Belichick. Not just the most disciplined coach in the sport, but also the most buttoned up and private. We know less about Bill Belichick than we do any other human on earth. And that includes David Blaine. And here he is, in broad daylight stuffing a Cold Cut Combo down his gullet like some sort of normie. With sleeves still attached to his shirt I should add. Is this a new Belichick? Is this a Bill Belichick in the post-Tom Brady era? We all know Brady changed the second he left New England and got out from under Belichick’s shadow: Howard Stern interviews, arrests for breaking and entering, eating nightshades. Lol, jk on that last one. He’ll never eat a nightshade. Do you realize how unhealthy tomatoes can be?!

So maybe this is Bill doing the same? Or maybe he’s just doing this commercial because Subway paid him piles of cash to promote the return of the $5 Footlong (which is slightly less than what the Patriots paid for Cam Newton). Which, side note, the $5 footlong is the ultimate football guy meal. It’s fast. It’s filling. And you can eat it while you breakdown film. I just hope Bill Belichick’s Subway commercial is better than the Watt family’s.

Also, I always just thought Bill was a peanut butter and jelly guy.

The post I Can’t Stop Thinking About That Picture of Bill Belichick Eating A Footlong Sub appeared first on Korked Bats.