Dear DeMar DeRozan,

Where do we even begin? It’s been a few days since the sign and trade went down and I still find myself grasping at straws to try and find the words to encapsulate arguably the greatest era of Chicago Bulls basketball ever. And it’s all because of the man who wore #11.

Who can possibly forget your cool 27.9 points per game in the 2021-2022 season? Iconic. There’s no chance anyone has ever even come close to that. I don’t even have to look it up. This dude tore through records the way Lonzo Ball tears through miniscusses. And what about the way you heroically led us to the play-in tournament! Pretty sure no other Bull in history has ever done that. Guess that’s what happens when you average FIVE (5!) assists per game. How do you spell DeMar? Oh yeah, it’s G-O-A-T. And speaking of assists, in a day and age of super teams and big 3’s, it’s not like you had any help. You practically dragged Zach LaVine, Nikola Vucevic, and quite literally dragged Lonzo Ball (because of the miniscusses). It was truly a one-man show, with 5 co-stars. And honestly, it was the greatest one-man show we’ve ever seen. I just wish any other generation could’ve experienced what we just witnessed in terms of Bulls basketball. Some may clamor that other players in Bulls history were better, like Bob Love, Luc Longley, or Crisitran Felicio, but those folks just don’t know ball.

And don’t get me started on the clutch performances. Wayne Gretzky, who was the DeMar DeRozan of hockey, once said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Well, it felt like DeMar DeRozan hit 100% of the game-winning shots he did take. You can’t call yourself a sports fan without vividly remembering that one game-tying shot he hit in a regular season game against the Pacers.

And if anyone thinks that’s impressive, well, they clearly don’t know about the 82 games you played in the 2021-2022 season—every single one was a masterpiece of perseverance and reliability. We also deeply underappreciate your humility. Despite being the undisputed GOAT, with a capital O, you never let it get to your head. Your willingness to share the spotlight, and not get too ridiculously good to hog the spotlight from your teammates and others in the league might be your greatest quality.

So DeMar, thank you for your incredible service both on and off the court here in Chicago. It’s only a matter before your jersey is hanging in the rafters alongside other Bulls greats like Mike Dunleavy Jr., Ron Artest, and Lonzo Ball’s doctor.

Sincerely,

All of us in Chicago

P.S. Pretty sure you are the Bulls franchise leader for appearances in Kendrick Lamar diss track music videos

The post A Farewell To DeMar DeRozan, The Greatest Chicago Bull of All Time appeared first on Korked Bats.

People are asking. And by people, mainly me. But it’s worth asking. DeMar had himself quite the season (until he kinda tapered off toward the end). But still. It’s worth asking. So I set out on the quest outside United Center in Chicago to find out for sure if DeMar DeRozan is the best Bull of all time. I mean, who else can even be considered?

The post Is DeMar DeRozan The Greatest Bull Of All Time? appeared first on Korked Bats.

In journalism school, they teach you to never bury the lede, so here we go:

I’m moving.

I also got a new job.

Thus the reason why I’m moving.

I’m moving to Chicago to host a morning radio show on US99, an Audacy country music station. Random? Kinda. Especially considering I spent nearly ten years in the world of sports talk radio.

However, for many of you who know me and/or follow this blog, you know I also have an unhealthy obsession for the finer things in life: pop culture, music, and well, life. All of which will be the basis for the show we’re building in Chicagoland. Plus, living most of my life in Nashville has given me many ties to country music. I grew up down the street from Alan Jackson and Trisha Yearwood, going to elementary school with Dolly Parton’s niece, working at Fossil Jean Co. in the Cool Springs Galleria with Russell Dickerson, chatting with Ryan Hurd countless times on radio, podcasts, and social, and – of course – appearing in two country music videos should help, right?

It’s at the 1:42 mark. That counts, right?

For anyone who knows me, you know how much shooting a music video in a Waffle House meant to me. In the power rankings of best nights of my life it goes: 1. my wedding night, 2. this night.

Anyway, I wrote out some answers to some questions you may have:

What About That Radio Show?

We’ll be on every weekday morning from 6a to 9a in Chicago. If you’re outside the Chicagoland area, you can listen on the Audacy app, just search US99. This is the part where I hit you with the generic and overly cliché “We have a lot of cool things planned, and we’re gonna have a lot of fun.” But here’s the thing, we actually do have a lot of cool things planned and our main goal is to have as much as possible every single morning. We want to start everyone’s day (including our own) off right.

My co-host, Melissa, is awesome. She’s a radio staple in Chicago and is wildly talented. The two of us have meshed very well on the mic already and we see eye-to-eye on practically everything. Let’s go!

Here’s a promotional photo of the new show where Melissa looks great and I look like a complete doofus.

What Does This Mean For Korked Bats?

Don’t worry. Korked Bats isn’t going anywhere. A.D., myself, Sales Guy Jeff, the T-Rav Tasters, The Cineboiz, The Junk Drawer, the little bit Chris Rongey hops in… we’re not going anywhere. In fact, US99 was very open and extremely cool about allowing me to continue Korked Bats while I host the morning show. So the content will continue. The dumb tweets and memes on Instagram will as well. And we will continue to grow.

The content will continue to be majority national with little flares of our hometowns: Nashville, Pittsburgh, St. Louis, and now Chicago.

Running a blog like this in a city like Chicago is absolutely perfect. They’ve got each of the major sports teams (including two of one of those sports), and there’s always something going on in this town. Well, not right now with COVID and stuff, but it’s opening up slowly but surely.

Is It A Lame Tactic To Ask Big, Bolded Frequently Asked Questions In A Blog?

Yeah, probably.

What The Hell Is Korked Bats?

You must be here because you live in Chicago and/or are trying to figure out who the morning show guy on US99 is. Korked Bats is our sports, comedy and pop-culture blog where we don’t take anything seriously, including ourselves. (Here comes the shameless plug…) You should follow us on social: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram (which is temporarily deactived thanks to the UFC), even TikTok and we’re working on growing our YouTube channel. Here are a few highlights:

Do You Know That You Spelled Corked Wrong?

Yes. I know.

Long story, but when we first launched a long time ago, corkedbats.blogspot.com was taken. Ok, maybe the story isn’t that long.

Are We Good Here? Can I Leave Now?

Yeah, sure. Unless You have any more questions?

I Don’t.

Ok. Bye.

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Here’s the official press release:

AUDACY ANNOUNCES DEBUT OF NEW MORNING SHOW ON US99 IN CHICAGO

Station Bolsters Lineup by Adding Longtime Market Veteran Melissa McGurren and Austin Huff as New Morning Show Duo

PHILADELPHIA, PA – May 6, 2021 – Audacy announced a new morning show for US99 (WUSN-FM) in Chicago, welcoming local media veteran Melissa McGurren and Austin Huff as morning show co-hosts. The duo will be heard on “Melissa and Austin,” weekdays from 6:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. CT, effective May 10.

“We’re incredibly excited to be growing our US99 family and making mornings home for Melissa and Austin,” said Rachel Williamson, Regional President and Market Manager, Audacy Chicago. “This team will bring energy, positivity, chemistry, and a lot of fun to this fresh and dynamic local show to serve Chicago’s country listeners. Drew [Walker] returns to late mornings and middays and will continue to bring the energy and companionship country listeners have grown to love to get them through their day. Collectively, this roster will super serve Chicago’s country music audience as the standalone country station in the market.”

“I wish I could fully express my gratitude and happiness about joining the US99 team,” said McGurren. “I love Chicago and country music and I’ve never been more confident in an opportunity or my team. I know this is exactly where I’m supposed to be, and I couldn’t be happier to make this new move in my career.”

Melissa McGurren spent most of her career on WTMX’s “The Mix Morning Show” in Chicago as a traffic reporter sidekick turned co-host. She also previously spent time as a weekend traffic news anchor for NBC 5 in Chicago and parttime from the NBC 5 helicopter for breaking news and traffic.

“I can’t believe Justin Fields and I are moving to Chicago at the same time, especially considering he throws a much tighter spiral than me,” said Huff. “I’m honored to wake up with this city every morning, and I cannot wait to have a ton of fun in the process.”

Austin Huff is a Nashville native, and country music fan with over 10 years of radio experience both on air and in production. 

The post Some Cool Personal News appeared first on Korked Bats.

Before the 22-team plan was ratified by the NBA on Friday, there was a push by small market teams to bring back all 30 teams regardless of their chances to make the playoffs. The teams claimed that not completing the season for those eight teams would not only cause a loss in television deal revenue, but would also do irreparable damage to those teams’ brands (not entirely sure how? but whatever). This was eventually shot down as there were whispers that some teams – cough the Warriors cough – did not want to come back if there was nothing to play for. What if there was something to play for though?

Cue my amazing plan to help include the have-nots in the league! I call it the Not-So-Great Eight ( pending). How does it work? I’m glad you asked.

Where Will It Take Place?

Might as well take care of the easiest question first. The NBA is already in negotiations with Walt Disney, and you might not know this, but it just so happens they have more than one amusement park. Disneyland has long been perceived as the inferior choice to Disney World, thus making it the logical choice to host the tournament of the eight most inferior teams.

How It Will Work?

Another easy question. The teams are seeded based off of their regular season record at the suspension of the league with the 23rd​ best team, the Charlotte Hornets, being the one seed (Michael Jordan’s on top again!) and the 30th​ best team, the Golden State Warriors being the eight seed. From there, it’s a traditional playoff setup with each round consisting of a three-game series. Also to spruce things up, Jordan will coach the Hornets in the first round against the Warriors because A) no one actually know who the Hornet’s coach is (sorry, James Borrego), and B) it’s perfect timing with The Last Dance just being released, and C) It sets up a chance for Jordan to punch Steve Kerr in the face again. The last team standing is declared the champion of the Not So Great Eight!

What’s at Stake?

This one is a two-parter. First it will solidify the draft lottery positions. Teams that are eliminated in the first round will have the 1-4 lottery positions (tiebreaker being worse record when the season was suspended). Teams eliminated in the second round will hold the 5​th and 6th​ lottery positions, and the runner up in the tournament will hold the 7​th lottery position in the draft.

Now you may wonder why I neglected to mention the champion’s lottery position. Here’s why: The champion of the Not-So-Great Eight plays an automatic play-in game with the eight seed in the East (presumably the Orlando Magic) for a chance to play in the actual NBA playoffs. This will incentivize all the teams to play for a chance to make it to the tourney instead of having a tank-fest with teams more worried about draft position than winning games. Think about it. How much fun it would be for a finally healthy Golden State to win it all and get a chance to go through the East to set up a potential Lebron v. Golden State final for seemingly the 23rd​ time in the last decade!

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So there you have it, basketball lovers. I’ve saved the small market teams while creating an enjoyable tournament for all to watch, and most importantly, increased Disney’s profit margins because it’s important to help struggling local businesses in times like these.

Adam Silver, I’ll accept an edible arrangement as a thank you for doing your job for you.

This post was written by Gator Flint.

The post A Brilliant Idea For The 8 Teams Not Included In The NBA’s Plan To Return appeared first on Korked Bats.

What image you ask?

This.

Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player of all time, and his stogie, the longest cigar of all time.

Now look, I’m no stranger to cigars. I know they come in all shapes and sizes. But none come in a size that long. That thing was cut down from Redwood Forest.

They say smoking one cigar is the equivalent of smoking 70 cigarettes. This thing has to be the equivalent of smoking 70 Slim Jims. Both in size and health. Look, I’m not one to judge. Everyone has their vices, and apparently, Jordan’s is smoking javelins. All I’m saying is it doesn’t look natural. It’s like he bought spools of fabric from Jo-Ann’s with the sole purpose to smoke the spools they came rolled up on. Even Jordan’s Space Jam co-star Bugs Bunny would see this cigar and think it’s too comically large.

All I’m saying is that Michael Jordan’s cigar shouldn’t enter a room three minutes before he does. That’s not normal. Also, think about this. Michael Jordan is a massive human. He’s 6 feet, 6 inches. And that cigar still looks long. So imagine how big it would be for any normal-sized human. It’d be like trying to smoke the Alaskan pipeline.

I mean, that cigar is a real-life restraining order. Just look at this cameraman.

He wants a closeup of Jordan, but he can’t get within 15 feet of him because of that stogie. Fellas, maybe think about getting one of these for that crazy ex-girlfriend of yours.

My question is: did Jordan use that thing to help the United Center staff raise any of his six banners into the rafters? Because he sure as hell could’ve.

Most guys like to smoke Cubans. Jordan prefers telephone poles.

I know the Internet moves fast, and we’re already starting to get The Last Dance fatigue. So am I. But I just can’t stop thinking about this. It was one of the final shots of Episode 10, but it will live with me forever. Anytime I drive by a factory or plant with a 30-story smokestack, I’ll think of Air Jordan.

Also, if you think about it. That photo is of him in mid-smoke. How long was this thing to start? Did someone like LaBradford Smith once tell Jordan he couldn’t smoke cigars so then he went out and found (and/or made) the world’s biggest cigar just to prove them wrong? I don’t know. All I know is the Chicago Bulls probably won’t win another championship until he’s done with that thing.

The post It’s Been 5 Days And I Can’t Stop Thinking About How Long Michael Jordan’s Cigar Is appeared first on Korked Bats.

SOURCE – “Me personally, the way I play the game — team first — I feel like my best assets work perfectly with Mike,” James said in a video released Monday on Uninterrupted’s YouTube channel. “Mike is an assassin. When it comes to playing the game of basketball, scoring the way he scored the ball, [then] my ability to pass, my ability to read the game plays and plays and plays in advance.”

Hang on. When you say LeBron James, do you mean the guy who left Cleveland to be teammates with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh, they guy who teamed up with Anthony Davis in Los Angeles, the guy who texted Kevin Durant about joining him in Los Angeles, and the guy who’s now teaming up with Adam Sandler for a movie? That same LeBron James?

And now you mean to tell me he would’ve loved to have been teammates with Michael Jordan? And not play against him?

Wow. Color me shocked. I never would’ve pegged LeBron for a guy who wants to play with the best talent rather than go up against them. But here we are.

Let me guess, LeBron would’ve loved to vacation and ride a banana boat with MJ too, right?

Maybe share a bottle or merlot?

Maybe traded laundry?

I mean, I guess the sentiment is nice and all, but being a teammate with someone is a two-way street, and something tells me Jordan wouldn’t want to play with LeBron. He’d want to play against him.

In fact, this is how Jordan would respond:

The post In The Least Shocking News of The Decade, LeBron Would’ve Loved To Be Teammates With Jordan appeared first on Korked Bats.

The post The Best Tweets From The Last Dance – Episode 9 & 10 appeared first on Korked Bats.

DAMMIT, JOSE! NOT NOW! THE LAST DANCE IS ON!

SERIOUSLY, JOSE?! WHAT THE HELL! NOT NOW!!

The post The Best Tweets From The Last Dance – Episode 7 & 8 appeared first on Korked Bats.

These might’ve been the two best episodes so far. We got a real look behind the curtain of Jordan and some of his flaws. Let’s dive in.

R.I.P. Kobe

Damn. Right out of the gates, The Last Dance hits you with not just clips of Kobe vs. MJ in the All-Star Game, but an interview with Kobe, where he said there is no 5 championships for him without Michael Jordan. That’s about where my eyes started sweating.

Air Jordans

In this episode we got the backstory behind Jordan signing with Nike. He really wanted to sign with Adidas. My guess is because he dresses about as well as Adidas designs uniforms.

However, his mom forced him to take a meeting with Nike, and with that move, very easily altered the course of human history forever. Nike pitched the hell out of Jordan during his visit and offered to launch his very own shoe line.

Also, shout out to the news anchor in the documentary who said, “Michael Jordan is as hot as a Cabbage Patch Doll,” which is one of the more time specific references he could’ve made for that era. What? Punky Brewster didn’t want any of that?

Hold up. Justin Timberlake?!

The *NSYNC and Suit & Tie singer was featured in this documentary. Why? Who the hell knows? Probably just because this was just a flex by the filmmakers. “We got Obama and referred to him as a Former Chicago Resident. Who else can we get and make them seem not as big time as they are? Any famous Memphis Grizzlies fans out there?”

We get it. The people behind this documentary have a giant rolodex, but you don’t need to add people to the doc just because you can. I don’t need to see George Clooney next week talking about the significance Jordan had on the Hanes brand.

Also, the biggest lie of this week’s episodes wasn’t Jordan saying he doesn’t have a gambling problem. It was J.T. saying that, as a kid, he used to have to cut the grass and do chores for an entire summer to save up enough money for a pair of Jordans.

Yeah, ok, Mousekateer.

I wonder how many lawns Macauley Culkin had to cut to get his first pair.

The Dream Team

Maybe this is the quarantine talking, but I would watch the entire uncut footage of the Dream Team’s Olympic practices. Think about that. Watching the 12 greatest players – sorry, the 11 greatest players and Christian Laettner – go at it in that practice would probably be more entertaining than many NBA games. Again, I don’t know if I’m saying that just because I’m starved for sports right now or because it would actually be awesome. But if we can get Korean baseball on ESPN, I’m sure we could make this work, right?

The Pronunciation of Toni Kukoc

Glad to see Toni Kukoc finally get some facetime in this docuseries. Only took 5 episodes. Still waiting on Luc Longley though. Kukoc was referred to as the Left-Handed Magic Johnson. I’m not sure if that’s because he actually played like Magic Johnson or more so just because no one could pronounce Kukoc back then.

I get it. We hit the same snafu with Dirk. Is it Nowitzki or NoVITski? The funny thing was to just hear how many pronunciations we got with it. One guy interviewing Karl Malone and the guy reading his draft pick called him Tony Ku-KOTCH. And you know Charles Barkley couldn’t pronounce it. He said Ku-COKE.

Leave it to Bob Costas to nail the pronunciation though, with a good ol’ Ku-coach. Classic Costas. You could literally make up a word, and Costas would know the proper pronunciation for it.

Reebok

First it was Adidas. Now Reebok? Jordan’s take swings at every major shoe manufacturer one at a time this episode. You better run and hide, Skechers Shape-Ups!

Apparently Jordan didn’t want to wear the Team USA uniforms during the Olympic Medal ceremonies, because they were made by Reebok. So instead he draped an American flag over his shoulder to hide thee Reebok logo. Kind of a sucky moment for Reebok, but look on the bright side. Here we are 28 years later talking about Reebok. So that’s a plus, right?

The Former Chicago Resident

It’s really encouraging to know that this guy…

…grew up to eventually become this guy.

Good for him. Follow your dreams, kids.

However, still no word if that former Arkansas Governor ever amounted to anything.

The Georgia Dome

Oh man. It’s only been gone for a couple years, but seeing The Georgia Dome felt like such a blast from the past. You may know know it as the stadium used for the SEC Championship, the home of the Atlanta Falcons, or the site of where Ludacris would like to l-l-l-lick you from your head to your toes in one of his fa-fa-fa-fanta-tasies.

But apparently it also served as the site of one of Jordan’s last games against the Hawks. Over 63,000 people watched. Or at least tried to, because if you got a last row seat, in that place, this was probably your view:

Sinbad

To prove the cultural impact Jordan had, the documentary went through a montage of the celebrities who showed up to games just to see Michael Jordan play. One of those celebrities was Sinbad. The ’90s were a wild time, man.

You may remember Sinbad as the genie in that one movie. But actually, you’re wrong. Scroll his IMDB. Sinbad never played a genie. Ever. It’s one of the most famous Mandela effects. Right up there with the spelling of The Berenstain Bears. But this was the height of him being in Jingle All The Way, First Kid, and Houseguest. RIP in peace Phil Hartman.

Jerry Seinfeld

One of the actual biggest celebrities of the ’90s was Jerry Seinfeld. Take the amount of fame that Joe Exotic has had over the last eight weeks, double it, and spread it over eight years, and you’ve got Jerry Seinfeld in the ’90s. I did find it odd how he and Phil Jackson interacted like they were exes.

Click the right arrow for the top moments of Episode 6….

The post The Most Important Moments from ‘The Last Dance’ Ep. 5 & 6 appeared first on Korked Bats.

Big quarantine mood. #TheLastDance pic.twitter.com/uPbh6yXI7g

— The Players’ Tribune (@PlayersTribune) May 4, 2020

The post The Best Tweets From The Last Dance – Episode 5 & 6 appeared first on Korked Bats.