Hey Cubs, if you’re waiting for him to update his Twitter bio before you sign him, trust us, you’re going to be waiting for a while.

So just go ahead and sign him. He’s not going to look better anywhere else than he does in those blue pinstripes with the ivy placed directly behind him. Plus, the Cubs need this signing in the worst way. Aside from landing Shota Imanaga, the Cubs have been the lifeless body getting poked by a stick in the “c’mon do something” meme. They landed Dodgers prospect Michael Busch, which essentially eliminated themselves from landing Rhys Hoskins. And now it feels like they’re gonna miss out on blasting Belli bombs into the bleachers this summer.

I truly don’t think the Cubs realize just how easy it is to make a splash in the MLB offseason and literally steal headlines and attention for your club.

And it’s not like they have to do much to take the NL Central. They finished 2nd in the division last year. The Brewers not only lost their manager (to the Cubs), but they also traded Corbin Burnes away to the Orioles. And the Cardinals spent the offseason signing every single cover model of AARP Magazine. The only area they improved in is having more players who remember the days when MTV played music videos.

Look, if there’s anyone who understands procrastination, it’s me. So in a way, I respect the delay in actually getting anything done this offseason. But even I know to eventually get around to stuff. That’s still to be determined with the Cubs. So listen, Cubs. Sign Cody Bellinger.

And then get him to update his twitter bio.

The post Hey Cubs, You Can Go Ahead And Sign Cody Bellinger At Any Point Now appeared first on Korked Bats.

Never in my life have I ever related to a pro-baseball team more than the Chicago Cubs this season. Over the weekend, leading up to the series finale of one of TV’s greatest shows (don’t @ me) Succession, the Cubs were swept by the previously last-place Cincinnati Reds. The sweep ultimately sent the Cubs to the cellar of the NL Central. But then Succession aired, and the Cubs trotted out on Memorial Day against the best team in the majors, the Tampa Bay Rays, and shut them out.

Was it the greatest win in the history of regular season baseball? People are asking.

The Rays came in fresh off a weekend series win over the NL’s best team, Los Angeles Dodgers, and having just hit their 100th and 101st home run of the season. The next best team in baseball has 90. And the Cubs proceeded to blank the hell out of them like **MAJOR SPOILER** Shiv did to “THE ELDEST BOY” Kendall.

Now sure, the Cubs only won 1-0, but it was as dominant of a 1-0 game you’d ever see. Some are saying the greatest 1-0 game in the history of baseball. Trust me, I was there. Were you? Didn’t think so. So you have to take my word for it.

Now these recent developments make me wonder: were the Cubs distracted by the final season of Succession? Personally, I and many other people were. So it’s easy to believe the Cubs were as well. Frankly, I was extremely productive on Monday as well. Having walked over 22,000 steps (not to brag) and doing a load of laundry. Well, at least putting it in the wash. I still need to move it to the dryer. But it’s all been since Succession ended. Coincidence? There are no coincidences.

Now you’re probably thinking: “It’s one game. So what?” First off, you can’t put together a winning streak without wining the first one. And that’s exactly what the Cubs did. Against MLB’s best team. Look, Succession is over, which means we’re looking for the next great show on TV. Will it be the Cubs? People are asking.

The post The Cubs Were Just Waiting For ‘Succession’ To End Before Turning It On This Summer appeared first on Korked Bats.

Cody Bellinger was recently placed on the Cubs injured list, which is weird, because I didn’t think the Cubs could put a Los Angeles Dodger on the IL. WHAAAAA?!

Yes, Cody is still a Dodger. Not my words. Those are the words of his Twitter bio… which I’m pretty sure is the most binding documentation in all of sports. So naturally, over the past month or so on Twitter, we have documented every day Cody has failed to update his Twitter. Why? First off: why not? People need to know. And second: we’re a dumb sports blog. What else are we going to do with our time?

Now you may be one who says “Who the hell cares?! He’s a Major League Baseball player. He has a few bigger things to worry about than updating his social media platforms” or “He clearly doesn’t live on the internet like you” or “Why did I even click on this link to read this?” If you are thinking any (or all) of these, then you must be as cool as JonnyCoolGuy, who apparently is not as cool of a guy as his Twitter name suggests.

“Who cares” Guy on the Internet is always my favorite. Especially on viral tweets. The irony is so clearly lost on them. But when the “who cares” comes from someone named JonnyCoolGuy, it does make you take a step back and wonder… wait, who DOES care?! Not only did JonnyCoolGuy unfollow us for a single (albeit consistent) tweet, he also hit us with the block.

More like JonnySavageGuy, amirite?! Dude’s clearly pissed that Cody Bellinger is still a Dodger. And judging by his profile picture of the centerfield scoreboard of Wrigley Field, it makes sense.

Anyway, please DO NOT tweet at JonnyCoolGuy and let him know that Cody Bellinger still hasn’t updated his Twitter bio. And that today is May 23rd.

The post To Us, Cody Bellinger Is Still A Los Angeles Dodger Because His Twitter Bio Says So appeared first on Korked Bats.

As The #1 Derrick Henry Fan Site On The Internet, you know anything remotely involving #22 rides heavily on us. Especially when rumors surface of a potential trade for the King. For those counting at home, this offseason, Derrick Henry has been traded to the Miami Dolphins, Buffalo Bills, Chicago Bears, Las Vegas Raiders, Dallas Cowboys and now Philadelphia Eagles. And yet, he’s still a Tennessee Titan. I’m not sure how many times we’re going to have to go through this until Week 1, but I’m assuming 26 more – since that’s how many teams are left. I thought it was made clear the Titans are not shopping the King, but I guess not everyone has been made keen to that intel, which means people are still taking rumors and just – no pun intended – running with them.

However, I was a little tied up all day on Saturday. So that means I missed this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

Now if I’m catching up on all of this correctly, the entire rumor mill spread from one tweet, this “very believable” tweet:

Now I don’t know why we wouldn’t take the *checks notes* host of American Ninja Warrior for all things breaking NFL news. Step aside, Schefty. Take a seat, Rapoport. A guy who commentates Cirque du Soleil races now has a seat at the table. Because this news sent shockwaves through the internet.

A rumor that not only sparked AJ Brown to tweet, but to tweet WITHOUT deleting it immediately after.

And where was I while all of this was going down? I was neck-deep in pink ostrich feathers. I mean, could you imagine if Derrick Henry, the pride and joy of this dumb blog, was traded while I was wearing this:

If King Henry was traded on Saturday, I would’ve been depressed in a pink ostrich feather-laced couture runway floral jacket in the bleacher seats of a way-too-cold-for-late-April Wrigley Field. I would’ve been an emotional wreck and depressed as hell all while slayyyying it, yassss queen! I mean, who wants to be hit with a gut punch of their sports blog’s favorite player being traded while dressed like a ribbon dancer running for office. But luckily both the Titans and Eagles denied the reports – for the Titans, this is just becoming a weekly exercise for them to deny Derrick Henry trade rumors. But that begs the question: how does a tweet from a co-host of CBS’s The Talk spread like wildfire? Sure, I’ll admit, it’s harder to determine who or what on Twitter is notable in Elly Musk’s new Mad Max: Fury Road wasteland that is Twitter dot com since he took everyone’s blue checks away. But at the same time, how can this American Ninja Warrior just bust out lies with no remorse?

What’s next? The host of MTV’s The Challenge gonna start leaking NFL Draft picks? Is Jeff Probst an NFL insider too? Like are we really doing this now? Just tweeting ridiculous stuff with no consequence? Because you can see where I’m coming from, right? I just wrapped a weekend where I tweeted something ridiculous and definitely had to pay for it. So personally, I think everyone should. And as for everyone who fell for this tweet, just from here on out, just know that whenever Colonel Akbar tweets…

The post While I Was Parading Around Wrigley In A Lorax-Fur Blazer, Apparently Derrick Henry Trade Rumors Resurfaced? appeared first on Korked Bats.

This week continues to get more and more amaze.

I feel like this entire blog has become just updates on this Kim Mulkey jacket situation and movie reviews from Kenny. (Shout out, Kenny!) But a lot has happened in the past week, and I haven’t had a ton of time between editing, blogging, and – oh yeah – my actual job to update with other stuff. So just bear with us here, because we’re only a few days away from Saturday (April 22), when I will be wearing Kim Mulkey’s jacket to Wrigley Field for the Cubs-Dodgers game. It’s absolutely ridiculous how big this has grown. From the reverse of that Garth Brooks song with Baton Rouge calling me…

It’s a good question if you think about it.

From then hopping on 670 The Score in Chicago with the legends Laurence Holmes and Leila Rahimi.

To the @Cubs following Korked Bats on Twitter…

To finding out that Martha Gottwald of Neu Byrne, the designer of the jacket, and LSU Women’s Basketball assistant coach Jennifer Roberts are both flying in for the game. WHAT. IS. HAPPENING? All from that stupid tweet from me just sitting on my couch laughing at that jacket.

As for the jacket itself, it’s hanging in the bag in my kitchen just staring at me every single day. Waiting until Saturday. And so am I.

The post VIDEO: An Unboxing of The Kim Mulkey Jacket & Other Updates To This ‘Amaze’ Saga appeared first on Korked Bats.

Imagine the “OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING!” GIF from The Office, but in real life. Because that’s what’s going on in my brain right now.

I don’t know if you’ve been following this incredibly dumb saga or not, but if not, feel free to catch yourself up here:

Or here:

Or even here:

But for those who are caught up to speed. The jacket, Kim Mulkey’s jacket that looks like if Animal from The Muppets worked at Bath & Body Works, is en route to me in Chicago as you read this. I’m sure you’re wondering where I found one. Allow me to correct you real quick. Not just one, but THE one. As in the only one of these jackets that exist. The one Kim Mulkey wore in the women’s Elite Eight. The one photographed in my tweet above. According to the jacket’s designer, Martha Gottwald – who is so damn cool, by the way – this jacket was originally for a couture runway show and is the only one in existence.

Initially, Martha wanted me to do something epic in it like, in her words, “a keg stand or something.” But apparently, the jacket is needed after I’m done (more on that below), so I gotta take care of it and keep it in pristine condition. I mean, it is retailed at over $4,000 by the way. Side note: I should’ve gotten into fashion design instead of sports blogging and radio.

Here are a few of the most common questions I’ve gotten so far:

When is it arriving?

This Saturday before 7 p.m. according to the tracking number I have for UPS. Yes, I’ll be upset if Martha (we’re on a first-name basis now – I don’t know if she knows that) is just mailing be a giant box of dog poo as a goof. I’ll admit it’s a well-played goof, but I will be pissed.

Will it even fit?

That we don’t know. I did some at-home measurements before we shipped it out and it’s going to be close, but Martha said it should be good. So fingers crossed there.

Have you picked a game to attend?

Short answer: yes. The Cubs kick off a quick California road trip on Friday and aren’t back to the Confines until next Friday, so we have to wait a week, but as of right now (barring rain), we’re looking at Saturday, April 22nd against the Dodgers, which should be nice, because, with out-of-town Dodgers fans in attendance, I probably won’t be the most flamboyantly dressed person in Wrigley. FOLKS!

Where are you sitting?

I was hoping to score some behind-home plate seats just so that jacket could be in the line of sight for TV cameras, but have had no luck so far. So as of right now, I’ve got some seats in the bleachers, which I think is the next best place to sit at Wrigley. Especially in high-end designer fashion.

Anything else planned?

I still have a few things I’m working on to make the day pretty cool. We’ll obviously be updating you as we learn more. But for right now, this is everything. If you have any ideas or wanna help in any way, please reach out.

But one thing is for sure, I’m definitely getting a Beer Bat.

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Is that $4,000 jacket just yours now?

You kidding? I wish. Unfortunately, no. While it would look good with the rest of my wardrobe, I do have to send it back the next day. There are murmurs that this jacket could be displayed in a hall of fame, so Martha asked that I take good care of it and ship it back in one piece. So I will protect this jacket with my life.

So hey Chicago, whaddaya say?! If you’re going to be at Cubs-Dodgers next Saturday, please find me. I’ll be the guy in the pink ostrich feather-trimmed floral jacket.

The post UPDATE: Kim Mulkey’s Jacket Is En Route To Chicago, Will Be Worn At An Upcoming Cubs Game appeared first on Korked Bats.

Wrigley Field is known as ‘The Friendly Confines,’ so we decided to put that to the test to see if Cubs fans can say even one nice thing about the Cardinals. And as you’ll see, we’re pretty sure Paul hates us.

The post VIDEO: Can Cubs Fans Say Anything Nice About The Cardinals? appeared first on Korked Bats.

Legends of WGN: Harry Caray, Jack Brickhouse, and now some doofus who’s gonna wear a pink ostrich-feathered floral jacket to a Cubs game.

If you haven’t been following, you can fill yourself in here:

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I swear Kim Mulkey’s jacket continues to make my life weirder and weirder. From getting 18,000 likes on a tweet that I didn’t expect to get more than maybe 40, to getting me in touch with the designer of this jacket, to now popping on the morning news with WGN. What the hell is going on? I have no idea, but I gotta find a Cubs game to go to.

The post Kim Mulkey’s ‘Fraggle Rock’ Jacket Has Somehow Landed Us On WGN News appeared first on Korked Bats.

The post Surf’s Up: Raiders Fans Popping Bottles, Auburn Stadium Fights, & Urban Meyer appeared first on Korked Bats.

We went out to Wrigley Field to test fans on their knowledge of some of the most popular songs around: Take Me Out To The Ballgame, Go Cubs Go, and Thong Song. Because why wouldn’t you?

The post VIDEO: We Had Random People Sing Songs Outside of Wrigley Field, And It’s Clear Some People Don’t Know Sisqo appeared first on Korked Bats.