SKIIIIIP!!!

And this all comes a week after Stephen A. had to bust out the nametag for his new employee.

Look, I get it. I call my cohost by my wife’s name all the time and vice versa. It’s awkward and difficult to overcome. Imagine if Shania did this in his last gig. Like if he referred to Trent Dilfer as John Elway. That would just be awkward for everyone. And insulting to Elway. Maybe they need to bust out a swear jar at the Worldwide Leader. Best way to drive a point home is through their wallet. So listen, Shane. Take it from me. Start charging yourself a dollar every time you say “Skip.” Consider it an FCC violation. Even if it’s said in passing, like “I skipped breakfast this morning.” That way, Shawn, you eliminate that word/name out of your entire vocabulary. Trust me, Shakira. It’s the method that works best. When I first started on the air here in Chicago, I had a plethora of verbal ticks that I had to overcome, so we set up a jar. And once you have to start paying up, that’s when you really put thought into it, and before you know it, it’s muscle memory. It works, undisputed.

I also find it funny how Sharon dropped the ball in a segment where they were discussing Kadarius Toney. SKIIIIIIIIIIP!!!

The post Shannon Sharpe Can’t Stop Calling Stephen A. “Skip” appeared first on Korked Bats.

It’s been a minute since we’ve dusted off the Take Siren. But this seems like the perfect take for it. Because this is an all-time Take Siren. Hell, this is a Take Tornado Siren. A siren with so much juice it needs to be tested on the first Monday of every month. SHOULD THE LAKERS REST THEIR STARTERS FOR GAME 5?! This feels like something we would tweet tagged with a PEOPLE ARE ASKING! According to take artist Mike Greenberg, the Lakers, who lead their series against the Warriors 3-1, need to rest their starters for Game 5 because there’s no chance they win. Why stop there, Greeny? Why not sit them for the rest of the season? Keep them fresh for next year. Maybe sit them forever? Keep ’em fresh for retirement leagues. I mean, that certainly is a take. But it feels like something a producer put on a show rundown as a joke and Greeny just Ron Burgundy’d it because it was written on the teleprompter. Or hell, did this come about because of the writers’ strike? Personally, I’ve always felt like we don’t need 24-hour news networks, because sometimes, there just isn’t any news. And I’m starting to lean that way with 24-hour sports networks. Especially if we have shows with showrunners who just let topics like this slide. I mean, sure, do you need to give LeBron and A.D. their rest? Yes. And are the Warriors a million times better at home this season than they are on the road? Yes. And will Steph Curry and Draymond be locked in to keep their legacies and title defense alive? Yes. And ohmygahhh, have I come around on this take? SHOULD THE LAKERS REST THEIR STARTERS? I guess people ARE asking.

The post ‘Get Up’ Asks Should The Lakers Rest Their Starters For Game 5? Time To Dust Off The Ol’ Take Siren! appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Academy Awards are less than two weeks away!

This year, we’re opening up our ESPN/ABC Pick’em group to EVERYONE!

Just follow the link below, create an entry, and make your picks before Oscar night on March 12th!

https://abc.com/games/oscars-pickem-2023/group?id=b86f2ff9-de67-42ed-b270-f60b68a5fa5c&joining=true

If your entry wins the group, I, Kenny of The CineBoiz, will present you with a $25 Amazon Gift Card. I plan on running away with this though, so don’t get your hopes up.

Also, be sure to tune in to The CineBoiz Oscar LIVESTREAM on Twitch on Oscar Night (More Details to Come)

The post Join the Korked Bats/CineBoiz Oscar Pick’em! You Could Win a Prize! appeared first on Korked Bats.

Whoa! Call off the dogs. I mean damn, ESPN. All Dana White did was slap his wife a couple of times in a nightclub on video. No need to come down on the guy so hard with phrases like, “He’s a friend” and “I love him.” And then Stephen A. really brings down the wrath of God by saying, “I just wish the best for him and his family.” You would think that with ESPN’s business ventures in mind, as direct partners with the UFC, they would maybe take it easy on their reporting and coverage on the absolute scumbag that is Dana White.

But real talk: what in the hell?!

Now, it should be noted that as biased as ESPN is in their coverage of things they air on their network (like the SEC, the NBA and anything the Manning brothers do), we too carry similar biases. Not sure if you picked up on this fact or not, but we kinda like Derrick Henry. And for as much as we like Derrick Henry, we carry that same amount of disdain for Dana White. And the UFC. Don’t get me wrong, mixed martial arts is awesome. But when UFC had our Instagram account permanently deactivated, it changed how we viewed the league and the human penis who runs it. We worked extremely hard for a year half growing our Instagram account, loading it with content, and watching the follower count grow. And after posting one :15 second clip (shorter than the clip of him hitting his wife) of a fight that had already concluded, our account was gone. No warning. No strike. Just gone. Like Dana’s hair. So yeah. We hate him. Which means our reporting on the fact that he literally committed domestic violence ON TAPE only adds gas to the heaping fire we already had burning under him.

So when the World Wide Leader fails to lead in their coverage of this disgusting human and his even more disgusting actions, it’s pretty damning, offensive, and quite frankly, frustrating.

And to the UFC stans who feel the need to defend Dana’s actions – despite the fact that Dana himself isn’t even defending his actions – saying things like, “But Dana’s wife hit him first!” It doesn’t matter when or if a woman hits you. You never hit a woman. Never. Like never ever. Never ever ever. Just never. And you certainly don’t do it twice like Dana did in the video.

But hey, at least Stephen A. Smith had the balls to go on national TV to say that a guy who slapped his wife is his “friend” and he wishes “the best for him and his family.” Hopefully, the UFC is able to recover from this extremely damning PR hit faster than the fighters in their league recover from bouts. Ya know, because they don’t get long-term health insurance and all.

The post Whoa! ESPN Came Down Super Hard On Dana White For Hitting His Wife, Saying: “I Love Him, I Wish The Best For Him” appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Buffalo Bills won big tonight. No one will deny that fact. Josh Allen looks 100% like he’s him. Everyone predicted Buffalo to win the Super Bowl this year, and they looked every bit of the part in Week 1. Even if you’re a Rams fan, you gotta be stoked that football is officially back. It was an awesome night all around.

And then @ESPN tweeted.

I ask this kindly, but what in the absolute hell is that tweet?!

Like, did this tweet get approved by someone before it was thrown up there? This is the Worldwide Leader and they’re tweeting like someone who just started watching sports this year. The Bills “got their shot”?! What in the hell does that even mean? Sure, we all remember the last time we saw the Bills play football. It was an iconic game in the divisional round of the playoffs and ended with the Bills getting screwed by overtime rules. And now they got their shot?? They got their shot against a different team. A different team that’s not even in the same conference. In a regular season game. What do you mean they got their shot? Gah, I wish I had a shot, because I’m way too sober to be having @ESPN show up on my timeline.

Seriously, is it a Disney thing that forces ESPN to hire the dumbest people to run their social media? Don’t get me wrong. I actually like that ESPN’s social media team sucks ass. It makes grassroots blogs like this one seem so much better that we run better socials with no budget while they’ve got mouse ears funding their endeavors. But maybe @ESPN should take @The_Moose21 up on his offer. I’m sure he’d gladly leave his teaching gig, and we’d probably rather read his tweets than whatever first-time sports watcher is currently running things. This isn’t the first time either.

Look, I hate people online who use this phrase, but I’m about to use this phrase. @ESPN, please, for the love of all that is holy, stick to sports.

The post @ESPN Needs To Stop Tweeting After Big Games appeared first on Korked Bats.

Week Zero is the biggest tease in all of sports. It’s worse than NFL pre-season football. It’s the sports equivalent of sitting through a time-share presentation so you can get a free vacation and meal. You know the free vacation is within reach, but for now you’re going to have to sit through a meeting with an over-caffeinated salesman—or in college football terms, Wyoming vs. Illinois.

Now granted, my love for college football has waxed and waned over the years. I’ve always gravitated toward professional sports over collegiate, so I may not be best suited to make a judgment call here. However, in the proverbial sports desert that is “Mid-To-Late August”, Week Zero seems immediately appealing because it’s the first weekend of live football that actually matters.

Except it doesn’t.

If you can name one team that played yesterday that will play in their conference championship, I’ll eat my words. Sure we got a close one between Nebraska and Northwestern, but unless you’re a die-hard fan of either of those teams, does anyone really care?

Look, don’t sweat it. I’ve got three ideas for how to better spend your Week Zero Saturday next year if you, like me, spent it watching irrelevant college football games yesterday.

1. Go To The Pool

Now this may not be an option for our Northernmost states where temps are already dropping into the 60’s, but dammit, it’s still summer! Why would you spend a free Saturday watching Nevada v. New Mexico State when you can soak up some rays with your friends? In the next couple of weeks both your Saturdays and Sundays will be spent watching football that matters. Week Zero could be your last real chance to enjoy the pool.

2. Catch ‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’ on TNT

Look, it’s been out for eight years now, and you’ve been meaning to get to it. It’s on TNT pretty much every day. Week Zero Saturday is the perfect opportunity to finally check it off your watch list. It’s either that or Vanderbilt v. Hawaii.

3. Take a Nap

Now I recognize that taking a nap on a football Saturday or Sunday is pretty much a tradition for most people. If you’re like me though, you have a hard time making that happen when a game is on that even remotely has your attention. I did not find it to be a problem yesterday while Florida State v. Duquesne was on though. For those of you who want to nap, but struggle with it, take Week Zero next year to get a quality one in.

Week One is next week. Hang in there, people.

The post Dear Week Zero, Stop Being A Thing. appeared first on Korked Bats.

Mike Ryan, the insanely talented EP (or former EP now, I guess?) of the extremely popular Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz is officially a free agent fan. And I get it, too. His beloved Browns agreed to trade Deshaun Watson who still is facing 22 civil lawsuits alleging sexual assault (gross) and used to play for the Houston Texans (double gross). So with his NFL team allegiance on the open market, I decided to lay out the reasons why Michael Ryan Ruiz should turn his fandom to the Tennessee Titans.

The City

It always starts with the city. And the people who tell you otherwise probably cheer for a team in a craptastic city. You want a team that plays in a destination spot, a place that’s fun to visit, and while there may be places with better weather and beaches, I’d argue there are few cities in the NFL more fun than Nashville. Few people have left a weekend in Nashville and said, “It was meh.” Other than maybe these girls.

Titans Twitter

When it comes to team fan bases on Twitter, I have to admit that the Titans are near the top of that list. Of course, NBA Twitter is tops. Then maybe Braves Twitter and/or Vols Twitter. Chiefs Twitter is also very solid and creative. But the Titans have a seat at that table as well. Albeit a seat at the end of the table, but it’s still a seat, dammit. And considering how good you, Mike Ryan, are creatively and how good you are on Twitter, I think you’d fit in just fine, and even add to the growing greatness that is Titans Twitter. Are we overly sensitive at times? Of course. But that’s just fueled by passion. And Mike, you’re as passionate as they come.

The Coach and The GM

There are few coaches cooler than Mike Vrabel. Cheering for a Vrabel-coached team just feels awesome. He gets it. And the GM? Well, the GM is a man who cares so much, he’s willing to shed a tear anywhere over this team. Even in that testosterone farm known as the NFL Combine.

Four Words: Derrick Lamar Henry Jr.

Mike, we’ve all heard you on the Dan Le Betard Show with Stugotz wax poetically about the freak of nature that is Derrick Henry. I know you enjoy watching that human rhinoceros as purely an NFL fan. Now imagine watching him scoring touchdowns for YOUR team!

The only thing better than seeing this man give stiff-arm grown men in the face and slam them into the core of the earth is doing so when he’s on YOUR team. You’re going to have to trust me, as a diehard fan, it’s very, very exciting.

This calls for a BONER ALERT pic.twitter.com/6tVIJlSZB9

— Korked Bats (@korkedbats) January 17, 2022

And considering he missed half of last season, allow us, The #1 Derrick Henry Fan Site On The Internet to share a few quick reminders of the King’s greatness.

Mutual Hatreds

An enemy of my enemy is my friend, right? Well guess what, FRIEND?! We have similar enemies. With your aforementioned former fan hood of the Cleveland Browns, you very clearly hate the Cincinnati Bengals. And as of January 22 of this year, we do too! Plus, we also have an ingrained hatred for the Pittsburgh Steelers dating back to the AFC Central days.

Now all you need to do is learn to hate the Jaguars, which being from Florida, shouldn’t be too hard for you.

Pro Wrestling Ties

We all know you like pro wrestling. Well, guess what? Pro wrestlers like the Tennessee Titans.

WWE Hall of Famer Jeff Jarrett?

There are few people who love the Titans more than JJ. His love runs deep. Like ‘the Frank Wycheck days’ deep.

What about Ric Flair?

The Nature Boy cut promos that used to run on the stadium’s jumbotron before and after games. WOOOO! So this counts too.

How about Shaemus?

Honestly, I have no idea who this is because my wrestling knowledge and fandom stopped just after The Attitude Era. But I’m sure you know who that is! So… how ’bout that?!

What about The Undertaker?

Ok, that’s former Titan Dennis Kelly. But if you squint, that’s The Undertaker!

Other Celebrity Fans

You think the Titans are only popular among pro wrestling circles? Please! This team is universally loved by people like…

Britney Spears

Oh baby, baby!

Hayley Williams

Whoa, I never meant to brag. But I think I got you where I want you now, Mike.

Tim McGraw

This technically counts as two celebrities since Tim is both a musician and an actor. Not many people can say one of the brothers from Four Christmases is a fan of their favorite NFL team.

That Wal-Mart Yodeling Kid

That’s right. Internet and yodeling sensation Mason Ramsey is a Titans fan. Sure, he’s not old enough to buy cigarettes, but that doesn’t mean he’s not old enough to bring the smoke in that Titans gamer.

*NSYNC (or at least two of the guys)

How’s that for a timely reference?! And yes, them just wearing a jersey during Super Bowl XXXIV festivities counts as them being lifelong fans. Plus, J.T. is from Memphis. And where did the Titans play for a season in between Houston and Nashville? Memphis. And as for Chris Kirkpatrick, he’s never been photographed in any other team’s jersey before, so you know his fandom is legit.

Mandisa

Oh snap, I debated whether or not to even play this trump card, but we’re pulling out ALL the stops in this recruitment. That’s right, if you become a fan of the Titans, you’ll be right there among the ranks of 9th place finisher of season 5 of American Idol.

Oh, and lookie here. Probably the biggest celebrity of them all…

MIKE RYAN!

Wait, let me fix that for you, Mike…

Damn, dude. I’m not gonna lie, but you look hella good in that two-toned blue. To the point where I might just become a Browns fans just so I can ditch them and follow your lead to the Titans because that right there is the look of a man who knows what the hell he’s doing. Plus, wouldn’t it be nice for your favorite football team to have essentially the same colors as your favorite football team?

That’s technically two-toned blue as well.

So go ahead and join the elite list of celebrities who are already cheering on the Titans every Sunday, and make that exclusive club even more elite. Sure most of them are musicians, so I’m pretty sure the fan base can use a producer (or whatever your new role is) for the best sports podcast in America and member of the fastest growing sports media company (Meadowlark Media) since Sports By Brooks.

And Speaking of Music

MIKE! I don’t know if you know this or not, but the Tennessee Titans play in MUSIC CITY! You just made a MUSICAL! I mean, c’mon. Plus, you want that puppy to rake in some hardware, right? Pretty sure the ven diagram between Grammy voters and Titans fans has enough overlap to the point where it’s just one giant circle. And we all know award shows are as political as working at ESPN, so play the game! Like the Titans, win a Grammy. In that order. Hell, your boy JT Daly is already in Nashville. So when you make trips up to the 615 every Sunday, you and JT can already start working on The Big Game 2, The Lyin’ King (a musical all about Stugotz), or Les Miserables (a musical on your time as a Browns fan). All I’m saying is Lin MikeRyan Miranda needs to pull for an NFL team in a city where his creativity and talent would be cultivated, enhanced, and beyond accepted.

Check out The Big Game here…

Do the math, Mike. Most Grammy winners are Titans fans. You want one of those gold-plated mini gramophones? Throw on some two-toned blue. Heady play.

Final reason…

The Mascot Is A Raccoon

The mascot for the Titans is a raccoon. So the reasoning behind you adopting the Titans should be the same as the Titans when it came time to making a raccoon their mascot, “WHY THE HELL NOT?!”

Now look, I know there may be some deterrents to becoming a Titans fan. For one, they’ve yet to win a Super Bowl. So as a Browns fan, that should be an easy transition for you. But view it like this. If you jump on now, it won’t seem like your bandwagoning them. Buy low, right? Another deterrent might be Ryan Tannehill. As a guy from Miami, you’ve seen firsthand the first part of his career. But upon landing in Nashville, he’s been an entirely different player. Did he poop the bed in the playoffs this year? Sure. But he’s still been one of the best quarterbacks in the sport over the previous two years, as we thouroghly went over here. All I’m saying is I think the Titans are the right place for your allegiance. Titan the hell up, Mike.

The post Why Dan Le Batard Show Producer & Soon To Be Grammy Winner Mike Ryan Should Become A Titans Fan appeared first on Korked Bats.

Now that I live in Chicago, I felt it only necessary to talk to a true Chicagoan. Someone who is so Chicago, she has Malort running through her veins. She’s probably never eaten ketchup on a hot dog. And she’s been insanely patient for the Chicago Bears to finally get a quarterback. She’s Chicago to her core. Me, however? I just moved here. I have a lot to learn. So why not turn to the best?

Sarah and I chat about:

• the scoring on Around The Horn
• her co-host Jason Fitz’s love for Halloween
• which NFL quarterback she’d most want to trick or treat with
• what she would name a Vegas night club if she started one
• her love for Chevy Chase
• and of course her favorite Brendan Fraser movie

Sarah’s a ton of fun. Check her out on the full interview and tun into Spain & Fitz on ESPN Radio every weeknight from 7-9p ET.

The post A Chat With ESPN’s Sarah Spain appeared first on Korked Bats.

ESPN’s conspiring behind the scenes to try and get Big 12 teams to join the leagues of conferences they have the TV rights to. Sure. Typical evil Disney crap right there.

Blah.

Blah.

Blah.

I think the REALLY big news here is the fact that Big 12 Commissioner Bob Bowlsby’s signature looks like he signs it with one of those battery-powered squiggly pens.

Look at this thing.

Look at it.

Main culprit:

Did his daughter sign this for him?

How can we tell this document is official? It appears as though it was signed by Ruttttttttwy.

No wonder Texas and OU left. If every conference memo is signed by someone sitting on a dryer, then I’d grab my things and leave too. How can the remaining conference members (whether it’s the ones flirting with ESPN or not) want to stay now after seeing that signature which more so resembles a kindergartner’s drawing of grass?

Anyway, real talk: this is some nasty stuff ESPN is allegedly involved with. It may not be true, but it sounds like it very well could be. Especially when you consider FOX, ESPN’s direct competitor, is the rights holder for Big 12 football, and ESPN has TV rights for the AAC.

Oh wait, nevermind. Guess it’s all made up then. *eyes roll so far back into my head that I can actually see the Longhorn Network* This whole thing is going to be insanely interesting to see played out. Especially if it requires Bob Bowlsby, who’s name already sounds like the name of a conference commissioner in The Busy World of Richard Scarry, to sign more documents.

The post ESPN May Be Trying To Destroy The Big 12, But Have You Seen Bob Bowlsby’s Childlike Signature? appeared first on Korked Bats.

Welp, here we go.

Remember around ten years ago when Nebraska and Colorado bolted the Big 12 for the Big Ten and Pac-10 respectively? And then shortly after Mizzou and A&M bolted for the SEC? They did it because even though the conference had a commissioner, it wasn’t run by a commissioner. It was run by two programs – albeit the most successful programs at the time – Texas and Oklahoma. The conference catered to their every need, and on top of that, did not implement a revenue share within the conference because Texas and Oklahoma didn’t want to. A revenue share is very common for most successful conferences… like, oh look at that, the SEC. So schools jumped ship. Now fast forward ten years later, those two schools who were responsible for the crippling of the Big 12 are holding smothering a pillow over the conference’s face to finish the job. What a bunch of tools. This conference catered to their every need for decades, screwing over the other members of the conference just to keep them happy, and then they do the conference like this. They’re the Veruca Salt of college football. Texas probably more so than Oklahoma, because they still thinks they’re good at football and basketball. LONGHORN NATION, WE’RE BAAAACK!

If you’re the SEC, do you really want these two headaches in your conference? Sure you get some extra cash, but do you need it? (Lol, I recognize the absurdity of that question, but hear me out.) The conference is thriving and projecting upwards every year without them. Adding these divas may give you monetary gain, but when they abruptly learn they’re no longer the belle at the ball in the SEC like they were in the Big 2 Big 12, who’s to say they don’t threaten to leave again? Plus, have you ever met a Longhorn fan and/or anyone from Texas? I rest my case.

And it’s not like Texas brings a lot to the football table. This program has essentially been Iowa State with more nationally televised games over the past decade. That’s not a joke, either. Check it out. Texas has 8 bowl appearances, Iowa State has 6. Texas is on their 4th head coach in the last decade, the Cyclones are only on their 2nd. Both lost to Oklahoma in a conference championship. And their highest finish to a season was ranked 9th. The only difference is, Iowa State doesn’t think they’re Alabama. But hey, Texas sells a lot of merch at DICK’S, so national brand! I guess?

Texas and OU have proved nothing more than the fact that they are extremely self-centered, and now they’re joining a league that couldn’t be more family-oriented. Something’s gonna have to give. If one bad apple makes the whole batch go bad, imagine what two of them can do. I hope it doesn’t, but it’s hard to think this transition will be a smooth one. On both sides.

The Big 8 Conference was dissolved in ’96 to allow Texas and the other Texas schools in. Then Texas got hella fat and are now destroying the conference that let them in. I doubt that will happen here with the SEC, because this conference is already bigger than every member within it (except maybe Alabama), but it’ll be interesting to see how these two doofuses, Texas and OU, will try to get their own way in a league that doesn’t run that way. Just don’t expect the SEC to penalize the horns down gesture.

The deal isn’t “expected” to start before 2025 (it will) because that’s when Texas and OU’s deal with the Big 12 expires, but SEC fans, go ahead and started searching your cable guide for Longhorn Network now because by the time you find that shitty cable network, this transition will be finalized.

The post Texas And Oklahoma Are The Absolute Worst, But Mostly Texas appeared first on Korked Bats.