It’s been a minute since we’ve dusted off the Take Siren. But this seems like the perfect take for it. Because this is an all-time Take Siren. Hell, this is a Take Tornado Siren. A siren with so much juice it needs to be tested on the first Monday of every month. SHOULD THE LAKERS REST THEIR STARTERS FOR GAME 5?! This feels like something we would tweet tagged with a PEOPLE ARE ASKING! According to take artist Mike Greenberg, the Lakers, who lead their series against the Warriors 3-1, need to rest their starters for Game 5 because there’s no chance they win. Why stop there, Greeny? Why not sit them for the rest of the season? Keep them fresh for next year. Maybe sit them forever? Keep ’em fresh for retirement leagues. I mean, that certainly is a take. But it feels like something a producer put on a show rundown as a joke and Greeny just Ron Burgundy’d it because it was written on the teleprompter. Or hell, did this come about because of the writers’ strike? Personally, I’ve always felt like we don’t need 24-hour news networks, because sometimes, there just isn’t any news. And I’m starting to lean that way with 24-hour sports networks. Especially if we have shows with showrunners who just let topics like this slide. I mean, sure, do you need to give LeBron and A.D. their rest? Yes. And are the Warriors a million times better at home this season than they are on the road? Yes. And will Steph Curry and Draymond be locked in to keep their legacies and title defense alive? Yes. And ohmygahhh, have I come around on this take? SHOULD THE LAKERS REST THEIR STARTERS? I guess people ARE asking.

The post ‘Get Up’ Asks Should The Lakers Rest Their Starters For Game 5? Time To Dust Off The Ol’ Take Siren! appeared first on Korked Bats.

Ok, so this title is a little misleading, but I couldn’t resist. During my lunch today, I received an interesting notification. Kevin Durant is the newest athlete to have an ownership stake in a professional team as he purchased 5% of the Philadelphia Union. If you’re not familiar with the Union, they play in the MLS and have since 2008. Although a smart investment, Durant may have overlooked one detail in the deal.

The Union’s mascot is a SNAKE!

…with arms.

Now you may be thinking, “Gator, that thing has arms and legs, he’s obviously not a snake.” I had the same thought when he was introduced in 2018, but the Union have stuck with the assertion that Phang is indeed a snake and not some sort of humanoid dragon.

I’ve actually met Phang on multiple occasions, and funny enough, I have a friend who went on a date with the man who wears the suit (the man had arms too). All parties involved with Phang swear that he is snake, and who are we to judge? If Phang identifies as a snake then he’s a snake. It doesn’t matter to me. I can think of one person that it might matter to and that would be the Union’s newest owner, one Kevin Durant.

Anyone familiar with sports knows about the controversies surrounding Kevin Durant that earned him the infamous title of snake whether it be turning his back on his teammates to join the Warriors or having multiple burner accounts to lash out at critics on Twitter. Durant is know as petty and sensitive, so it will be interesting to see how he reacts when the trolls start making memes about how it’s only fitting he bought a team that has a snake Mascot.

Will Durant force the team to make Phang undergo a species change? Will Phang be jealous of another snake trying to steal his spotlight? Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure, this story is just beginning, and there are going to be a few more twists and turns before this is all said and done.

When fans are allowed back into stadiums, I’ll be sure to check out a few games at Subaru Park in the hopes of catching a glimpse of some Durant fueled drama. Oh yeah, also to root on the Union.

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The post Kevin Durant Proves Once And For All He’s a Snake appeared first on Korked Bats.

Before the 22-team plan was ratified by the NBA on Friday, there was a push by small market teams to bring back all 30 teams regardless of their chances to make the playoffs. The teams claimed that not completing the season for those eight teams would not only cause a loss in television deal revenue, but would also do irreparable damage to those teams’ brands (not entirely sure how? but whatever). This was eventually shot down as there were whispers that some teams – cough the Warriors cough – did not want to come back if there was nothing to play for. What if there was something to play for though?

Cue my amazing plan to help include the have-nots in the league! I call it the Not-So-Great Eight ( pending). How does it work? I’m glad you asked.

Where Will It Take Place?

Might as well take care of the easiest question first. The NBA is already in negotiations with Walt Disney, and you might not know this, but it just so happens they have more than one amusement park. Disneyland has long been perceived as the inferior choice to Disney World, thus making it the logical choice to host the tournament of the eight most inferior teams.

How It Will Work?

Another easy question. The teams are seeded based off of their regular season record at the suspension of the league with the 23rd​ best team, the Charlotte Hornets, being the one seed (Michael Jordan’s on top again!) and the 30th​ best team, the Golden State Warriors being the eight seed. From there, it’s a traditional playoff setup with each round consisting of a three-game series. Also to spruce things up, Jordan will coach the Hornets in the first round against the Warriors because A) no one actually know who the Hornet’s coach is (sorry, James Borrego), and B) it’s perfect timing with The Last Dance just being released, and C) It sets up a chance for Jordan to punch Steve Kerr in the face again. The last team standing is declared the champion of the Not So Great Eight!

What’s at Stake?

This one is a two-parter. First it will solidify the draft lottery positions. Teams that are eliminated in the first round will have the 1-4 lottery positions (tiebreaker being worse record when the season was suspended). Teams eliminated in the second round will hold the 5​th and 6th​ lottery positions, and the runner up in the tournament will hold the 7​th lottery position in the draft.

Now you may wonder why I neglected to mention the champion’s lottery position. Here’s why: The champion of the Not-So-Great Eight plays an automatic play-in game with the eight seed in the East (presumably the Orlando Magic) for a chance to play in the actual NBA playoffs. This will incentivize all the teams to play for a chance to make it to the tourney instead of having a tank-fest with teams more worried about draft position than winning games. Think about it. How much fun it would be for a finally healthy Golden State to win it all and get a chance to go through the East to set up a potential Lebron v. Golden State final for seemingly the 23rd​ time in the last decade!

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So there you have it, basketball lovers. I’ve saved the small market teams while creating an enjoyable tournament for all to watch, and most importantly, increased Disney’s profit margins because it’s important to help struggling local businesses in times like these.

Adam Silver, I’ll accept an edible arrangement as a thank you for doing your job for you.

This post was written by Gator Flint.

The post A Brilliant Idea For The 8 Teams Not Included In The NBA’s Plan To Return appeared first on Korked Bats.

Now sure, this feud started a few weeks back with Charles Barkley making some side comments about Golden State Warriors power forward Draymond Green.

So naturally, Draymond took the high road and just ignored what Chuck said, and refused to make a mountain of a molehill.

Oh wait, nevermind. This is a guy who kicks people in the nuts for sport, so of course he fired back the next time someone stuck a mic in his face.

Solid rebuttal. A little cheap and cliche for Draymond to bust out the “rings” argument, especially considering he was like the third or fourth most important man for his team’s three rings, and you could argue that he cost his team a fourth. And on top of that, you could legitimately make a serious debate of who’s career would you rather have, Chucks or Draymonds.

But just when you thought this fight was over, Chuck comes flying off the top rope. How someone as large as him even got up onto the top rope is beyond me, but my man went War Eagle on Draymond’s ass during The Dan Patrick Show yesterday.

Straight boy band smack. Incredible. And so damn relatable.

Every boy band has that one guy who could get sick with coronavirus on a world tour, have to miss a couple legs, and no one would even notice. We all know the reason most of those boy bands have the number of guys they have is for symmetry and aesthetics.

But this point by Chuck got me thinking. If Charles Barkley says Draymond is the 4th guy in every boy band, then who is the Draymond of every boy band?

So I went ahead and hit you with the member of each boy band who isn’t really needed for the band’s success.

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Backstreet Boys – Howie Dorroh

Question: how many of you knew Howie’s last name before I just wrote up there just now? For everyone who raised their hand at their computer or phone (like an idiot), then you would know that it’s actually spelled DOROUGH! This only plays into my point more.

Not to height shame here, but he is one of the shortest – which is not a deterrent against him, but it is when he does nothing else to make himself stand out. No facial hair. No cool hats. Not even a scar or birthmark.

Everyone obviously knows (and loves) Nick Carter, and not just because his brother wrote those bangers Aaron’s Party (Come Get It) and That’s How I Beat Shaq, mainly because he was the one the girls would “woo” the loudest for. Brian Litrell was also a chick magnet. Kevin Richardson looks like if Matt Dillon could dance, and that leaves AJ and Howie. And sorry, Howard. AJ has a beard and always wears wide-brim hats.

Not to mention, when you Google Image search Backstreet Boys, he’s the TENTH search option, even behind *NSYNC who, may I remind you, is a totally different and competing boy band.

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*NSYNC – Chris Kirkpatrick

The easy answer here would be Joey Fatone, right? Sure, but that’s not the right answer. Fatone at least gained notority with the spelling of his last name being FAT ONE, which make sense considering his weight compared to the rest of the gang. Everyone else had their thing. JC was the older, skinnier one with an exotic last name. Lance was the gay astronaut. And the only thing Justin Timberlake was obviously known for was his brief role in the 2006 film Black Snake Moan. All Chris Kirkpatrick is known for is rocking weird hair (sorry, weirder than everyone else’s weird hair) and wearing random sports jerseys. Pretty sure no girls had a Chris Kirkpatrick poster hanging up in their bedrooms. I mean, the guy looked like he moonlighted as the lead singer of Counting Crows. Sorry, Chrispatrick, you’re the Draymond.

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New Kids On The Block – Danny Wood

Sorry, Dan. But when you’re the only one of the gang who isn’t brothers with Mark Wahlberg or anyone else in the band, you get left out. Plus, look at his face in that picture above. My man looks like he knows he’s the Draymond of his band.

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Jonas Brothers – Kevin Jonas

This one wasn’t even hard.

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The Beatles – George Harrison

Now look, I don’t like to speak ill of the dead. And to be honest, this isn’t exactly speaking ill. On the Mount Rushmore of Beatles, George’s face is still on it. And yeah, I know the joke is always on Ringo Starr for his inability to write good music (general consensus, not my opinion).

But George Harrison is still the Draymond, the 4th member of that band. But hey, look at the bright side, George. At least you’re not the 5th member of that band (cough Pete Best cough).

Although, I do have to give George major props for writing Piggies, a top five Beatles song all-time.

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98 Degrees – I’m Not Even Going To Answer This One

I’m just going to show you a bunch of photos and you tell me, because one of these things is not like the other.

*ding, ding, ding* If you said Justin Jeffre, come collect your prize. I’m not going to say this guy sticks out like a sore thumb, I’m just going to say he looks like a thumb.

In every picture of this band, he looks like their manager. Did he win a contest to be the fourth member of this band? If the band is 98 Degrees, then he’s, at most, 45 degrees, because he’s not even half as hot as the other dudes.

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The Jackson 5 – Marlon Jackson

You have to know that anyone who shares a name with the baseball team in Miami is going to finish last.

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O-Town – Everyone

Look, we all loved All or Nothing. In fact, I’ll admit that song still bangs. But that doesn’t mean the members of the band do. I don’t even want to call these guys all Draymond’s, because that would be a knock at Draymond. These guys are more like the Charlotte Hornets. Sure, they’re good enough to be in the hunt for a boy band playoff spot, but can you even name one guy on their roster?

The post Who Is The ‘Draymond Green’ of Every Boy Band? appeared first on Korked Bats.

The other day on Instagram, Steph Curry posted some photos of him and his wife getting into the holiday spirit by dressing up as The Grinch and Cindy Lou Who.

Look, not to Ebenezer Scrooge this moment, but his really pisses me off. For a couple of reasons.

First of all, if you’re trying to spread holiday cheer, why would you go around dressed as one of the worst characters in Christmas movie history. The dude literally despises the Christmas season and everything that comes with it. Plus, on top of that the guy clearly has a heart problem. It’s three sizes too small, and he’s probably going to die soon because of it.

You shouldn’t dress up as The Grinch to spread holiday cheer for the same reason you shouldn’t dress up as Harry and Marv from Home Alone, or the Abominable Snowman from Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer. Nobody is dressing up as Jasper from The Holiday or Hans Gruber from Die Hard.

Also, another reason that we’re severely overlooking: unless you’re a mall Santa, you shouldn’t be dressing up in costumes for Christmas anyway. Christmas isn’t a “costume holiday.” Outside of a tacky sweater, this isn’t a time of year to dress up. No one ever asks: “What are you going as for Christmas this year?” Why? Because you don’t dress up for it.

You don’t dress up in costume for Christmas for the same reason you don’t dress up in costume for Flag Day. You don’t see anyone getting full-blown Hollywood makeup done to dress up in costume for President’s Day. So why should Christmas be any different? Leave the role playing for Halloween, or if you and your wife are into some kinky stuff, the bedroom. But especially don’t post about it online.

The only reason this doesn’t seem weird to anyone is because Steph Curry is famous. For some reason, famous people can get away with the weirdest crap.

If you had a friend from high school named Dave, and you saw Dave post a photo of himself dressed in full head-to-toe Hollywood wardrobe and makeup as The Grinch, you would immediately screenshot it and send it in your group text with your high school friends: “WTF?! Dave dressedup as The Grinch for Christmas?!” It’d be weird as hell. And then every time you saw Dave from there on out, you’d think about the fact that he spent 5 hours applying makeup to look like Dr. Suess’s douchey-est character.

Let’s take it a step further, not even just someone you know, but how many NBA legends could you see doing something like this? People ask all the time: is Steph Curry a hall of famer? I say maybe… only if we can scrub the internet of pictures of him going Dr. Suess cosplay.

You’d never see Bill Russell or Larry Bird using Christmas as Comic-Con. Michael Jordan was far from the best dresser with his closet full of pleather suits and baggy, fake-patched mom jeans but you’d never see him dress up as Mayor Augustus Maywho (or really any of the Who’s from Whoville for that matter).

The only NBA legend you’d see dressed like that is Dennis Rodman, and that’s only because he dressed like that everyday.

Now look, I fully understand the irony in the fact that I’m hating on Steph Curry trying to spread holiday cheer with a little game of dress-up, but that doesn’t make the fact that he did it any less ridiculous. Just because you’re rich and you can have a team of people come over to your house, apply 5-hours worth of makeup to make you look like Jim Carey’s worst movie role, and post about it all on Instagram, doesn’t mean you should.

Remember how David Stern implemented a dress code for players showing up to the arena? Adam Silver should implement a dress code for players OUTSIDE of the arena. The first rule on that dress code: NO COSTUMES DURING CHRISTMAS!

The second rule: if Kanye would wear it, you shouldn’t.

The only argument I could see for doing this is, “They dressed up to hand out gifts to sick children and/or the less fortunate.” Which is a fair argument, but to that I’d say why not dress up as, I don’t know, YOURSELF! You’re already famous! If a young boy has their choice of getting their gift delivered by the greatest 3-point shooter in the history of the National Basketball Association… ORRRR… the greatest 3-point shooter in the history of the National Basketball Association disguised as a Dr. Suess character who despises Christmas, I’m pretty sure the boy would choose the former. Mainly because if he gets his photo with him, how is he going to prove to the other boys at school that the person in that absurdly great Grinch costume is actually Stephen Curry? He can’t. And then he’ll be made fun of. And in every photo for the rest of time his friends will tease him asking, “Oh, is that you with Steph Curry too?”

Honestly, I’d something like this from Draymond, but not you, Steph. Not you.

The post It’s NOT OK For Steph Curry To Dress Up As The Grinch For Christmas appeared first on Korked Bats.

WASHINGTON D.C. — New information from WikiLeaks reveals Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton once blew a 3-1 lead, adding her to the ranks of the Golden State Warriors and Cleveland Indians.

“The 33,000 deleted emails were nothing compared to this,” CNN political adviser David Axelrod admitted. “The fact that a presidential candidate once blew a 3-1 lead is worse than lying about emails, Benghazi, the FBI investigations, and bragging about grabbing women by their vaginas all in one.”

According to many political insiders, Hillary covered up the fact that she once blew a lead because “did you see how much crap the Warriors took for it?” Sources say people within the Clinton camp are just hoping she doesn’t get the Crying Jordan face treatment after all of this, with one Clinton staffer adding, “Getting Crying Jordaned would be more damaging to Mrs. Clinton’s ego than losing to Trump.”

Speaking of Trump, the Republican nominee initially declined to comment when we reached out to him, but later added, “Just kidding. I’m totally going to comment on this. Only a total loser would blow a 3-1 lead. I would never blow a 3-1 lead because I am a winner. Lying Hillary is a loser. It’s sad.”

Trump also added, “Folks, the Warriors and Indians are close, personal friends of mine, and trust me, Hillary blowing a 3-1 lead is much much worse than the 3-1 leads they blew.” Trump then made that face where it looks like he just sucked on a Sour Lemon WarHead.

There’s no way to tell if the Clinton campaign will be able to rebound from this before election day. Especially considering “Hillary Blew A 3-1 Lead” has been trending #1 on Twitter since the news broke.

Libertarian Party nominee Gary Johnson tried gaining momentum from the leak by assuring confused voters that he would’ve handed the ball to Marshawn on the 1-yard-line.

The post WikiLeaks Reveals Hillary Clinton Once Blew A 3-1 Lead appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Golden State Warriors defeated the Cleveland Cavaliers in six games to win the 2015 NBA Finals. Here are a few headlines you probably won’t see in the papers today:

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The post HEADLINES – 2015 NBA Finals appeared first on Korked Bats.

LeBron is dressed like an actor caught walking in public  by paparazzi in 1991.

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“Not a foul.” -NBA refs

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“Not a foul.” -NBA refs

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“Say ‘Not a foul’ one more time.” -LeBron

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At least that lady in the corner is enjoying herself.

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“Ummm.. LeBron… Ummm… Can you…. Would you mind…. Ummm… Nevermind.”

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As LeBron lies on the floor, about to die, Steph Curry does his best NBA referee impression.

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Shooting over an NBA defender is hard, but for some reason shooting over Iman Shumpert is even harder.

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The ironic thing is that after the game, the guy behind the mask was actually crying.

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LeBron: “Bring it in for a hug, Matt!”

Dellavedova: “I’m sorry I’m so emotional. I know I’m an ugly crier. لعبة تربح منها المال ”

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David Blatt: “Go out there and run the slam dunk play.”

LeBron: “Please don’t touch me.”

(All photos via USA Today)

The post Photo Captions: NBA Finals Game 2 appeared first on Korked Bats.

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To be honest, I don’t see it…

I do like the fuzzy cover on top, though!

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

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