Why do we even watch sports anyway?

That Jags fumble return felt like this:

Although, that review was arguably the fastest review I’ve ever seen in an NFL game.

How can we trust Vrabel with more personal decisions after what we witnessed this season with his stubbornness to change or give up on players/coaches who weren’t finding success despite their best efforts?

With that said, anyone who thinks Vrabel should be fired should be fired… into the sun.

I’ve never had less fun during a Titans season. And this includes when they were 7-3. Because at least during the 2-14 and 3-13 seasons, we expected it.

For anyone last year who shat all over Ryan Tannehill for throwing three picks in a playoff game last year and not willing to give him credit for any regular season success by landing the AFC’s #1-overall seed by claiming, “the regular season doesn’t matter!” I hope you find a hair in your food, stub your toe, and get a parking ticket this week. Because the Titans missed the playoffs by one game in a season where he missed five. Don’t ever tell me, a Titans fan, that the regular season doesn’t matter, you morons.

Be prepared for a lot of jokes at our expense. And rightfully so.

But for real. Why was the most pivotal review of the season the fastest?

How am I supposed to explain this loss to my daughter when she wakes up tomorrow morning? No, really. How am I supposed to. She’s only 12 months old and doesn’t know words yet.

Well, she knows at least one word:

Josh Dobbs was what many thought Malik Willis would be.

That fumble review had to be a virgin with how fast it finished.

You can blame Todd Downing all you want. I’m blaming Mr. Owl.

Here’s some optimism:

Here’s some pessimism: don’t look at the Titans 2023 available cap space.

This is going to be the longest offseason of all time…. Literally…. They couldn’t have played this game on a damn Sunday?!

But I guess that leads to some more optimism: at least we all don’t have to go to work tomorrow

If you need me, I’ll be listening to this on loop:

The post The Titans’ Season Is Over And I’m Just Going To Drunkenly Blog Through My Emotions Right Now appeared first on Korked Bats.

The playoffs start this week for the Titans, which given their recent playoff outings, is about as good news as a divorce. Oh, and it’s in primetime, where they’re 1-3 this season. Even more great news! At least this game is on the road, I guess?

In their last 5 road playoff games, they’re 3-2. In their last 5 road trips to Duval County, they’re 4-1.

If it feels like I’m grasping at straws here, it’s because I kinda am. On a scale of 1 to this team is winning the AFC South, I’m probably sitting around 4.5 to a 6 in my confidence level, depending on when you ask me. I mean, we’re just over a week removed from when the Titans lost to the Texans, 20-14. And we’re less than a day removed from the Jaguars trouncing those same Texans, 31-3. *gulp* The Jags are hot, something they haven’t been called since 2017 – unless weather is being discussed. And whats even scarier, they’re well-coached, something they haven’t been called since… Tom Coughlin?

But the game still has to be played and with that, let’s go over the PROS and CONS.

PRO: this defense

I’d put this defense up against any offense in the NFL aside from the Bills and Eagles, and even then, I’d probably trust them in a rematch. Why? They’re one of the best coached units in the NFL. As good as Andy Reid and Eric Bienamy are at coaching offenses, Vrabel and Shane Bowen are that good at defenses. In recent playoffs, they’ve stifled Lamar Jackson, Tom Brady, and Joe Burrow (despite the walk-off loss). And they’ve done so with dozens of injuries at all times. There truly is a next-man-up mentality with this unit. It’s unreal. So if this defense can somehow hold Trevor Lawrence to less than 13 points (not possible), then they should win. All because of my next point…

CON: the offense

For as well coached as the defense is, their offense is the exact opposite. If, at the end of the year, we found out that the offense was being run by these guys…

No one would be surprised. In fact, I’m to the point where I hope this entire season was just one big TruTV special. And if it is, at least I won’t have to re-watch it because I still have no idea what channel number that is.

PRO: Derrick Lamar Henry Jr.

I’m not putting a ton of eggs in this basket, just based solely on the weakness of this offensive line, but whatever eggs I do put in that basket, I know Derrick Henry is going to crack them open like defender’s skulls, and make a few omelettes. Keep in mind, this is a team he historically runs the ball extremely well against. He’s gone over 120 yards in 5 of his last 7 games against the Jags. With two of those games topping 215 yards. In their last meeting, Derrick put up 96 yards… in the FIRST QUARTER. So can the King go off? Definitely. Will he? I sure as hell hope so.

CON: the Titans quarterback situation

I talked about it on my Cowboys game reaction, but having to choose between Joshua Dobbs and Malik Willis feels like choosing how you want to die: by poison or getting shot in the face. And the Titans wisely chose poison.

Don’t get me wrong. I like Josh Dobbs. If his athleticism and talent could match his intelligence, he’d be Peyton Manning. But unfortunately, he’s closer to a Jonathan Crompton, when it comes to his talent. But Dobbs and Manning both have massive heads with massive brains inside, so there’s that.

I also hope Malik Willis can be a great pro, but his situation has all the feelings of hoping your drunk uncle won’t drink at Thanksgiving dinner. Your expectations should be low, because until he gets legitimate help, he’ll remain who he is.

CON: Their Season Could End This Weekend

Any time a Titans season ends, I turn into Ben Affleck at a Batman v Superman press junket.

The off-season is always so long, and coming off last year’s, I’m no longer confident in its outcomes. So I’m going to go ahead and warn my wife that this weekend will have another “wake me up off the couch without spilling the whiskey glass on my lap” Saturday night.

PRO: Their Season Could End This Weekend

I’ve written on this blog before how this year’s team has turned me into a nihilist. I don’t enjoy watching them play. Even when they were 7-3, it wasn’t a fun 7-3. It was frustrating. And since the firing of Jon Robinson, the entire future of this franchise feels unstable. Do you bring back Tannehill? How do you bolster your offensive line and wide receiving corps on a budget of the 17 dollars you have left in the salary cap? And then there’s the coaching staff. Have I had night terrors of waking up to the news of the Titans giving Todd Downing a contract extension? Of course. But the sooner this season can end, the sooner the Titans can (presumably) move in a different direction with their offensive coaching staff. And hopefully this time they don’t *gulp* hire from within again.

So again, am I confident? It depends on when you ask. Right now? Not very much so. But I know with every minute leading up to kickoff, I’ll talk myself into how this team won’t hurt me like they have for nine weeks this season.

The post The Playoffs Start This Week For The Titans, Here Are PROS and CONS For The AFC South Championship appeared first on Korked Bats.

Remember this?

Ok. Now who here remembers this?

Man, that was classic, right? 1 win through two weeks? Man, the AFC South suuuuuuuucks, amirite?!

Well, how about this?

Oh, and this.

Oh, and don’t forget this.

Man, the Jaguars… the Jacksonville Jaguars of Duuuval County handed the Chargers a worse loss on the road than the Kansas City Chiefs did at home. Woof. That just has to add a little more sting to this punch in the mouth. But that’s what you gotta do, right? Isn’t this a prison rule? Go after the biggest, baddest guy in the prison and make ’em your bitch? Well, now the South is a barbed wire tattoo away from running the yard and making the Broncos smuggle in cigarettes for them.

So is the AFC South the NFL’s new “best division?” People are asking.

Plus, it should be noted that the AFC Best — sorry, Freudian slip, I meant West — is home to the only winless team in the NFL. Literally, no other division in football has an 0-3 team. But the AFC West does! McDaniels’ Raiders have produced less than McDonald’s ice cream.

But look, don’t beat yourself up, AFC West. Football is just what the south does. It’s their greatest export, alongside Waffle Houses, bourbon and Dolly Parton. To the AFC South, I guess it just means more.

Now sure, there are plenty more AFC West vs. AFC South matchups later this year, which could very well make me eat the every last word I’ve written here today. But I don’t live in the future, just like I don’t live in the past. I live in the present. And currently, in the present, the AFC South just pissed all over the AFC West. claiming its territory and turning the gold standard into a gold shower.

The post Who’s Laughing Now? The NFL’s “Worst Division” Went 3-0 Against The NFL’s “Best Division” appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Jaguars have not found their kicker for the 2022 season. The team announced that they have waived Ryan Santoso on Tuesday. Santoso was the only kicker on the active roster in Jacksonville, so they will be in the market for someone else to fill the role in the coming days. Santoso was 3-of-6 on field goals in three preseason appearances this summer. Elliott Fry also kicked for the Jags in the preseason, but he was cut earlier this month.

via Pro Football Talk

Why waste a roster spot for someone who won’t be able to contribute?

But if you think that’s tough, at least they’re treating kickers better this season by kicking them to the curb rather than just kicking them.

And they cut their kicker to add another quarterback. You know, the only position on their roster in which their set.

Now look, I’m not going to be one of those people who second-guesses the moves of a team I don’t follow, thus proving I don’t know all of the inner workings of the team. I’m just going to be one of those people who second-guesses literally everything the Jaguars do because they’re a joke of a franchise. And Jaguars fans, you can’t get mad at me for saying that. You guys literally dressed as clowns for your final home game last year. If anything, I’m just reiterating.

Plus, if it’s comedy you want, why would you NOT keep Santoso on your roster? Have you seen him?

He looks like the illegitimate child of Mario and Mr. Bean.

And yeah, I know the Jaguars claimed former Chargers kicker James McCourt off waivers, but it was still funny that for a few hours, the Jaguars (a team who once drafted a punter in the third round, five picks before Russell Wilson) were kicker-less for a bit. Classic Jags.

The post Jaguars Finally Realize They’ll Never Be In FG Range, Waive Their Only Kicker appeared first on Korked Bats.

I’m of course talking about the London Jaguars of Duuuval County.

There are still a ton of highly qualified and extremely enticing candidates out there. Even after Dan Quinn took his hat out of the ring and admitted he’s staying in Dallas. And I know it was reported that the Jaguars were locked in on Byron Leftwich as their next head coach, but apparently, that whole process hit a snag as there are reports Leftwich wants Baalke fired before he accepts the job. It’s like, get in line, Bry-Bry… amirite?! But you don’t want to fire Baalke, right, Jaguars? That would just be another hire you’d have to deal with. That would mean a lot more paperwork for HR. It would just be a mess. So keep Baalke, and set your sights on one man, and one man only.

The walking chin dimple himself, William James O’Brien.

Why not? Ohh, because he absolutely destroyed and pillaged a perennial contender franchise in the Houston Texans in the span of just a couple of years? Why because he blew a 24-point lead in the playoffs? Because his chin dimple is bigger and deeper than most craters? So what?! He’s a former AFC South head coach, so he knows the division. Yeah, maybe he has a habit of trading off superstar athletes for next to nothing, but you’re the Jaguars! You don’t have any superstar athletes.

All I’m saying is that as a blogger, I’m a fan of Team Content. And Bill O’Brien is the head coach of that team. At least he is now because Urban Meyer was that guy last year. But think about it. You have the ability to hire the only offensive coordinator who couldn’t win a national championship at Alabama! You could hire the guy who traded Deandre Hopkins for a broken David Johnson and a half-drunken Capri-Sun. You could have the guy whose chin dimple is actually the only thing darker than your franchise’s future.

Because if the Jaguars are going to suck (and trust us, they will), we at least want to enjoy it. The last half of your season after firing Urban Meyer wasn’t nearly as fun as the first half (especially for Colts fans). If you’re going to lose, lose in the most entertaining way possible. And the way to do that is with BOB.

So go ahead and hire Bill O’Brien.

Not now, but RIGHT NOW, YOU COWARDS!

The post JAGUARS, JUST HIRE BILL O’BRIEN AS HEAD COACH, YOU COWARDS! appeared first on Korked Bats.

• During a staff meeting, Meyer delivered a biting message that he’s a winner and his assistant coaches are losers, according to several people informed of the contents of the meeting, challenging each coach individually to explain when they’ve ever won and forcing them to defend their résumés.

via NFL.com

It’s never a good sign when the league’s own website drops a scathing report of one of their franchise’s head coaches. But the disdain for Urb knows no bounds. This may not be the most shocking news, as Urb gives off more douche vibes more than Chernobyl residents give off radiation. And additionally, he might be on the Mt. Punchmore of sports’ most punchable faces. So we had to expect this report to come. And it’s never going to come out if his team was winning. But now that his team sucks, more people will be spilling the tea. But who knows? Maybe Urb calling his staff losers will motivate the franchise.

So let’s check in to see how this week went for him and his losers.

GEWWW! Not great, Bob.

But remember: this isn’t on Urban. He’s won championships before. What the hell have his assistant coaches ever done? It’s not like he coaches the receivers individually, and you can tell by what they were doing on the field today.

Yeah, Urban is surrounded by losers. And it’s not easy to win when you’re surrounded by losers. Remember when Spike played for the Little Giants? They still sucked. And so what if Urban hired these losers? He can’t help them being losers. His assistant head coach is Charlie Strong. And he lost to Kansas as head coach of Texas. So clearly his loser credentials have been proven.

However, the unfortunate thing for Urban is, he too is a loser. Don’t believe me? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, allow me to present exhibit A.

I rest my case.

So allow me to repeat: Urban Meyer is – to quote Heavyweights – a loser… a loser with a skinny weiner.

The post Jaguars Coach Calls His Assistants ‘Losers,’ Proceeds To Lose Next Game appeared first on Korked Bats.

Shelley Meyer finally broke her silence. And no matter how you feel about Urban, I think we can all agree that the situation they’re currently going through kinda sucks. I’d hate it for any married couple. So I don’t blame Shelley – who is a very outspoken person on social media – for staying silent through this whole thing. However, this statement is her finally speaking on the matter. And in doing so she announced two things: 1. she’s giving up Twitter (probably a good idea) and 2. she has an ungodly obsession with… flamingos?

Look, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being into flamingos. They’re a cool color, stand on one leg when they rest, and they remind everyone of tropical vacations. But if you’re very obsessed with flamingos as Shelley seems to be – I’m not 100% sure on that, I don’t follow her regularly – maybe choose to have the flamingo love sit out for this one very important, very serious public statement? I dunno. I’m no PR expert. But it feels like the flamingos can take away from the importance of this post.

That’s 25 – TWENTY-FIVE! – flamingo emojis in a public statement. That has to be a record for most flamingos featured in a public statement. Personally, I’d say anything more than 5, maybe 6 flamingos is wayyy too many flamingos. Sure, Thom Brennaman called a damn Nick Castellanos home run in the middle of his public apology, but in my opinion, the flamingo thing is a much worse look.

Us discovering her undying love for flamingos feels like when Peter La Fleur discovered Kate’s obsession with unicorns in Dodgeball.

Then again, counterpoint: she may have just started an entirely new movement for menopausal women. Watch out, “Live, Laugh, Love” your days as throw pillows and home decor signs are numbered.

#FaithFamilyFootballFlamingos

The post Shelley Meyer Releases A Statement About The Urban Meyer Drama, Is Oddly Into Flamingos? appeared first on Korked Bats.

Tim Tebow was cut.

I know, I know. Why? Right? Well, your guess is as good as mine. Maybe it was the inability to play the tight end position well? I’m not sure. I’m not sure because after reviewing the film, it appears Tim Tebow wasn’t as bad as everyone likes to say. I mean, sure, this guy is going to receive more flack than most NFL players because he’s so damn nice and charitable. Anyone who’s nice and charitable deserves to be taken to the woodshed by the Internet, right? The world is already filled with too many good people. We don’t need more, right? Anyway, A.D. and I took the time to break down the film – like actual football guys – on The Junk Drawer this week to show people that Tim Tebow might actually be better at blocking than we originally thought.

Follow @korkedbats2 on Instagram… coming soon!

The post In Defense Of Tim Tebow’s Blocking appeared first on Korked Bats.

With Urban Meyer officially being named as the new head coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars, it’s time we revisit The Urban Meyer Cycle. Every four years or so, we have to deal with it. Like a leap year. But credit to Urban, he stays on schedule. Glad he was able to get a minute or two with his family before the most recent FS1 gig. Also, don’t forget the heart.

Not sure how many times we’ll go through the cycle before we figure this thing out, but it feels very similar to that loser Charlie Brown trying to kick a field goal. Hopefully, one day teams will learn that at best all you’ll get out of Urban is a few good years before he gone.

Also, shoutout to Pick Six Pod… this is pretty solid.

The post The Urban Meyer Cycle appeared first on Korked Bats.

Last week, we broke down Ben “The Noooooch” DiNucci’s LinkedIn profile, and to be honest, as a hypothetical prospective employer, it left a lot to be desired. Let’s hope Jake “The Luuuuuute” Luton has more to offer.

Header

I can tell we’re already off to a better start than the Nooch. For one, he has a banner image loaded. Good sign. Also, his profile picture doesn’t scream “I pour White Claw into my coffee during work hours” like the Nooch’s did. Instead, Jake’s profile picture gives off mad “I’d like to talk to you about the Church of Jesus Christ And Latter Day Saints” vibes.

Also, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point this out. I gave the Nooch a hard time for having only 151 connections, especially as a college football quarterback. But I take all of that back. Especially now after seeing Jake Luton’s connections count. My man not only quarterbacked a school in a higher division and a Power-5 conference, but he somehow has a tenth of the connections. That’s a major red flag. The Kevin Costner in Draft Day “birthday party guest list” rule definitely applies here. My guy doesn’t even have enough connections to play a game of football. …not that you’d play a game of football with your LinkedIn connections, but you get my point.

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About

If you notice, there is no “About” section. Hmmm. In what arguably may be the easiest section of your LinkedIn profile to fill out, Jake Luton failed to deliver. Red flag, IMO. If I’m a prospective employer, I’m thinking, what other simple and mundane tasks does this guy fail to produce. And since we know he’s a Jags QB we can add simple out routes to that list as well.

[divider][/divider]

Education & Experience

Leading this section with the fact that you played football in college is always a nice touch, but not sure I’d lead with it if that college is Oregon State. Also, might want to update it, because it says January 2016 to Present, and even though the Jaguars feel like a college football program, I assure you, you’re not still playing college football.

The grocery clerk job was a smart addition. This tells me he’s got a little Kurt Warner in him. The NFL is a copycat league, so you know teams are still looking for guys who can throw a tight spiral and do a price check on aisle 5.

Again, let’s tone down the Oregon State mentions in this profile. Especially with only 16 connections. And maybe don’t openly admit to extracurricular volunteer opportunities, because again, it only makes those 16 connections. seem more embarrassing.

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Skills & Endorsement

Ok, this is only getter sadder the further we move down the profile.

He has one endorsed skill. And it’s for communication. Oh, so he can talk? Good skill, I guess? Imagine how bad someone has to be for only one person to step up and be like, “Well, he always spoke in complete sentences to me. I guess I’ll endorse him for that?”

I like that he also added Team Leadership and Team Building as skills, but none of his other 15 connections wanted to endorse him for either of those.

Also, let’s not bury the lede. How in the hell is this guy not skilled in Microsoft Office? I thought that was a staple for every LinkedIn profile. Just like how ever MySpace profile had to be friends with Tom, every LinkedIn profile had to be proficient in Microsoft Excel, PowerPoint, and Word. Guess I was wrong.

[divider][/divider]

Accomplishments & Interests

Yup, the sadness continues.

One honor and award. One. And of course it’s the Honor Roll. I guess that explains why he has so few connections. While his friends were partying and socializing, he was at the library studying.

And for good measure, more Oregon State love. We get it, bud. You went to and like Oregon State.

[divider][/divider]

Look, I don’t know if the Jake Luton experience is going to work out in Jacksonville (it won’t), but let’s hope it does, because with this profile and those connections, he has no shot at landing a job in the real world. Especially without the ability to operate Microsoft Office.

The post Jaguars Are Starting Jake Luton At QB, So Let’s Break Down His LinkedIn Profile appeared first on Korked Bats.