*takes a whiff* You smell that?! No, not freshly cooked W. Nor is it crab legs. It’s football season. How do I know? Because we’ve got ourselves a good ol’ fashioned Jameis Winston looking dumb during training video. It admittingly came a little late this year, but better late than never in my opinion. Especially for goodness like this. I mean, ooof. Jameis Winston is no Taysom Hill. That much we’ve learned from this 11-second video. Sean Payton’s gonna have to scrap that Jameis Winston quarterback draw up the 2-hole after seeing this. Look, is running through the gauntlet easy? لعبة الخيل عبر الانترنت Despite the fact that literally every other player before Jameis made it look so, it is not – as demonstrated by Jameis getting knocked around from post to post like a Plinko chip. I also love the hop-skip Jameis gives before sprinting through this thing. He went in so damn confident and came out stumbling like he’s Taysom Hill leaving a bar after one too many Fresca’s. مال مجاني (He’s Morman.)

Getting jealous of your ex yet, Bucs fans?

But let’s go ahead and officially add this clip to Jameis Winston’s offseason training montage. وليام هيل Rocky punching meat in a freezer, pushing a horse’s carriage through the snow, and splashing in the ocean with Carl Weathers thinks Jameis’s training techniques are unique.

The post Here’s Some Free Advice: Don’t Play Jameis Winston At Fullback appeared first on Korked Bats.

What a crushing blow for everybody’s favorite semi-blind quarterback, Famous Jameis Winston. A straight kick in the nuts. You bring him in to replace the old man Drew Brees to finish off the 49ers in a game they seemingly had locked up before they even put on the pads.

In the GIF above, the Saints are number 2 (ironically Jameis’s number on the Saints) and Jameis is the player in the blue striped jersey. Makes you feel bad for blue striped jersey right? Imagine how Jameis feels.

Why would’t you want the former Mr. 30-30 (30 Tuddy, 30 Interception) Man to be your next Teddy Bridgewater? Give the man a launching pad for the made of glass Drew Brees, why don’t ya? I thought this is what you signed him for? The words “second chance” were even being thrown around, as if the Saints were predicting a Drew Brees injury.

Look, I get it. Taysom is fun and plays every position on the field. A true utility player, very rare in the NFL. Hell, you can play Taysom at quarterback AND tight end in the ESPN Fantasy leagues. Call me a little selfish, because I wasted a waiver wire pick on Jameis this week, but I digress.

But one team that certainly needs Jameis besides the Saints… is TEAM CONTENT. People like us at Korked Bats NEED this man. Just look at the type of things we’ve gotten from our guy Famous Jameis over the last 5-6 years.

The NFL needs this man. Team Content needed this man. My fantasy team needs this man. You’re making a huge mistake, Saints.

The post The Saints Not Starting Jameis Winston Is Devastating News For All Of Us appeared first on Korked Bats.

No, not that chipmunk, I’m talking about this Alvin:

The chipmunk named Alvin with a grill so bright you could go blind just looking at it. I mean really, how cold is the inside of Alvin’s mouth? It could be the hottest day in New Orleans – and it gets hot down there – but Alvin’s mouth remains iced. Which probably explains how he remains calm, cool, and collected.

Speaking of being calm, cool, and collected, that is EXACTLY what one of the best running back’s in the game was when Drew Brees went down with a rib injury. Now personally, I think Drew could’ve played the rest of the game, collapsed lung or not. That’s why we have two of them. Rub some dirt on it, Drew! (Like you did with that spot on your face.)

I’m starting to wonder if the Saints want Alvin to be a full-time receiver. You know, like Taysom Hill. Because that’s how they’re treating his usage. Alvin has yet to go over 100 yards rushing in a game this year, but where he has shined is receiving the football. Alvin rushed the ball 8 times on Sunday putting up a massive 15 (fifteen) yards and adding not 1 but 2 tuddy’s in the process. Alvin’s receiving numbers on Sunday, however, were hella impressive. He caught the ball 7 times for 83 yards and a tuddy. The next closest Saints receiver? Michael Thomas. MT only caught the ball twice for 27 yards. I think that shows you how important Alvin and his iced-out grill is to this Saints football team.

Alvin and the Saints will have their work cut out for them without Drew Brees manning the offense (manning, not Manning). Why? Because this is who is leading your team now:

So here’s a special edition, iced-out, crown grill, just for you, Alvin. Now stop making shitty Alvin and the Chipmunk movies.

The post A.D.’s Crown Of The Week Goes To A Chipmunk appeared first on Korked Bats.

[dropcap] W [/dropcap] hat’s the dad bod? It’s a body that shows you workout… sometimes, but lounge around doing nothing the rest of the time. It’s not fat, but it’s definitely not skinny. It’s like the Cincinnati Bengals of bodies.

.

Kind of good, but mostly not. It’s basically a body that says, “I workout sometimes, but eat pizza the rest of the time,” or “I do my best to stay in shape, with that shape being a rectangle with rounded edges,” or even “Don’t make me turn this car around.” “Do you want to be grounded?” “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “Don’t tell your mother.” “Do what your mother says.” “You’re not going out dressed like that.” “Nobody said life is supposed to be fair.” “Has anyone seen my plaid cargo shorts?!” and other things dads say!

With that said, there are a lot of dad bods in the world of sports. So we took it upon ourselves to sift through thousands of Google images of chubby athletess with their shirts off to provide you the definitive ranking of the 20 Best Dad Bods In Sports. Enjoy… but not too much, because it’s kind of gross.

You can click on the images below for a closer look, but you shouldn’t.

20. Andy Roddick

He’s not fat. It just looks like his skin is a wetsuit that’s three sizes too large. Flabby skin with no definition = total dad bod.

[divider][/divider]

19. Marshawn Lynch

Marshawn Lynch is just here so he won’t get fat. He’s just about that dad bod, boss.

[divider][/divider]

18. Brian Scalabrine

Who would’ve guessed Brian Scalabrine had a dad bod under his jersey? Answer: Everybody. Everybody would’ve guessed that.

[divider][/divider]

17. Charles Barkley

Old school Charles Barkley had the ultimate dad bod. Today’s Charles Barkley has the ultimate mom bod. (Read: he now has saggy boobs.)

[divider][/divider]

16. Andrew Bynum

His shoulders are somewhat defined, which clearly says, “I workout three days a week.” However, the rest of his body is not defines, which says, “I eat junk food four days a week.”

[divider][/divider]

15. Hulk Hogan

More like Dad Bod Hogan, amirite? Sorry, that was a dad joke.

[divider][/divider]

14. Tom Brady

For Tom Brady and his diet, everyday is a cheat day.

[divider][/divider]

13. Boris Diaw

Those aren’t necessarily washboard abs as much as they are Tempur-Pedic pillow abs.

[divider][/divider]

12. Nick Punto

Nick Punto already has the dad bod of names, so it only makes sense that he has an actual dad bod too. Thank you to the St. Louis Cardinals for ripping off his jersey to prove his dad bod status to us.

[divider][/divider]

11. Aaron Rodgers

Compared to most men from Green Bay, Wisconsin, Aaron Rodgers is considered to have the body of a Greek God.

[divider][/divider]

10. Peyton Manning

Nevermind the fact that Peyton Manning has the Curtis Painter of bodies… Wearing your shirt in the pool when your over the age of 14 and/or not enrolled in fat camp is automatic grounds for dad bod status, regardless of what your body looks like.

[divider][/divider]

9. Jameis Winston

For a guy who won the National Championship in the Rose Bowl, he has the body of the Belk Bowl.

[divider][/divider]

8. Joe Montana

This actually seems like the body-type a Sketchers Shape-Ups endorser would have.

[divider][/divider]

7. Matthew Stafford

Probably the only ranking in the history of the world where Matthew Stafford would rank higher than Joe Montana.

[divider][/divider]

6. Magic Johnson

Regardless of what Magic Johnson’s body looks like, this photo of him laughing at something Tom Arnold is saying proves he is a dad bod at heart.

[divider][/divider]

5. JaMarcus Russell

Look at those man boobs. JaMarcus Russell is a bust with a bust.

[divider][/divider]

4. Hyun Jin Ryu

Nevermind the fact that he looks like the little kid from UP, Hyun Jin Ryu and his tan-lines provide for the perfect dad bod. Fun Fact: Google Translator told me that “Hyun Jin Ryu” is Korean for The Squishy Dodger.

[divider][/divider]

3. Pete Rose

Keep in mind, this picture was taken during the prime of Pete Rose’s career, when his body was in peak physical condition. Also, his hairiness obviously helped in his dad bod ranking.

[divider][/divider]

2. Steve Spurrier

This former Heisman Trophy winner would be a finalist for the Dad Bod Heisman Trophy, which would rightfully be called the Hellmann’s Trophy.

[divider][/divider]

1. Eli Manning

And the best dad bod in sports goes to Eli Manning. If Eli Manning’s body was a football play, it would be a 6-yard hitch route on 3rd and 9. His body simultaneously says both, “I’ve been married for years,” and “I’m the quarterback for the New York Giants.” So basically, it says, “I’ve given up.”

[divider][/divider]

Leave a comment below with any that you think we missed.

The post The 20 Best Dad Bods In Sports appeared first on Korked Bats.

However, if you notice in the picture, there is a girl sitting right behind him giving a look. We have a few ideas of what she was thinking.

“Who the —- wears their hat like that?!”

[divider][/divider]

“He seems like a Kelvin Filter kind of guy.”

[divider][/divider]

“Elmer Fudd called. He’d like his hat back.”

[divider][/divider]

“A draft party in a house this big and we have to SHARE a chair?!”

[divider][/divider]

“Did I hear the doorbell ring? If it’s the pizza guy, I’ll be right there. Gah, I’m so sick of crab legs.”

[divider][/divider]

“He now has two kinds of crabs.”

[divider][/divider]

“His hat keeps getting smaller and smaller because his head keeps getting bigger and bigger.”

[divider][/divider]

“Oh great. The cops are here. Where did Jameis say he got these crab legs again?”

[divider][/divider]

“Seriously though. Even Dr. Suess would think that hat is too tall.”

[divider][/divider]

“I told him not to take this photo, but we all know he doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”

[divider][/divider]

“Nobody should be that happy to be drafted by the Bucs.”

The post 11 Things The Girl In Jameis Winston’s Crab Legs Photo Is Thinking appeared first on Korked Bats.

NEW YORK — After top prospects Jameis Winston and Marcus Mariota announced they will not be attending the 2015 NFL Draft in Chicago this year and will instead watch from home, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced that he too will be watching from home.

“If Marcus [Mariota] and Jameis [Winston] aren’t going, then why do I have to be there?!” Goodell complained to reporters on Wednesday. “They’re like the only cool players that were scheduled to be there. I don’t want to bro hug a bunch of losers!” Goodell then slouched in his chair and blew a bubble with his gum.

Having the commissioner fail to show up at times when the NFL needs him most is nothing new, but many within the league offices are still surprised with Goodell’s announcement. “He said he’s not going to even watch it live. He claims he’ll tape it and watch it later,” an anonymous NFL executive said. “But if we’ve learned anything in this past year, it’s that Roger Goodell never watches tapes. So he’s clearly lying.”

The number of players refusing to show up to the Draft is alarming, but the NFL offices are already releasing statements out of habit to get in front of the issue. The league’s latest statement read, “We are saddened to hear the news of players deciding not to attend the Draft in May. However, we would like to reiterate the fact that the National Football League has already taken necessary steps to ensure the safety of our players at the NFL Draft. We have reduced concussions at the draft by 12% and have enhanced training and proper techniques for Roger Goodell to give softer bro hugs.”

Now, the NFL faces a problem of who will announce the draft picks as they come in.

“I’d love to do it! I’ve already been texting and emailing the NFL like all day! The thought of being that close to professional athletes is already making me giddy,” Grammy award winning artist Drake said.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Joining Winston and Mariota, Roger Goodell Also Decides To Not Attend NFL Draft appeared first on Korked Bats.

Former Florida State Seminoles QB Jameis Winston’s Pro Day is today and the controversial quarterback is garnering attention like he just heisted some food or gave sex tips in the student union.

The player will work out publicly in front of every NFL scout and multiple media outlets, but what drills will he participate in? Don’t worry. We’ve got the full list right here.

The 40-yard Dash

Scouts are interested to see how fast Jameis can run 40-yards, for all those pick-6’s he’s expected to throw for the Titans or Buccaneers.

The High Jump

Scouts are extremely interested if prospects can perform athletically while under the influence of marijuana. This skill is important to become an NFL player.

The Shuttle Run

This is basically your standard 3-cone test. It tests agility.

The Publix Run

This is basically like the 40-yard dash, only you have unpaid crab legs in your hand and you’re being chased by a guy in a Publix apron.

Squats

Scouts try to load as much weight as possible onto the bar as you do squats, in hopes that the NFL prospect can put the entire team on his back, because lets face it, if you’re going this high in the draft, the rest of your team sucks.

Memory Test

This is your basic memory test, to see if an NFL prospect can remember your plays, your audibles, and your baby momma names.

The Broad Jump

We all know how much Jameis Winston loves to jump. It’s time to put it to the test.

The Broad Hump

We all know how much Jameis Winston loves women. It’s time to put it to the test.

The Profanity Yell

This tests how quickly a prospect can jump up onto a table a yell out profanities. If Jameis can do this impressively, the Raiders may trade up to get him to add him to their fan base.

Running Away From A Guy Chasing You With A Broom

If you can successfully complete this drill, then it proves you’re a spider. NFL Scouts are big on arachnid-type talent.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post 10 Events At Jameis Winston’s Pro Day appeared first on Korked Bats.

GIRLS, GIRLS! I SWEAR, I’M NOT BRUNO MARS!

• • •

THIS ISN’T THE NHL COMBINE, BRUH! WHAT’S WITH THE HOCKEY MASK?!

• • •

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!

• • •

IT’S A BOMB!

• • •

IT’S A NORTH BY NORTHWEST REFERENCE!

• • •

GIVE ME BACK THAT BOTTLE OF HGH, LITTLE GIRL!

• • •

RUN NFL DRAFT PROSPECT, RUN!

 • • •

THIS ONE HITS CLOSE TO HOME…

• • •

WHY WON’T THE T-1000 DIE?!

• • •

IT’S THE LIBYANS! RUN FOR IT, MARTY!

• • •

IS THAT… AARON HERNANDEZ?!

• • •

THIS ONE HITS CLOSER TO HOME…

• • •

MEL KIPER HAS THE WHITE LLAMA GOING MID-TO-LATE FIRST ROUND…

• • •

Check out Dinosaurs At The NFL Combine here.

The post 13 NFL Combine Participants Running From Random Things – UPDATED! appeared first on Korked Bats.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Jameis Winston’s NFL Draft Scouting Report appeared first on Korked Bats.

Florida State maybe could’ve heard it in person had they not ran into the locker room without shaking Oregon’s hands after the game.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Oregon Players Turn Florida State Chant Into “No Means No” Chant [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.