We got more junk this week, and it’s a lot of fun. Here are some of the top moments:

(1:31) – What to do when your wife wants you to cut your hair but you don’t want to?

(20:00) – Is Danny Woodhead our new BFF?

(48:27) – Wait. Is Robert Pattinson a good actor?

(1:03:15) – This week’s FRANK FACT is about outer space. Prepare to have your mind blown.

(1:10:22) – Meet our new friend the ???? #TakeSiren ????

Listen on Apple Podcasts here

EP15: Introducing The Take Siren| RUNDOWN:

1:31 – The Hair Dilemma

7:29 – Mamba Day: Our Favorite Kobe Bryant Memories

18:00 – Big Week For Korked Bats

20:00 – Danny Woodhead Is Awesome

30:00 – Earl Thomas Was Released

36:54 – JJ Watt MASSIVE NEWS: CFL QB McLeod Bethel-Thompson Is Opting Out

48:27 – The Batman Trailer: Is Robert Pattinson Good Again?

1:00:16 – COFFEE BREAK

1:03:15 – FRANK FACT

1:10:22 – Introducing The ???? #TakeSiren ???? 

1:20:42 – THE LIST: People Who Post “So We Did A Thing” Online

1:25:08 – THE LIST: New Gas Cans

1:27:29 – THE LIST: The Pre-Election Day Asteroid 

The post The Junk Drawer: Earl Thomas Released, A Major CFL Opt-Out, & Introducing The Take Siren appeared first on Korked Bats.

Shumpert shares TWO great Kobe stories and they start at the 35:25 mark of this video.

For the part about him guarding Kobe, fast forward to the 37:20 mark.

[divider][/divider]

Subscribe to Korked Bats on YouTube!

The post Iman Shumpert May Have Given Us The Best Kobe Bryant Story appeared first on Korked Bats.

If you were unable to watch today’s memorial, don’t worry, we collected some of the best moments and highlights from the ceremony.

The memorial service opened with a two-song performance by Beyoncé.

Then the master of ceremonies, Jimmy Kimmel delivered his own personal eulogy for Kobe, Gianna, and the seven other people who tragically perished on the helicopter on January 26th, 2020.

Surprisingly, Jimmy then introduced Kobe’s wife, Vanessa Bryant as the first speaker of the day, and despite the pain she must’ve been numb with, she pushed through and delivered two beautiful eulogies. One for her beautiful little girl, and another for her soul mate.

No one can begin to imagine what she’s gone through, but what she hit us with was perfect.

After she finished, she was helped off the stage by Michael Jordan which made for one of the most touching images of the day.

Next up was WNBA great Diana Taurasi, a.k.a. The White Mamba – a nickname Kobe gave her. She spoke and, in a much-needed moment of levity, made a point to rib LeBron.

Alicia Keys, who hosted the GRAMMYs on the day Kobe passed away, was asked to perform Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata” which was one of Kobe’s favorite songs, and song Rob Pelinka referenced in his speech.

Then Shaquille O’Neal took the podium and, of course, went full Shaq in his story about Kobe. Be careful, the language is NSFW.

And arguably one of the greatest moments of the entire day was when the GOAT himself, Michael Jordan walked up to share some words, and in doing so, shared a hilarious Crying Jordan meme joke.

I can’t believe it. Michael Jordan has become self-aware. This of course came moments after this tweet, because it truly was a moving experience seeing Michael Jordan – a guy who rarely speaks publicly – get up and talk about Kobe Bryant.

[divider][/divider]

Watch any of the other full speeches below.

Diana Taurasi – WNBA great

Sabrina Ionescu – Oregon Ducks

Geno Auriemma – UConn Women Huskies head basketball coach

Rob Pelinka – Kobe’s best friend and former agent, Lakers current General Manager

Michael Jordan – the GOAT

Shaquille O’Neal – former Lakers center, Kobe’s teammate, aspiring rapper

Rest in peace, Bean.

The post All The Best Moments From Kobe & Gianna Bryant’s Memorial Service appeared first on Korked Bats.

Tonight was the first night the comedians of late night got their chance to share their thoughts, condolences, and stories of Kobe Bryant.

It always makes it more sombering when you see comedians not only act serious, but fight back tears while talking on their late night shows. These are guys who have interviewed and interacted with Kobe countless times, so they shared their thoughts.

CONAN

First up was Conan O’Brien, who decided to share some of the best clips of Kobe’s time on his show. You really forget just how witty and intelligently funny he was until you see him improvising with Conan in these clips.

My gosh. The line about Phil Jackson burning something other than sage, or the subtle dig of Shaq about not being able to understand that perpetual slow-motion voice of his. Kobe very well could’ve hosted his own late night talk show, and I guarantee it would’ve been much better than The Magic Hour.

[divider][/divider]

The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon didn’t show any clips of Kobe, but rather opted for a personal story of the first time he and Kobe met. When Kobe was 17-years-old, fresh with the Lakers, and he was 21-years-old doing stand-up in Los Angeles. Grab a Kleenex for this one.

Welp, the waterworks stayed flowing throughout that story, but the cascade opened up when Jimmy mentioned going on a beer run together the next time they meet. Goodness, gracious. I feel like I need to open a window.

[divider][/divider]

Jimmy Kimmel Live

This was a show many people were probably anticipating, especially since the clip of Kobe talking about his daughter, Gianna, on this show went viral. Jimmy’s show is shot in the heart of downtown Hollywood, and he obviously held a close relationship with Kobe. I’m not sure if the show was originally scheduled to air tonight, but regardless, Jimmy opted for a show without a studio audience to just replay clips from any of the 15 times Kobe had been on his show.

It tears you up seeing guys who’s jobs are to literally bring laughter and joy onto TV every single night have nothing more to say than, “It’s all bad, it’s all sad” while trying to hold back tears.

[divider][/divider]

The Late Late Show with James Corden

James Corden opted for more of the eulogy approach with his kind words, explaining how basketball was never a big part of growing up in England, and yet Kobe transcended it all.

[divider][/divider]

Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers were re-runs tonight. Colbert and Meyers both return live tomorrow (Tuesday), and as Kimmel mentioned in his clip, his show will return live tomorrow night (Tuesday), with Magic Johnson as a guest.

If this does anything, it should, at very least, broaden the magnitude of Kobe Bryant. His charisma, his comedy, his ability to talk about anything with intelligence and passion. Like I said in my piece yesterday, Kobe was more than a basketball player. In fact, basketball was merely the tip of Kobe’s iceberg.

Rest easy, Bean.

The post From Conan to Fallon, TV’s Late Night Show Hosts Remember Kobe appeared first on Korked Bats.

Kobe Bean Bryant passed away Sunday morning, January 26th, at the age of 41. To honor the legendary Black Mamba, I decided to do a retroactive breakdown of his final game in the NBA, where he just so happened to do Kobe Bryant things and dropped 60 points.

It was fittingly an incredible night built solely for an incredible basketball superstar.

I hate that he’s gone, but his highlights like these will live on forever. Enjoy.

The post A Breakdown of Kobe Bryant’s Final Game appeared first on Korked Bats.

My gut is wrenched.

It wasn’t supposed to end like this. The legend of Kobe Bryant wasn’t supposed to end suddenly on a Sunday morning. We didn’t even get to say goodbye.

I’ll admit, like many people, when Kobe Bryant was still in the NBA, I hated him. I wasn’t a Lakers fan, so by default, I was a “Lakers hater.” As a Pacers fan, he ripped my heart out and took turns stomping on it with Shaq during the 2000 NBA Finals. However, my hate for Kobe was much like my hate for brussel sprouts. I knew they were really good, and made everyone better and stronger. So although I didn’t cheer for him, I still had a massive amount of respect for him. An unfathomable amount of respect for him. Just like he had an unquantifiable amount of respect for others. His final tweet is evidence of that.

LeBron James passed Kobe for 3rd on the NBA’s all-time scoring list the night before Kobe passed. Furthermore, LeBron just so happened to open up about Kobe in his postgame.

There aren’t many people who have their number hanging up in the rafters at Staples Center, let alone TWO numbers. Try and top that, Taylor Swift.

Speaking of, I always like to brag that I once got to see Kobe Bryant in Staples Center. That’s usually where my brag suddenly stops because I didn’t get to see Kobe play basketball in Staples. Hell, I didn’t even get to see him drop a ceremonial first puck at a Kings game in Staples. No, I got to see Kobe Bryant come out as the special guest during a Taylor Swift Concert. It was the first of four consecutive nights at Staples Center during her 1989 tour. Kobe was brought out and gifted her a banner to hang from the rafters for her record number of sell-outs in that building. There I was, a grown man amongst many teenie-bopper Swifties, and I may have shrieked the loudest when she brought him out.

I got to see Kobe Bryant two more times in L.A. Neither of which were for basketball games.

I had the opportunity to see a John Williams concert at the Hollywood Bowl with the Los Angeles Philharmonic. During the concert, the legendary film score composer John Williams brought Kobe Bryant out on stage. At this point, I’m thinking Kobe just gets called on stage at every concert in Los Angeles. Taylor Swift, John Williams, Alien Ant Farm, it doesn’t matter. As it turned out, John Williams called him on stage to read the poem he wrote for the Players Tribune, Dear Basketball.

The poem was turned into a short film and Kobe asked John Williams to compose the score for it. John Williams admitted to the audience that night that he was honored to be asked. The man known for iconic scores for Star Wars, Harry Potter, Jaws, Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones, and countless other films was honored to take the time to make a score for Kobe Bryant’s five minute short film. That night at the Hollywood Bowl, Kobe narrated his poem while it played on screen as John Williams conducted the L.A. Philharmonic. It was an incredible moment.

The short film went on to win an Academy Award, which brings me to the third time I had the opportunity to see Kobe in L.A.

I was offered the opportunity to be a seat filler at the 90th Annual Academy Awards at the Dolby Theater in downtown Hollywood. Kobe, again, was in attendance, and ultimately was called on stage (AGAIN!) to be awarded the Oscar. Think about that. Kobe Bryant has as many Oscars as Leonardo DiCaprio.

It got to point where I couldn’t go anywhere in Los Angeles without Kobe Bryant being called on stage. I mean, whenever I went to In-N-Out, I half-expected Kobe to be called to accept my order for me. But that was Kobe, he was a man who transcended basketball. Notice how I just told three separate stories about Kobe Bryant, and not one of them involved him being on a hardwood court?

That’s how big this man was. This is how talented he was. How many NBA Finals MVP’s do you see winning Oscars? I’ll answer that for you: none.

Kobe was a hard worker at everything he did, but not only that, he wanted to dominate everything he did. This is random, but Kobe was the first person I ever saw doing squats with both plates and chains weighing down the bars. It was in a Sprite commercial. I don’t know why I felt necessary to share that, but if he was working that hard in Sprite commercials, think about how hard he would work NOT in Sprite commercials.

And damn, that smile.

The smile we saw so often: after dropping 81, after winning the NBA Dunk Contest as a rookie, after winning any of his 5 Larry O’Brien trophies, after dropping 60 on his final night in the NBA, or any of the countless times with his daughters either pre or post retirement.

That’s another aspect that makes this loss so painful. The loss of his 13-year-old Gianna as well. A young girl who was obsessed with and pursuing soccer until a couple of years ago, when she told her dad she wanted him to teach her the game. And he did.

My stomach remains gutted as I write this. There is an empty pit in my chest as I try to come to terms, and I didn’t even know Kobe. So I can’t imagine how the thousands of people he did know are feeling, and I can’t even begin to comprehend how his family, his surviving daughters, and his wife, Vanessa, are feeling right now.

This is an American tragedy by all accounts. It tugs at anyone’s heartstrings, for we lost not only a sports icon, an incredibly successful businessman, a mentor to thousands, but a family man by every sense of the term as well.

Kobe Bryant won 5 NBA championships, 2 NBA Finals MVPs, and one NBA MVP. He was a two-time NBA scoring champ, an 18-time All-Star, and won 4 NBA All-Star Game MVPs. He was named to the All-NBA first team 11 times, the All-NBA second team 2 times, and the All-NBA third team 2 times. He was one of the most decorated NBA players of all time, and yet, the thing that made him most proud was his family. It was rare you didn’t see him in retirement sitting courtside without his daughters sitting right next to him.

Kobe loved his girls, he loved his wife, he loved basketball, he loved life. And we loved him. Even if we hated him.

Rest in peace, Mamba.

Oh, and lastly, one thing will forever remain true…

The post Rest In Peace, Bean appeared first on Korked Bats.

LOS ANGELES — The Los Angeles Lakers’ Shaquille O’Neal statue was erected outside of Staples Center earlier this morning and reports from the area claim it is already feuding with Kobe Bryant.

According to sources, Bryant and the Shaq statue are already at odds and there are rumors the statue could soon demand a trade to another arena.

The statue, which is made entirely of STEEL of Gold Bond, is considered to be the largest Laker statue outside of Staples and the most talented Laker inside Staples.

It is unsure of how this feud began exactly, but many speculate it could be because the statue portrays Shaquille O’Neal dunking a severed Kobe Bryant head through a hoop.

On top of that, a night before the unveiling ceremony, TMZ released grainy footage of what appears to be the Shaq statue freestyle rapping at a nightclub with lyrics demanding Bryant to “tell me how my asphalt tastes.” When reached for comment, Bryant said he was not amused.

“How do you expect me to coexist with a statue like that? It’s not me, it’s him!” Bryant told sources. “He hasn’t said a word to me since his arrival.”

“You think I never pass?! That statue has held onto the ball since he got here,” Bryant demanded.

“It’s unfortunate to see a Laker great like Kobe already feuding with a statue only hours after it was erected,” Lakers co-owner Jeanie Buss said. “Almost as unfortunate as seeing Shaq in a Celtics jersey at the end of his career.”

The Kareem Abdul-Jabbar statue refused to comment on this story because it is a freaking statue.

The post Shaquille O’Neal Statue Outside Staples Center Already Feuding With Kobe appeared first on Korked Bats.

On this glorious Thanksgiving Day, let’s take a look at what some of our favorite athletes and coaches are thankful for.

Giancarlo Stanton is thankful… that Major League Baseball doesn’t have a salary cap.

• • •

Aaron Rodgers is thankful… for peace and relaxation.

• • •

Josh Shaw is thankful… that his nephew is alive and well.

• • •

Hunter Pence is thankful… for Red Bull.

• • •

Odell Beckham Jr. is thankful… for both of his hands, even though he only really needs one.

• • •

Eli Manning is thankful… for Odell Beckham Jr., and firetrucks, and candy, and his Legos, and the pillow fort he built in the basement, and his stuffed animals, and when his mom cuts the crust off his PB&J.

• • •

Lane Kiffin is thankful… for Nick Saban.

• • •

Nick Saban is thankful… that the season is almost over so he can get rid of Lane Kiffin.

• • •

Tony Romo is thankful… for DeMarco Murray, because it’s nearly impossible to have a late-game handoff intercepted and returned for a touchdown.

• • •

Kobe Bryant is thankful… his career is almost over so he doesn’t have to put up with this [expletive] anymore.

• • •

Kellen Winslow Jr. is thankful… for Google Maps, so he won’t get lost on his way to Boston Market anymore.

• • •

Jameis Winston is thankful… for the Tallahassee Police Department.

• • •

SEC fans are thankful… for Virginia Tech.

• • •

Marlins Man is thankful… for StubHub.

• • •

Brandon Weeden is thankful… for senior citizen discounts.

• • •

Jay Cutler is thankful… for nothing.

• • •

Urban Meyer is thankful… for comfort food, like pizza.

• • •

Clayton Kershaw is thankful… the Cy Young and MVP awards only take into account the regular season.

• • •

Clayton Kershaw’s posse is thankful… that too. #HiMom!

• • •

Derrick Rose is thankful… for Aflac, for when he gets hurt and has to miss work.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post What Athletes Are Thankful For appeared first on Korked Bats.

He’s definitely going to the Lakers (or another team with a #24 on their roster). ربح المال من الانترنت

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post The LeBron James Conspiracy appeared first on Korked Bats.

• • •

This post was written by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Los Angeles Lakers Head Coach Application appeared first on Korked Bats.