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If you’ve followed Korked Bats for a while, then you know Kyle has written and created content for this site off and on for almost ten years. If you’ve never seen any of his work, you can give some of it a read here.

Last night, Kyle made his television debut as he performed stand-up on CONAN. موقع مراهنات عالمي

This is awesome. Kyle is awesome. CONAN is awesome. Everything is awesome.

If you’re not already, give Kyle a follow on Twitter and check out his podcast Never Seen It, where comedians re-write and read scripts for classic movies they’ve never seen before.

The post Our Guy Kyle Ayers Performed Stand-Up On CONAN Last Night And Might’ve Stolen Someone’s Identity In The Process appeared first on Korked Bats.

This week’s movie he covers is the neo-noir psychological thriller, Shutter Island, starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

Go ahead and give Kyle a follow on Twitter. He’s hilarious.

Also, if you’re a fan of movies, you need to check out his podcast Never Seen It. Each week a new comedian joins him to rewrite classic movies they’ve never seen before. Subscribe to it, because, again, he’s hilarious.

The post Stuff I Noticed The Second Time Through Watching The Movie I Didn’t Notice the First: Shutter Island appeared first on Korked Bats.

The first movie he covers is the Academy Award winning film for Best Sound Editing (impressive!), Arrival, starring Amy Adams.

Kyle breaks down a scene that, honestly, I didn’t notice either the first time I watched the movie. بوكر حقيقي على النت Kyle is extremely observant and makes you wonder how you ever missed it the first time.

Go ahead and give Kyle a follow on Twitter too. He’s hilarious.

Also, if you’re a fan of movies, you need to check out his podcast Never Seen It. Each week a new comedian joins him to rewrite classic movies they’ve never seen before. لعب روليت مجاني Subscribe to it, because, again, he’s hilarious. كازينو 888

The post Stuff I Noticed The Second Time Through Watching The Movie I Didn’t Notice the First: Arrival appeared first on Korked Bats.

This week’s episode touches on: Derrick Rose, the New York Mets, and Britt McHenry. لعبة تربح منها فلوس

Be sure to follow Sports Balls on Twitter: @sportsballsshow

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You can follow Sports Balls and all our jokes on Twitter: @SportsBallsShow

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The post Sports Balls – April 23, 2015 appeared first on Korked Bats.

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @KyleAyers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @KorkedBats

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What do you think? What’s your favorite? What should new Mavs jerseys contain?

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

The post We Help Design the New Dallas Mavericks Jerseys appeared first on Korked Bats.

For instance:

When a draft analyst uses the term intangibles, that translates to “I have no idea about this guy, but he once scrambled and made a lucky throw.” So that’s how it goes. All of these “experts” who work three weeks a year have some terminology, and we’ll help you figure out exactly what they mean when they spew draft speak at you.

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“Short Area Quickness” translates to White wide receiver.

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“Happy Feet Quarterback” translates to A quarterback who is a penguin that likes to sing.

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“Sleeper Pick” translates to “I don’t think this guy is good, either, but I want to call a bunch of players ‘sleeper picks’ so if they end up being good some day, I can say ‘I told you so!’ to someone.

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“Natural Athlete” translates roughly to African-American.

(note: this is what comes up when you Google natural athlete NFL draft)

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“Traditional Quarterback” translates traditionally to Caucasian.

(when you google traditional quarterback NFL draft.)

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“Mostly a Game Manager” translates loosely to Is Probably Matt Barkley.

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“Offensive Tackle” translates to You will be upset with your team’s pick.

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“That guy’s a coke machine” means either that guy is huge and impossible to move or he went to the University of Miami, depending on what they mean by the word “coke.”

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

The post NFL Draft Day Translator appeared first on Korked Bats.

After a few decades of irrelevancy, Royals fans have upped the bag-game from paper to the much less breathable plastic.

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

The post A Step Up from Paper Bags appeared first on Korked Bats.

For most people, this means that they will be able to look at New York’s roster and honestly say they don’t like a single player on the team. Mo (and Jeter. At least pre-gift baskets Jeter) was always different to non-Yankees fans. Not a big name free agent bought in the off-season to help the Yankees make another title run, but a player who debuted and played for the same franchise his entire career. A classy guy in New York City, going out there and doing his job, night after night.

For Yankees fans, I would imagine this is officially shutting the page on the career for one of the greatest to ever wear the pinstripes, and the greatest at his position in the history of the game of baseball.

I’m a Royals fan. Grew up a Royals fan. But I also grew in the 90s, and the Royals weren’t exactly a powerhouse of victory (still aren’t), so a young boy had to latch onto something else if he wanted any sort of joy in baseball. I chose Derek Jeter. He was everywhere. You couldn’t get a Sports Illustrated for Kids without the Gatorade High School Athlete of the Year turned New York Yankee shortstop smacked on the cover, fold-out poster, and perforated trading cards. Since I liked Jeter so much, I made a point of heading down to Kauffman Stadium any time the Yankees were in Kansas City, and getting a glimpse of the greatest.

Note: In Kansas City , when “special events” are in town, there is a surcharge added to the ticket prices. “Special Events” generally constitute the Yankees and St. Louis Cardinals (so they could charge those arch-lovers extra cash for making the trek down I-70 for four hours) coming to town. An extra $7 or so per ticket, bringing you up to a whopping $14 or so per ticket. I had a hearty belly laugh about this surcharge when I saw the prices for ANY Yankees game  when I moved to New York City. I was hoping there’d be a reverse-surcharge when my Royals made the trip up to the Bronx, but to no avail.

I don’t remember exactly how old I was when I waited to meet Derek Jeter, but I think around 11 or 12 years old. My dad and I went to a Royals game, downed my childhood favorite Frosty Chocolate Malt with wooden tongue-depressor spoon, and made our way out from the stadium to the area I can best describe as the place you wait for players to leave so you can try and get their autograph. (I’d visited the Royals player parking lot many times before. Jermaine Dye had driven off with my Sharpie once, Johnny Damon and Carlos Beltran had both been nice, and said hi to fans after games. I’d once told brief Royals outfielder Michael Tucker that my neighbors had a dog named Tucker, and I hoped he thought that was cool.) The visiting team left on a bus from the side of the stadium after celebrating their win that night. There was a crowd outside that night, this was the Yankees, after all, but I was small and quick and wanted to see Derek Jeter. I got right up against the rail.

And waited. And waited some more. The game ended, the cars left the parking lot. The crowds subsided, leaving just myself, my dad, and the rest of the people crammed against the rail barricade, waiting to see the Yankees, and hopefully snag an autograph. Then it happened.

The crowd got excited, started yelling. A man passed by with some newspapers surrounding his face, and got on the bus. Someone from the entourage says something along the lines of “Derek doesn’t need to sign autographs in Kansas City.” And he’s gone. Out of sight. I was left standing, distraught, baseball and sharpie in hand, my dad murmuring something that it’s probably best I didn’t hear. The air was let out of the crowd.

More players, Yankees crew, and trainers started filtering out to the bus. Some guy who wasn’t Derek Jeter walked over and took the baseball out of my hand, and said something that I didn’t hear because he wasn’t Derek Jeter. He started making small talk with my dad about something, probably how they both weren’t Derek Jeter, and my dad seemed extremely thankful. He ruined my new baseball with his name that wasn’t Derek Jeter, and handed it back to me, mentioning something about how he “loves coming to Kansas City. Great town, great fans.”

My dad thanked him multiple times. The excitement was gone, and I started walking for the car. I wanted to throw the baseball in the trash. I took a look at the signature and pouted to my dad:

“I don’t even know who Mario Rivers is. Why did he do that?”

“I’ll take the ball if you don’t want it, Kyle. His name is actually–”

I throw the ball at my dad. Keep it, I say.

Years later, and the greatest closer of all time’s name still sits in my dad’s case of sports memorabilia. I now understand how nice he was, taking a few minutes to chat with a kid and his dad, even though he didn’t have to. Thanks, Mario. Sure this will never get back to you, but that’s alright.

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

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