The Junk Drawer is back with our 43rd episode, with another special guest! The crazy lunatic, idiot Alex Jones joins the trio… kinda.

In honor of International Women’s Day, Austin implored Grit and myself to name famous women. I thought Betty Crocker was a real person, what the hell is wrong with me? With this fault, I now have to serve a punishment.

Remember this creepy, rapey vibe skunk from Looney Tunes? Good, now forget about him. CUZ HE’S CANCELLED!

The NBA Dunk Contest proved to be a bigger disappointment than Mitchell Trubisky’s quarterback play in Chicago.

LISTEN HERE:

RUNDOWN

0:28​ – Shots Fired At The NBA All-Star Game

1:25​ – A.D. Thinks Betty Crocker Was Real

6:07​ – Glacier Boyz Update

10:43​ – The Good, The Back, & The Ugly – A.D.

10:56​ – Pepé Le Pew Is Officially Cancelled

19:43​ – Special Guest Alex Jones

30:14​ – Burger King’s Tweet

38:14​ – The Good, The Back, & The Ugly – Grit

41:34​ – Anthony “Fast Pasta” Alfredo

56:59​ – The Good, The Back, & The Ugly – Austin

1:06:59​ – NBA Dunk Disappointment Contest

1:11:24​ – FRANK FACT

The post The Junk Drawer: ‘Space Jam 2’ Sans Pepe Le Pew, Special Guest Alex Jones, And Name A Woman! appeared first on Korked Bats.

In case you didn’t watch, the NBA Dunk Contest on Saturday night was actually pretty dope. The entire thing came down to a dunk-off against Derrick Jones Jr. (Miami Heat), and the Buffalo Bills of the NBA Dunk Contest, Aaron Gordon (Orlando Magic).

A lot of people always love to clown on the Dunk Contest, as if jumping over another human while putting a basketball between your legs and through a hoop is not an impressive feat. Anyone can do it, right? Haters will claim the contest has become unoriginal, uncreative, and no longer exciting or fun, which is ironic, because the same things are usually said about Saturday Night Live.

Many people like to think both the NBA Dunk Contest and Saturday Night Live were better when they were younger. Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of those people to an extent. I firmly believe (and recently wrote about how) the greatest NBA Dunk Contest happened in 2000 – it was the More Cowbell sketch of dunk contests. I also believe the greatest SNL cast came in the mid-90s with Myers, Carvey, Phil Hartman, Farley, Sandler, Spade, and Norm MacDonald hosting Weekend Update. But the show hasn’t failed to be great since then. Many will say the dunk contest was best with Michael Jordan, Spud Webb, Dee Brown, Dominique Wilkins, etc. But again, it hasn’t failed to be great since then.

In fact, they’ve both been great since, and I’m not sure which uses more props.

SNL has been good. Here are some examples:

• Tom Hanks as David S. Pumpkins (2016)
• Ryan Gosling in Papyrus (2017)
• Every Stefon appearance
• any Guy Who Just Bought A Boat appearance
• A Thanksgiving Miracle (2015)
• Anything with Kristen Wiig or Kat McKinnon in it
• And The Californians might be one of the greatest recurring sketches on the show.
• Even as recently as Adam Driver hosting just a few weeks ago…

Just as the NBA Dunk Contest has been good. Here are some examples:

• Dwight Howard’s Superman dunk (2008)
• Gerald Green blowing out a birthday candle dunk (2008)
• Dwight Howard dunking from 12-feet (2009)
• Blake Griffin dunking over a damn KIA (2011)
• JaVale McGee dunking TWO basketballs in two hoops (2011)
• Aaron Gordon dunking OVER the Magic’s mascot while putting the balls UNDER his legs (2016)
• LeBron James dun—lol, jk, he’s never done the dunk contest
• Even as recently as Pat Connaughton on Saturday night…

Saturday night only further proved the NBA Dunk Contest doesn’t just have a pulse, its heart is beating out of is chest like that alien from Aliens.

Now, again, haters will claim there’s no originality anymore. Everything we’re seeing is something we’ve seen before, which isn’t entirely wrong, and no one falls more victim to this take than the guys who announce the NBA Dunk Contest for TNT, primarily Reggie Miller and Kenny Smith (Kevin Harlan is excluded because that mane could make a time-share meeting exciting). These guys have been announcing the dunk contest for years, so they’ve literally seen every attempt of every dunk. Plus, they feel like they have to play it cool more than just bring excitement to the event, so Kenny Smith spends more time telling you why a dunk isn’t that impressive than he does hyping it. Kenny’s nickname is The Jet, but during the Dunk Contest, he’s The Buzzkill.

If Kenny commentated SNL, he’d probably be like, “This sketch isn’t that funny. The timing wasn’t right on the jokes. You want a funny sketch you have to watch Sprockets with Mike Myers. That’s a well-timed, hilarious sketch. This isn’t that.”

It’s for that reason why Aaron Gordon failed to win on Saturday night, despite jumping over the 7-foot-5 Tacko Fall in the finals. Think about that for a second. Aaron Gordon jumped OVER a human being who is SEVEN FOOT FIVE INCHES TALL, and DID NOT win the competition. Sure there wasn’t much creativity to the dunk, but sometimes I feel like we forget just how incredible it is to jump over humans who would scrape their heads walking into most parking garages.

It’s like Odell Beckham Jr.’s one-handed catch. We all initially freaked out because it was the first time we saw anything like that in a game, but from here on out, every time someone makes a one-handed catch, it will feel less significant, even though the feat isn’t any less difficult.

Take a step back and appreciate the greatness.

If you meet someone around the water cooler this week who claims the NBA Dunk Contest isn’t good anymore, ask them what they think about Saturday Night Live, because odds are it’s the same take. After you ask that, ask them when the last time was they watched either one in full. Odds are the answer to that question is a couple years ago – at least.

Does every dunk land? No. Is every SNL skit funny? No. But that doesn’t mean they’re all lame dunks or unfunny skits. You can’t go into each dunk/skit comparing it to what you grew up with, or else nothing will ever be good enough. Nothing you see today will ever make you change your opinion, but don’t let that make you miss out on the greatness happening today.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

The post The NBA Dunk Contest Is Like ‘Saturday Night Live’ appeared first on Korked Bats.

So what better way to get into the spirit of the weekend than with the singing of our national anthem. And to help us with it, let’s revisit one of the all-time greats.

Somewhere Carl Lewis is saying, “Uh-oh!” Roseanne Barr is facepalming, and R. Kelly is squirming… in jail. Francis Scott Key did not die for this. But had he been alive to hear it, he probably would died because of this.

This is an 8-time Grammy winner and a multi-platinum recording artist sounding like she’s trying to sing underwater. This didn’t feel like it belonged at the NBA All-Star Game. It felt like it belonged in a smokey lounge of a jazz club and/or a 5th grade talent show.

A few quick notes:

• she somehow managed to make the word “bombs” a three-syllable word (1:02)
• the little hand dance she does at “through.. the… niiiiight” did not help the performance in the least (1:12)
• Monica Seles was stabbed in the back during a tennis match and still never made a noise near as haunting as Fergie did before her final verse (1:22)
• And then she caps it all off with a friendly, “Let’s play some basketball!” to try and mask whatever the hell it was she just did

Yes, Fergie, let’s.

I remember watching this live, not fully paying attention, and thinking, “Oh. Well. This sure is different.” But I didn’t initially think it was bad, mainly because I’m not musically gifted enough to determine someone is bad at singing. I’m the William Hung of Simon Cowell’s. So if a multi-platinum recording artist makes the decision to do this, I usually tend to assume it’s good. But just to make sure, I hopped on Twitter to see what the rest of America was thinking, and man oh man, Fergie went from the Black Eyed Peas to just a straight up black eye in the span of her 2 minute and 15 second rendition of the Star Spangled Banner… or at least I think that’s what she was singing.

I can’t imagine when Frankie Scott wrote the lyrics to the Star-Spangled Banner, he wrote “woaahoaohaooahahhhh seeyeyayyyayyy.”

Before I could scroll too deep into my Twitter timeline that night, I look up and see Draymond Green trying to hold back laughter like he just thought of something inappropriate at a funeral.

Then you had Steph Curry not trying at all to hold back his laughter.

These NBA guys very rarely break. Especially at the things they’re SUPPOSED to laugh at during NBA All-Star Weekend. Like Shaq dancing or Carrot Top making a cameo for some reason? So to see them losing it, in the middle of our nation’s anthem, told you right then what we were dealing with.

A lot of people merely peg Anthony Anderson as solely a comedic actor, but the way he acted serious through the ripples in Ferg’s voice proves the man deserves a damn Oscar.

Jimmy Kimmel doesn’t even smirk this big during his own show.

And then there’s Chance who can’t help but go face to palm, thinking, “Yeah, Fergie and I definitely don’t do the same drugs no more.”

I feel bad for the people who were caught on camera, I feel worse for the people who had to hear that in-house live, and I feel the absolute worst for that poor microphone. Imagine being two-inches away from that quivering lip of Ferg’s.

The good news is Fergie and actor Josh Duhamel had already been separated for a couple of months prior, so it’s safe to say this performance did not lead to their impending divorce. Unless, of course, she practiced this from home months prior. In which case, I’d understand why Josh would move out.

Look, I love America as much as anyone, but even I have to laugh when things go off the rails. I’d

Enjoy NBA All-Star Weekend. Let’s play some basketball.

The post Kickoff NBA All-Star Weekend with Fergie’s National Anthem appeared first on Korked Bats.

Intern Todd’s questions were so ridiculous, he could work in the Knicks’ front office.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Late Show Intern Asks Kevin Durant Ridiculous Question, Gets Death Stare [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

 Most likely to be successful goes to whoever gets traded from the Knicks before the trade deadline.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Jimmy Fallon Hands Out Hilarious NBA All-Star Superlatives [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

Here are a few thoughts:

• One of these men will be responsible for starting the third World War. The other is Barack Obama
• The leader of the free world did a sit-down interview with a guy who was in Space Jam.
• This is the most boring Weight Watchers commercial ever.
• Really hope Charles Barkley isn’t giving Obama advice on how to run the country.
• YES WE CAN!*  (* – Does not apply to winning an NBA Championship.)

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post PICTURE: Charles Barkley Interviews Barack Obama appeared first on Korked Bats.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post The Official 2013-2014 Eastern Conference All-Star Team Photo appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Daytona 500 just happened.

The Daytona 500 is what exactly?

That’s a fair question.

NASCAR. It’s technically a sport, but some sports elitists will argue,

“Whats next? Cheerleading?”

The Daytona 500 is the Super Bowl of car races.

(The Super Bowl is to football as Pride and Prejudice is to chick flicks.)

(The five hour long version though, with Colin Firth.)

People need to know two things about the Daytona 500:

1. It happens only ONCE a year. Like Christmas. (minus the gifts, but that one creepy uncle without his front teeth will most definitely still be there.)

2. Nobody will remember the winner from the year before unless it’s that guy who makes Pepsi Commercials.

Oh, and raise of hands, how many of the ladies out there (or men that wear skinny jeans) watched the NBA All-Star Game?

Nobody?

That’s because the Celebrity All-Star Game came on first. And by that, I mean, Justin Bieber was playing in the NBA.

Your fight, is my fight…

And I was like, baby, baby, baby, ohhh…

Never Say Never…

Justin, if you’re reading this, When You Smile, I Smile…

Not because I want to date him or anything. He’s young.

(But if you’re reading this, age is just a number.)

Lady Home Work:

Throw the following sentence out around the sports lovers around you:

“Oh, Man. Can you believe that Carmelo Anthony is going to the Knicks?”

Make sure to only throw this sentence out if you are sure there are at least two people listening that will understand what you have just said. They will look at you, realize that you are cooler than they first realized, and the conversation will take off. Just sit back and look alive.  If at some point they come back to you in the conversation, just agree with the last thing you heard.

I’m telling you, it works.

If they catch on to what you’re doing, just grab your stomach and say something like, “being a woman is the worst.”

The post The Ladies Room: Deuce appeared first on Korked Bats.

Other than those minor details, this is exactly like Planet Earth.

Immature Side Note: Around the 1:01 mark of the video, it looks like Blake Griffin is pooping out a basketball.

The post Super Slow Motion Clip-per appeared first on Korked Bats.

A lot of big things happened in the NBA this weekend. Coincidentally it was their NBA All-Star Weekend in Los Angeles. These are some headlines you probably won’t see in the papers…

The post Headlines – 2011 NBA All-Star Weekend appeared first on Korked Bats.