Is Adam our resident Skip Bayless? People are asking.

The post Adam’s Back With Some NBA Finals Hot Takes appeared first on Korked Bats.

Is it smart for a growing blog to spend the money to send a guest contributor all the way down to South Beach just so he can hop on a yacht and deliver his take on the NBA Finals? Probably not. But did we anyway? Maybe.

You may think that seems pretty fake of us, right? Why send a guy to Miami and throw him on a yacht just to make the video look better? Feels very instagram influencer-ish. Like we merely did it for the ‘Gram. We merely did it for the likes and the clout. And you may be right. But fake it till ya make it, right?! Instagram vs. reality. Plus, with fire takes like these, we had to get them off in the warm weather.

Nuggets in 5. Maybe 6.

The post Did We Fly Our Guy Adam To Miami Just To Get His Takes on the NBA Finals? Maybe. appeared first on Korked Bats.

Giannis on superteams: pic.twitter.com/jQJHpT6S8w

Giannis didn’t just win a title. He didn’t just win an MVP. This Greek Freak won over an entire nation. The dude was already super likeable going into the Finals, but now after winning, he’s skyrocketed. Especially after ripping every NBA superstar who took the easy way out and teamed up with other elite athletes. *cough* LeBron, K.D. *cough* James Harden, Anthony Davis *cough* I could keep going, but more than three consecutive coughs in the era of covid will get people looking.

But the fact that Giannis undid his pants and took a dump on all those guys is all too perfect. Especially only days after LeBron released a movie where the entire plot is built around him putting together a super team. It’s too perfect. My man won in Milwaukee of all places. In an era where only major-market coastal teams seem to win. And in his first 3 seasons, his teams combined for an 80-something and 115-ish record (I should probably look this up, but you catch my drift). He didn’t bow out and join a more successful franchise. No. This dude elevated his own. And it worked. Props to him. Take notes, Dame Lillard. Go the Giannis route. It’s harder, but it’s gotta be so much more rewarding. I feel the same way about fandom. I hate fans who give up on their teams that suck. If it was easy to be a fan of the Bengals – for example – everyone would do it. But instead, it’s the pain that molds you. Look at Bane. Dude was a badass. Because he born in the darkness. Sure he ended up dying. But let it be a lesson that when things go dark, stay the course. And eventually, the payoff will be so much sweeter. As it was for Giannis. The dude walked the walk, so now talk your talk, king.

Also, can someone please give this man Chick-fil-A for life???

The post Giannis Taking A Giant Dump On The NBA’s “Superteams” Made The Bucks Winning It All Worth It appeared first on Korked Bats.

“I can’t remember if I cried when I read about Silver’s goodbye, but something touched me deep inside the day that sports died.”

-Gator Flint to the tune of Don McLean’s American Pie

Over 6 months ago, Rudy Gobert pulled one of the greatest practical jokes of all time by mocking COVID-19 only to have it. Classic! He then shut down basketball and the rest of sports for months. لعبة الروليت مجانا Not classic. Back in the dark days, it was uncertain if we would be able to finish the NBA season. Luckily, Mickey Mouse stepped in and graciously allowed the NBA to use Disney World to create “The Bubble.” Fast forward to today and we’re hours away from starting the NBA Finals between the Lakers and Heat. It’s been a difficult year, but at least we get a conclusion to the NBA season! (Fingers still kinda crossed.) With all that being said, here are five facts you need to know before the start of the Finals!

1. Lebron and Erik Spoelstra don’t like each other.

Back when Lebron took his talents to South Beach to win a few easy titles with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh, the Miami Heat promoted unknown Erik Spoelstra to be head coach. Although Spoelstra won a couple of titles, he was ridiculed by the public (and us at Korked Bats) as it was perceived that Lebron was truly the coach while he was just a water boy with a clipboard. When Lebron left, shade was thrown in both directions. Now, the two meet in the NBA Finals across from each other. Look for Spoelstra to stick out a leg and take out Lebron on a fast break a la Mike Tomlin.

2. Jimmy Butler is an angry dude.

Oh man did the Sixers screw up when they couldn’t keep Jimmy Butler last summer. The media portrays him as a team-wrecker, but in actuality, he wants to win more than anyone else on the court, and if he feels you’re not giving it your all, he will demolish you (just ask Karl Anthony-Towns). Butler has become the soul of this upstart Heat team, and if they’re gonna take down Lebron and the Lakers, it’s going to be because of his fire… and maybe a cheap shot that hurts Lebron or Anthony Davis.

3. Anthony Davis has an unibrow.

Anthony Davis is one of the best players in the league, but I’m sorry, no one will ever make having a unibrow cool. They’re gross and frankly, disturbing. However, in his honor, here’s a power ranking of the 5 most important unibrows in the history of all time:

1. Frida Carlo (famous artist)
2. Helga G. Pataki (MOVE IT FOOTBALL HEAD!)
3. Bert (first gay puppet to appear on public television)
4. Squilliam (Squidward’s arch-nemesis)
5. Otto Von Bismarck (General who united the Prussian States into Germany)

4. Tyler Herro is Billy Hoyle’s son.

Heat rookie Tyler Herro broke out in the last series, dropping 37 on the Celtics in Game 4. Funny enough, he has a famous father. 888 كازينو Billy Hoyle, made famous in the documentary White Man Can’t Jump is the proud papa of young Herro. No wonder that white boy is out there ballin. لعبة القمار ورق A truly great story though, from hustling on the public courts of Venice (and now probably Miami) to watching your son in the NBA Finals. I’m tearing up just thinking about it.

5. ESPN LOVEEEESSS Lebron.

Get ready for the non-stop Lebron love fest. Yes we all get that Lebron is a once in a generation player (definitely in my top 25 players of all time), but ESPN is over the top with their coverage of him. Literally, they have Brian Windhorst just follow him around and report on everything he does in a day down to when he farts. It’s all a bit much. Odds are there won’t be a basketball segment without his name being mentioned at least 17 times.

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There you have it. Now you’re ready for the final basketball series of the year. Of course, no post about the finals would be complete without a a prediction so I leave you with this.

HEAT in 4.

The post 5 Facts You NEED to Know About The 2020 NBA Finals appeared first on Korked Bats.

Before the 22-team plan was ratified by the NBA on Friday, there was a push by small market teams to bring back all 30 teams regardless of their chances to make the playoffs. The teams claimed that not completing the season for those eight teams would not only cause a loss in television deal revenue, but would also do irreparable damage to those teams’ brands (not entirely sure how? but whatever). This was eventually shot down as there were whispers that some teams – cough the Warriors cough – did not want to come back if there was nothing to play for. What if there was something to play for though?

Cue my amazing plan to help include the have-nots in the league! I call it the Not-So-Great Eight ( pending). How does it work? I’m glad you asked.

Where Will It Take Place?

Might as well take care of the easiest question first. The NBA is already in negotiations with Walt Disney, and you might not know this, but it just so happens they have more than one amusement park. Disneyland has long been perceived as the inferior choice to Disney World, thus making it the logical choice to host the tournament of the eight most inferior teams.

How It Will Work?

Another easy question. The teams are seeded based off of their regular season record at the suspension of the league with the 23rd​ best team, the Charlotte Hornets, being the one seed (Michael Jordan’s on top again!) and the 30th​ best team, the Golden State Warriors being the eight seed. From there, it’s a traditional playoff setup with each round consisting of a three-game series. Also to spruce things up, Jordan will coach the Hornets in the first round against the Warriors because A) no one actually know who the Hornet’s coach is (sorry, James Borrego), and B) it’s perfect timing with The Last Dance just being released, and C) It sets up a chance for Jordan to punch Steve Kerr in the face again. The last team standing is declared the champion of the Not So Great Eight!

What’s at Stake?

This one is a two-parter. First it will solidify the draft lottery positions. Teams that are eliminated in the first round will have the 1-4 lottery positions (tiebreaker being worse record when the season was suspended). Teams eliminated in the second round will hold the 5​th and 6th​ lottery positions, and the runner up in the tournament will hold the 7​th lottery position in the draft.

Now you may wonder why I neglected to mention the champion’s lottery position. Here’s why: The champion of the Not-So-Great Eight plays an automatic play-in game with the eight seed in the East (presumably the Orlando Magic) for a chance to play in the actual NBA playoffs. This will incentivize all the teams to play for a chance to make it to the tourney instead of having a tank-fest with teams more worried about draft position than winning games. Think about it. How much fun it would be for a finally healthy Golden State to win it all and get a chance to go through the East to set up a potential Lebron v. Golden State final for seemingly the 23rd​ time in the last decade!

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So there you have it, basketball lovers. I’ve saved the small market teams while creating an enjoyable tournament for all to watch, and most importantly, increased Disney’s profit margins because it’s important to help struggling local businesses in times like these.

Adam Silver, I’ll accept an edible arrangement as a thank you for doing your job for you.

This post was written by Gator Flint.

The post A Brilliant Idea For The 8 Teams Not Included In The NBA’s Plan To Return appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Golden State Warriors defeated the Cleveland Cavaliers in six games to win the 2015 NBA Finals. Here are a few headlines you probably won’t see in the papers today:

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The post HEADLINES – 2015 NBA Finals appeared first on Korked Bats.

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Tim Duncan

#21 – Center

He currently resides at the Pineview Grand Nursing Home, where he spends his time watching daytime television, forgetting his grandchildren’s names, and collecting unknown white stuff in the corners of his mouth.

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Matt Bonner

#15 – Forward/Center

While many are confused how Matt Bonner got into the NBA in the first place, Matt has become everyone’s favorite substitute teacher at Grove Oak High School. As kids come into class, Matt pops on a movie (most of the time Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer) and checks his Facebook for the entire hour. He never takes roll and let’s the students chew gum during class because he “thinks that’s a dumb rule to begin with.” He spends most of the day discussing the dynamics of the Wilco’s fourth album, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, with the really “artsy” students. Matt also always competes in the annual Teachers vs. Students basketball game where he averages 33 points, 14 rebounds, 8 blocks, and 3 concussed students per game.

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Manu Ginobili

#20 – Guard

Manu has retired from professional basketball to work as a clerk at a convenience store in Manhattan. Which convenient store you ask? Literally any of them. Even though Manu is from Argentina, he also does some contract work with the Russian mob, living out the life of basically any bad guy in a Jason Statham movie.

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Tony Parker

#9 – Guard

Il est sans doute la natation , le vélo avec un panier à l’avant , ou faire quelque chose d’autre peuple français le font . Classique Frenchie .

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Gregg Popovich

Head Coach

You’ll never believe this, but Gregg is actually still the head coach of the San Antonio Spurs. He’s also continues to develop frustrations towards everything and everyone around him.

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Norris Cole

#30 – Guard

Norris actually quit basketball altogether to begin a career in acting. After many failed auditions and reads, he was finally fortunate enough to land the role of Vince LaSalle in the hit TV series Recess.

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Chris “Birdman” Andersen

#11 –  Forward/Center

Chris is hanging out by the front counter of a tattoo parlor, probably.

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Dwyane Wade

#3 – Guard

Unsurprisingly, Dwyane Wade failed to lead the Miami Heat to the playoffs this year without the help of LeBron James and a healthy Chris Bosh, leading Miami Heat fans (both of them) to wonder if Wade is as good as they thought, especially considering the only other ring he has without James/Bosh by his side was with Shaquille O’Neal by his side. And to stir controversy even more, citizens of Miami have started a petition to get Dwyane to change his name to the correct spelling of Dwayne.

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Greg Oden

#20 – Center

No matter when you’re reading this, he’s currently having knee and/or hip replacement surgery.

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Toney Douglas

#0 – Guard

I honestly had no idea this was a person. I have no idea where he is now. Skip this one.

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Chris Bosh

#1 – Forward/Center

Sadly Chris Bosh and everyone in his family are now extinct. Fortunately, however, you can still see his fossilized bones at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History.

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Mario Chalmers

#15 – Guard

Mario passed away six months ago. R.I.P. Mario.

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Erik Spoelstra

Head Coach

With the free time he has during the NBA postseason, Erik finally finished up the 9th grade and is currently studying to take his driver’s test in the fall, when he turns 16. Odds are he is currently hanging around kids his own age at the community skate park. Erik doesn’t really ever skate, but he goes to hang out, hold a skateboard under his arm, and show off his latest BIG DOGS t-shirt that he got on vacation with his family.

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The Larry O’Brien Trophy

Trophy

It is being displayed in a trophy case somewhere and fortunately is no longer accompanying Mark Cuban at urinals anymore.

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James Jones

#22 – Guard/Forward

James Jones now plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers and has been highly touted for not only leading the Cavs to their first NBA Finals appearance since 2007, but for also appearing in 5 straight NBA Finals, a feat that hasn’t been achieved since 1966.* Many NBA fans and analysts are demanding for the league to allow current players to be inducted into the Hall of Fame, just so they don’t have to wait for Jones to retire to vote him in.

*-Also, LeBron James accomplished that feat this year too. But who cares, amirite?!

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LeBron James

#6 – Forward

He’s actually playing for the Cleveland Cavaliers and will more than likely see some playing time in the 2015 NBA Finals.

The post Where Are They Now? – 2014 NBA Finals appeared first on Korked Bats.

LeBron is dressed like an actor caught walking in public  by paparazzi in 1991.

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“Not a foul.” -NBA refs

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“Not a foul.” -NBA refs

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“Say ‘Not a foul’ one more time.” -LeBron

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At least that lady in the corner is enjoying herself.

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“Ummm.. LeBron… Ummm… Can you…. Would you mind…. Ummm… Nevermind.”

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As LeBron lies on the floor, about to die, Steph Curry does his best NBA referee impression.

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Shooting over an NBA defender is hard, but for some reason shooting over Iman Shumpert is even harder.

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The ironic thing is that after the game, the guy behind the mask was actually crying.

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LeBron: “Bring it in for a hug, Matt!”

Dellavedova: “I’m sorry I’m so emotional. I know I’m an ugly crier. لعبة تربح منها المال ”

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David Blatt: “Go out there and run the slam dunk play.”

LeBron: “Please don’t touch me.”

(All photos via USA Today)

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“Alright, let’s make this fast. I have to be at a slam poetry open mic later.”

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I don’t think he took those glasses off to make that sign.

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He’s obviously already jet lagged from the flight west.

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LeBron’s armpit hair has gotten so long, it’s starting to look like Harrison Barnes. Embarrassing.

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Oh come on! See! LeBron is in the game! If they let their head coach play, why can’t I?!

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In Mother Russia, white men CAN jump.

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As Kyrie Irving limped off the court, LeBron figured he should start kissing his third NBA title goodbye.

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Ugh. Riley’s doing something adorable again, overshadowing my team’s first NBA Finals win since 1975. What am I going to do with that girl?

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“Oh crap, here comes LeBron. Act cool. Act cool.”

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Just the tip.

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“And he was like, ‘You sure the Warriors are going to win?’ and I said, ‘Sure? I’m HIV POSITIVE!'”

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Rihanna: “B*tch better have my money…”

Rihanna’s Friend: “Who?!”

Rihanna: “Riley Curry.”

(All photos via USA Today)

The post Photo Captions: NBA Finals Game 1 appeared first on Korked Bats.