You know the expression, “Act like you’ve been there before.” The Pirates clearly have not.

Look, I’m all for a team talking trash online. They walked the walk, now talk the talk. But this might be the most the Pirates have tweeted after a win… possibly ever. The Buccos were feeling themselves. And why shouldn’t they? For all I care (and Pittsburghers should care), the Pirates season is over. They’ve won it all. And they should parade across the Roberto Clemente Bridge. Hell, call up Jostens and get them some rings. This is the Pirates’ World Series. The team with an Aldi budget beat the team with the Top Gun: Maverick budget. Moneyball wins again. And by Moneyball, I mean Refuse To Spend Any Moneyball. And for that reason, they should just hang it up now. Go out on top. Because this series win does nothing but show those penny-pinching front office fun killers that when you refuse to spend it can pay off for one series a year!

So talk your talk, @Pirates social team. Because your franchise refuses to give one of the best sports cities in America a good baseball product. You already went through 21 years of playoff drought, and now it appears your actively working on the next 21-year drought. But hey, at least you got off some well-timed Spongebob Memes after beating the best team in the NL! Nevermind the fact the rest of the summer will be filled with low-budget medocrity. Nevermind the fact one of the best stadiums in baseball has seen only 5 playoff games in its 21-year existence (most of which were Wild Card games). Nevermind all the bad. DID YOU SEE THEY BEAT THE DODGERS?!

For the first time since 2000, they swept them in Los Angeles! Wait, sorry, LOSS Angeles! #sickburn

I get angry when I think about just how dominant the Pirates could be if they just had good ownership. But instead, we have to hope to see if they sweep one good team a year to see any baseball life come out of the Steel City. Hell, can you even name a single Pirate? Can anyone in Pittsburgh name a single Pirate? You want baseball to get back to popularity? Give incredible sports markets like the Burgh a winning product, and I assure you it would lift the buzz for the entire city. More than just a few June retweets.

The post The Pirates Won Their First World Series Since 1979 By Sweeping The Dodgers In Early June appeared first on Korked Bats.

This thing is pretty self-explanatory. A ranking of how much each team’s fan bases drinks per game, with an additional note on how much they spend per game. Let’s break this down by select teams…

Atlanta Braves

C’mon, Braves. I love you, but I’m a little disappointed. I know finishing second is kinda your thing, but with consuming alcohol?? You literally have Waffle Houses in your stadium. And we all know you’re not allowed to eat at a Waffle House outside of breakfast hours without being hammered. You better correct that this year and win it all… which you very well might do on the field too.

St. Louis Cardinals

If there’s one thing St. Louis knows more than baseball, it’s beer. How on earth did they finish fifth from the bottom? Also, only $28 on average spent on alcohol?? Did they buy one beer? I’ve been to Busch. And I’ve been in debt ever since. I never thought I’d say this, but you need to step your beer game up, St. Louis. You’re down there hovering around with the California teams. And you know they don’t drink because of gluten and stuff. I’m not mad, just disappointed. Nolan Arenado won’t be able to fix this problem.

Chicago White Sox

They actually used to be ranked 25th on this list, but then they hired Tony La Russa.

Milwaukee Brewers

How do you finish tenth in this ranking when your team name is literally the Brewers?? Ya know, ever since you took Miller out of your stadium’s name, you guys have really changed. You’ve become really American Family friendly.

Colorado Rockies

At least one beer stadium (or former beer stadium) is holding up their namesake and finishing in the top 6. Although, after the offseason we just witnessed, they may skyrocket up the charts this season.

I’m really sorry, Rockies fans. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Chicago Cubs

Look, I know I’m kinda zoning in on the midwestern darlings of Major League Baseball, but that’s only because I expected more out of you guys. I don’t expect high alcohol intake from either coast. But the heart of the country? You guys should be drinking laps around the rest of the league. Especially, you Cubs! What happened to the Bleacher Bums? Have they been gentrified along with the rest of Wrigleyville?

Los Angeles Dodgers

Look, I get it. Dodger Stadium is a stone’s throw (or a former Yasiel Puig miss-his-cutoff-man throw) away from Hollywood, and image is everything in that city. I mean, heaven forbid you drink a carb. But 2.7 drinks per game? People get more liquored up during communion. You’re the world champs. Start drinking like it.

Miami Marlins

They average 3.3 drinks per game. That means their fan buys 3.3 drinks.

Pittsburgh Pirates

Shoutout to A.D. and his Buccos. Finishing middle of the pack for this current iteration of the Pirates should feel like a huge win. I just find it ironic that their fans spend more on beer per game than their front office does on players.

Philadelphia Phillies

They finished last only because they do all of their drinking in the parking lot before the game.

The post A Study Of Which MLB Fan Bases Drink The Most Has Dropped And We Have Thoughts appeared first on Korked Bats.

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A post shared by ????Vanessa Hudgens???? (@vanessahudgens)

OKAY COLE TUCKER! I see you. I was fired up when the Pirates drafted him, mainly because of his hair. (I’ve learned to respect a nice head of lettuce any time I see one.)

I’m no investigator, but is that a RING on her finger? Is this a boyfriend SLASH fiancé post all wrapped into one??? لعبه القمار Is Cole the high school to her musical? I hope so, because it might be the only time a Pirate gets a ring in my life.

I do think it is entirely fitting that Cole is dating a girl from High School Musical considering he basically plays for a high school baseball team. The Pirates (and their payroll) are the laughing stock of the league. But the only person getting the last laugh (at least on Valentine’s Day) is Cole Tucker. بيت فاينل

But wait… there’s more!

Cole wasn’t the only Pittsburgh athlete to find love this Valentine’s Day. That’s right, Pittsburgh Steelers backup QB, fresh off of getting hit by his own helmet, got hit by Cupid’s arrow.

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A post shared by Mason Rudolph (@rudolph2mason)

I love seeing a good comeback story. Especially when it comes to Pittsburgh. It wasn’t too long ago that Mason’s head looked like this:

I won’t lie to you, I had to look up who Mason’s new Valentine was, Genie Bouchard. I’m feeling a little left out that I had no idea who she was and she has 2 million+ followers. Maybe I’m slowly becoming a boomer.

Again, I don’t profess to be some sort of investigator but let’s just say Mason’s relationship is under further review. At this time, the relationship still seems somewhat one-sided. While Mason was quick to announce that Genie was “My Valentine. ” to his 231,000 followers via Instagram, I took the liberty of digging a little deeper. And by digging a little deeper means I simply clicked on her page. No signs of life on her and Mason’s relationship. No Valentine post, no birthday post, nothing in sight.

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A post shared by Genie Bouchard (@geniebouchard)

OMG, is she embarrassed of Mason? كيف تربح المال من الانترنت مجاناً

I mean, again, I don’t blame her.

But this is getting extremely interesting. Based on my investigative research, this appears to be same swimsuit that Genie is wearing in Mason’s Valentine’s Day post. The only thing missing? Mason. Why doesn’t she want to profess her love to Mason? Is Mason riding the bench in their relationship? What a blow to the head for him. My heart goes out to him.

So there you have it, Valentine’s Day was good for at least 1 Pittsburgh athlete, and we are still reviewing the other. But honestly, these guys may not score on the field, but they sure as hell know how to score off the field. Hat’s off to you Cole Tucker and Mason Rudolph.

Just remember to say “I love yinz.”

The post It’s Been A Huge Week For Love And Pittsburgh Sports appeared first on Korked Bats.

Maybe this title is a little misleading.

I think the Padres are absolutely loaded. And by acquiring Pirates ace Joe Musgrove (which how good of a pitcher do you need to be to be the Pirates ace? no offense, A.D.), they’re now even more loaded than they were last season. And they were LOADED last season. Their current rotation is Yu Darvish, Blake Snell, Dinelson Lamet, Joe Musgrove, and either Chris Paddack/MacKenzie Gore/Adrian Morejon. (Remember, Mike Clevinger is on IR next year – the Padres tried sneaking that one by us earlier.)

But look, The Expendables had every action star alive in that film, and yet it’s far from consideration for the greatest action movie of all time. So maybe we pump the brakes on this year’s Padres a little bit? On top of that, we’ve been here before. And not even that long ago, either.

In fact, I wrote about this earlier:

In December 2014, the Padres used the MLB Winter Meetings like Supermarket Sweep. They brought in Matt Kemp, the Upton brothers, Wil Myers, James Shields… Want me to go on? Ok. Derrick Norris, Will Middlebrooks, Brandon Marrow, Clint Barmes, and Craig Kimbrel. That squad produced 74 wins, many more headaches, and 1 giant hole in their wallet. They finished second….to last in the NL West.

via this website

What a douchey move to quote your own blog in your own blog. But the point remains. Last year’s extremely shortened 60-game season was the only time the Padres finished higher than 3rd in over a decade. The Padres are arguably the most fun team in baseball to watch – I’d argue the Braves and maybe less so the Dodgers are the other considerations in that – but I’ve been on record of saying how much I love this Padres core. I’m just saying, let’s not put the cart before the horse. Is that the right expression to use here?

Again, I’m not trying to be “that guy,” the dick who rains on people’s parades (even though it should also be noted that the San Diego Padres have never hosted a parade in their franchise’s history – unless you count whatever it was after they won the best-of-three Wild Card Round last year.)

All I’m saying is we can’t really hype the Padres until the Padres prove they’re gonna Padre.

P.S. — I will love Jayce Tingler for as long as that man is named Jayce Tingler.

The post Guys, The Padres Will Padre, But Until They Prove They Won’t Padre, We Can’t Hype The Padres appeared first on Korked Bats.

*sigh*

Unfortunately, yes.

But do we really need them to be? Hear me out. I mean, we were doing just fine before without them, right? Who didn’t love being inundated on social media with trick shot video after trick shot video?! And like having to find other things on TV to watch for the last 4 months was fun too, right? All I’m saying is maybe having sports in our lives is overrated. Or sorry, OVER-RATED! *clap, clap, clapclapclap*

And I’m not just saying this because the Nashville Predators were eliminated in the Stanley Cup Qualifiers yesterday, causing me to wait another handful of months to watch any meaningful hockey for my favorite team again. And I’m not saying that on behalf of A.D., either, who’s Pittsburgh Penguins were also eliminated. (And who’s Pittsburgh Pirates are the worst team in baseball. No bigs.)

And I’m not saying that for St. Louis Cardinals fans who’s team probably won’t continue playing until mid-November, when they stop testing positive for coronavirus.

And I’m not saying that for Vic Beasley who apparently assumed we were cancelling sports this year and just never showed up until yesterday. I don’t blame him for thinking that, because maybe – just maybe – we should.

Oh, and I’m not just saying that because the SEC announced the two additional conference games added to every team’s schedule today, and my alma mater, Mizzou, got Alabama and LSU. And Grit’s school, Tennessee, got Texas A&M and Auburn. Like what the hell?! Part of feels like taking my mask off to try and cancel the college football season. Ok, I would never because my love for college football is stronger than my love for most things, but I’m sure as hell tempted.

Alls I’m saying is, do we really need sports? I kinda enjoyed not having this endless void of pain, humiliation, and sorrow that sports perpetually brings me constantly drowning me in the sea. of life that already finds itself stressful without sports. They say you never know what you got till it’s gone. Well, I never realized just how much pain and hurt and mind-numbingly depression I had until sports was gone. Let’s go back to just watching The Last Dance every Sunday and calling it a week. Please? I’m not asking. I’m begging.

Let’s end sports now before more sad hits me smack in the face like a two-by-four.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

The post Did We Really Need Sports To Come Back? Because I Kinda Liked The Feeling Of Not Having Constant Agonizing Pain In My Life appeared first on Korked Bats.

Having lived in Pittsburgh for over 10 years now, I consider myself a local. Being a local, of course, means you bleed all things black and gold (or yellow, if your Pittsburgh’s own Wiz Khalifa). لعبة الروليت مجانا Whether it’s getting fired up on a Sunday afternoon for a Steelers game at Heinz Field, heading “dahn” to PPG Paints Arena to cheer on the 5-time Stanley Cup Champion Penguins, or soaking in the incredible view at PNC Park (with a side of mediocre Pirates). لعبة بينغو Pittsburgh’ers are extremely proud of their teams. However, a new team has entered this great city. Potentially the first Pittsburgh team not to don the black and gold (or yellow).

Since Canada denied the Blue Jays approval to play their home games in Canada (their home country) due to safety concerns, news broke early Tuesday that, pending state approval, the Jays would play their home games at PNC Park.

This is great news for anyone who pronounces the word you as “yinz” and/or has experienced the pain of being of Pirates fan. Despite the lone Wildcard win in 2015, the Pirates haven’t tasted the sweet, sweet taste of a playoff series victory since 19-FREAKING-79. I REPEAT 1-9-7-9 (World Series Champs, tho!!) I hate to age myself, but I would’ve been negative 12 years old the last time the Pirates have won a playoff series.

Luckily for the Pirates, the Blue Jays have always had our back. The last time the Pirates were in the NLCS, they lost game 7 in heartbreaking fashion. Freakin’ Sid Bream. (see below) For reference, Barry Bonds was still a Pirate.

That video is just 35 seconds of heartbreak in real time. However, the Braves went on to face none other than the PITTSBURGH TORONTO BLUE JAYS in the 1992 World Series. You could say that the Blue Jays have had our back since then as they went on to beat the Braves for their 1st ever World Series as a franchise. So allowing the Blue Jays to play their home games at PNC Park is a way for the Pirates to finally say thanks after all these years.

With all of this being said, it made me realize the distinct similarities between Canada and Pittsburgh:

• Each have their own unique accents

• Both absolutely crazy about hockey

• Toronto and Pittsburgh are surrounded by rivers

• Both have questionable fashion choices

With all that said, remember that so called “pending state approval” I mentioned earlier? Well, *The Pennsylvania Department of Health has entered the chat*

Welp, that was a fun 4-hour ride while it lasted. Guess the Pirates aren’t even waiting for the season to start to rack up the L’s this year. I was already looking up Blue Jays hats and jerseys to sport around “tahn.” Go ahead and count this as another loss for the Pirates. Silver lining: at least we were able to get some content out of it. العاب فلوس حقيقية

The post The Pittsburgh Blue Jays Were So Close To Becoming A Thing And Now I’m Sad It’s Not appeared first on Korked Bats.

Each year, after winning the World Series or League Championship, a team commemorates the extraordinary feat by hanging a banner or pennant for fans to reminisce for years to come. However, why should the World Series Champions or League Champions be the only ones allowed to hang pennants commemorating the ups-and-downs, adversity, endurance, and steroid testing in which they faced throughout the grueling 162-game schedule? This is 2014, where everyone gets a prize, even if they suck. Right, politically correct parents?

Here are some pennants that you should expect from other MLB teams.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post If Other MLB Teams Got Pennants… appeared first on Korked Bats.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t the only one in a Pirates jersey who looked lost in this game.

We took this video and added some fitting music…

Like the Pirates, this old lady probably never made it home that night.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Old Lady Pirates Fan Is Lost In The Giants Dugout [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

 They’re like Bash Brothers Bothers.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Yasiel Puig and Hanley Ramirez Video Bomb Sideline Reporter [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

I like how at the end, the Pirates were like, “HEY, WE MISSED OUT ON THIS! BUT LET’S DO ANOTHER TAYLOR SWIFT SONG, YOU GUYS!” And the Dodgers were just like, “Nah, we’re good.”

For reference (and/or an excuse to listen to Taylor Swift while keeping it “sports related”), here is Taylor Swift’s Love Story.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post MLB Teams Join Together To Tweet Taylor Swift Lyrics appeared first on Korked Bats.