The Cowboys lost in the playoffs, which is always hilarious. But lately, they’ve been doing this thing where they save the grand finale for their final play, and it’s only made everything even more hilarious. Here’s our breakdown of the absolute funniest way for the Cowboys to be eliminated.

The post VIDEO: A Breakdown of the Cowboys’ Final Play of the Season appeared first on Korked Bats.

But when things are not, like a 1-3 stretch over the last month, things can get pretty volatile. I’ve said before that when the first thing goes bad in a Titans game, it’s like a race to see who can tweet the biggest overreaction. Who wins?

Nobody.

Nobody wins.

(Except maybe that OldTakesExposed guy.)

So naturally, when the Titans went down 10-0 to the 49ers at home, the fiery hot takes were flying like the ashes over Pompeii.

So I decided to share some here…

These came after the Titans’ opening drive:

Let me repeat: the Titans’ OPENING drive.

If there was a race to the most dramatic overreaction, these two would be the Usain Bolt and Marion Jones, steroids and all.

A lot of people thought it was the run call on 2nd and 18 on their opening drive that was the nail in the team’s coffin:

The Titans ended up converting the 3rd down right after this play.

49ers Reporters Weren’t Immune On Thursday Night:

The Oof Size was lowered in the second half. Also, while we’re on the subject, are there any dryers or actual appliances that have Oof Size knobs like this? Feels like a wasted feature.

This one’s my favorite:

Something about the irony of a lawyer who built an entire career on writing two-paragraphed blogs off of other people’s reporting calling someone else a fraud. Takes one to know one?

After Geoff Swaim’s holding call that wasn’t actually holding:

Other fun tweets from the first half:

The Titans lost Week 1 38-13. A game that was 24-6 by halftime. This week, they trailed 10-0 at halftime. And won 20-17.

I was alive for the Ken Whisenhunt-Zach Mettenberger era, and you sire are NO Ken Whisenhunt-Zach Mettenberger era. This team was about twenty face palms and a pregame selfie away from being that.

These tweets came in the second half DURING a 15-play drive that ended in a Titans field goal:

This horrific offense went on to put up 3 points on this drive and 17 points later on in the half.

These aren’t overreactions, just two consecutive contracticting tweets I found funny:

Calm down, Joe. We’re allowed to praise the guy who catches the ball, but don’t you dare shine a lick of praise at the guy who throws the ball. Again: guy who catches ball = bad boy, but guy who throws it = bad player.

This isn’t an overreaction tweet, just one I felt needed to be shared:

I miss him too.

Ok, one more overreaction tweet:

I got ratio’d so fast on this tweet. But I don’t understand why? Did Urban Meyer do something?

The post A Collection Of Tweets From Titans Fans Overreacting To The First Half Of The 49ers Game appeared first on Korked Bats.

Watch your mouth, Tom Brady. Sheesh.

I’ve spent a lot of time looking into this. Enough time to where, if my wife knew how much time I spent digging, she’d be upset why I didn’t utilize that time for more important things… like still unpacking the boxes in my office. But I can’t help it. I’m locked into this story. I want to know the team Brady was referring to. So with the teaser, paired with this new clip, I’ve been able to conduct a little more narrowing down. Let’s look at the teams in question and see which one’s we think they are.

8. New Orleans Saints

Motherf*cker In Question: Drew Brees

This is the least likely team on the board that Tom was probably referring to. Everyone outside of Atlanta has respect for Drew Brees. Tom included. I don’t think the Saints were ever a serious contender and then even less so once the big birthmark decided to come back. So let’s go ahead and pretend this is the playoffs and eliminate the Saints early.

7. L.A. Chargers

Motherf*cker In Question: nobody

After Phil bolted for the Colts (do you get it?), the Chargers were without a set QB1. Thus why they drafted Justin Herbert. So Brady technically couldn’t have been referring to the Chargers. But probably best for all parties involved. Imagine if the Chargers team doctor stabbed Brady in the lung instead of Tyrod Taylor. Would’ve been the second time we would’ve had to put up with Brady and deflategate.

6. L.A. Rams

Motherf*cker In Question: Jared Goff

This one is possible, sure. Jared Goff has all the qualities and characteristics of a motherf*cker. Not sure how Brady would’ve felt playing for a preteen head coach, so that could play into the “I was never going to go there anyway” line. And it’s very believable to see Brady wanting to do the Rams in free agency just like he did in Super Bowl 36, by stringing them along only to kill them in the final minutes. But he made it seem like the team that passed on him actively chose their current starter over him. And let’s be honest, no one on earth is choosing Jared Goff over Tom Brady. Not even Jared Goff’s mom.

5. Las Vegas Raiders

Motherf*cker In Question: Derek Carr (but also maybe Marcus Mariota)

The Raiders are a possibility, sure, as both Derek Carr and his backup, Marcus Mariota, could make a 5-time Super Bowl MVP very frustrated if a team chose them over him. I could imagine this would make someone refer to them as a motherf*cker too. But it’s important to remember that when it comes to the Raiders, Brady could’ve just been stringing them along because the ball leaving the quarterback’s hands is considered a forward pass even if the quarterback intends not to pass the ball, but instead continues the forward motion to tuck the ball back into his body.

4. Indianapolis Colts

Motherf*cker In Question: Philip Rivers? Probably not, so Jacoby Brissett?

A lot of people like to assume Brady was talking about his former protege, when referring to the motherf*cker, which is why many believe it was the San Francisco 49ers. And that might be true. But what if he was referring to his OTHER protege? Jacoby Brissett anyone? Remember the Colts announced they signed Philip Rivers on the day before or the day after Brady signed with Tampa. So it’s possible, sure. But let’s be real. The Colts were never really in this thing seriously. Brady’s not getting Manning’s sloppy seconds.

3. Chicago Bears

Motherf*cker In Question: Mitchell Trubisky

This team definitely fits the mold of “I was never going to go there anyway.” Because Brady has said before he didn’t want to play in another cold-weather city like New England, and Mitchell Trubisky is often referred to as a “motherf*cker.” So this very well could be the team, but let’s be real. The Bears are to quarterbacks what the L.A. Angles are for superstars. Just complete and utter black holes of talent suckers. Pujols, Josh Hamilton, both Upton brothers, Mike Trout, and now (hopefully not) Shohei Ohtani. And you don’t even want me listing old Bears quarterbacks.

2. San Francisco 49ers

Motherf*cker In Question: Jimmy Garoppolo

This is the front runner for the bunch. Everyone thinks Brady’s talking about Jimmy G. as the M-F’r. I’ll admit, it makes a lot of sense. Brady is from Norther California. He grew up a Niners fan. I’m sure he would’ve loved to finish his career in red and gold.

But this is also too obvious. Brady, in my opinion, is more calculated than that. Now sure, if you slip a few kombuchas in him, he’ll probably loosen up a bit and maybe start to say things he shouldn’t, but I don’t think that’s the case.

1. Tennessee Titans

Motherf*cker In Question: Ryan Tannehill

You can see my reasons as to why I think the Titans are the team he’s referring to.

If you remember, when heading into 2020 free agency, the Titans had to lock up either Ryan Tannehill or Derrick Henry and place the other on the franchise tag, unless they were going to sign another quarterback, like a Tom Brady, in free agency. But almost a full week before Brady signed with the Bucs, the Titans resigned Tannehill to a 4-year, $118 million deal. I have been told on good authority that the Bucs brass really thought Brady was going to Tennessee before the Titans re-signed Tannehill. And as I’ve stated above, Brady really wanted to play in a warm-weather city. Nashville is NOT a warm-weather city, which makes Tennessee fit the “I was never going to go there anyway” line. And there were those rumors that Brady and Gisele were seen at MBA looking at schools. Whether it was true or not, it fits the bill of this theory. Plus, after last year’s COVID practices, we all know how bad MBA kids are keeping their mouths shut.

Look, we all know Brady was extremely pissed after getting bounced from the playoffs, especially by a guy who 1. he’s beaten within the division for the 6 years prior and 2. only put up 72 yards passing in that game. So when a team signs him a week before he decides to go to Tampa, he’s probably even more livid. So to me, the Tennessee Titans make the most sense. Now, obviously, I’m also the biggest Titans homer, so maybe I’m coming at this thing from too close to the two-toned blue, but I’ve also yet to hear a better explanation with the dots better aligning for another team.

Will we ever know for sure? Probably. Brady will turn this into a quick buck after he retires either by doing some sort of lame documentary again or by writing a tell-all book. But for right now, we won’t. So let’s continue to speculate. And if you find out any more tidbits, DM me on Twitter. I really want to stay hard on this case.

The post Tom Brady Said “I’m Going To F*** You Up” To The Team In Free Agency That Passed On Him, So Which Team Was It? appeared first on Korked Bats.

You can go just about anywhere on the World Wide Web to receive fantasy football advice for who you should start every week. ESPN, Yahoo, Better Homes and Gardens, literally anywhere! However, there is only one place on the World Wide Web where you can go to receive fantasy football advice of who you SHOULD NOT start every week. And that place is KorkedBats.com. You’re welcome.

Week 13

Man, can you believe we’re already to Week 13? Seems like just Wednesday we were wrapping up Week 12. Again, I have no idea how your fantasy football team is doing and I don’t want to assume, but if you’re clicking on a blog called Who NOT To Start, you’re probably in the basement of your league’s standings. Nothing wrong with that. Unless of course you have a weird bet with your league and have to go get a tattoo or volunteer at nursing home. Side note: why isn’t that latter punishment used more? I can’t think of anything I’d want to do less than wipe dribble off old people’s mouths as I spoon feed them soup. And yet, that punishment would be very nice volunteer work. More leagues should have changing old people’s diapers as their league punishment. Anyway, let’s get to who we should NOT start.

This week you should NOT start anyone on the San Francisco 49ers. Why? Because they’re no longer the San Francisco 49ers this year. They’re the Crashing On My Buddy’s Couch In Arizona 49ers right now. And who knows? That could change too. Have you ever crashed at a buddy’s house for an extended amount of time? You know like maybe during a move or after a break-up? It sucks. It’s not fun. You have to keep your suitcase in the corner of the room or maybe in a closet. Your buddy probably has one small blanket that doesn’t cover your toes, and if it does, then it only goes halfway up your chest. It’s awkward, and you end up spending most of the night cold and shifting to try and comfortable on the couch. Spoiler: you never get comfortable on the couch. Not to mention, he gets up before you everyday, so you wake up to him shuffling around in the attached kitchen.

That’s what the 49ers are dealing with since the county they play in put the “strict” in restriction. Because of the incredibly contagious virus that has plagued the planet this year (have you heard about it yet?), you are no longer allowed to play contact sports (breathe a sigh of relief, frisbee enthusiasts) in Santa Clara County where Levi’s Stadium is located. So naturally, the Niners had to find a new home, and the Cardinals apparently opened up theirs. Is it awkward? I’m sure. Two division rivals living together. Or maybe it’s more a time share thing. If that’s the case, I hope the Niners got a free HBO subscription, a jetski or something else sweet when they signed up. Otherwise, why would you get lured into a time share?

Anyway, don’t start a 49er this week. They’re probably all sore from the couch crashing.

Check out last week’s Who NOT To Start…

The post Who NOT To Start In Fantasy Football – Week 13 appeared first on Korked Bats.

That’s the nature of the NFL in most years, especially in 2020, with injuries plaguing every team in the league. For the Niners, Beathard is more experienced and probably an inkling better than Mullens, but I’ll go as far as saying that the latter should raise questions about even being rostered. Why? Because Nick Mullens is only a teenager.

“Evidence”

Like most conspiracy theories, the hard evidence is surely lacking, but have you seen Mullens? Have you really examined him physically? He seems to be missing any sort of gene that allows him to grow facial hair, and when he got benched on Sunday, he pouted like a pubescent boy who got caught playing ding dong ditch. Also worth mentioning is his inability to throw the ball downfield, as well as his haircut that looks like it was done by his mom.

Mullens’ Wikipedia page says he is 27-years-old, but we all know from high school composition and research classes that Wikipedia is bullshit and that it’s a never-ending web of lies and deceit. Without his birth certificate, how can we be sure he’s as old as Wikipedia says he is?

Now, we know Mullens played his college ball at Southern Miss, and his well-documented time there would presumably lend purchase to debunking this theory. But in looking at the laws that govern college athletics, there is no rule that states an age limit. There isn’t even a rule that prevents non-athletes from attending college early, as evidenced by films such as Little Man Tate. For all we know, he could have been 11 when he was breaking Brett Favre’s records.

Your Move, Mullens

I am a person who craves the facts, so I encourage Mullens to come forward with the truth. It doesn’t even have to be him. Somebody, anybody, offer some real evidence and prove to America that he is as old as Wikipedia says he is. Mullens may be talented enough as a teenager to forge a successful career as an NFL backup, which would be highly impressive at his suspected age. However, if no evidence is provided with regard to his age, we may just have to see if he’s still slinging the ball around in 2040.

The post How Old Is Nick Mullens Really? A Very Loose Conspiracy Theory appeared first on Korked Bats.

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You think we’re living in wild times now? Remember when the power went out during the Super Bowl? Now THAT was wild. Want me to go even wilder? Joe Flacco not only won the game, but also won MVP of the game. See? I’m telling you, it was a stranger time than this era of social distancing and no sports.

We broke it down and took a look back at the 35 minute (non-halftime) delay in the most watched sporting even of the year.

The post A Breakdown of the Super Bowl 47 Power Outage appeared first on Korked Bats.

The following play resulted in a first down which ultimately led to the go-ahead touchdown a play later, but prior to all of it, the Chiefs spun in the backfield. This took America by storm as if they’d never seen anyone spin before. All anyone could talk about was the spin this, spin that. I’ve heard Universal is in talks to adapt a spin movie. People are starting to eat spinach again. Part of me is surprised the spin didn’t win Super Bowl MVP. لعبة روليت مباشر

Playing off the popularity of this spin, we decided to break it down. ربح مال حقيقي من النت

You probably didn’t expect to learn a little something, did ya? لعبة القمار بوكر !

The post A Breakdown of the Chiefs’ “Spin” Play in Super Bowl LIV appeared first on Korked Bats.

Gamblers are always looking to blow some money on the outcome of the Super Bowl. Degenerate gamblers are always looking to blow all of their money on outcomes during the Super Bowl. The latter do so with random prop bets. ربح المال من الالعاب اون لاين Vegas lists odds for things that go on during the game to give the extreme gamblers even more to gamble on. كيفية لعبة البوكر

However, we discovered a list of prop bets that are lesser known to the general public. For your betting convenience, we’ve listed them below:

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Length of the Super Bowl pregame show

OVER/UNDER: The Irishman

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Someone at your Super Bowl party confuses national anthem singer Demi Lovato for…

Selena Gomez (+120)

Camilla Cabello (+205)

Lizzo (+1600)

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How will Demi Lovato end the Star Spangled Banner?

“…and the home of the brave!” (+100)

“…and the home of the Chiiiieeeeeeeefs!” (+3000)

*whispering* “…don’t tell your mother.” (+6000)

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Number of people who will say “Oh I love these!” whenever Budweiser airs its inevitable Clydesdales commercial

OVER/UNDER: Everyone

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Will Kyle Shanahan be dressed like he raided a Hurley outlet?

Yes (-100) / No (+900)

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Your wife/girlfriend will be uncomfortably focused on the game whenever Jimmy Garroppolo is on the screen

Yes (-100) / No (+1500)

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Your husband/boyfriend will be uncomfortably focused on the entire J-Lo/Shakira halftime show

Yes (-100) / No (+1600)

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Will Alex Rodriguez be shown during the halftime show jumping up and down, clapping and giggling?

Yes (+200) / Of course (-110)

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When Jennifer Lopez performs at halftime, will you be fooled by the rocks that she’s got?

Yes (+1200) / No (-120)

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Will Shakira’s hips lie?

Yes (+700) / No (-100)

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What will Chiefs tackle Eric Fisher have more of during the game?

Pancake Blocks (+900) / Beers (-120)

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Number of players it will take to tackle George Kittle

OVER/UNDER: 6

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Number of timeouts Andy Reid will have left at the end of the second half

zero (+105)

one (+700)

two (+1000)

three (+1600)

four, somehow? (+110)

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How big of a lead will Kyle Shanahan blow in this Super Bowl?

3 points (+600)

7 points (+750)

10 points (+900)

25 points (+110)

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If the Chiefs win, will Andy Reid try to eat the Lombardi Trophy?

Yes (-100) / No (+750)

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If the Chiefs lose, will Andy Reid try to eat the Lombardi Trophy?

Yes (-100) / No (+750)

[divider][/divider]

If Patrick Mahomes wins MVP, who will he thank first?

Miss Piggy (+150)

Gonzo (+300)

Fozzie (+500)

[divider][/divider]

Number of actual layers in Susan’s famous Big Game Secret Recipe 7-Layer Dip

OVER/UNDER: 5

(You’re such a liar, and we all know it, Susan!)

[divider][/divider]

Who will win the Puppy Bowl?

Kansas City Fleas / San Francisco Caniners (+2. راهن على كرة القدم 5)

[divider][/divider]

Number of times someone will stand in your view of the TV screen at your Super Bowl party

OVER/UNDER: “DAMMIT, GARY! GET OUT OF THE WAY!”

The post 20 Lesser Known Super Bowl Prop Bets appeared first on Korked Bats.

Also, it should be noted that the Eagles and Vikings, both of which made the playoffs, were not featured in the minute-long hype video for the NFL Playoffs. But don’t worry, because a church choir did.

For a full breakdown of each team’s total time in the video, here you go:

The post A Breakdown of the NFL’s Playoff Hype Video appeared first on Korked Bats.

Many believe Harbaugh will make a decision after this NFL season ends, but that hasn’t stopped the Michigan Wolverines from continuing to pursue their man. On December 23rd, Jim Harbaugh’s birthday, the Michigan Wolverines tweeted:

Clearly, this is is just Michigan rubbing Harbaugh’s shoulders while whispering sweet nothings into his ear in an attempt to get him to come back to Michigan.

However, Michigan won’t stop there. They have a series of tweets scheduled for the upcoming week and/or however long it takes Harbaugh to choose Michigan.

On December 24th, Michigan has this.

• • •

On Christmas day, Michigan has this.

• • •

Or, if that backfires, they have their bases covered with this.

• • •

On December 26th, Michigan has this.

• • •

On December 27th, Michigan has this.

• • •

On December 28th, Michigan has this.

• • •

On December 29th, Michigan has this.

• • •

On December 30th, Michigan has this.

• • •

On December 31st, Michigan has this.

Ok… This is getting weird, Michigan.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Michigan’s Pursuit of Jim Harbaugh Is Getting A Little Intimate appeared first on Korked Bats.