Dammit, Peyton Manning should not be this good. No one who was that good at football should also be that good at comedy. Like Pat McAfee. Maybe there’s just something in the water in Indianapolis? Hell, the Colts losing to the Jaguars in Week 18 was comedic gold. As for Pey-Pey’s inexplicable comedy chops, I’m sure many NFL teams felt the same thing during most of Peyton’s career as he is far from the fastest, he never had the strongest arm, and he ate plenty of strawberries in his career. And yet he would just roll out with his dad bod and crush it every Sunday, like he did on Saturday. Now sure, this isn’t quite his United Way sketch where he was darting children in the back of the skull nor is it as funny as his final season in Denver when he needed to crow-hop a 5-yard out route, but it’s still damn funny. Look, SNL, go ahead and let him host again. To this day, no athlete has ever come close to delivering an episode as funny as his. Hell, most actors have failed to live up to his hosting gig. *cough* Remi Malek *cough* In fact, don’t just stop at letting him host. Let him join the damn cast. Or at very least, Netflix, let this dude create a ManningCast for every show you’ve got. I’d love this dude to break down the film of Ozark Season 4 Part 1. What does he think about the situation Marty Byrde got himself in? As a guy who spent most of his career under pressure, I’m sure he’d have some sort of answer.

The post Peyton Manning’s Breakdown of ‘Emily In Paris’ Proves We Need A ManningCast For Every Netflix Show appeared first on Korked Bats.

This is going to gut punch for the people with the tired and age-old take of “SNL hasn’t been funny in years,” but this parody is spot on. Pete Davidson nails his role of Devon Sawa who played Stan in the original. Except Pete’s character is Stu who just wants a damn PS5, like so many this holiday season.

“I tried to buy one at a Wal-Mart/ ran around the shopping mall like Paul Blart/ tried to fine one for sale but the thing is that they’re all out/ Yo, I even went to a game stop/ and then I was like, ‘Oh wait, stop, Santa Claus can make one/ the man got his own workshop.”

Well done. Also, Jason Bateman hosted (and played Santa) which automatically made the whole episode great. Go watch it. And for the Zoomers who have no idea what this skit was spoofing or the millennials (or older) who just want to rewatch the absolute classic…

And yes, this song is the reason people now say “I Stan” for things they like.

Also, last thing: the Eminem cameo at the end was *chef’s kiss*

The post SNL Perfectly Spoofed Eminem’s ‘Stan’ But With A Guy Asking Santa For A PS5 appeared first on Korked Bats.

In case you didn’t watch, the NBA Dunk Contest on Saturday night was actually pretty dope. The entire thing came down to a dunk-off against Derrick Jones Jr. (Miami Heat), and the Buffalo Bills of the NBA Dunk Contest, Aaron Gordon (Orlando Magic).

A lot of people always love to clown on the Dunk Contest, as if jumping over another human while putting a basketball between your legs and through a hoop is not an impressive feat. Anyone can do it, right? Haters will claim the contest has become unoriginal, uncreative, and no longer exciting or fun, which is ironic, because the same things are usually said about Saturday Night Live.

Many people like to think both the NBA Dunk Contest and Saturday Night Live were better when they were younger. Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of those people to an extent. I firmly believe (and recently wrote about how) the greatest NBA Dunk Contest happened in 2000 – it was the More Cowbell sketch of dunk contests. I also believe the greatest SNL cast came in the mid-90s with Myers, Carvey, Phil Hartman, Farley, Sandler, Spade, and Norm MacDonald hosting Weekend Update. But the show hasn’t failed to be great since then. Many will say the dunk contest was best with Michael Jordan, Spud Webb, Dee Brown, Dominique Wilkins, etc. But again, it hasn’t failed to be great since then.

In fact, they’ve both been great since, and I’m not sure which uses more props.

SNL has been good. Here are some examples:

• Tom Hanks as David S. Pumpkins (2016)
• Ryan Gosling in Papyrus (2017)
• Every Stefon appearance
• any Guy Who Just Bought A Boat appearance
• A Thanksgiving Miracle (2015)
• Anything with Kristen Wiig or Kat McKinnon in it
• And The Californians might be one of the greatest recurring sketches on the show.
• Even as recently as Adam Driver hosting just a few weeks ago…

Just as the NBA Dunk Contest has been good. Here are some examples:

• Dwight Howard’s Superman dunk (2008)
• Gerald Green blowing out a birthday candle dunk (2008)
• Dwight Howard dunking from 12-feet (2009)
• Blake Griffin dunking over a damn KIA (2011)
• JaVale McGee dunking TWO basketballs in two hoops (2011)
• Aaron Gordon dunking OVER the Magic’s mascot while putting the balls UNDER his legs (2016)
• LeBron James dun—lol, jk, he’s never done the dunk contest
• Even as recently as Pat Connaughton on Saturday night…

Saturday night only further proved the NBA Dunk Contest doesn’t just have a pulse, its heart is beating out of is chest like that alien from Aliens.

Now, again, haters will claim there’s no originality anymore. Everything we’re seeing is something we’ve seen before, which isn’t entirely wrong, and no one falls more victim to this take than the guys who announce the NBA Dunk Contest for TNT, primarily Reggie Miller and Kenny Smith (Kevin Harlan is excluded because that mane could make a time-share meeting exciting). These guys have been announcing the dunk contest for years, so they’ve literally seen every attempt of every dunk. Plus, they feel like they have to play it cool more than just bring excitement to the event, so Kenny Smith spends more time telling you why a dunk isn’t that impressive than he does hyping it. Kenny’s nickname is The Jet, but during the Dunk Contest, he’s The Buzzkill.

If Kenny commentated SNL, he’d probably be like, “This sketch isn’t that funny. The timing wasn’t right on the jokes. You want a funny sketch you have to watch Sprockets with Mike Myers. That’s a well-timed, hilarious sketch. This isn’t that.”

It’s for that reason why Aaron Gordon failed to win on Saturday night, despite jumping over the 7-foot-5 Tacko Fall in the finals. Think about that for a second. Aaron Gordon jumped OVER a human being who is SEVEN FOOT FIVE INCHES TALL, and DID NOT win the competition. Sure there wasn’t much creativity to the dunk, but sometimes I feel like we forget just how incredible it is to jump over humans who would scrape their heads walking into most parking garages.

It’s like Odell Beckham Jr.’s one-handed catch. We all initially freaked out because it was the first time we saw anything like that in a game, but from here on out, every time someone makes a one-handed catch, it will feel less significant, even though the feat isn’t any less difficult.

Take a step back and appreciate the greatness.

If you meet someone around the water cooler this week who claims the NBA Dunk Contest isn’t good anymore, ask them what they think about Saturday Night Live, because odds are it’s the same take. After you ask that, ask them when the last time was they watched either one in full. Odds are the answer to that question is a couple years ago – at least.

Does every dunk land? No. Is every SNL skit funny? No. But that doesn’t mean they’re all lame dunks or unfunny skits. You can’t go into each dunk/skit comparing it to what you grew up with, or else nothing will ever be good enough. Nothing you see today will ever make you change your opinion, but don’t let that make you miss out on the greatness happening today.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

The post The NBA Dunk Contest Is Like ‘Saturday Night Live’ appeared first on Korked Bats.

The NFL punished the New England Patriots this week for their role in DeflateGate, by suspending their quarterback Tom Brady 4 games without pay, taking away their 2016 1st round draft pick and their 2017 4th round draft pick, and fining the team $1 million.

However, since they’re the [expletive] Patriots, they’ll probably turn this setback into one of the most positive outcomes ever. In fact, we’ve come up with 7 outcomes that could possibly (and probably will) happen from these league-issued punishments.

1. Tom Brady Gets Tom Brady’d

We all know Tom Brady was a 7th round draft pick who was discovered after Drew Bledsoe was injured. Well, four Super Bowl rings, three Super Bowl MVP’s, and two NFL MVP’s later, Tom Brady is considered one of the greatest quarterbacks (and UGGs spokesman) in the history of the NFL.

Now that he has to sit out the first four games of the 2015 season, Tom Brady is in prime position to get Tom Brady’d. Which for Tom Brady and Patriots haters would be both hilarious and awesome, right? …Right?

Wrong.

Jimmy Garoppolo will step in for Brady and play out of his mind for those four games. He’ll post video game-like numbers while leading the Patriots to a 4-0 record to start the season. Garoppolo’s play will be so great, the Patriots will be forced to keep him as their starter over the aging Tom Brady. (Ha! Suck it, Brady!)

BUT… Garoppolo will then go on to win four Super Bowls, three Super Bowl MVP’s, and two NFL MVP’s for the New England Patriots. (Crap.)

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2. Jimmy Garoppolo Gets Injured In Minicamp, Backup Takes Over

What could be the worst case scenario for the New England Patriots? Tom Brady gets suspended to start the season and backup Jimmy Garoppolo breaks his collarbone and tears an ACL at the same time during minicamp. 3rd string quarterback Garrett Gilbert would then become the starter, right? No. Remember, this is the Bill Belichick-ran New England Patriots.

Bill would get creative and turn a washed-up veteran defensive tackle into a quarterback, and the team would find a way to win four games in Brady’s absence. Other teams will then try the new “defensive tackle as quarterback” philosophy that worked so well for Belichick and the Patriots, but will fail horrendously (and comically) at it.

Bill Belichick will then be touted as a greater mastermind and genius than he already is. Friggin’ Belichick.

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3. Patriots Bench Jimmy Garoppolo, Start Janeane Garofalo

In a hilarious turn of events and an effort to troll the rest of the NFL, the Patriots don’t start Jimmy Garappolo at quarterback, but instead, sign comedian Janeane Garofalo to start at quarterback. The Patriots then proceed to go 4-0 in the most entertaining and hilarious way possible in Brady’s absence.

They end up cutting Garofalo when Brady returns, because like every Saturday Night Live sketch, they just don’t know hot to end it.

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4. Jimmy Garoppolo Plays Great, Gets Traded

While Tom Brady serves his 4-game suspension, Jimmy Garoppolo emerges as a star with the potential to be a franchise quarterback. However, the Patriots already have their once-in-a-lifetime superstar quarterback in Brady, so clearly they don’t need Garoppolo too. So they throw him on the trading block, like he’s an aging Randy Moss.

The Patriots end up getting rid of him before the trade deadline. In return, they receive a 2016 1st round pick, a 2017 4th round pick, and $1 million cash, thus eliminating the penalties they were given from the NFL.

“Yeah, but who would give up that much for a quarterback with such a small sample size?” you ask?

The Browns. The Browns would.

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5. Tom Brady Becomes Academy Award Winning Actor

After the [mediocre] success of Ted 2 and his ability to endlessly lie in front of the media, Tom Brady decides to pursue his acting career even further. With his downtime this fall, Brady stars in two more movies which eventually land him multiple Golden Globe and Oscar nominations.

He later wins every award he’s nominated for, making his life more perfect and Leonardo DiCaprio’s life more sad.

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6. NFL Reduces Tom Brady’s Suspension After Appeal

The Patriots appeal their penalties and Tom Brady’s 4-game suspension and the NFL decides to reduce their penalties to nothing, because Patriots.

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7. Tom Brady Punches Gisele In An Elevator

Tom Brady knocks out his knockout wife, Gisele, and the NFL promptly reduced his suspension from 4 games to 2.

The post 7 Probable Outcomes From The New England Patriots’ DeflateGate Penalties appeared first on Korked Bats.

Unfortunately, Dave failed to ask the hard-hitting questions like, “If the moon were made of spare ribs, would you eat it? casino888 ”

The post Will Ferrell Brings Back His Harry Caray Impression On Letterman [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

Read the whole thing here, curated by Deadspin.com’s Kevin Draper:

The post Norm MacDonald’s Behind-The-Scenes Story From SNL40 Is An Incredible Read appeared first on Korked Bats.

Wait a minute… You mean those press conferences earlier in the week WEREN’T SNL skits?

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post SNL’s Take On DeflateGate Was Spot On [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

If there’s one thing the game of basketball needs more of, it’s not white guys.

• • •

This post was written by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post NCAA Tournament: Best Of White Guys [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

NEW YORK- Reports are surfacing that the NFL’s entire Jacksonville Jaguars franchise is just one elaborate Saturday Night Live skit in which the show’s writers didn’t know how to end.

“We thought it would be really funny to produce a skit where an NFL expansion franchise goes to the AFC Championship a couple times in it’s first few years and then does nothing for the rest of the team’s existence,” SNL Executive Producer Lorne Michaels said.

The Jacksonville Jaguars came into existence in 1995. The team had success early on, making it to the AFC Championship in 1996 and 1999, but then they proceeded to accomplish less than a Kardashian.

“Yeah, the Jaguars first head coach, Tom Coughlin, was actually a character made up and played by Darrell Hammond,” Michaels admitted. “He’s such a true professional. He stayed in character even after the Jaguars “fired him” in our skit in 2002. It was pretty funny… until the actual New York Giants hired him in 2004. He’s been there ever since.”

Michaels continued, “For those of you wondering what ever happened to Darrell Hammond’s career… Well, there you go.”

Upon hearing the news, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell released a statement on NFL.com:

It has been brought to our attention that the entire Jacksonville Jaguars franchise is an elaborate Saturday Night Live skit. Are you kidding me? That [expletive] is HILARIOUS! LOL! BEST [expletive] THEY’VE DONE SINCE CANTEEN BOY!

“We thought this skit was a killer idea,” SNL Season 21 (1995-1996) Head Writer Steve Higgins said. “But like most of our skits, we just didn’t know how to end it.”

The skit continued to drag on for years. “In improv, you’re always taught to end it on the biggest laugh,” Higgins explained. “Well, in hindsight, we should’ve ended it when the Jaguars drafted a punter in the third round in 2012. That got the biggest laugh.”

Most of the show’s writers are actually surprised no one realized the team was just another SNL spoof.

“We actually had Norm MacDonald return to play the team’s running back in 2002,” Higgins explained. “We thought for sure someone would recognize him, but no one did.”

With the previous cast, Michaels felt it was time to make it really obvious for the viewers. He wanted them to be let in on the fact that this team was one giant SNL skit. “When Andy [Samberg] was on the cast, we decided to just throw up the ‘SNL Digital Short’ titling before every ‘game,'” Michaels said. “It didn’t work. In fact, if anything, it made the games funnier.”

Some fans did think some things about their franchise were different than other NFL franchises.

“I thought it was weird that Justin Timberlake kept returning to ‘host’ our team’s games,” Jaguars fan Reggie Blankenship said. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s great, but none of the other teams in the NFL had guests host their games.”

Michaels pulled back the curtain and began to admit the cast of the team. The show’s executives realized the skit didn’t feature one of their best talents, Fred Armisen, in the skit. So they wrote him in as Shahid Khan, the Jaguars new owner who bought the team in 2012. Blaine Gabbert is actually just Bill Hader left over from the show’s reoccurring The Californians skit. And Bobby Moynihan took over the role of drunk Tony Boselli screaming obscenities from the stands.

Lorne Michaels and the rest of the cast has no idea how much longer the skit will last, but hopefully soon. The show has Montell Jordan as the musical guest still waiting to sing his hit song This Is How We Do It as soon as the skit ends.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post REPORTS: Jacksonville Jaguars Franchise Is Just One Elaborate SNL Skit They Don’t Know How To End appeared first on Korked Bats.

I. love. Charles. Barkley.

Sometimes you don’t know why you love a random celebrity and or athlete and sometimes you do.

I know why I love Charles Barkley. And I want you to know why.

No, Charles Barkley isn’t a spring chicken. Maybe he was born on February 20, 1963. Maybe that means that when he was on the top of his game, I was 10 years old, but how can you even think about that when he is so handsome? Not only is he an amazing basketball player and a published author, but he is also in touch with his feminine side. And since this is THE LADIES ROOM, I thought I would take a moment to point out just how sensitive and empathetic he is with us, the ladies.

1.  He has been focusing on making a clothing line that is strong enough for a man, PH Balanced for a woman (That is a trademark of Secret Deodorant, not to be confused with my really catchy phrases and sayings).

Yes, his pants are tapered to show off a very shapely leg and there is clearly nothing wrong with that.  He is even standing in such a way that makes his legs look extra slim and toned.  The trick of every lady.  The way he is even tilting his head to the side shows that he understands our, “I’m not that cute, am I?” look.  Sir Charles, how do you know all of our secrets?

2.  He is empathetic with our needs to be physically fit and smoking hot because of outside pressure.

Yes, he is tired of being a little overweight.  He is tired of people calling him Round Mound of Rebound (This is real. موقع المراهنات العالمي This is a real nickname that someone thought was a good idea. Oh, hey kinda chubby basketball player that speaks his mind and has big muscles, lets call you Round Mound. Why not “Fat Guy” or “Little Debbie Snack Cakes”?) Yes, Charles Barkley is okay with being the man that represents something really girly. betfinal بالعربي  And yes, he looks handsome.  When he was on Saturday Night Live this past weekend, he discussed being very hungry.  Probably because Weight Watchers for men, consists of them only eating these.

3.  Charles will also understand when you say, “my pantyhose are all twisted up, just give me a sec.” Or when you say, “Does my lipstick go well with my eyeshadow?” Or even, “Can I borrow that necklace because it would go so good with my outfit? لعبة بينغو ”

I think Charles knows what a lady feels. He is not afraid to go the extra mile. Not every guy is willing to put on a nice head of hair and lipstick to show you that he understands you. Charles can and will wear a silk blouse and not even complain about it. He will tuck some of his hair behind his ear because he knows that the face is the money is made. He also understands the importance of lip gloss and tasteful jewelry.

Sir Charles Barkley,

I hope when you read this, you understand that I never once mixed you up with that one band with the little guy with the T-Rex arms as the lead singer. I have bought your book and put it on my bookshelf, like any good American should. I know that your best years were with the Phoenix Suns and that you always hated Michael Jordan just a little bit. I know that you have struggled with your weight and now you are being so brave to try weight watchers as a man. Please come out of retirement and play a little baseball. We (and by we, I mean me) miss you.

Love always and forever,

Erin.

Ladies, I know you are all fighting back feelings now. Who wouldn’t want to date an ex-NBA superstar who is sensitive and caring and on weight watchers?

But, I have first dibs. You hear me? First. Dibs.

So back off, slores!

• • •

This post is a part of our bi-weekly The Ladies Room posts for Korked Bats.

Follow The Ladies Room on Twitter: @KBLadiesRoom – Or follow Erin, TLR writer: @erinmcgown

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