Look, if Blake can show up late, then so can this recap.

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A little late this week with the recap, but it’s the Men Tell All episode, and I rarely ever do a recap for this episode anyway. But when a DEFINITELY ORGANIC MOMENT like when an audience member interrupts the show to kiss Connor, you know I’ve got to cover it. So I did. Plus, Michael A. decided to leave to spend more time with his son and/or go to Disney World with him. And, I mean, who can blame him?

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This was a tough week. At least for me, personally. Because we had to say goodbye to Andrew S. He was my favorite. My Chicago brethren. My man. But now he’s gone. And sure, he had a chance to stay, which would’ve been awesome. But instead, he got a chance to say “thanks but no thanks” to the Bachelorette, which I will admit, is a pretty boss move.

But as they say, when one door closes, a window is opened.

Right? Is that the saying? I think it’s something like that. Well, that window is Cuddle Queen Jean. Who is the Cuddle Queen? Oh just you wait. Quite possibly the greatest Bachelor/Bachelorette character since Kim (I still love you, Kim!). I know a lot of people are bummed Chris Harrison is no longer on the show – I am too – but I take solace in the idea that maybe ABC will have Cuddle Queen Jean host the show from now on.

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Welp, another week, another villain booted from the show. I mean, sure, I get it. This show is all about finding someone to love for Katie, but it’s also about entertainment. And there isn’t any entertainment without a little drama. So Katie, stop being so selfish and start keeping some of these douchey villains on the show. Because otherwise, we’re going to be looking at *Chris Harrison voice* the most boring Bachelorette finale yet.

This week Hunter got the boot. Who’s Taylor? He’s the one who looks like a jacked Max from A Goofy Movie. He gets absolutely roasted by nearly every guy in the house at the beginning of the episode, and then sent home by the end of it. Just absolutely brutal.

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The recap was a little late this week, but it’s here. You can rest assure it may show up late, like Blake, but it will always be there. Like Connor’s hand on the back of your head during a make-out sesh.

This week we were introduced to a good ol’ fashioned game (sport?) of BASH BALL. What is BASH BALL? I don’t know. I’m actually legitimately asking. I’d bet ABC producers don’t even know what it is. And they invented it. The only real explanation for it was a chance to allow grown men let out their aggression on a field while being couped up in a bubble for so long. Check out my recap and let me know your thoughts on Hunter and his heel turn this week.

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Hold up… are we #TeamThomas? Yes. And I pitch my case for it. The dude may be slimy and sometimes a sleeze, but you can’t deny he wasn’t honest throughout. And the way Katie sent him home was far more disrespectful than anything he did on this show this season.

Plus… RIP in peace to Judge Reinhold for being sent home this season. I was pulling for him.

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Nobody gives a better facial expression reaction than Justin. I could literally watch two solid hours of him reacting to things. اسرار لعبة الروليت Give us more of the KING!

This week’s episode sent away one villain (Karl), but introduced us into a new one (Thomas). Thomas will probably be around for longer because he’s taller and better looking than Karl, but that also means we have to withstand his random smiling. It’s like he’s a robot and doesn’t know basic human reactions. 1xbet عربي

Also note: there was some pretty serious stuff that was covered in this episode that should not be overlooked. If you’ve ever been the victim of sexual assault, visit here for resources that can help. سباق خيول

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I know, I know. It’s a little late. But cut me some slack, I have a full-time job now. So the recaps won’t be as punctual as in seasons past. But look, better late than never, right?

This week’s episode 2 feels a little more ahead of schedule than previous seasons. We already have beef between two of the guys (what is the beef about? We have no idea and they never fully explain it), we already have our first guy sent home, we already have our first virg poem, and we have a villain. Albeit, a very dumb villain, but he is a villain nonetheless. Also, if your curious if you missed my recap of episode 1, you did not. I never make a video for the first episode. But this season, I did write a blog about The Top 5 Cringiest Guys From The Bachelorette Premiere, so you can check that out if you want.

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• The Bachelor or Bachelorette saying something like, “This is crazy. I can’t believe I’m here. And even more so, I can’t believe I’m about to meet my future husband/wife tonight.”
• Meeting the contestants, getting a glimpse into their lives, and learning that most of them are extremely awkward on camera.

and

• Guys or girls always getting out of the limo trying to do something that makes them stand out. Which is exactly the reason for this blog.

Here are the top 5 cringiest dudes from the season premiere of Katie’s season of The Bachelorette.

HONORABLE MENTION: The guy who gave Katie his little league baseball glove

I’m anti taking your glove to MLB games, so you better believe I’m anti taking your glove onto a reality TV dating show. You think this will impress her? Literally, every boy ever played at least one year of little league baseball. And plus, what is she going to do with your old leathery glove? It’s just a weird thing to bring with you for a first impression.

5. Guy who made truck bed into a ball pit & only made ball puns

When I said my man made a lot of ball puns, I mean I’m pretty sure my man only spoke in ball puns. And look, you can be known as a lot of things on this show, but you DO NOT want to be known as “Ball Guy.” That’s a tough look to come back from. Plus, isn’t the ball pit the absolute grossest part of a McDonald’s PlayPlace?

4. Gatsby in a box

Honestly, I kinda wish most of these guys spent 3/4ths of the episode in a box. But instead it was Jay Gatsby. Which, to his credit, he doesn’t seem like that bad of a guy. I just hate the schticks on this show – especially on the first episode. Call me old fashioned, but just throw on your best suit and try to charm the ol’ lassie. Ok, yeah. Pretty sure that last sentence aged me 45 years just by typing it. But you get what I mean, right? The show has gotten so silly and extreme that now you’d stand out if you DIDN’T have some sort of gimmick. So instead of spending the entire night in a box, maybe don’t?

3. Blow up doll guy

This guy. Man. He pulls the ol’ rope-a-dope saying there was someone special in his life who got him through the last year. Someone who was a shoulder to cry on and someone who would listen and comfort him when he was down. I knew he wasn’t talking about an actual girl, but I’ll admit, I thought he was going to bring out a dog. Try and win Katie over with a little K-9 jelly, if ya know what I mean. But instead, he brought out a blow-up doll. And not even a pretty one. I’m talking fresh out of the prop closet from Old School. What made this even cringier is that he had to walk around with the doll the rest of the night. Tough look, my man.

2. Celery-eating RV guy

What’s a way to make up for being from Jersey City, New Jersey? Oh, I know! How about driving your dirty-ass R.V. to California, not cleaning it up, and bringing Katie on board. And then eating celery while she talks to you. Gah, my man thought he was being slick Rick, when in reality he came across as more greasy than an oil slick. Like that’s what you’re going with as your most impressive first impression?! “Not to brag, but I live in a motorhome.” No woman wants to get with a guy who has to get an emissions test on his apartment every year.

I doubt Katie would even want to watch R.V., let alone go on one with a dude she just met. By the way, RIP in peace Robin Williams.

1. Cat costume guy playing the floor keyboard from BIG

As a Nashville native, I admittedly still get excited whenever I see a contestant from Nashville. Even though 9 out of 10 of them are Nashville transplants to further their music career and/or dog food jingle writing career. But this guy appeared to be the only person from Nashville on this season. In his pre-show package, he appeared like a genuinely nice guy. He’s a teacher, he’s pursuing a career in music (of course), and he was a good-looking dude. But then… when he hopped out of the limo… he was dressed in a cat costume. And look, 2021, I get it. Maybe he’s a regular at fury conventions. Who am I to judge? But is this REALLY the play here? With 5 million people watching, you really want to show up looking like Felix the Cat? And then to make things even wilder, he busted out the keyboard from BIG to play with Katie.

Part of me wondered if I somehow took acid because I couldn’t keep up with this guy pulling every move out of his bag of tricks (another Felix reference). And then, to cap it all off, my made-out with Katie with the same aggression and moves I imagine a cat would use to make out with a human.

The worst part is… Katie liked this dude. Which tells me Katie is a crazy cat lady, which should probably be a red flag for the 30 dudes.

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Ladies and gentlemen, but probably mostly ladies, we’re back with another solid episode this week. We got some drama (albeit kinda dumb – but still drama nonetheless), we got some kissing (hubba hubba), and we got some former Bachelor/Bachelorette cameos (and none of which were Nick Viall – I count that as a win). Let’s get into it.

First Group Date: Grown Ass Man Competition

I love how the big debate online this week has been about the true definition of “masculinity” because Harry Styles wore a dress, I guess? I’m not brushed up on the details – mainly because I try to avoid dumb arguments online. However, this week’s group date either had either the perfect timing or the absolute worst timing, depending on your stance on the topic. And with that irony – I got a good chuckle out of it.

The group date card was sent to Montel, Ivan, Demar, Ben, Chasen, Ed, Joe, and Bennett. Lol, Bennett. That guy makes me laugh, and I can’t figure out why.

For this group date, they went to the rooftop of a luxurious downtown skyscraper. Lol, jk. They went to just some other part of the resort that they’re all staying in. This season feels a lot like when you would go on business trips with your mom or dad growing up – but you were forced to stay at the hotel for most of the trip, so you had to find things around the hotel to entertain you. And the workout room and indoor pool only worked for so long. That’s what this season feels like with them just going to decorated conference rooms within the resort they’re staying at. Hashtag COVID, amirite?!

And who was in this decorated conference room waiting for them? None other than Tayshia’s “friends” Ashley I. and Jared Haibon from a previous season of The Bachelor/Bachelorette. No way. I am totally shocked this show forced a cameo of their own stars from a previous season. They never do anything like this. So wild!

I actually like Ashley I. and Jared. I used to crack jokes about Ashley I. in this blog when her season aired (she was prime joke material), but she’s gotten cooler since then, and Jared was a guest on my podcast so he’ll always be cool in my book. Also, how douchey is it to bring up your own podcast in a blog? Answer: very.

Ashley I. and Jared explain they’re there to host The Grown Man Challenge to find out who will be the Grown Ass Man (winner) and who will be the Man-Child (loser). The competition includes a quiz portion, a feats of strength portion, and then a cooking section. You know, basic Grown Ass Man stuff, I guess?

Also, I should note: when we say Grown Ass Man, we’re saying the ass on the man is grown, not that he’s a grown ass-man, which I imagine is just an adult who enjoys booty. In that case, personally, I’d be more of a grown boob-man.

Bennett (lol, Bennett) came out bragging about how he was going to crush the quiz portion of the competition because he went to Harvard. لعبة مباشر This obviously set up the perfect montage of him missing just about every question – including one question that was just asking them to basically tell time. As it turns out, Bennett is less sharp than Jared Haibon’s jawline.

In case you were wondering, Bennett thinks its spelled “limosine.” But in Bennett’s defense, the guy behind him had a much worse spelling, in my opinion.

During the physical challenge, the guys were tied to each other by a bungee cord and had to use their strength to try and grab bouquet. Bennett did not compete because of a knee injury? Ok, Bennett.

The last part of the competition was a “breakfast in bed” cooking competition. Tayshia laid in what looked like an IKEA fake bedroom set up while the guys cooked food for her. Because you know, this is a good look at what marriage will be like. Everyday being woken up by breakfast in bed.

Then Bennett (lol, Bennett) changes into a robe, and nothing else, to serve his breakfast in bed. It was hard to tell Tayshia was into it at all, but then she said, “Bennett’s bougie. And I’m bougie, so I appreciate it.” Hold up, is she seriously considering Bennett??

At the end of the competition, Ashley I. and Jared award Ed the Man-Child award, which meant he had to carry around one of those crying home ec baby dolls for the rest of the day. Then they announce the winner of the Grown Ass Man award is… Bennett (lol, Bennett).

Group Date Cocktail Party

That night at the cocktail party, Bennett is still wearing his robe (lol, Bennett), but this doesn’t sit well with Chasen, who thinks it’s classless to not dress up for Tayshia for a freaking cocktail party. I don’t disagree with that take, but he said all of this while wearing a pocket-tee.

And if you think that was overly dramatic, buckle up. Because this drama rocket is ready for blastoff. The cocktail party is where everything started.

Apparently Ed was very outspoken about Chasen being a “fraud and a phony,” and an “actor” who was spinning a “web of deceit.” I’m going to try my best to overlook the fact that someone used the phrase “web of deceit” on this show. Apparently Ed felt this way because Chasen used the same adjective to describe Tayshia that he did to describe Clare earlier this season. Dude, that’s not being a “fraud or a phony” that’s just “having a bad vocabulary.” And as a blogger, I know all about having a bad vocabulary. Anyone who I think is dumb automatically gets labeled a doofus.

However, if you want to blame Chasen for acting like a Jason, I will stand firmly behind that take. He’s a phony Jason. In fact, I’ll be honest, I thought his name was Jason this entire season. My question is how are you going to name some Chasen? What was Chacob taken? Didn’t want to name him Chonathan? I know it’s not cool to get on someone for their name – but WTF IS A CHASEN?! Did his parents name him that as a choke?

Ed then uses his time with Tayshia to complain about Chasen (and not for the spelling of his name, unfortunately). If you’re a regular reader of my recaps, you know my stance here. Rule #1 of The Bachelor/Bachelorette, keep other contestants names out of your mouth. It’s automatic ticket home. Well, at least in a couple weeks. Producers will make sure you get a couple of roses to keep the drama going for a few more weeks. But you’re guaranteed not to win. I’m usually harder on the females for doing this, because they’ve probably seen enough previous seasons to know this. The guys are a different story, because I don’t imagine they’ve seen every season. I mean what kind of loser guy would watch every season of The Bachelor/Bachelorette? Heh…. heh….

So naturally Tayshia goes to grab Chasen to ask him if he is fake and a phony like Ed says. I always love this move. What’s the goal here? Do you expect Chasen to be like, “Yeah, I am. I’m sorry. Total phony here.” Of course not. Rather Chasen hits us with the “I’m here for the right reasons” staple. Personally, I’ve grown to hate this line. Mainly because it shouldn’t have to be vocalized. But unfortunately, ABC created this monster of fast-tracking more Instagram influencers into the world, so people now have to say it… I guess?

Chasen then goes back to the rest of the guys and confront Ed for bad mouthing him to Tayshia. This argument naturally escalates more than it should. Hashtag testosterone. And Tayshia returns to give Ivan the rose. Who’s Ivan? I dunno. There’s still too many guys to remember names.

Click the right arrow for the Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony…

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