But Kyle Brandt brought it up for a reason. Watch.

You hear that? He said “the Korked Bats sports blog.” That’s us.

You could say this was a mention made in passing. You could say Kyle was just trying to fulfill the rule of threes. You could say Kyle has probably never even been to this site.

But we like to say it was a legitimate challenge. And sure, maybe we’re swerving out of our lane here and into a lane that’s so masterfully dominated by NFL Memes, but at very least, we know we can kick Yard Barker’s ass. No offense, YB.

So for the last three months, we’ve been slaving away in our basement, like some sort of home brew guy making and perfecting an IPA for his friends who really don’t want to try it, trying to figure out the NFL’s next greatest meme. (read: we forgot about it until this week and had to throw something together right after Week 1 – procrastination is our thing)

So allow us to throw a couple of ideas your way. And sure, we know memes can’t be created. The best ones happen organically. We also know these ideas are extremely dumb, but if you think about it, so are the entire concept of memes. So let’s just try to, as Kyle Brandt says, take down the goat.

Let’s start with the obvious.

The Crying Brady

Michael Jordan is obviously the goat meme. It was like this even before The Last Dance with a face anyone who’s spent more than 3 minutes on the internet will recognize:

The Crying Jordan. Look at that blubbering mess. He looks like Isaiah Thomas whining about not making the ’92 Olympic Team and/or me after watching Mr. Holland’s Opus. The height of this meme came in 2016, and since it’s another election year, it’s time to vote this tear factory out of office and usher in a new regime.

Allow me to introduce…

This isn’t a new picture by any means, but we can give it new life. Hear me out…

Michael Jordan has six rings, is widely considered the best of his sport, and didn’t switch teams until he was super old, and it felt super awkward.

Tom Brady has six rings and is widely considered the best of his sport, and didn’t switch teams until he was super old, and it felt super awkward.

Also, both men have been caught crying on a camera.

So how can we apply this meme?

When the Yankees start 16-6, but then only win 5 of their next 15 and fall into third place…

When people hear your name all they thing about is Michael Jordan or Tom Brady…

When you used to be the belle of the Internet ball, but then another crying face overtook you as the Internet’s GOAT meme…

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The Crying Knowshon

Of course, you can’t hit with a crying NFL player without acknowledging the COAT (Crying Out All Tears), Knowshon Moreno.

Remember when Knowshon got supes emotional during the anthem? My guy was sobbing like he was watching the end of Marley & Me.

So how can we apply this meme?

When you drive your team all the way down the field in your first NFL start and your kicker misses a 31-yard chip shot field goal securing the loss…

When your top-seeded Eastern Conference team loses to the 5th seeded Miami Heat in a gentlemen’s sweep…

When your conference goes 0-3 against the Sun Belt Conference over the weekend…

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Sipping Aaron

Two things that get better with age: scotch and Aaron Rodgers.

He actually won A.D.’s Crown of the Week this week.

Shout out to Kyle Brandt for this one. It’s like the Kermit Sipping Tea meme, except this is such a stronger sip than Kermit and his tea. Mainly because Jim Henson never drafted Kermit’s replacement when that green frog was still in his prime.

Best part is, I’m pretty sure any picture of Aaron Rodgers taking a sip of something will work. Here’s another candidate:

Let’s keep them coming.

You want another?

Literally anything with Aaron sipping drives the point across.

Ok, except maybe this one.

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Sad Mike Golic

Don’t really have a reason behind this one. I just find this photo of sad Mike Golic eating a donut to be funny. This should be the meme after every Browns loss, IMO.

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Awkward Jameis

This one actually stems from Week 1 of the 2020 season (hence Jameis as a Saint). My man is probably watch Brady throw pick-six’s thinking, the Bucs pushed me out just to hire a 43-year-old version of me?

Similar vibes here:

Or, the great thing about this meme is its versatility. One quick photoshop of his eyes, and you’ve got this meme:

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Spongebob Griffinpants

“Who lives on a sideline close to the sea? Spongebob Griffinpants!”

The internet is already flooded with Spongebob memes. Let’s tweak the cartoon meme GOAT slightly by adding Robert Griffin III’s face to it. Why? I actually don’t have an answer to that. But let’s just do it anyway.

There’s so many options you can hit people with:

When someone says something dumb like, “Lamar Jackson isn’t that good of a quarterback,” you can with them either this…

ORRR… “lAmAr JAcKsOn ISnT tHAt goOd oF A qUarTerbAcK.”

Or how about when the Madden Curse strikes and Lamar Jackson inevitably gets injured.

Plus both of them have a similar smile.

Look, all I’m saying is Robert Griffin III should be so much more than Subway commercials and that really awesome 2011 season. Let’s bring him back to life in meme form.

[divider][/divider]

Any Video Featuring Patrick Mahomes’ Brother

Not sure if Kyle would approve this one. Mainly because Patrick Mahomes’ brother isn’t in the NFL, but little known fact: his brother Patrick is. Patrick Mahomes’ brother is, however, on TikTok. I’m not posting any of his videos here, mostly because I don’t want to watch any. But maybe one of you can go out and find one for me, and just let me know if any are meme-worthy.

[divider][/divider]

Ben Roethumberger

Ok, roll with me on this one.

Since a cleanly shaven Ben Roethlisberger already looks like a thumb, we went ahead and made it official. Meet Ben RoeTHUMBerger. Whenever there’s a good play, or something cool, you can hit it with a Ben Roethumberger Up! Or if something sucks or is no good, you can hit it with the Ben Roethumberger Down.

For example: the Steelers won on Monday Night Football in Week 1!!

But James Conner sprained his ankle.

It’s a multi-use meme, depending on the subject. It’s also an extremely dumb meme, despite the subject.

[divider][/divider]

Karen Brady

2020 has been the year of the Karen. So we took a photo of Tom Brady yelling at a ref and turned him in a Karen. Why? Because it’s my God-given right as an American citizen to do whatever I want and you nor your manager are going to take away my freedoms!

So whenever someone makes a dumb point or TYPES IN ALL CAPS ONLINE, feel free to hit them with the Karen Brady.

[divider][/divider]

T-Rac

Not enough is said about the fact that the Tennessee Titans mascot is a raccoon. We all know that Greek mythology claims the titans were even greater than the gods. So what do they make their mascot? An animal known for sifting through trash cans.

Why a raccoon? Because it’s the state mammal of Tennessee, and I guess Tennessee takes a lot of pride in the fact. Missouri’s state mammal is the Missouri mule, but you don’t see some donkey prancing on the sidelines of Chiefs games. No. They went with a damn wolf with child-bearing hips, because wolves are cooler than mules. But I digress.

So let’s just make T-Rac the new Internet darling. The new Keanu Reeves. Let’s put him everywhere. Replace your Leonardo DiCaprio Django Unchained memes with T-Rac.

Feeling snazzy?

Feeling sassy?

Feeling spunky?

HER: come over

YOU: can’t have to mascot the game

HER: my parents aren’t home

YOU:

Calling out your haters.

You and your squad rolling up like…

I’ll I’m saying is maybe its time we turn T-Rac into the internet sex symbol he deserves to be. I mean, you tell me. Who wore hotter shorts?

I rest my case.

[divider][/divider]

There you go. There’s our attempt. We’ll continue to mine the internet until Kyle’s request comes to fruition, because he’s right. The NFL should have the GOAT meme. And we will not rest until we find it.

So follow @korkedbats on Twitter and Instagram, and we’ll continue this search throughout the season.

Thanks for putting us to the test, Kyle.

UPDATE: Kyle has weighed in with his favorites.

The post Kyle Brandt Challenged Us To Make An NFL Meme Better Than M.J., Here’s Our Attempt appeared first on Korked Bats.

What image you ask?

This.

Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player of all time, and his stogie, the longest cigar of all time.

Now look, I’m no stranger to cigars. I know they come in all shapes and sizes. But none come in a size that long. That thing was cut down from Redwood Forest.

They say smoking one cigar is the equivalent of smoking 70 cigarettes. This thing has to be the equivalent of smoking 70 Slim Jims. Both in size and health. Look, I’m not one to judge. Everyone has their vices, and apparently, Jordan’s is smoking javelins. All I’m saying is it doesn’t look natural. It’s like he bought spools of fabric from Jo-Ann’s with the sole purpose to smoke the spools they came rolled up on. Even Jordan’s Space Jam co-star Bugs Bunny would see this cigar and think it’s too comically large.

All I’m saying is that Michael Jordan’s cigar shouldn’t enter a room three minutes before he does. That’s not normal. Also, think about this. Michael Jordan is a massive human. He’s 6 feet, 6 inches. And that cigar still looks long. So imagine how big it would be for any normal-sized human. It’d be like trying to smoke the Alaskan pipeline.

I mean, that cigar is a real-life restraining order. Just look at this cameraman.

He wants a closeup of Jordan, but he can’t get within 15 feet of him because of that stogie. Fellas, maybe think about getting one of these for that crazy ex-girlfriend of yours.

My question is: did Jordan use that thing to help the United Center staff raise any of his six banners into the rafters? Because he sure as hell could’ve.

Most guys like to smoke Cubans. Jordan prefers telephone poles.

I know the Internet moves fast, and we’re already starting to get The Last Dance fatigue. So am I. But I just can’t stop thinking about this. It was one of the final shots of Episode 10, but it will live with me forever. Anytime I drive by a factory or plant with a 30-story smokestack, I’ll think of Air Jordan.

Also, if you think about it. That photo is of him in mid-smoke. How long was this thing to start? Did someone like LaBradford Smith once tell Jordan he couldn’t smoke cigars so then he went out and found (and/or made) the world’s biggest cigar just to prove them wrong? I don’t know. All I know is the Chicago Bulls probably won’t win another championship until he’s done with that thing.

The post It’s Been 5 Days And I Can’t Stop Thinking About How Long Michael Jordan’s Cigar Is appeared first on Korked Bats.

SOURCE – “Me personally, the way I play the game — team first — I feel like my best assets work perfectly with Mike,” James said in a video released Monday on Uninterrupted’s YouTube channel. “Mike is an assassin. When it comes to playing the game of basketball, scoring the way he scored the ball, [then] my ability to pass, my ability to read the game plays and plays and plays in advance.”

Hang on. When you say LeBron James, do you mean the guy who left Cleveland to be teammates with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh, they guy who teamed up with Anthony Davis in Los Angeles, the guy who texted Kevin Durant about joining him in Los Angeles, and the guy who’s now teaming up with Adam Sandler for a movie? That same LeBron James?

And now you mean to tell me he would’ve loved to have been teammates with Michael Jordan? And not play against him?

Wow. Color me shocked. I never would’ve pegged LeBron for a guy who wants to play with the best talent rather than go up against them. But here we are.

Let me guess, LeBron would’ve loved to vacation and ride a banana boat with MJ too, right?

Maybe share a bottle or merlot?

Maybe traded laundry?

I mean, I guess the sentiment is nice and all, but being a teammate with someone is a two-way street, and something tells me Jordan wouldn’t want to play with LeBron. He’d want to play against him.

In fact, this is how Jordan would respond:

The post In The Least Shocking News of The Decade, LeBron Would’ve Loved To Be Teammates With Jordan appeared first on Korked Bats.

Due to coronavirus, we heard there was a shortage of toilet paper and podcasts. We can’t help with the former, but the latter, we definitely got you covered.

Yeah, yeah, everyone has podcasts. But this one is different! Lol, jk. No, it’s just like the others, but maybe more fun? I don’t know. All I’m saying is you should get in on the ground floor with us on this.

The podcast is called The Junk Drawer.

SYNOPSIS: Everyone has a junk drawer. The place you put things that you don’t know where else to put them. This podcast is just that. A little bit of everything, a whole lot of nothing. Just three dudes who came to have fun and take names. And guess what, we’re all out of names.

WHO HOSTS?: Myself (Austin), Grit, and A.D.

In this first episode we hold a draft for The Last Dance (all 10 episodes), talk about what Jerry’s visit to the Bulls locker room would look like as a Seinfeld episode, if the cast of Friends could field a good basketball team, Rose from Titanic had bad breath, talk honorable mentions, we don’t like coronavirus, and softball teams that beg for money.

Listen to Episode 1 right here.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

Listen on Spotify

ORRRRR…

You can WATCH our podcast on our YouTube channel: youtube.com/korkedbats

EP1: HONORABLE MENTIONS – RUNDOWN

• 0:00 – Worst Takes 
• 5:56 – The Last Dance Draft
• 26:45 – Draft Honorable Mentions (if we had them)
• 30:27 – One Thing The Last Dance Was Missing
• 38:09 – Who Should Get The Next 10-Part Docuseries?
• 43:51 – Fill In The Blank: What Time Is It? Game time, ______.
• 47:38 – The List
• 52:20 – Close
• 56:15 – The Best Coffee Ever

The post Have You Ever Heard of Podcasts? Well, We’ve Got A New One And Here’s The First Episode… appeared first on Korked Bats.

The post The Best Tweets From The Last Dance – Episode 9 & 10 appeared first on Korked Bats.

DAMMIT, JOSE! NOT NOW! THE LAST DANCE IS ON!

SERIOUSLY, JOSE?! WHAT THE HELL! NOT NOW!!

The post The Best Tweets From The Last Dance – Episode 7 & 8 appeared first on Korked Bats.

These might’ve been the two best episodes so far. We got a real look behind the curtain of Jordan and some of his flaws. Let’s dive in.

R.I.P. Kobe

Damn. Right out of the gates, The Last Dance hits you with not just clips of Kobe vs. MJ in the All-Star Game, but an interview with Kobe, where he said there is no 5 championships for him without Michael Jordan. That’s about where my eyes started sweating.

Air Jordans

In this episode we got the backstory behind Jordan signing with Nike. He really wanted to sign with Adidas. My guess is because he dresses about as well as Adidas designs uniforms.

However, his mom forced him to take a meeting with Nike, and with that move, very easily altered the course of human history forever. Nike pitched the hell out of Jordan during his visit and offered to launch his very own shoe line.

Also, shout out to the news anchor in the documentary who said, “Michael Jordan is as hot as a Cabbage Patch Doll,” which is one of the more time specific references he could’ve made for that era. What? Punky Brewster didn’t want any of that?

Hold up. Justin Timberlake?!

The *NSYNC and Suit & Tie singer was featured in this documentary. Why? Who the hell knows? Probably just because this was just a flex by the filmmakers. “We got Obama and referred to him as a Former Chicago Resident. Who else can we get and make them seem not as big time as they are? Any famous Memphis Grizzlies fans out there?”

We get it. The people behind this documentary have a giant rolodex, but you don’t need to add people to the doc just because you can. I don’t need to see George Clooney next week talking about the significance Jordan had on the Hanes brand.

Also, the biggest lie of this week’s episodes wasn’t Jordan saying he doesn’t have a gambling problem. It was J.T. saying that, as a kid, he used to have to cut the grass and do chores for an entire summer to save up enough money for a pair of Jordans.

Yeah, ok, Mousekateer.

I wonder how many lawns Macauley Culkin had to cut to get his first pair.

The Dream Team

Maybe this is the quarantine talking, but I would watch the entire uncut footage of the Dream Team’s Olympic practices. Think about that. Watching the 12 greatest players – sorry, the 11 greatest players and Christian Laettner – go at it in that practice would probably be more entertaining than many NBA games. Again, I don’t know if I’m saying that just because I’m starved for sports right now or because it would actually be awesome. But if we can get Korean baseball on ESPN, I’m sure we could make this work, right?

The Pronunciation of Toni Kukoc

Glad to see Toni Kukoc finally get some facetime in this docuseries. Only took 5 episodes. Still waiting on Luc Longley though. Kukoc was referred to as the Left-Handed Magic Johnson. I’m not sure if that’s because he actually played like Magic Johnson or more so just because no one could pronounce Kukoc back then.

I get it. We hit the same snafu with Dirk. Is it Nowitzki or NoVITski? The funny thing was to just hear how many pronunciations we got with it. One guy interviewing Karl Malone and the guy reading his draft pick called him Tony Ku-KOTCH. And you know Charles Barkley couldn’t pronounce it. He said Ku-COKE.

Leave it to Bob Costas to nail the pronunciation though, with a good ol’ Ku-coach. Classic Costas. You could literally make up a word, and Costas would know the proper pronunciation for it.

Reebok

First it was Adidas. Now Reebok? Jordan’s take swings at every major shoe manufacturer one at a time this episode. You better run and hide, Skechers Shape-Ups!

Apparently Jordan didn’t want to wear the Team USA uniforms during the Olympic Medal ceremonies, because they were made by Reebok. So instead he draped an American flag over his shoulder to hide thee Reebok logo. Kind of a sucky moment for Reebok, but look on the bright side. Here we are 28 years later talking about Reebok. So that’s a plus, right?

The Former Chicago Resident

It’s really encouraging to know that this guy…

…grew up to eventually become this guy.

Good for him. Follow your dreams, kids.

However, still no word if that former Arkansas Governor ever amounted to anything.

The Georgia Dome

Oh man. It’s only been gone for a couple years, but seeing The Georgia Dome felt like such a blast from the past. You may know know it as the stadium used for the SEC Championship, the home of the Atlanta Falcons, or the site of where Ludacris would like to l-l-l-lick you from your head to your toes in one of his fa-fa-fa-fanta-tasies.

But apparently it also served as the site of one of Jordan’s last games against the Hawks. Over 63,000 people watched. Or at least tried to, because if you got a last row seat, in that place, this was probably your view:

Sinbad

To prove the cultural impact Jordan had, the documentary went through a montage of the celebrities who showed up to games just to see Michael Jordan play. One of those celebrities was Sinbad. The ’90s were a wild time, man.

You may remember Sinbad as the genie in that one movie. But actually, you’re wrong. Scroll his IMDB. Sinbad never played a genie. Ever. It’s one of the most famous Mandela effects. Right up there with the spelling of The Berenstain Bears. But this was the height of him being in Jingle All The Way, First Kid, and Houseguest. RIP in peace Phil Hartman.

Jerry Seinfeld

One of the actual biggest celebrities of the ’90s was Jerry Seinfeld. Take the amount of fame that Joe Exotic has had over the last eight weeks, double it, and spread it over eight years, and you’ve got Jerry Seinfeld in the ’90s. I did find it odd how he and Phil Jackson interacted like they were exes.

Click the right arrow for the top moments of Episode 6….

The post The Most Important Moments from ‘The Last Dance’ Ep. 5 & 6 appeared first on Korked Bats.

Big quarantine mood. #TheLastDance pic.twitter.com/uPbh6yXI7g

— The Players’ Tribune (@PlayersTribune) May 4, 2020

The post The Best Tweets From The Last Dance – Episode 5 & 6 appeared first on Korked Bats.

Our guy DeQwan Young of Qwality TV takes a deeper dive into The Jordan Rules they talked about in this week’s episode of The Last Dance.

It’s insane to think about just how physical the NBA was back then. Think of your all time favorite basketball movie. Now swap out the bad guys for Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Ivan Drago, and two Foot Clan, and you’ve got the Bad Boy Pistons. That’s what Jordan had to go up against.

I don’t like to get caught up in the Jordan v. LeBron debate, because that’s all it will ever be… a debate. Personally, I’m just happy and grateful to enjoy both of these greats in their primes. With that said, pretty ironic how Jordan was criticized for not being able to win big games or playoff series in the first third of his career. Sound familiar? Then he was fortunate enough to play on a franchise who locked up the second best player in the sport on the friendliest of team-friendly contracts in the history of sports. But again, I don’t get caught up in that debate. I’m one of those rare few who love both players. Throw me in a straightjacket, right?

The post This Video Explains ‘The Jordan Rules’ When The NBA Allowed More Violence Than UFC Apparently appeared first on Korked Bats.

First of all, pretty ballsy for this dude to go on a limb and invite Dennis to Nashville in 1998. Especially with the thickest southern draw Dennis has probably ever heard. And Dennis is from Oklahoma. I mean, damn, that dude is a walking cliché.

Also, his laugh after Dennis turns him down is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. This guy knows Dennis wouldn’t hang out with him, even on his drunkest of nights, let alone hang out in the city this dude is from. Dennis isn’t spending a weekend with you in 1998 Nashville, going to the Cumberland Science Museum or Laser Quest on 2nd Avenue, followed by dinner at NASCAR Cafe, and then joining you at your Baptist church on Sunday morning. Dennis has seen and done more in a 48-hour bender to Vegas than this guy could’ve searched for with a 48 free hours disc of America Online.

Anyone who knows me knows I love Nashville. It’s my home. Moved there at a young age and was raised there, which isn’t saying much because Nashville wasn’t worth much of a damn during my childhood. I mean, we didn’t even get a Planet Hollywood until 1996. It would be completely naive of me to not agree it wasn’t worth it to go back to Nashville after one visit. Hell, I don’t even know what could’ve led him there for the first trip. There weren’t even any pro sports teams until ’97. Only thing I can think of are the plethora of adult bookstores Nashville had back then. Dennis in one of Nashville’s adult book stores would’ve been the literal definition of a kid in a candy store.

But I get it. Dennis and the Bulls were larger than life in ’98. Nashville wasn’t even larger than Memphis in ’98. The biggest attraction in downtown Nashville in the late 90s was the Cumberland River. If you were hosting people from out of town, you’d take them to the end of Lower Broadway and say, “Well, there’s the river.” Then you’d both quietly and awkwardly look at it for a bit, and then you’d ask, “Wanna go to Opryland?”

There were no pedal taverns, there were no rooftop or multi-story bars on Lower Broad, which wasn’t all bad because it also meant there was no traffic. The Country Music Hall of Fame was in like some dude’s house. Now, it wasn’t all bad. There was a Tower Records and a Tower Books (not to brag), a Fudruckers, and an Eckard pharmacy near Centennial Park on West End.

In fact, here’s my timeline of Nashville’s emergence from “Dennis Rodman wouldn’t be caught dead there” to what it is today:

• 1997 – Nashville started getting better (thanks Titans and Preds)
• 2005 – Nashville started getting pretty good
• 2011 – Nashville got great
• 2015 – Nashville got awesome

It’s ironic how the man who’s known for wearing fake wedding dresses turned down a city that is now known for hoards of women running around in fake wedding dresses. Nashville, now is the Dennis Rodman of cities. It’s always a fun time, it’s wild, it’s blanketed with art/tattoos, it’s hungover every morning, and it works hard. But back in ’98, when Dennis Rodman was Dennis Rodman, Nashville was merely 2020 Bill Wennington.

The post Dennis Rodman Clowned Nashville on ‘The Last Dance,’ And *Sigh* He Wasn’t Wrong appeared first on Korked Bats.