It’s official. Junkies worldwide rejoice.

Starting this week, the Junk Drawer is now broadcasted LIVE via our YouTube channel, Twitter, AND Facebook.

If you’ve enjoyed any of our podcasts in the past, here’s your opportunity to join us as we record the show LIVE every Monday at 5:15PM EST. You could consider us “Live at 5.”

Kinda.

But wait, there’s more. This is an interactive broadcast, so your comment could end up being featured during the show!!! ????????

RIGHT?! Your dumb comments featured on our dumb podcast!

As for this week’s episode: Obviously, we didn’t record this podcast before the National Championship game between Gonzaga and Baylor, but naturally, we reacted to it for our listeners who *holds hand up to mouth to whisper* don’t watch live. *wink*

It’s officially mock draft szn and it’s time we start holding those who release mock drafts accountable. These mock drafters are just shooting fish in a barrel hoping that one shot lands. It’s time we enforce some serious consequences for those that are wrong. (and Grit does mean SERIOUS)

Is there anything better than the sound of a wooden bat smashing a dinger? Or is there anything better than the new FIU special teams coordinator’s name?

The rivalry with our sister podcast The CineBoiz continues. Austin, Grit, and myself are still recovering from 3rd degree burns after this roast:

JOIN US NEXT MONDAY LIVE AT 5:15PM EST! YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS IT.

LISTEN HERE:

RUNDOWN

0:12 – We Are Officially Recording Live On Youtube, Facebook, and Periscope

2:20 – We Totally Didn’t Record This Before The National Championship

6:17 – The Good, The Back, & The Ugly – A.D.

12:01 – Remember Sending Tweets By Text?

19:34 – We Need To Hold People Who Do Mock Drafts Accountable

23:09 – A.D. Shares A Recent Observation In Rite Aid

29:14 – The Good, The Back, & The Ugly – Grit

29:18 – Is There Anything Better Than The Sound Of A Wooden Bat?

31:07 – BREAKING NEWS: Austin Heard Someone Complaining Online

33:17 – How Would You Spend $20 At The Masters Tweets Are Back

42:21 – Jack Evans’ Lasagna

46:04 – The Good, The Back, & The Ugly – Austin

46:10 – Welcome Coach Horny To The FIU Coaching Staff

50:24 – The CineBoiz Fact Checked The Hell Out Of Us

56:24 – Remember When SportsCenter Used To Post Sports?

1:01:19 – FRANK FACT

The post The Junk Drawer: Are We Live? You Better Believe We’re Live. appeared first on Korked Bats.

You can go just about anywhere on the World Wide Web to receive fantasy football advice for who you should start every week. ESPN, Yahoo, Better Homes and Gardens, literally anywhere! However, there is only one place on the World Wide Web where you can go to receive fantasy football advice of who you SHOULD NOT start every week. And that place is KorkedBats.com. You’re welcome.

Week 10

We took a week off last week. Partly because every fantasy team (and fantasy guru) needs a BYE week, but also partly because I got COVID. And it sucked. And it knocked me out hard. But look, those are just excuses. We have a fantasy league for you to win and or finish 4th or lower in – because again, let’s be real, if you’re getting your fantasy football advice from a comedic sports blog, more so a weekly blog called Who NOT To Start, then you’re probably not doing great in your fantasy league. But enough chit-chat, let’s get to it.

This week you should NOT start literally any golfer. I know, I know. It’s very tempting, especially with The Masters on today. But I can almost assure you your fantasy football league does not account for golfers. No matter how good they are. Plus, I’ve never played fantasy golf, but I imagine it’s like regular golf where the lowest score wins. And speaking from experience, I can assure you the lowest score doesn’t win in fantasy football.

So bench your Tiger’s, bench your Justin Thomas’s, bench your Brooks Koepka’s, bench that one golfer who’s caddy looks like the caddy from Happy Gilmore.

If you don’t want to heed this advice, and you’re deadset on starting a golfer on your fantasy football team, then start either Bryson DeChambeau or Tiger. They’ll be sure to get you high scores.

Check last week’s WNTS advice here.

The post Who NOT To Start In Fantasy Football – Week 10 appeared first on Korked Bats.

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You never know when the quarantine scaries will arise, and unfortunately, with the announcement that the Masters have been rescheduled, they hit again. Because The Masters won’t be played until mid-November (12-15). Insert audible sigh here. So naturally, the quarantine scaries reared its ugly head yet again.

I mean, are the azaleas even going to be alive still? Pretty sure all the chirping birds will have already flown south. And Jim Nantz… My gahhh… what will be of Jim Nantz?! Will he leave the CBS NFL booth for a Masters Sunday? لعبة بلاك جاك مجانية It doesn’t matter, he’ll be missed in both chairs. العاب استراتيجية اون لاين

Yes, it’s better than no Masters whatsoever. But at the way we’re pacing will we even make it to November? It took us six months just to get through March. When you say November, you might as well be saying 2035. Same difference at this point.

Look, I’m sorry for being snappy. I haven’t gone on my daily walk yet. موقع رياضي That’s been my dessert lately. Maybe I should just go do that. Ok. Bye.

The post VIDEO: Quarantine Scaries – Masters Week appeared first on Korked Bats.

Hey grit, two part question here: are you tired of being the coronavirus guy and what do we do now? Yes, valued reader, I am tired of every blog or tweet I write being about this god-forsaken sickness. Your second question, however, brings me hope…

Every movie we watch based in the future has no recognizable sport. We must now prepare for the future of game being Jason Statham-type fellas and ladies having to Deathrace for their freedom since they were framed for a murder they did not commit. We must prepare by forcing our citizens to select a boy and a girl, called Tributes, to compete in a nationally televised event called the Hunger Games. We must prepare. This is the future. Congratulations. We made it.

-grit

The post The Masters Was Postponed: Your Guide On What To Do Next appeared first on Korked Bats.

I consider myself a “lucky guy.” I have beautiful healthy kids, an awesome wife, a job I don’t deserve, a great beard, a real #blessed existence. العاب للفوز بجوائز حقيقية

There is one area of my life where I am criminally unlucky, The Masters Draw. Want to get sad? Plug “your application was not selected for tickets” into your email search bar and take the only stroll commoners like we will ever take down Magnolia Lane. الربح الحقيقى من الانترنت

Why am I saying all of this? Because if I won tickets, you could guarantee the golf gods would shut it down. لعبة ضومنه اون لاين للايفون This is my cross to bear and I carry it proudly for you all. Enjoy The Masters without fear, people. Maybe carry some hand sanitizer and wash your hands before eating those (I assume) lovely pimento cheese sandwiches. You are all welcome.

-grit

The post Coronavirus Will Not Affect The Masters: Opinion appeared first on Korked Bats.

CBS Sports broadcaster Jim Nantz is known for being the voice of The Masters, but even more known for coming up with ridiculous, pun-filled one-liners after someone wins.

We decided to help Jim out by coming up with some lines for him to use at this year’s Masters.

If Jordan Spieth wins…

“He’s got himself a Spieth of history!”

“Another championship for Air Jordan”

“Younger guys always have fewer strokes than older guys, and that was the case today for the healthy Jordan Spieth.”

“He’s of legal drinking age, so they’ll be celebrating at the Spieth Easy tonight!”

“After a weekend of providing SPARKS, the green jacket goes to JORDAN. Enjoy it, young man, as we SING YOUR PRAISES!”

“He is Twenty-one, and no he has twenty won!”

“Call him ‘Spieth 2’ because he’s on Cruise Control.”

“Give Spieth a chance.”

“Spieth Softly, and carry a big stick.”

“It’s as Spiethy as Sunday morning.”

If Justin Rose wins…

“Just-Win Rose!”

“Roses are best, violets are blue.”

“Never let go, Rose! This is a Titanic win in your career.”

“The azaleas here at Augusta are in full bloom, but so are the Rose’s!”

“And your new Masters champion is Rose The Riveter. He Can Do It!”

If Phil Mickelson wins…

“It Phils good to be Mickelson.”

“And the new Phil-osophy pays off.”

“The LEFT hander is the only man LEFT standing.”

“That’s a rap! Go ahead and call him Masters P.”

“Look at this photograph. Because Mickel’s back.”

If Charley Hoffman wins…

“Trevor Hoffman is baseball greatest closer, and Charley Hoffman just became golf’s greatest closer.”

“Don’t hassel the Hoff, man!”

“What the Chuck?! Hoffman gets the green!”

“Julio, get the stretch. Chuck-town funk you up!”

“O’Charley! What a roll to victory!”

If Kevin Na wins…

“Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Hey, Hey, Hey, Goodbye!”

“Na Way Jose!”

“Is anyone else going to win the Masters or Na?”

“Everyone forgot about Kevin, and now he’s bringing the green jacket Home… Alone.”

“On the Periodic Table, Na is known as Sodium and has an atomic number of 11. On the Masters Leaderboard, Na is known as champion and has an atomic number of 1. It’s science.”

If Tiger Woods wins…

“Woods You Believe it? Tiger wins his fifth green jacket!”

“The eye of the Tiger is on the prize.”

“Tiger Woods pleads the fifth!”

“He’s done it. Tiger’s first-win since Elin.”

“He’s a man on the streets, a freak in the sheets, and a champion in the golf cleats.”

“Glutes Activated!”

“Being on top is Tiger’s new favorite position!”

“Winner winner, Perkins dinner.”

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Final Lines Jim Nantz Should Use At The Masters appeared first on Korked Bats.

YOUNGSTOWN, OH —

“Golfing is an extremely difficult sport,” Ellsworth said while wiping drool off his chin. “But I think staying awake while watching golf on TV is even more difficult.”

Ellsworth, 37, who claims to be able to make it through at least 6 innings of televised baseball without falling asleep, says he watches the event every year and just can’t stay awake for the life of him. “The sport is slow and low scoring,” Ellsworth said. “It’s like watching the Browns’ offense.”

“Maybe it’s the birds chirping or the soft whispering,” Ellsworth admitted. “Or maybe it’s the massive doses of sleeping pills I take before watching to prevent my wife from making me do yard work during Masters weekend. Who knows?”

• • •

This post was written by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Area Man Keeps Falling Asleep While Watching The Masters appeared first on Korked Bats.

I can hear you. What’s The Masters? Who even cares about The Masters?

Some people do. And in fact, I was one of those people yesterday.

Here are the reasons that golf sucked me in:

1. I figured if I watched golf, I would get a really good nap.

2. There was a really cute guy watching golf and I wanted to see if he was impressed by my interest in golf.

3. There was an American in second place and he was trying to beat a foreigner.

4. Everyone loves a good underdog story. (Except for the move Underdog. No one loved that.)

5. Especially when the American wins. Or Kentucky (SHOUT OUT!).

6. When I didn’t get what a “birdie” was, I just acted really cute and ditzy and was like, “oh haha, could you explain to me about what birdies are?”

7. When I didn’t get what an “eagle” was, I just acted really cute and ditzy and was like, “Oh, I get the birdie thing now, but what about this different eagle thing haha ::bat my eyelashes:: haha?”

8. The guy that won the Masters, kind of looks like Enrique Iglesias. Mainly because of his large face mole that he obviously gets his golf powers from.

9. I was able to quote lines from the all-time American Golf movie classic, Happy Gilmore, without judgement.

10. I will now be way more educated about the finer of the sports. Next up: croquet, polo, and off-shore banking.

Ladies, if you are thinking, “How long do I have to wait for football to start back again, so I can pretend to like sports, so I can  hang out with all of the handsome guys I know?” Don’t worry. There is plenty of time and plenty of sports. Including baseball. That sport is super confusing and super long. Pick a team and hold on for a roller coaster of emotions. A rollercoaster that goes really slow and lasts for the entire summer. Whatever you do though, don’t pick the team that from Moneyball. That is a pretend team. Just felt like I needed to clear that up. Anyways, I close with something else I learned while watching Golf today: “FORE!”

• • •

This post is a part of our bi-weekly The Ladies Room posts for Korked Bats.

Follow The Ladies Room on Twitter: @KBLadiesRoom – Or follow Erin, TLR writer: @erinmcgown

As always, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our up-to-the-minute sports jokes: @korkedbats

The post Golf Lessons: Masters Edition appeared first on Korked Bats.

You know what I found out today? That Tiger Woods is winning golf tournaments again. Do you know what that means? That women have forgotten to pray that he will lead a miserable and winless life. Either that, or all of the feminist witch doctors have put their Tiger Woods VooDoo dolls up on a shelf. We need you back on point ladies. كازينو888 I’ve heard The Masters start any day now, and we can’t have no trifling hustler beating people in a gentleman’s sport.

Also it’s a miracle that in 1980, there was a United States ice hockey team that beat the Soviet’s. قوانين بلاك جاك We (Americans) usually try to keep stuff like this on the down low because the less angry the Soviet’s are, the better. ماكينات القمار

You know who else needs a miracle?

The Flour Thrower

The flour thrower doesn’t want to make a public appearance just yet. A few days ago, she was seemingly hired by one of the many people that have been super curious as to what Kim Kardashian would like like with salt and pepper hair. It is a question that has been on quite a few people’s minds. I know it’s been on mine.

I hope that somewhere Kim Kardashian’s ex-huband, who I think is named Kris, is enjoying a quiet laugh over this flour debauch-al. He doesn’t always have things in his life that seem funny. Especially how he kind of looks like Frankenstein and the fact that he really isn’t any good at basketball.

Well, I was able to bring it back around to sports, you’re welcome sports fans.

Happy Miracle Monday.

(This is not a sanctioned holiday.)

• • •

This post is a part of our bi-weekly The Ladies Room posts for Korked Bats.

Follow The Ladies Room on Twitter: @KBLadiesRoom – Or follow Erin, TLR writer: @erinmcgown

As always, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our up-to-the-minute sports jokes: @korkedbats

The post Miracle Monday appeared first on Korked Bats.

The newest member of the Green Gentleman Masters Club is a young man from South Africa named Charl Schwartzel. Let’s be honest though, nobody was talking about Charl, everyone was talking about Tiger.  People were cheering for Tiger like he is now the underdog of golf and like he didn’t date every woman in the world while he was married to a supermodel.

Well, this weekend there was also an interesting situation about a woman journalist that did not directly involve Tiger like you would initially be led to believe.

Tara Sullivan is a sports columnist in the New York/New Jersey area for The Bergen Record who went to the Masters to get a good article on Rory McIlroy’s not so good golf weekend.  After being a good reporter and following McIlory around for a little while with a pack of reporters, McIlroy headed to the locker room.  The security guard did not let her through based on a policy that would be later redacted as not the actual policy.  Tara being upset and frustrated did what any red-blooded American would do and started Tweeting about it. She then wrote all about her side of the story here.

Okay, now Tara, I understand your frustration with the security guard stopping you from going inside the men’s locker room. (If I had a nickel for every time I got stopped trying to get into a men’s locker room… what?) I understand not wanting to be told that you can’t do something just because you are a woman, but I’ve also been thinking about the risks of walking into a men’s locker room and that may be why security was only trying to protect you.

Because sometimes men just need some time sit down and think about what they could have done better.

(Can I get an “Amen,” Ladies?)

Sometimes men just need to get with their best friend for a new Facebook profile picture.

And sometimes they just have to pour alcohol all over each other in celebration.

And then hug it out.

And even sometimes, dance it out.

I am all for equal rights just like the next female writer, but I am also for letting the men have their locker rooms for secret dance parties and cry sessions.  As much as I want to see the singing and the dancing and the occasional cry-fest, I also want to help these men maintain the shred of dignity many of them are clinging to.

• • •

Guys and girls, be sure to follow The Ladies Room on Twitter for more sports fun from a lady who knows little about sports but a lot about fun: @LadiesRoomKB

The post No Girls Allowed? appeared first on Korked Bats.