Tay-Tay released yet another chart-busting album, Folklore, in late July and has risen to the rescue of many Americans looking for existential guidance amid the hellscape that is 2020. But should the NFL slam this softball over the wall or should the league look elsewhere? T-Swift is probably the best choice, but let’s offer the NFL a few alternatives that could turn millions of heads.

The Other Queen B

Starting with a truly bold option, the NFL could consider New York City native, rapper Cardi B. Let’s face it: We don’t love Cardi B, but we do love the absurdity of her latest hit “WAP.” Can you imagine the ratings she—and the NFL—would pull in anticipation of the sheer possibility of the world hearing that garbage live? Guinness World Records would have to create a new category called “Most Earmuffs Administered by Parents of Young Children During a Live Performance.”

Think about the choreography, too. Wouldn’t we appreciate seeing all the “whores in this house” (Raymond James Stadium in Tampa)? The truth is that sex sells, no matter how vulgar, and the press would eat that up at the risk of becoming diabetic, including (shameless plug) Korked Bats.

Also worth mentioning is the effect on the players in the second half, as it relates to improved entertainment value. We could see trap and pitch plays collapse due to weak offensive line pull-out game—and thus, some jaw-busting hits!

I’m a Belieber

Another polarizing choice would be Justin Bieber. From teen heartthrob to tattooed bad-boy hunk, the Canadian star has been at the forefront of pop culture for about a decade now. His relevance remains strong, too, with the release his most recent album, “Changes,” touting popular tracks such as “Yummy” and “Intentions.”

Now, Bieber is certainly no longer the lovable boy of whom we denied our jealousy for years, but consider the talent he collaborated with on his latest album: Quavo, Post Malone, Lil Dicky, and Travis Scott. That’s huge name recognition, and say Biebs were to bring one of them into the Halftime Show fold for a guest appearance. Bring on the ratings!

And don’t act like you wouldn’t watch it, you dumb liar. He still has some of the dreamiest eyes and vocal cords in entertainment, and you’re not above that.

6ix9ine (Nice)

What do we say about 6ix9ine other than “oof?” This guy is an awful musician and an even worse human being. Let’s take a look at his run-ins with the law: child sexual performance, ordering the shooting of Chief Keef, and domestic violence. And those are just the charged crimes. So why would he be a good option for the Super Bowl LV Halftime Show? Because he’s the worst option.

Not only would the controversial pick put a man with a “69” face tattoo in front of millions, but it would also leave millions above the age of 50 very confused and possibly offended. Although the decision to go with 6ix9ine would most certainly not be based on ratings potential, he is simply a mere clown that would do what clowns do: entertain poorly, which we as Americans consume in droves.

The Super Bowl Halftime Show has presented the likes of greats such as The Rolling Stones, The Who, Bruno Mars, and Beyoncé (the former two delivering bad performances themselves, but they are who they are). Wouldn’t it be astounding and cringingly terrible to see the NFL roll out such a controversial artist? Again, you’d watch it.

Release the King

We’ve saved the best and most challenging choice for last: Joe Exotic, the Tiger King. Yes, he is currently imprisoned on 17 federal charges of animal abuse and two counts of murder for hire for a plot to take out sworn enemy and Big Cat Rescue CEO Carole Baskin. However, with the release of Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem and Madness to kick off this horrendous year with a bang (several bangs, if you count all of the loose gunfire witnessed in the doc), Joe Exotic immediately captured the hearts and souls of Netflix streamers to the tune of 34 million in the first 10 days.

Throughout this article, we’ve thrown out some obviously contentious potential performers, but this has to be the most. And, like sex, controversy sells. But why choose a nonmusical performer? How would he entertain the audience? Oh, it would be his music (which is reportedly not him singing at all, but the NFL records these beforehand anyway so it wouldn’t matter). Furthermore, imagine if he was accompanied by real tigers; that itself would blow Katy Perry’s animatronic tiger out of the water.

The combination of terrible music, real tigers, and an appearance by a convicted felon, who millions seem to support for unfathomable reasons would bring the NFL a performance for the ages, never to be topped. And if you’re also irked by the reemergence of “that bitch” Carole Baskin on Dancing With the Stars, it’s agreeable that a little lip-syncing Joe Exotic, complete in his prison-orange jumpsuit, would go a long way toward the happy, care-free, ridiculous America we call home.

Choose Wisely, NFL.

Although we all know Taylor Swift would be a solid choice for Super Bowl LV’s Halftime Show, there are other options the NFL should seriously consider. It’s safe to say that none of these picks would hurt ratings—and could even raise them—and despite 2020 bringing a zero blitz on society, we continue to crave idiocy, mockery, and inanity surrounding our beloved institutions. So, here’s looking at you, NFL. Choose wisely, and give us something utterly ludicrous we can look forward to, even if it means bailing a disgusting felon out of jail.

This post was written by Sam. Follow him on Instagram: @chad_b_foxxx

The post Considerations For The Super Bowl LV Halftime Show: T-Swift, Biebs, Tiger King appeared first on Korked Bats.

We got more junk this week, and it’s a lot of fun. Here are some of the top moments:

(0:35) – Kanye West went on a Tweet storm right when we started recording… This was our real time reaction

(11:19) – Notable bandwagon fan Dr. Anthony Fauci is throwing out the first pitch for the Nationals-Yankees game on Thursday

(17:27) – We run down a list of EVERYTHING that’s happened since coronavirus started

• Tiger King
• Kim Jong-un dying (and then coming back to life)
• Quibi was born (and then pretty much died)
• UFOs are real
• Elon Musk’s kid, X Æ A-12
• and a ton more…

(45:20) – One of our favorite new segments: FRANK FACTS

(51:23) – Antonio Brown is a Real Housewife

Don’t want to watch? Feel free to listen wherever podcasts are found:

Listen on Apple Podcasts

EP10: Coronavirus Is Canceled, Sports Are Back! | RUNDOWN:

0:35 – Kanye West Is Going Off On Twitter

9:12 – Are Sports Back?

11:19 – Dr. Anthony Fauci’s First Pitch

17:27 – Everything That’s Happened Since Coronavirus Started

45:20 – FRANK FACTS

49:59 – COFFEE BREAK

51:23 – Antonio Brown Is A Real Housewife

1:05:38 – NFL Preseason Is Canceled

1:09:41 – One Last Kanye West Update

The post The Junk Drawer: All The Things That Have Happened Since Coronavirus, Kanye, & Antonio Brown Retires (Again) appeared first on Korked Bats.

Before you say it, I know. The whole Tiger King train feels like it’s run its course, and I agree. But when ‘that b*tch’ Carole Baskin gets duped into appearing onto Fallon by a could of British blokes, you know we gotta hit on it. And the video of them doing it is absolutely fascinating.

This was Baskin’s first public interview since Tiger King dropped and first public comments since she wrote that blog rebuttal of every single claim in the docuseries. She wasn’t even asked (and wouldn’t have participated anyway) to be in Netflix’s 8th Tiger King recap episode with Joel McHale. Probably for the best. McHale would’ve ripped her apart like her tigers did to her second husband.

Now of all the people in the world I’d want to prank, I think Baskin would be towards the bottom of that list. Right there alongside O.J., Baudi Moovan and her crew, the leader of any militia group or gang, and Brendan Fraser. But these dudes said, “F it, what’s the worst she can do? Sue us to the point where our parents have to sell their home, set us up in a murder for hire plot, and/or feed us to her tigers?” Uhhh yeah.

Also, any hope of any future interviews with C-Basks just got chucked out the window. No way she does Carpool Karaoke.

Carole did comment on the YouTube video with an email she sent to her husbnd right after the. interview:

And she responded with a statement she gave to US Weekly:

“I was suspicious as we were doing it because the questions appeared taped. But had no idea it would turn out to be such a fun prank,” she said. “It gave us a very welcome good laugh. I appreciate their cleverness and that they created their video in a way that I don’t feel was in any way mean-spirited.”

Such a “fun prank?” Yeah, those dudes are about to be Meow Mix for Carole’s tigers. I’ve seen enough movies to know that when bad guys get humiliated, and then compliment the people who humiliated them immediately after, that tends to be a death certificate for the humiliators. Good luck, British blokes. Baskin’s comin’ for ya.

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The post Carole Baskin Was A Guest On Jimmy Fallon.. SIKE! It Was Just Two British Dudes Pranking Her appeared first on Korked Bats.

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This episode is called The Secret

There’s never been a more fitting name for anything on TV since Nickelodeon’s CatDog. That show was literally about an animal that was part-cat, part-dog.

This episode is all about the rumor we heard in the previous episode: did Carole Baskin kill her missing husband and feed his body to the tigers?

I’m all for conspiracy theories. I don’t believe them all, but I love to hear them out. Did we land on the moon? (We did.) Did Jeffrey Epstein kill himself? (He didn’t.) Did Carole Baskin murder her husband and feed his corpse to her tigers? (Let’s find out!)

Before Carole was married to that doofus (and probably a serial killer himself) Howard, she was married to a man named Don Lewis. A very wealthy, very secretive, and very horny dude.

The episode starts with Gladys Lewis Cross (Don Lewis’s ex-wife before Carole) sitting – what appeared to be uncomfortably – in an armchair, not a loveseat, with Lynda Sanchez – one of Don’s daughters, while Gale Rathbone – Don’s other daughter, opted for her own chair next to them both. Gladys tells us that Don used to always talk about how dangerous Carole was.

Don and Carole met in January of 1981, when Carole was only 20 years old. She explained Don as being “22-years my senior” which is a psychopath way of saying he was 42. There’s your first sign Carole is a husband slayer.

Apparently Don was driving down a road late at night when he passed Carole walking along the side of the road crying. Sounds to me like Don mistook Carole for someone of another profession. Carole said she had just gotten into a big argument with her first husband where she had to “throw a potato across the kitchen and into the dining room at him in order to get out the door.” Ah, yes. Your typical marriage argument that leads to potato throwing. There’s your second sign Carole turned her husband into Meow Mix.

Don pulled over to check in on Carole not once, not twice, but THREE times. Keep in mind, this was the early 80s, with some stranger trying to lure a lady 22-years his junior into his truck. When Don pulled over the third time to hire, errr see if Carole was ok, he showed her that he had a gun in his front seat. Ahhh, yes, I’m sure that was comforting in the situation. So Carole – being the crazy lady she is – gets into the truck and holds a gun on Don as they drive around for hours. This actually reminds me of how I met my wife. I wouldn’t leave her alone until she got in my car and pointed a pistol at me. It was love at gun sight.

Don and Carole end up sleeping together that night, which shouldn’t be a surprise considering how romantic it sounded and the fact that Don probably still thought she was a prostitute.

I will say this: any relationship that starts out with one person pointing a gun at the other, you have to assume will end with one of them being fed to tigers (allegedly), right?

Don left his wife and two daughters for Carole. Gladys didn’t want it to end and told Don that she will always love him until the day she died or he got eaten by tigers. Don always called Carole an angel, and Gladys told him, “Yeah, an angel sent from hell, and you’ll learn soon enough.” Pretty spot on, Gladys. Well done.

Don was a very wealthy man. He had amassed millions, but kept his fortune very private. People said he was worth anywhere from $5 million to $10 million. Carole was not wealthy at all when she met Don. In fact, she grew up very poor. As in her family probably shopped at Aldi’s without splurging the .25¢ for a shopping cart.

In 1992, they started buying cats at an exotic animal auction which I’m just now learning is a thing. Imagine someone asking you, “What are you doing tonight? Wanna grab a bite?” And you having to tell them you can’t because you’re going to a damn exotic animal auction. I don’t know if that sounds extremely low rent or extremely pretentious, but it’s definitely one of the two.

Back then Carole bred and sold cats, much like Joe Exotic does… which she chastises him for. How do we know this? Because she wrote about it in her diary. How do we know what’s in her diary? How the hell do you think we know what’s in her diary? Because Joey Ex somehow got pages of her diary and would read them on his TV show. Of course.

Carole wanted to start rescuing cats, but Don apparently wanted to turn their big cats into a business by breeding them and selling them. Which then made him want to take them to Costa Rica because there were fewer regulations down there. Oh, but also because he had a girlfriend down there. Classic Don.

This, of course, made Carole upset. But honey, what did you expect? He literally left his wife and kids for a basket case he met on the side of the road who was 22-years his junior. Don apparently loved the ladies. In this doc, he was called a ‘sexoholic” who had “a roaming eye.” That’s older speak for “horny AF.” Very Doc Antle-like, if you ask me.

Don went to Carole seeking a divorce because he liked other ladies, but also because of their mounting disagreements over the years, but she refused, especially since he would take all the money and belongings and big cat prison sanctuary. In her diary (that Joe stole), Carole wrote, “I wish there was some way out for me.”

Then there’s the restraining order that Don apparently filed and gave to his secretary in case “anything happened” to him. According to his daughters, this was a big deal because Don didn’t like to go to the police or get the law involved for anything. So for him to stand in front of a judge would’ve been like Joe Exotic not bleaching his hair. It’s just not like him. Evidently his motion for a restraining order was denied, despite the fact that he claimed Carole threatened to kill him.

This restraining order was filed in June. He disappeared in August.

After he disappeared, Carole was intereviewed by many different TV stations, and she was an emotional wreck during them all. LOL, JK! She looked like she couldn’t care less. There’s your third sign that Carole fed her husband to tigers.

Upon getting the call that Don was missing, detectives walked and drove the 40-acre property but found nothing of suspicion. However, you’ll quickly learn that these “detectives” clearly weren’t the sharpest meat grinders in Carole Baskins’ kitchen, because 4 days later, they found Don’s van sitting in the parking lot of a local airport. But that van appeared like it was planted there, and apparently the cops did not search the van at the airfield, but rather drove it back to Carole and Don’s property, waited a few more days and then searched it. I’m no detective, but it appears that’s not the best protocol.

Plus, there was no reason to believe he flew down to Costa Rica himself because his plane was too small to make a direct flight down there and he apparently wasn’t that good of a pilot.

Carole then brought up the idea that Don had been showing signs of dementia and Alzheimer’s. She apparently wrote about that in her diary too. However, everyone else in the documentary said Don was sharp as a tack up until the day he was fed to tigers went missing. Nice trye, Carole.

Let’s Check In On Joe Exotic

Of course he has a music video about this.

If you ask me, this music video is right up there with Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” A-ha’s “Take On Me,” or Britney Spears’ “Oops I Did It Again” as the most culture-shifting music videos of all time. Joe’s mostly for alledging that Carole fed her dead husband to her tigers, and Britney’s because of, well, that red jumpsuit.

Joe Exotic explained that tigers have such an acidic (or as Joe pronounced it: aesthetic) stomach that when you feed them a whole turkey, there are no bones left. It’s gone. But Don’s old attorney denounced the idea that one of Carole’s tigers ate Don, citing there would be bones, blood, and there is no tiger who could eat 100 pounds of flesh.

Don’t worry, Joe has an alternative idea.

Joey Ex explained that Don’s own kids have asked that they DNA test the meat grinder in Carole’s house, but they never did.

Carole was asked about the meat grinder theory in this episode and she explained the meat grinder they owned was very small. Which is a fair rebuttal, but she was laughing out loud while she said it. Pretty sure if someone accused me of running my “missing” husband through a meat grinder – no matter the size – I wouldn’t laugh while saying I didn’t. But to each their own, I guess?

Back to Carole

Since the show has dropped, Carole has given a full defense breakdown of not only this rumor but every rumor the Netflix documentary alludes to, and let me tell you, her defense is WILD! We broke it down here:

Then there was the rumor that his body is in her septic tank – which also was never checked. Carole also laughed while defending herself against this rumor. Carole, this isn’t open mic night at the Laugh Factory. What the hell is so funny? There’s your fourth sign that Carole is a husband chef for her cats.

If you’re sitting at home thinking, “This show can’t get any wilder.” Tiger Kings like, “Hold my meth.”

It turns out that Carole’s brother was a member of the sheriff’s department, and some believe he pulled weight at the sheriff’s department to tread lightly around his sister. Not to mention, that according to the report, Carole left the property to drive to Albertson’s to buy milk byproducts for the cats. Simple enough, right? Yeah. except this all went down at 3 O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING!

Now, call me old fashioned, but I tend to do my grocery shopping between the hours of 9am and 10pm. Can’t remember the last time I picked up milk byproducts at 3am on the night one of my loved ones went missing.

On the way to make a mid-night grocery run, her car broke down leading her to run into her brother and another deputy. The other deputy gave her a ride home. A few hours later is when Carole claimed to be the last time she ever saw her husband. The detectives apparently never pursued this fact either.

Speaking of Carole’s family, her dad apparently hated Don and was very protective of Carole. After Don was missing, Don and her dad, Vernon, went to Don’s handyman and said they needed to get something out of Don’s office. While they were there, they cut the locks on the gate, cut the locks to the office, cut the power to the trailer, cut the water, and cut the sewer. Why? I don’t know, maybe because in the office, there were two wills and two power of attorneys. And the power of attorney was Anne McQueen, Don’s secretary. Not Carole.

Shortly after these documents were taken from the office, Carole produced a new power of attorney, which named herself. Oh and one other minor tidbit: “The durable family power of attorney shall not be affected by any disability or disappearance.”

Come again? Disappearance? That little note wasn’t buried in the document either. That was the first line. According to Don’s attorney, in his 37 years of work, he had never seen a power of attorney include that verbiage. Hmmm. Could this be the fifth sign that Carole made her husband cat sashimi? Oh and speaking of sashimi…

Not a good sign when even The Juice is calling you a spouse murderer. There’s your sixth sign.

After a disappearance, you technically can’t be pronounced legally dead until 5 years after the person goes missing. So what happened on 5 years and 1 day after Don’s disappearance? Carole had him pronounced legally dead. How thoughtful of her. She probably had one of those countdown calendars counting down until the day when she declare him deadzo.

There was never a formal funeral or memorial either. Again, how thoughtful. Instead, on the day the death certificate came in the mail, she just looked out the window for a long time. Carole is just so damn caring. What a way to honor your dead husband.

So what happened to Don Lewis? Who knows? Well, who – other than Carole [bleeping] Baskin – knows? But now Carole is very wealthy, living with a new man, Howard, who she can control much better than she could Don. How do I know? Uh, one look at their family photo album.

Plus, Howard doesn’t really strike me as a multiple girlfriend kind of guy. Especially not a multiple girlfriend in Costa Rica kind of guy. He’s more of a “I’ll make those returns at Chicos for you, sweetie” kind of guy.

Guess we’ll never know the truth.

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If you missed any of our other recaps:

Tiger King – Episode 1

Tiger King – Episode 2

The post A Recap of ‘Tiger King’ – Episode 3 appeared first on Korked Bats.

NOTE: I’m never starting a Tiger King blog with any other line. Hell, I’m never starting ANY blog with any other line. Carole Baskin may be a husband killer, but she’s also a damn fine wordsmith who knows how to capture an audience with an opening line.

Remember John Finlay? He was Joe Exotic’s lovers. He was the guy with as many teeth as he had husbands. Well, not anymore. Because now he’s got zero husbands and a full set of teeth.

WHAT THE?!?!

Look, I’m really happy for the guy, but this just feels wrong It’s like seeing a fish with teeth. It just doesn’t feel right.

Honestly, I was ok with this guy’s grill looking like a barren graveyard. Sure, he was probably every dentist’s worst nightmare, but I was ok with that, because every dentist is my worst nightmare. So I was fine with him rocking Jafar’s old man grill from Aladdin.

…but I really don’t need him looking like the Louisville logo.

Birds don’t have teeth, and neither should John Finlay!

Apparently John’s inability to use his teeth as a soup strainer is nothing new. He’s had these new chompers for a bit, per TMZ:

John tells TMZ … he actually got his teeth redone in July 2019 all at once — they’re dentures — and he’s a little miffed at Netflix and the filmmakers because they never showed it.

We’re told there’s plenty of footage and photos of John fixing his smile but for whatever reason … none of it made the final cut of ‘Tiger King.’

Also, this was slightly shocking…

Finlay also wants to clarify something about his gnarly teeth — they weren’t the result of meth abuse. Though John admits meth was a drug of choice for him in the doc, we’re told his teeth were messed up before that, due to genetic reasons. He told us he has not touched drugs in 6 years.

John is currently working as a welder and living in central Oklahoma with his fiancee Stormey. We’re told she’s the one with John at the end of the series when he’s getting his Joe Exotic tattoo reworked.

The shocking part was that the unfortunate situation in his mouth was not the result of meth, not the fact that his fiancee’s name is Stormey. In fact, I probably could’ve guessed his fiancee’s name would’ve been Stormey.

Hopefully, we’ll get to see more of Stormey in the NEW EPISODE of Tiger King.

That’s right. Netflix is dropping a NEW episode. How do I know? Because Los Angeles Dodgers third baseman Justin Turner is breaking the news (because of course he is).

Oh snap. Hopefully they go to Carole Freakin’ Baskin’s house to film her. Even though she’s already come out and given her strongly worded defense against the Netflix series. Buckle up if you haven’t read this yet…

The post Joe Exotic’s Ex-Husband Has A Full Set of Teeth Now… Oh And We’re Getting An 8th ‘Tiger King’ Episode appeared first on Korked Bats.

Hey all you cool cats and kittens.

Carole Baskin has spoken out about Netflix’s Tiger King on her own Big Cat Resue website and her “defense” is absolutely wild. Why? Well, for one, it’s not locked up in one of Carole’s cages. But two, the entire essay (if you want to call it that) keeps switching from the first to third person. Sometimes it’s “Carole” and other times it’s “me.” The question of “Who wrote this?” is almost as burning as “Who killed Carole’s husband?”

Aside from writing down her defense, she also had her husband read a statement on video that loos a lot like an ISIS film.

Howard, blink twice if you need help!

Let’s go ahead and dig into the written portion of this thing…

When the directors of the Netflix documentary Tiger King came to us five years ago they said they wanted to make the big cat version of Blackfish (the documentary that exposed abuse at SeaWorld) that would expose the misery caused by the rampant breeding of big cat cubs for cub petting exploitation and the awful life the cats lead in roadside zoos and back yards if they survive.

Pause it right there. Have you guys seen Blackfish? Oh man, so good. Obviously lacking in the character department (there are no Joe Exotic’s or Doc Antle’s), but still very strong. Check it out if you haven’t seen it. Ok, continue.

There are not words for how disappointing it is to see that the series not only does not do any of that, but has had the sole goal of being as salacious and sensational as possible to draw viewers.

“There are not words” is always a great way to start off a 4,230 word essay about how disappointing this series was to you.

As part of that, it has a segment devoted to suggesting, with lies and innuendos from people who are not credible, that I had a role in the disappearance of my husband Don in 1997. The series presents this without any regard for the truth or in most cases even giving me an opportunity before publication to rebut the absurd claims. They did not care about truth. The unsavory lies are better for getting viewers.

First off, lies? Maybe. Innuendos? Not at all. No one in this documentary insinuated you fed your ex-hubby to tigers, they just flat out said it.

Second, how are you going to claim the people interviewed are not credible or you had no opportunity to rebut the absurd claims, when you were literally one of the people interviewed and asked about Don Lewis’ disappearance. Eric (the filmmaker) literally asked you about the rumor of you feeding your husband to tigers. Your response was as believable as Joe being a natural blonde.

Before continuing in the attacking defense of why she didn’t murder her husband – I believe the lady doth protest too much – she answers a few of the claims and criticisms people have sent her.

Side Note: If people think you’re a loony person, maybe don’t write a defensive essay attacking others that’s longer than the damn menu at Cheesecake Factory.

Should not be in cages. The good news is that the series appears to have reached an audience that had no clue about roadside zoos and hopefully now see the seedy underbelly of this exploitative and abusive business. It has been interesting to see that some people who have contacted us have complained that animals should not be in cages. We totally agree and our goal is to end having them in cages and have no need for a sanctuary like ours. Our federal bill, the Big Cat Public Safety Act, would stop the cub petting that drives the breeding and end ownership as pets in back yards.

This has a very Happy Gilmore “I didn’t break the rake” defense type of feeling to it. Tigers shouldn’t be in cages? Yeah, we know! Our goal is to get the tigers that we currently have in cages to not be in cages! How? Oh, rehabilitation… because nothing will get a tiger more suited for wildlife than being fed three square meals of store-bought steak everyday by humans.

Cage size. Others have gotten the impression that our enclosures are small because they showed a picture of a tiny part of a large enclosure that Joe Exotic falsely claims is the entire enclosure.  Our smallest enclosure is the size of a small house, about 1200 sf, and our largest is over two acres, all in a natural setting full of foliage. In contrast, many of Joe’s tigers live in small, barren prison cells on pebbles. We would not be accredited by the Global Federation of Animal Sanctuaries, who have the highest standards in the industry if our cages were what Joe falsely claimed

First off, sick humble brag about 1,200 square feet being a “small house.” We get it, Carole. You’re a millionaire because you turned your husband into Meow Mix. No need to take veiled shots at “small houses.” Second, I love how this is supposed to be a defense of how bad her facilities are and she can’t help but point the finger back at Joe. Uhhh, yeah, Carole. We all KNOW Joe’s zoo sucks. No one is disputing that. But at least Joe isn’t trying to market his place as some sort of tiger day spa. If we’re comparing yours to Joe’s, sure, you win. But overall, it doesn’t appear to be all that great. But hey, at least you have a bike path!

Suing Joe’s mother. Others believed Joe’s claim that in suing his mother we were trying to harass her and take her house. We never made any claim to her house.  We had to sue her because she actively participated with Joe, and later with Joe and Jeff Lowe, to transfer assets into and out of her name, that belonged to Joe or his zoo, in order to hide them from us. We reached a settlement agreement with her where she admitted the long list of fraudulent activities she had participated in and it did not require her to make any payments to us.  Shirley Schreibvogel Settlement Agreement & Court Order.

Again, Carole didn’t break the rake. She was merely testing it’s durability. And then she placed it in the woods, because it’s made of wood, and she just thought it should be with its family.

Make money and paying workers. Some viewers not familiar with how IRS approved 501(1)(c)3 nonprofits operate hear Joe lie and claim Carole “makes money” or “profits” from the sanctuary and that we do not pay our workers. Nonprofits have some paid staff. Salaries here are in the 30’s to 60’s. Then they have people who want to do something meaningful for a good cause with their time, so they volunteer their time to help.  By definition, volunteers are not paid, they donate their time. All sanctuary income, whether it is from tours, donations, or a gift shop, stays in the nonprofit to support its mission. Carole gets none of that money, just her salary like the other employees. She works 60+ hours/week and didn’t take a paycheck for the first 20 years of the sanctuary.  In the first 11 years of the sanctuary she was the largest donor each year.  Joe never had volunteers because of the horrible way he treated people.

Don’t salaries and the money you put back into the facility both increase the more income you receive? I never want to be ‘that guy’ who rips on rich people for not donating more money to something. Those people are tools. However, I will ask, why is ol’ C-Basks not the largest donor anymore? Why after 11 years did that stop? Could it be because of how much money she saw there could be made?

Also note: the shot at Joe at the end of that paragraph. Joe is a nasty human, not really going to go into the defense of him, but I will say, he offered to pay people to work, who genuinely needed it. And they all said they liked Joe.

Cats are in cages so we and Joe are the same? Another idiotic Joe lie. At the sanctuary, we take in abandoned, abused, confiscated, and orphaned cats and give them a permanent home.  A sanctuary does not breed, buy, sell, allow people to touch the cats, or put them through the stress of traveling offsite. It is basically a retirement home. Joe Exotic incessantly bred tiger cubs to he could make money charging people to pet and take photos with them.  The cubs are torn from their mothers at birth, a torment to any mammal mother and infant. They are deprived of the antibodies in the mother’s milk that prevent disease that bottle formula does not have. There is no tracking of how many die, although some years ago Joe was investigated for the death of 23 cubs. They are deprived of sleep whenever there are customers wanting to pay. They are physically punished to diminish their natural behaviors.

Ugh. This is starting to feel like 2016 Presidential Debates. She didn’t even answer her own question really. Just said her place is an old folks home for tigers and then went on to attack Joey Ex.

Then she embeds a few propaganda films showing how great of a place Big Cat Rescue is, blah blah blah. Let’s get to the juicy stuff.

Click the right arrow to read Carole’s address to Don’s disappearance.…

The post Carole Baskin Has Spoken Out About ‘Tiger King’ And It Is Wild! appeared first on Korked Bats.

This Episode Is Called ‘Cult of Personality’

This episode opens up with a good ol’ fashioned tiger mauling. Classic tigers! One of the employees at the G.W. Zoo stuck her arm through the cage and a tiger chewed it up like a toothpick, which I’m sure is a very relevant reference for rural Oklahoma. Kelci “Saff” Saffery was the victim and she said her hand still worked, but the next day, the doctor came in and said it will take about two years of reconstructive surgery… or they can amputate. And you’ll never guess which one Saffery chose. Amputation. Classic Saff!

Gotta hand it to her (because she only has one), she handled getting gnawed by a tiger a lot better than I would’ve, because within a week of amputating her damn arm, she was right back to work. She went back to work to help with public relations with the park – which as this series goes on, might make her the only person who cares about the park’s public relations.

The documentary thought, while we’re on the subject of talking about people missing limbs, let’s run down the complete roster.

Meet John Reinke, the G.W. Zoo manager. He’s actually missing both of his legs. Why? Did he get mauled by tigers too? No. He lost his legs in a damn zip-lining accident. Of course. In fact, I’m pretty sure the number two cause of injury amongst people who work at non-regulated big cat zoos is zip lining accidents. A close third is probably something with fireworks.

Let’s Check In On Bhagavan “Doc” Antle

He starts his appearance in this episode by laying in a pallet built out of sectional sofa pieces saying, “Nothing is cooler, sexier and more significant than the world we live in today than a tiger.” That’s a bold claim, even for a bleached soul-path rocking exotic big cat trainer. He also said, “Anyone who says they don’t [love tigers] is just insecure and broken.”

Be right back, I’m gonna go book an appointment with my therapist.

Joe Exotic not only breeds cats, he sells them too. Which apparently is illegal. And this leads us to meet Tim Stark.

Tim Stark

Oh dammit, we have ANOTHER tiger owner.

Tim admits to have bought hundreds of tigers from Joe Exotic. Because despite being against the law, he feels like to make an endangered species non-endangered, you should “make more!” I mean, it’s hard to argue against that logic, but it’s also hard to agree with someone sitting on a front porch in a cutoff tee, a cowboy hat and a monkey sitting on his lap.

Mario Tabruae

Did you think we were done introducing you to tiger owners?

When you hear the name Mario, you probably immediately think of plumbers. This Mario probably worked with pipes, but he was no plumber. He was one of the biggest drug dealers in the history of Florida – which is even more impressive than being the biggest spicy meatball dealers in the history of Italy.

Mario lives in a bunker in Miami and nobody knows what he does. He’s extremely private. Part of that may be because he allegedly used to use exotic animals to smuggle drugs. He was a coke kingpin, no big deal. And that’s not a joke either, apparently people believe he and his family were the basis for the movie Scarface, which is only slightly cooler than Joe Exotic being the basis for the movie Joe Dirt.

Mario said, “I sold drugs to maintain my animal habit.”

Uh huh. Suuuure, Mario. And the Real Housewives do their TV show to maintain their botox habit.

Another fun story about Mario is that he and his crew once shot an ATF agent, and chopped up his body and burned it. Classic Mario! Apparently, that’s illegal and he was given 100 years in jail. But he won an appeal and only had to serve 12. That’s some kind of appeal lawyer he’s got to go from serving a century to just a dozen years for not only killing an ATF agent, but then tossing him on your Big Green Egg.

“Doc” Antle Is A Horndog

When nobody knows exactly how many wives you have, that’s a pretty tell-tale sign that you’re horny AF. This is actually probably the least shocking part of this seven episode dosuseries, because Doc and hi sScott Spiezio facial hair gives off major Sister Wives vibes.

That’s when we meet Barbara Fisher, who was titled Doc’s apprentice, but we all know what that really means. Barb lives in Ames, Iowa currently, but she spent many years down in South Carolina working for Bhagavan, which actually means “Lord.” It’s the master of the universe, the all-knowing, all-seeing kind of guy, which isn’t entirely fitting, because Doc clearly has never seen a mirror before.

Bhagavan “Doc” Antle is essentially the Harvey Weinstein of big cat owners. He would encourage women to sleep with him to climb the career ladder. Doc would choose the outfits that the women on site had to wear. So he chose modest, proper attire for training and dealing with exotic cats. No, I’m kidding. He basically had these women dressed in cat cosplay. Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman suit would’ve been proper church attire compared to what Bhagavan had these women dress in.

Doc Antle got very defensive when he was asked if his tiger sanctuary was a cult. And I get it. Would a cult make the people on site wear certain clothes? Would a cult make people get boob jobs even when they didn’t agree to it? And would a cult make people change their names from Michelle to Chine or Meredith to Moksha or Renee to Rajnee, or freaking Barbara to Bala? Does that sound like a damn cult to you?! (Don’t answer that.)

Antle has people work around the clock at his cult tiger sanctuary and pays them $100 a week, which doesn’t seem like much money at all until you learn how much Carole Baskin pays her employees.

Zero dollars. As in the same amount of dollars that Joe Exotic has paid a stylist.

She has people work for her as “volunteers.” Literally hundreds of people work for her just to be near cats and get color-coated t-shirts. It’s insane that she makes literally hundreds of thousands, if not millions, on this tiger sanctuary and has no cost for the people who up keep it. She has a moral obligation to free cats from captivity, but not humans apparently. Who else is going to help maintain the tigers while she’s out on her Tour de France bike ride through the sanctuary every day?

Meanwhile, Joe Exotic is somewhere in between. He has his employees sleep in trailers and eat whatever food they pick out from the Wal-Mart meat truck?

What’s the Wal-Mart meat truck? I’m so glad you asked. The Wal-Mart meat truck is a truck that would deliver any expired, near expiration, or food that just couldn’t be paid for, but could also not be returned to the shelves because, well, laws and stuff. Joe somehow would get the throw away meat and have it delivered to his zoo. But before they would feed it to the tigers, he would let his staff go through it to pick out the best stuff. Gross? Not really. Extremely gross? Most definitely. But speaking of loving meat…

By The Way, Joe Exotic Has Sister Husbands

Joe Exotic describes himself as being gayer than $3 dollar bill. And you don’t get to that level of gay with only one husband. So Joe has two. There’s Jon, who was described as a muscled up, bullied kind of guy, who has a Joe Exotic tattoo in his upper pelvis area. Travis, a musclebound skateboard kind of guy. And then there’s Travis, who moved to the park as a 19-year-old, and has the biggest hands on planet earth. How do I know? Because Joe Exotic wouldn’t stop talking about how big and great his hands were. Joe felt like Jack Dawson the way he kept talking about his hands.

Joe essentially talked Travis into being gay with him, which I imagine he’d have to with that haircut. So Trav pretty much said, “Sure, why not?” And before you know it Joe Exotic, Jon and Travis all got married together in the same pink button ups that looked like they bought together at Express.

Apparently Carole Is A Big Cat Social Media Influencer

“Hello all you cool cats and kittens.”

Carole sure does spend a lot of time on the Internet. Especially for a woman who has many large exotic cats literally sitting in her backyard.

But I kind of understand why. She has over 2 million likes on her Facebook and makes like $23,000 a week from Facebook views alone. Good. Maybe that will help to double her employees’ salaries.

Then again, it’s pretty obvious to see why she’s popular on the internet when she’s pumping out content this good.

I take back anything negative I said about Joe Exotic’s music. My gosh.

If Van Gogh heard this song, he would’ve cut off his only remaining ear.

Props to the Tiger King filmmaker Eric for having to sit down in Carole Baskin’s living room and not only watch this with them while Carole and her husband played footsie and romanticized over this horrific music video, but by keeping a straight face while doing so. I know that must’ve been the most challenging part for him.

All this social media presence is though is good PR. Carole is making it look like she runs some tiger sanctuary, when really it’s worse than both Joey Exotic’s and Doc Antle’s. How do we know?

Joe went on a recon mission to check out Big Cat Sanctuary himself. He heard there were 100 cats on site, but only saw 12 on their tour. So Joe packed up his stuff and just went home.

Lol, yeah right.

Joe went to the closest airfield and rented a damn helicopter to fly overhead to see if he could see where she kept the other tigers. Classic Joe.

Guess What? C-Basks Has A Secret

And it has nothing to do with where she keeps the rest of her big cats.

During one interview, one guy casually mentioned how Carole inherited all her money from her dead husband who went missing one day.

Wait, wut?

Yup. Sweet little innocent Carole Baskin who fights for tiger rights while housing them in cages smaller than most Manhattan apartments has a dirty little secret: her second husband of 16 years, who was a multi-millionaire, just went missing one day.

All of the people in the large cat world know about it. Even Mario – who literally barbecued a human – is like, “Yeah, her husband’s dead. Buried on her property. It’s weird.” WHEN MARIO THINKS A VICIOUS CRIME IS WEIRD, THEN IT’S FREAKING WEIRD, Y’ALL!

Some people think she killed him and fed him to her tigers. And that’s where the episode ended.

Well done, Netflix. As if the “NEXT EPISODE” button during credits wasn’t enough to get me to binge this show, you leave me with a cliff-hanger like that?!

Touché.

I’ll leave you with this.

If you missed our recap of Tiger King – Episode 1, read it here.

Check back soon for the recaps of the rest of the episodes.

The post A Recap of ‘Tiger King’ – Episode 2 appeared first on Korked Bats.

This is just grade-A internetting right here by Matt Moreno right here. Literally taking the hottest song in America right now and dubbing it over a hype video by a team that’s literally called the *checks notes* Tigers. This pairing deserves a chef’s kiss.

It’s perfect in another way because if you had to compare the tigers in Netflix’s Tiger King to the tigers in the SEC, Joe Exotic’s tigers would definitely be Mizzou. Doc Antle’s tigers would be Auburn. And without question, Carole Baskin’s tigers are LSU, just because they’re doing the best right now.

If you haven’t seen Tiger King on Netflix yet, we highly suggest that you do, and then feel free to read our recaps of each episode. The first one is available now.

The post Joe Exotic’s ‘I Saw Tiger’ Dubs Way Too Perfectly Over This Mizzou Football Hype Video appeared first on Korked Bats.

After watching one episode, I can now officially assure those people that I will definitely be covering Tiger King on this site.

The first episode is called Not Your Average Joe

Uh, yeah. I’ll say.

The show follows not one, not two, but three (at least so far) big cat owners in America. What’s a big cat? We’re talking lions, tigers, and bearcats (oh my). My first thought: how long have I been quarantined? Maybe I need to get out more (when I can). Because apparently there are a lot of people who hang out with full size tigers like they’re shooting scenes from The Hangover, only these people act way more drunk.

The show starts out by letting you know that a guy named Joe Exotic is in jail, and from the Adnan Syed hotline, he hits us with an all-time quote, “Dying doesn’t scare me.” Which honestly isn’t surprising to hear from a guy who has this haircut.

That’s him. That’s the man. Ol’ Joey Ex himself. Now, you may be wondering, is Exotic his actual name? Or did they change it to that at Ellis Island when his ancestors came to America? This may come as a surprise, but no, Exotic isn’t his actual name. It’s Joseph Screibvogel. I’ve also seen that Maldonado-Passage could be his last name too? It’s kind of confusing, but it makes you quickly realize why he goes by Exotic. Also, I assure you the mystery behind his last name is the least mysterious thing about this man.

What else is there? Well, for starters, he’s a completely insane, gay, gun-toting, drug addict, fanatic. Not my words. Those are the words of ————- who is apparently another big cat owner in America (that’s right there’s more than one). We’ll get to more of here in a bit.

Joe looks exactly how you’d expect him to look. Like a gay Dog The Bounty Hunter. He’s Cat The Bounty Hunter. Sorry, Big Cat The Bounty Hunter.

Apparently this whole documentary started 5 years ago in Homestead, Florida, when the filmmaker Eric Goode was investigating a notorious repitle dealer in south Florida. I’m not exactly sure how “notorious” you can be selling reptiles, but then again it is Florida. Reptile dealers are probably like Instagram influencers down there. While he was there, a man showed up to purchase a snake and as he was leaving, he said, “Check out what I just bought. It’s in the back of the van.” Eric, who clearly was never told to stay away from strangers in vans while growing up, walked to see what was inside. Surprisingly it wasn’t candy. It was a damn snow leopard. And I’m not talking the former Mac operating system either. A real life snow leopard just chilling in a dog kennel in a turned off van in 100-degree heat of the summer.

So Eric went on a quest to figure out what was going on with people keeping big cats in this country. Wouldn’t have been my first move, but to each their own, I guess.

That took Eric to meet Joe Exotic, owner of the G.W. Zoo in rural Oklahoma. Joe built this zoo from scratch (cat pun). And now he houses over 200 big cats on the property. It’s like Disneyland but for the people who’s favorite character in Aladdin was Rajah.

This place employs what the documentary referred to as misfits, which I feel like is the politically correct way of saying ex-con rednecks. It was almost as if missing multiple teeth was a prerequisite to getting a job there. To me, Joe and his team felt like the crew from Ocean’s 11 but if they got caught and served hard time for every heist they attempted.

Let’s Meet Carole Baskin

Carole Baskin was the Newman to Joe’s Seinfeld. He hated her. Absolutely despised her.

Carole came across initially as animal rights activist, but those waters got murky real fast when you learned that she too houses big cats for profit. Wait, what? Carole Baskin says, “If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that tigers do not belong in cages.” With a tiger literally in a cage right behind her.

Apparently, Carole Baskin was trying to get Joe Exotic to go out of business and has been for years. So being the good filmmaker that he is Eric goes down to Florida to meet with Carole Baskin and hear her side of things.

How can I describe ol’ C.B.? Carole is more than just your everyday run-of-the-mill stereotypical cat lady. She’s a stereotypical cat lady hopped up on all of Barry Bonds anabolic steroids. She’s a steroidtypical cat lady. And here’s the kicker. Growing up, she didn’t even have cats. She had two imaginary cats. And she said those were only friends growing up.

Her husband, Howard, says she’s the Mother Theresa of cats, to which Carole immediately hugged him for saying something so sweet. Not sure if Howard really meant that or if he was just hoping to get some pussy. Not sex, just actual pussy cats, because I assume being married to Mother Purr-esa you’d have to have an unhealthy infatuation for felines too.

Personally, my wife was super jealous of Carole. But only for her walk-in closet. And only until she saw what filled that walk-in closet. Pretty much every article of clothing was cat print. She even had cat luggage.

Hey Carole, maybe chill out with the cat charade a bit. Maybe mix in a handcuff belt or leather vest like my guy Joseph Ex.

Back To Joe

He’s giving us a tour of his gift shop. And let me tell you, this place sells your everyday gift shop apparel, and then some. It’s like if Wal-Mart coughed up a hairball.

They sell honey, they sell barbecue sauce, they sell steak sauce, none of which can be FDA approved, right? He sells Tiger King branded skin cream. Which if you’ve got blemishes so bad that you’re buying skin cream from a non-regulated tiger zoo gift shop, I think I can tell you why you’ve got blemishes that bad.

Joe also sells sex gel for he and her as well as his best selling item, Tiger King branded underwear. Disturbing, maybe. But the most disturbing thing wasn’t sold in that gift shop. It was the fact that Joe revealed that he doesn’t wear underwear. “Free ball it!” he said laughing, while Eric swallowed his vomit. It’s no wonder this guy doesn’t fear death with the amount of daily chaffing he overcomes in those bear-hugging jeans he wears.

Joe proudly showed off that he has been on the cover of Hollywood magazine twice as if Hollywood magazine was a known publication in America.

He also showed off the two albums he made. Not photo albums. Music albums. Star Struck and I Saw A Tiger.

I grew up in Nashville, so I’m pretty used to being exposed to country music from people who really want to be stars, but don’t even know how to strum a guitar as they stand on the hood of an Emergency Rescue pickup truck, but wow, was that bad! You know the expression “jack of all trades, master of none?” That’s Joe Exotic. This guy started a zoo, makes music, and he hosts a TV show (that isn’t on TV, but rather his own website) every night at 6 o’clock. Also, no spoilers, please. I’m only on season 2 of Joe Exotic TV.

Now It’s Time To Meet Bhagavan “Doc” Antle

That’s him. Doc Bhagavan Antle. I could try and tell you how to pronounce his first name, but after hearing it multiple times, I still have no idea. This guy felt like a Saturday Night Live character with no punchlines.

He looked like a guy who was pulled right off the set of The Incredible Burt Wonderstone with a soul patch even youth pastors would cringe at. This guy seems like the kind of guy who goes to the salon just to get his eyebrows colored.

He runs another one of these Matt Damon self-starter zoos in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. And speaking of Matty Dames, Doc is known for pimping out animals to Hollywood execs for big time movies like Mighty Joe Young. He’s probably the envy of all the self-starter zoo people.

Doc sets off major Joe Exotic vibes, but with a bit more confidence and wherewithal on how to be really successful. I mean it costs more to get into Doc’s Animal Kingdom than Disney’s Animal Kingdom. $339 is the starting price to get in.

Doc said there are some people who paid $655 for their tickets that day. Think about that for a second. Do I want to purchase a one way ticket to Maui (on Southwest, of course), or do I want to spend 30 seconds petting a tiger with a chance to purchase a photo of that experience for an extra $49.99? Why does he charge so much? Well, for one, people pay it. And for two, Doc Wonderstone said it costs them $10 thousand a year to feed one tiger.

Then the documentary cut immediately to Joe, who said he spends $3 thousand a year to feed one tiger. Someone is either overfeeding or underfeeding, and with one look at Doc’s tigers, I’d say it’s the former. Even Garfield thinks these cats need to mix in a salad every now and then.

Back To Joe

Joe talked about how he used to go to schools to try and teach kids not to do drugs, in honor of his brother who was killed by a drunk truck driver (?). But he said kids don’t want to listen to you talk about not doing drugs (yeah, maybe the trouble kids who sit in the back row and wear JNCOs), so he brought animals. But after a while people got bored with animals, so that’s when he took up magic.

Yup.

And thus another layer of this Outback Steakhouse bloomin’ onion has been peeled.

Joe is a magician as well.

Joe would then take his show on the road and took tigers on tours of malls around America like they were some sort of low rent boy band. But Carole and her team of goons quickly put that to bed by stalking Joe and calling the malls he was planning on going to next and asking them to stop inviting him. Let’s just say the mall tour of America did not last long.

The beef with Carole continues.

In an interview with CBS This Morning, Armen Keteyian asked for his response to animal rights activists saying tigers being held captive are like a ticking time bomb. Joe answered, “It is a ticking time bomb if someone thinks they’re going to walk in here and take my animals away. It’s going to be a small Waco.” Now, Joe is a zoo keeper, an entrepreneur, a country artist, a TV show host, and a magician. But a public relations expert he is not. In fact, I’m starting to see why this episode began with him calling from a jail cell.

Then the next 5 minutes of the episode were basically just clips of Joe and his band of misfit toys shooting guns into a lake. Now, I’m far from a gun guy. I’ve only fired a gun once in an Intro To Maps course at the ROTC building in college. (Long story, but it was a 1 hour course where learned to read maps from military members and then got to shoot guns). But with that said, it feels like a waste to just shoot ammo into a lake? Maybe that’s just me though?

Carole and PETA vs. Joe

Carole then teamed up with PETA. I assume only to try and get the scent off of herself. I mean, Carole keeps tigers in cages and profits off of them too. One lady in the documentary called Carole’s place the Ritz-Carlton of tiger sanctuaries, which I guess makes Joe’s the Motel 6 of tiger sanctuaries. But at the end of the day they’re both still hotels. And hotels are where you stay when you’re not in your rightful home. And aside from the plot of the lovable ’90s family comedy Dunston Checks In, wild animals should not live in hotels.

I should note that I am all for the rightful treatment of animals. However, I also believe PETA oversteps their bounds many times. So when I watch PETA go after my guy Joey Ex while he houses animals in rural Oklahoma when they should be flourishing in the wild jungles, I instantly become that Larry David Curb meme.

The episode ended with Joe continuing his disdain for Carole. Classic Joe. But let’s just say I’m hooked. And really, I’ve been hooked since the minute I laid eyes on Joey Tic’s eyebrow piercing.

UPDATE: In a previous version of this post, I mistakenly said Carole was dead. However, I do not know that. I just assumed as much based on the fact that Joe was arrested for allegedly devising plot to murder scheme. My apologies for any misinformation you garnered from me being a doofus.

I’ll leave you with this.

The post A Recap of ‘Tiger King’ – Episode 1 appeared first on Korked Bats.