The Washington Redskins Football Team have officially unveiled their new team name and it is…

*pathetic sounding drum roll*

The Commanders… yawn.

Look, it’s not terrible. Especially if you don’t mind being called the Commies every time your team sucks, which for this franchise seems to be often. The internet will try and tell you it’s the worst name ever. It’s not. Is it the best? Hell no. Honestly, they had the best name in football. No, not the racist one! The name Football Team. It’s hard to beat that. It explains exactly what they are in the title. It’s like a dog being named Dog. Or a kid being named Kid.

However, this is the name they’re stuck with because this franchise is too inept to even land trademarks and GoDaddy URLs before deciding to change the name. But it’s ok, it’s not like they’ve had years to do so. People have been seriously clamoring about the team’s racist name for AT MINIMUM six years. Hell, we dropped this blog in 2014 when the debate about their name change had been fueled for many years prior. But look, old news. They’re the Commanders now. And sure it’s probably a moot point by now, but we figured we’d come up with better names we wish they would’ve gone with instead of *yawn* Commanders.

the Washington Destroyers

• kinda lame and cliche, but still better than Commanders

the Washington Pile-ons

• not to be confused with football pylons… this would be their logo:

the Washington Soflaundry

• sound it out and/or run it through the spin cycle, because this one’s just relatable for all of us

the Washington Hogs

• pay homage to not only your most loyal fans for not only having to endure this team every year, but doing so in dresses

the Washington Bullets

• bring the name back! because everyone loves PowerPoint presentations!

the Washington Huskies

• yes, this name may be a duplicate, but instead of dogs, the mascot is a really chubby boy whose mom has to shop for plus-sized jeans

the Washington Football Team Formerly Known As Racists

• their logo would just be a symbol

the Washington SuperSonics

• not like anyone else is using this name

the Washington Georges

• or, better yet…

the Washington Washingtons

• this one just rolls off the tounge

the Washington Generals

• only they’d probably have a worse winning percentage than the actual Washington Generals

the D.C. Marvels

• this one would really confuse everyone, but they’d be the most popular team at Comic-Con

the D.C. Snyder Cuts

• considering their hatred for their owner, fans would love to chant “Release The Snyder Cut” at every game

the Washington Williams

• it’s a classier spin to the name Bills

the Washington Football Team

• they will ALWAYS be the Football Team to us

The post 15 Team Names That Would’ve Been Better Than The Commanders appeared first on Korked Bats.

This play put the F in WTF.

First off, why are you running a punt on 4th and TEN (!) from your own 24 yard line?! Did someone smash Mike McCarthy’s melon with a sledge hammer? And I wish I could say this was the most embarrassing play of the Cowboys’ Thanksgiving, but it wasn’t. Anyway, thank you, Cowboys, for continuously delivering hilarious content. We tried to break it down in the only way we know how. Give the video above a watch.

For more of our Breakdown videos, click here.

The post A Breakdown Of The Dallas Cowboys’ Fake Punt On Thanksgiving appeared first on Korked Bats.

As an Eagles fan, there’s a lot to be frustrated about. Before the magic of Super Bowl LII, most of that frustration revolved around never hoisting the Lombardi. With that storm cloud out of our lives, it allows us as Eagles fans to focus on the other forms of negativity related to our fandom. Yes, the Eagles’ infuriatingly inconstant play tops the list, but there is a close second: the overwhelming negatively of our fandom when faced with merely the slightest bit of adversity.

Eagles fans have a tendency to be over-dramatic (myself included), so losses take on a life of their own. Now, a week one loss against the Washington Football Team where you were leading 17-0 is horrible on so many levels, but it is only Week 1. Yet the city of Philadelphia is already breaking out the shovels for the Eagle’s season, completely ignoring the fact that we were without most of our offensive line, and star running back. Silver lining, people.

I’m gonna come out and say it, the loss is not as hard to deal with as the takes about the team are. As soon as 0’s hit the clock, people were declaring Carson Wentz as an overrated bust, talking about how we should tank the rest of the season for a better draft pick, and considering firing head coach Doug Pederson… after one game.

Look, the Eagles were disgusting on Sunday, but Philly, you have to chill the hell out. I know we’re wired to be passionate and intense, but hot takes after a loss only hurt everyone (especially our collective mental health). And this is coming from a guy known for his hot takes. Just ask Brett Brown. Think of it like that angry email you wrote to a crappy colleague. Yes it would be satisfying to press send, but maybe you should sleep on it, and give it another read through to determine whether it’s appropriate it or not.

How do you do that in the context of an Eagles loss? Easy, I have the system down pat. Stop watching football for the rest of the weekend, drink whatever alcohol you have in your fridge (hopefully you get drunk enough to pass out), and stay away from sports channels/outlets until Tuesday, when the focus has shifted to next week. Don’t hop on Twitter and post how you miss Nick Foles or that you’re done with this trash team because that will only make you look stupid when this team eventually turns it around.

Good news friends, the Eagles loss might have felt like it deserved to end the season, but it still only counts as one L, and in a division where every other team besides Washington lost, we’re still right in the middle of things for winning the division, and making a playoff run. Now if they lose next week to the Rams, then we can declare a state of emergency, but until then, carry on with your normal ‘hating your favorite sports teams’-filled lives, and keep those Eagles freezing cold takes off your lips, and your social media accounts.

The post Advice For Eagles Fans Wanting To Quit The Season After A Week 1 Loss To A ‘Football Team’ appeared first on Korked Bats.

And it is true, people have been jumping ship. Just yesterday, two people in their front office stepped down as well as Larry Michael, their lead play-by-play announcer on radio broadcasts for the last 16 seasons, suddenly announced his retirement. Sketch? Shady? Yes.

So what aside from the aforementioned could possibly be leaked in this tell-all article that’s going to drop? We’ve got a few ideas:

• doesn’t participate in casual Friday at the office, causing others to not participate either since he’s the boss
• plays with Oddjob in Goldeneye for Nintendo 64
• watches videos on his phone in public without headphones
• uses the phrase “beer me” whenever he wants someone to hand him something, even if it’s not a beer
• takes up two parking spots at the team facility (and that’s only when he doesn’t park in the handicap spot)
  • “I can park here! We don’t even have any handicapped people who work here. I would never hire a cripple!” Snyder shouts while walking into the building

• puts the toilet paper roll under instead of over
• blocks the box while driving through heavy-traffic intersections
• doesn’t say thank you when someone holds a door open for him
• stands up immediately after the *DING* on commercial flights despite being 20 rows from the exit
• is a cat person
• talks on his cell phone while ordering at Chipotle
• has a punchable face

• claps at the end of movies
• gave Albert Haynesworth a 7-year, $100 million deal
• enjoys yellow Starbursts
• posts workout selfies every time he goes to the gym
• pees with the seat down
• writes “God Bless” on the tip line at restaurants
• was the TV executive who green lit The Big Bang Theory

• says “no, I got them ALL cut” when someone asks if he got a haircut
• has a countdown app on his phone that counts down to the release of Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Lattes
• his favorite Batman is George Clooney
• frequently uses the word “adulting”
• borrows someone’s Netflix password despite being rich enough to buy Netflix
• refused to change his team’s name until sponsors threatened to pull out

And that’s apparently just the tip of the iceberg. Plenty more to come. I can’t wait for this Washington Post article to drop, as I’m sure many Redskins-For-Now fans can’t either as it will probably force Snyder to sell the team.

Given Redskins-For-Now fans luck, however, he’ll probably sell the team to Martha Ford.

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The post A List Of Things Dan Snyder Probably Did To Warrant This Impending Scathing Washington Post Article appeared first on Korked Bats.

We got more junk this week, and it’s a lot of fun. Here are some of the top moments.

(1:12) – What if relegation was brought to American sports? Not just the worst teams being relegated to lower leagues, but rather being relegated to other sports…

(7:47) – Sacramento Kings C Richaun Holmes was placed into quarantine for crossing the bubble line to pick up Doordash…

• The NBA has 6 of the best restaurant providers within the walls of the bubble to begin with… why would you need delivery?
• What did Richaun order that he HAD to have?
• If you were in the bubble, what would you NEED to have delivered?

(34:43) – You probably haven’t heard yet, but the Washington Redskins are changing their name

• Let’s read a take on this subject from a Facebook comment
• What is the one name you’re hoping the Redskins change to?

(49:14) – A new segment called FRANK FACTS

(56:28) – Top 3 Movies That Make Us Cry

• Each guy shares their own top 3 list including full movies and specific scenes

Don’t want to watch? Feel free to listen wherever podcasts are found:

Listen on Apple Podcasts

EP9: Top 3 Movies That Make Us Cry | RUNDOWN:

1:12 – Should Relegation Be In American Sports?

7:47 – NBA’s Richaun Holmes Tried To Doordash to the Bubble

19:53 – What Food Did Richaun Holmes Need To Have Delivered?

22:03 – What Food/Item Would You Cross The Bubble Line For?

34:42 – New Name Ideas For The Redskins

49:14 – FRANK FACTS

55:18 – COFFEE BREAK

56:28 – Top 3 Movies That Make Us Cry

1:22:14 – Challenge For Our Listeners

The post The Junk Drawer: Top 3 Movies That Make Us Cry, What Food Would You Break Bubble For, & Redskins appeared first on Korked Bats.

Talk about Family Freud. Upon first watch, you’re probably siding with Steve Harvey on this one. What in the [BLURRED MOUTH] did he just say?! And I get it. Anytime someone guesses “penis” on Family Feud, it’s probably going to be wrong. I mean, FAMILY is in the title. This will – and should – go down in the Family Feud Hall of Shame for bad answers. It’s phenomenally bad.

But I’m not going to immediately place blame on the legend Bruce Smith for this. In fact, given the setting, I’m actually on #TeamBruce here. The question was hard. And long. Plus it involved the words “Hook,” “moonlighting,” “handy,” “man,” and “tool.” What else did you expect him to say?

Plus, Bruce initially said hammer. Then Steve asked him to try again, probably making Bruce think he was asking for a synonym. And a synonym for hammer could be penis, depending on your frame of mind.

And lastly, Bruce Smith is a Pro Football Hall of Famer with 200 career sacks. I don’t blame anyone with that many sacks in their career to have penis on the brain. Now somebody give him his Steve Harvey, double-breasted, six-button jacket for becoming a Family Feud Hall of Famer.

PS – I’m not about to blog about Family Feud fail without sharing a compilation of the greatest.

The post Bruce Smith Gave Us A Family Feud Hall Of Fame -And I Cannot Stress This Enough- Fail appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Washington Redskins announced on Monday morning that they are “retiring” their team name Redskins with a press release that I think we should break down right now.

On July 3rd, we announced the commencement of a thorough review of the team’s name.

This statement will make it seem like it only took ten days to determine that calling their team a color + the word skin is probably a tad racially insensitive. Except the team has been around for 88 years.

That review has begun in earnest.

The fact that they felt the need to say this makes me start to doubt if the review had actually begun in earnest.

As part of this process, we want to keep our sponsors, fans and community apprised of our thinking as we go forward.

This is probably the most honest part of the entire press release: listing “sponsors” first. Because let’s be real, the Redskins were never looking to change their name until FedEx (the sponsor of their stadium) and Nike (the league sponsor of all team apparel) spoke out. Honestly, I’m a bit surprised the press release even included “fans and community.” In fact, this might be the most honest line in the history of press releases. You may not like that they listed it that way, but I actually respect the honesty. In fact, it would’ve been funnier if they left out “fans and community” altogether.

Today, we are announcing we will be retiring the Redskins name and logo upon completion of this review.

This has to be the most Dan Snyder way to announce this. They’re not “getting rid of” the name or even “moving on from” the name. They’re “retiring” it. So what does that mean exactly? Are they going to hang the name from the rafters? Add the name to their ring of honor? They going to have a halftime ceremony to commemorate it?

Dan Snyder and Coach Rivera are working closely to develop a new name and design approach that will enhance the standing of our proud, tradition rich franchise and inspire our sponsors, fans and community for the next 100 years.

Ah yes, best to leave the new name and design up to arguably the worst owner in sports and the head coach who literally just got there. This will probably go over as well as their first name went.

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In case the Dan and Ron need any suggestions, we came up with a few…

The post The Redskins Are No More, Let’s Break Down Their Awkwardly-Worded Press Release appeared first on Korked Bats.

What. The hell. Just. Happened?!

This was one of those plays where, after it happened, you needed to take a moment to comprehend everything. Like a real-life reaction of one of those Nollywood Roll GIFs.

This went from being a Drew Brees sack, to a Drew Brees interception, to a Saints touchdown in like 15 seconds. A straight-up rollercoaster ride of emotions, and this is coming from someone who didn’t even have a dog in the fight, so I can’t imagine how it felt for Redskins or Saints fans.

Also, that Oprah moment is as ridiculous as it felt in the video. To capture the whole thing, check it out here.

The post A Breakdown of One of the NFL’s Wildest Plays Ever appeared first on Korked Bats.

Urban Meyer has assured teams that he is unhealthy enough to return to coaching, and eventually quit at the first sign of something going wrong.

“I’m excited to start a new coaching venture,” Meyer said. “…for a couple of years before I inexplicably quit for ‘health reasons.’”

Meyer assured reporters that his heart is unhealthy enough to cause more problems within the next few years, depending on how things go.

When asked if he will miss spending time with his family, Meyer replied, “Who?”

The drama queen then added, “Oh, my family. Right. All this time I haven’t spent with them while working as an analyst has been taxing on them, I’m sure. But at least soon I will be back to coaching and will get to spend even less time with them.

“To me there’s nothing more important than family,” Meyer said. “Except for coaching, recruiting, TV work, public appearances, getting my car washed, filming commercials, covering up domestic assault cases… You know, the usual stuff.”

It is still unknown which coaching route Urban Meyer will pursue next, college or the pros. He could potentially take a college job for a few years, win a national championship or two, and then bounce out like he’s dodging NCAA allegations or something, or he could take a job with the Redskins, fail to produce a winning record for a couple of seasons, fake a heart attack, and resign before Dan Snyder can fire him.

Another route Meyer could go is voluntarily serve as a flag football coach in a Florida state penitentiary, considering most of the players he coached at Florida are currently on that team.

“Ever since I was a kid, it has been my dream to one day coach the next team I’m going to coach,” Meyer said as if he was rehearsing a pre-planned speech. When asked what team that may be, Meyer replied, “Oh, I have no idea. But it’s been a lifelong dream of mine.”

The post Urban Meyer Assures Teams He’s Unhealthy Enough To Return To Coaching appeared first on Korked Bats.

You can go just about anywhere on the World Wide Web to receive fantasy football advice for who you should start every week. However, there is only one place on the World Wide Web where you can go to receive fantasy football advice of who you SHOULD NOT start every week. And that place is KorkedBats.com. You’re welcome.

Week 14

We’ve been off for the past two weeks with our fantasy football advice of Who NOT To Start. In this time span, you’ve probably lost both of those games because you’re terrible at fantasy football, and/or you just forgot to update your team, but mainly because you didn’t have the sound advice from Korked Bats. If you’ve even made your fantasy football playoffs, which you probably didn’t, pay close attention to our advice this week. You’ll be better for it.

This week, you shouldn’t start Robert Griffin Jr., who is Robert Griffin III’s dad. Think of it in terms of generations. Historically, sons are genetically more athletic and talented than their fathers. Just look at Ken Griffey Jr., Steph Curry, and Eli Mannin… wait, sorry. Just look at Ken Griffey Jr. and Steph Currry. So if Robert Griffin III is better than his father, you should DEFINITELY NOT start Robert Griffin Jr., because he must REALLY suck. In fact, go ahead and drop him for a backup kicker or something.

Check back next week for more advice on Who NOT To Start.

Previous Who NOT To Start Posts: Week 2, Week 3, Week 4, Week 5, Week 6, Week 7, Week 8, Week 9, Week 10, Week 11

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For more fantasy football advice, check out the hashtag: #KBFantasyAdvice

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Who NOT To Start – Week 14 appeared first on Korked Bats.